You never know which Abby Lee Miller you're going to get when you tune in to Dance Moms. Will she be nice? Excited? Motivational? Nah, she just loves stirring the pot, causing rifts between the mothers, and planning for the downfall of Cathy and her Candy Apples. Perhaps she'll throw in some taxidermy along the way…
We begin, as always, with pyramid time. Thankfully, the girls are coming off a big win at last week's competition. Abby switches it up by starting at the top…and Maddie is right back where she's always been. On the next rung is an excited Paige. Kendall joins Paige for being third, which, according to Abby, is better than second. Chloe is in the next spot even though she's been consistent with her top notch dancing. Nia is first on the bottom for flying under the radar. She's good, but not great. MacKenzie follows with Brooke who didn't dance last week…per Abby's orders. Abby shocks her troupes by adding Asia to the bottom of the pyramid as the newest team member. Asia competed on Abby's other show, and Abby warns the mothers about running off another mom.
This week, the dancers are heading to Michigan, and Cathy and her Candy Apples will be in attendance. The group number is called "Return to Grace," and it focuses on reincarnation. MacKenzie and Asia will be sitting out the group number. Kendall, Maddie, and Chloe will be dancing a jazz trio. Asia is gifted the only solo. As Abby works on the group number, the moms (especially Jill) are curious to see what the new mom will bring to the table.
The second hour begins after Leah and Jeremy's courthouse nuptials. The couple can finally qualify for a joint loan on their dream home. Due to the added expenses, Leah wants to ask Corey for more child support…because he should totally help pay her mortgage. I kid, I kid, he needs to be supporting his daughters to the best of his ability. Leah's heard through the grapevine that Corey has gotten a raise, so she calls him to see if he's willing to modify their agreement without going through the courts. When he asks for her reasons, she offers up that he needs to pay more for the twins' clothing. He's willing to discuss it when they meet to trade off the girls.
First, Jacoby Jones and Zendaya Coleman are named king and queen of the Dancing with the Stars prom. With over two million Twitter followers, Zendaya's queen status was a given, but I thought for sure #bachelornation would rally behind Sean Lowe. Lo and behold, it appears as if there's a new shirtless bachelor in town! Woot!
By the way, Zendaya and Val Chmerkovskiy and Jacoby and Karina Smirnoff are also SAFE!
It's Prom Night on Dancing with the Stars, which means big hair, cheesy back stories, and Sean Lowe dressed as Huckleberry Finn. Oh boy. This is going to be a very long two hours. Host Tom Bergeron says, "This is no April Fool's joke – it's really prom night," and waste of space Brooke Burke-Charvet adds, "And yes, I really wore my hair like this." Nobody cares, Brooke.
To go along with the theme, a prom king and prom queen will be crowned on tonight's results show. The winning male star and female star, which will be decided by Twitter, will each receive two bonus points to add to their original scores. I fully expect Zendaya and Sean to take those honors. We shall see.
Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas
Viennese Waltz: The combination of counting music and pretending to be hot for Mark Ballas proves to be too much for Aly to handle this week. She thinks all of the pressure is going to make her head explode. Well, at least she'd be somewhat interesting, then. While Aly and Mark's dance seems to be technically okay, Aly's movements always come across as cold and forced to me.
Even Lisa Vanderpump was annoying me because she kept stooping to certain people's levels and getting bitchy and bickery with them. I want Lisa to be the bigger person and I'm sure this season has gotten to her and all the nonsense as taken its toll, but hopefully she hasn't gotten too big for her britches as the fan favorite. I don't want to start hating her next season. Just stay away from those Bitchards – they bring out the worst in everyone!
Things resume with the Richards sisters launching some sort of verbal bouncy-seat, finger pointing, hair swishing assault on the eternally composed Yolanda Foster. Good lord when those two start swinging their hair like Sweet Valley High rejects I secretly hope they lasso each other and end up in a spinning tornado floating off into space. I'm not sure why the powers that be at Bravo haven't made this happen. The ratings would be huge.
Sharlinda looks completely spent; however, Kahdijiha seems to be perfectly fine. Her emotions are 100% in check. Sharlinda begs for a reaction from Kahdijiha, saying, "Stop sitting there and being all hardcore!" Kahdijiha explains her state of mind. "Ashlee Wilson-Hawn is not one to fight fair," she says. "I will never let anything this girl can conjure up mess up what you and I have going on, and that's why I don't feel sad." Kahdijiha adds that she's only angry and focused on repairing her family's image.
Meanwhile, Virginia Kolb runs into Katie Davidson at the country club. Poor Virginia. Katie fake apologizes for Donald Mitchell's drunken antics at her Harvest Party. On her couch, Virginia admits that she actually likes Katie and hopes to clear the air. Harvin Eadon points out, "If Katie were a good friend, she'd keep her little pet Donald in check." Yes! Exactly!
Last night we were treated to two marriage themed episodes of Teen Mom. So as to not cause our readers to overdose on all things Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert, we're splitting up the recaps. It's just our way of letting our wonderful readers recoup from one hour of the train wreck to the next. All in all, it was a night of proposals, weddings, and tears made in MTV heaven.
Jenelle and Gary are back in full romance mode, and her roommate questions whether Jenelle truly loves Gary or if she just hates being alone. Jenelle assures her that she isn't with Gary just because he's in the military and will make good money. He's good with Jace, and she just doesn't have the energy to look for another relationship. Jenelle admits that they both pick fights on purpose because they love the drama. All of those are wonderful reasons to stay with someone, right? Her roommate begs Jenelle not to accept any marriage proposals from Gary because the two clearly aren't ready to get married. Jenelle can't make any promises.
Speaking of marriage, Leah and Gary really want to get a loan on their dream house, and they are considering getting married at the courthouse before their actual planned wedding ceremony. She informs her mom of their plan, and her mom is fine with their plan. Her mom wants her to tell Corey beforehand, but she's excited when Leah asks her to be a witness. After chatting with her mom, Leah shares her early wedding plans with her sister.
So Vicki Gunvalson has a new mantra – she's renovating, renovating, renovating! Renovating herself, her house, her attitude, her entire face! After seven long seasons she's grown weary of being called Miss Piggy and she's grown weary of being the butt of a zillion jokes. She tossed Brooks Ayers to the curb with a sack full of Hallmark cards and hightailed it Dr. Niccole's office where she got a nose job, some fat injections, and a chin implant. Chinplat 2.0! It's pretty hard to tell what she's going to look like as she's in the settling in phases, which means she looks a little shiny and wonky and lopsided, but um… I'll withhold judgment for now.
I will not withhold judgment over Vicki's eyelashes. What were those things? Pipe cleaners? Spider legs? They were the worse false lashes I've ever seen. They must be from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection.
Vicki shares that Briana and her husband Ryan have moved in and any day now Vicki will become a grandmother. To prepare for all the changes she has her assistant over to play some kind of drinking game that involves moving furniture while chugging wine. Every time you bang the sofa into the wall you drink or something. ahahahahah! New nose, new living room, same old wino!