Other than habitual mind games, I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills should swear off game nights. The first one ended with a woman on crutches losing her crutches and being called a “slut pig” (holy foreshadowing metaphors at work there), and this latest one involved one woman almost needing crutches after being shoved down the stairs with a piece of pizza. Andy Cohen is redefining class for the modern age!
It all starts out innocently enough, Kyle Richards plans a spa day and the girls put on an odd assortment of outfits ranging from soccer mom at Target to ladies who lunch at Bergdorffs. (Lisa Vanderpump has been suffering from an over-dressing problem lately. Brandi Glanville has been suffering from a combo of under-dress/not wearing enough clothes problem).
Yolanda Foster is skipping this wonderful event, because despite being not being able to read, nor write, nor watch TV, she is in NYC micromanaging Gigi and Bella’s modeling careers and zipping around the globe hot on My Love‘s tail. YoFridgidaire is also seriously trying to make the stupid ‘Tile of Love’ walls happen because she sends Kyle a photo of her posed in front of the magnificent one the housekeepers made for Bella’s new apartment. I shade, but those Hadid girls are beyond beautiful and seem to have a really sweet relationship.
After last week, I wanted to be done with Dance Moms. The way Abby Lee Miller showed her arse talking to (and about) Nia and Kendall about drove me over the edge. However, part of it has to be for the show, right? Granted, I don’t think the girls are acting when we see tears or humiliation, but maybe, just maybe, Abby is all smiles and compliments and kittens and hugs when the cameras aren’t rolling. That’s how I am going to think of it from now on or else I may not make it through the season. Should Jeff Collins and Mona Scott Young get married and become the messiest and most diabolical reality show creating couple ever? I’d totally watch them on Couples Therapy!
After the fight with Abby at the recent competition, Jill and Holly are preparing for the fallout at the ALDC. Holly requests a meeting to clear the air, but the always mature Abby refuses to speak to her. In the pyramid, Abby tells the girls that the mothers questioning her is the same as them doubting her vocation in life. It’s hurtful to her…far more hurtful than the venom she spews at these young girls, of course! Abby congratulates the group on winning the group number and shares that Maddie won’t be competing this week as she’ll be performing at a benefit concert in Los Angeles. She then reveals the girls’ new head shots, and Kendall comes to the conclusion that even though it was incredibly rude of Abby to leave some of photo shoot, she clearly knows what she’s doing. That said, Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid for crying in the dressing room when Abby screamed at her. Holly reminds Abby that she also cried last week when served with the court papers, but, no surprise, Abby’s tears were totally appropriate given the circumstance. Kalani is next for being beaten by Maddie and a no-named dancer in the solo division. Nia is third with a strong performance in the group number, followed by MacKenzie. Maddie is on top, and Abby praises that even though she didn’t win, losing every once in a while is good for her.
Celebrity Apprentice continues to weed-out the calm players to make room for the drama to really roll out. And like a switch being flipped last night Kenya Moore set the wheels in motion. Finally – because we’ve been hearing about how so-called vicious this season was and I haven’t seen much evidence of that lately!
Of course, most exciting was Joan Rivers appearing posthumously as an angel from fashion critique past. Awww… Joan, how we’ve missed you and your acerbic wit. I hope Heaven hasn’t made you any less caustic.
It’s not that I’m disappointed by the rollicking hubris of Geraldo Rivera, but at this point it’s as wholly predictable as Kate Gosselin being self-absorbed and bitchy. #BeenThereDoneThat! I’m starting to believe Geraldo is losing his touch because he’s been on the losing team two challenges in a row! Geraldo… don’t rest on your laurels!
Everyone has returned from Miami in high spirits – Lisa Vanderpump is impressed they managed to take a vacation without killing Scheana. Tom 1 and Ariana Madix even believe Tom’s talk with Kristen has given her the closure she needs and everything is peaceful. That peace, is the quiet before the storm, sadly.
Scheana Marie Almost Famous has anointed herself as diplomat of SUR and plans to ask Lisa for a raise after all the good work she did using penis straws to reunite the group. Poor Stassi is left out in the cold. She hasn’t just been shivering outside, pressing her face against the window and drooling over the fried goat cheese balls, she’s been beading! Stassi has been hustling! She’s not just living off her parents! Stassi’s real hustle is convincing people to actually interact with her.
So, Love & Hip Hop has its own resident Kim Zolciak. Last night’s episode was hair-raising for sure! I’m not sure which is worse…the cheating men or the women who put up with them! Um, is this Chrissy woman trying to be the next Rashadah Ali with her horrible wigs? This frizz nightmare is so distracting…as is the side boob and sagging cleavage. She’s meeting with Cyn at a hookah bar so they can complain about the craziness that is Erica Mena. Cyn looks fabulous from the shoulders up, but her jean shorts just look like heavy diapers. Cyn shares that she’s been working on her vocals, and Chrissy suggests she enlist the help of Rich Dollaz for an album. Chrissy feels very diabolical at the idea of bringing together two of Erica’s exes.
By the skin of his teeth, Peter Gunz makes it back to the States from Barbados just as Amina Buddafly goes into labor. In the delivery room, Amina questions Peter about his trip. Now that Tara Wallace has basically told him to hit the road, Peter reveals that he’s spoken to Tara and he wants to make things work with Amina. He reveals he’s happy to have closure with Tara, but he isn’t ready to admit that he was with Tara in Barbados. He doesn’t want to stress out Amina any further. However, he tells Amina that Tara his ready to move on, so–Congratulations!–he’s ready to give more energy to their marriage. Of course, all Amina hears is Tara kicked him to the curb so she’s sloppy seconds, which is what she should have heard because it’s basically what he said.
In last night’s installment of The Hunger Games: MockingShade 2, the ladies of Real Housewives Of Atlanta insulted each other on every level, then took a break to pass a dildo between their caftans on a beach, and then returned to insulting each other on every level. I like my Housewives classy like that!
We’re at dinner where Claudia Jordan is a whore and NeNe Leakes is fat with seething jealousy and shops at Ross. Now Claudia, you can read NayNay, but please don’t read Ross! I have gotten many things at Ross, including fabulous glasses made to look like Solo Cups! NeNe snaps that her dress is “RUNWAY!” Because when you got them coins they make RUNWAY in your size. That must be the reason NeNe’s dress looks like leftover remains of a circus tent in a Project Runway challenge. “Auf wiedersehen,” Ms. Leakes.
Claudia rips NeNe for her plastic “hair hat” glued to her head. T’is true – for someone so very rich NeNe has the worst wigs – she may have coins, but she does not use them to pay a hair gay!
That’s right, folks! We’re still road tripping with Kody Brown and his wives on yet another family vacation with the objective of meeting some more polygamists! Last night’s Sister Wives begins as the crew treks across Utah. Not surprisingly, Christine is still bitter that Kody isn’t willing to ask his friend for an apology over an offensive comment made about Kody having multiple wives. You couldn’t pay me to stay in those RVs. Geez, don’t these ladies clean? Janelle is already to cash out on this vacay, and I can’t say I blame her. Robin and Meri are presenting a united front of staying in the background….that’s a first for once!
Kody calls a meeting of the wives, and Christine apologizes for adding tension to an already miserable situation. Meri thinks that Christine needs to keep her mouth shut, and Robyn opines about how hard it is when Kody is feuding with a wife. Clearly, the other wives are going to side with Kody, but it can cause a rift among the sister wives. I really don’t feel like it’s a big deal given that the ladies really don’t like each other anyway. Kody lectures Christine about her hormones emotions, as they cause him to be on the defensive. He’s not a fan of PMS. Oh no he didn’t! Christine understands his questioning and admits to suffering from PMS. So sorry that her body isn’t syncing up to Kody’s idea of what a menstrual cycle should be. He’s the king of the d-bags, and Christine won’t let it die. Hurt feelings, you know!
Briana Mason and Christy catch up at Christy’s house where Briana admits she’s lonely and wants to be in a relationship. Briana does not, however, want to date any more little people. Christy maintains that sex with little men is better than sex with average sized men, but Briana’s not buying it. Todd busts in on girl time and brings up Terra’s pregnancy news. Briana thinks Terra’s pregnancy was planned while Christy adds that Terra & Joe’s relationship is rocky and a having a baby is no way to save it.