Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey everyone mostly got along and for a second there I thought I was watching the wrong show until Caroline Manzo popped up to insult her children on national TV. Oh Caroline, cut the cord. And Manzo Spawn – run.
It’s the day of Antonia Gorga‘s sixth birthday party and what’s a mama to do but get her make-up and hair professionally done for a backyard party filled with kindergartners. Do stilettos go with a bouncy castle? Didn’t think so!
While Melissa Gorga is in the make-up chair, Antonia is hard at work assembling gift bags. Who’s the birthday girl again? Melissa is gushing about Antonia’s lavish party – JoeyGorga tells her she’s too expensive. Don’t try to compete with Taylor Armstrong, Melissa. The lip injections are already taking it too far.
Melissa asks Poison about the visit to the therapist. Joey proceeds to tell us that Teresa Giudice must have lied to the doctor about how they had Sunday dinners together and then Teresa tells us the doctor didn’t like them. Then they both blame each other for all the problems in the relationship while claiming they are all about peace, love, and forgiveness. Why do they both do this? It’s ridiculous!
Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right? I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness. Fabulous.
After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen. Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone. Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever. She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents. Maybe she’s my favorite. Gah! The choices.
I don’t mean to be a broken record, but could VH1 be any more obvious? Hair-pulling bar fights are now tempered with a “non-violent” episode. How stupid do you think I am, VH1? Well, last night’s Mob Wives Chicago had no violence, but just wait till next week! The women b*tched and moaned about one another, but there was thankfully no slapping or hair tugging. I am at a loss for words.
Nora Schweihs welcomes Pia Rizza in for a glass or three of wine. Nora is reliving Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s attack. Pia is upset that Nora still wants a friendship with Renee. Nora’s account of the pair’s fight is much different from what I watched, but apparently Nora thinks she was the instigator and the stronger fighter of the two. Nora makes the mistake of telling Pia that she’d rather strip than worry about Renee. Pia laughs at the comparison, but she doesn’t call out Nora on her verbal ridiculousness. I mean, after all, Pia is dancing. All the time. On a pole.
The lessons of life are hard learned, and Sonja Morgan – executress of the Hard-Knocks School of Life – knows this better than anyone. Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow and it hurts going down. Sometimes reality is as jagged as the edges of a broken wine bottle.
As Sonja presided over her interns from her UES townhome, all of them looking up at her with searching eyes so full of hope and promise, Sonja shook her head and smiled a misty smile; if only they knew that someday their ambitions would be stuffed in Neimans bag and returned. That they would be deemed unmatchable and undesirable. That the lessons learned in fifth grade would come back to haunt them. That sometimes extending the olive branch only means something if there are olives on the vine.
Real Housewives of New York started out on a beautiful day in Central Park. Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher are getting together to talk shop. Aviva has something very pressing to impart. She is determined to keep the peace – but more than anything she is determined to be liked by everyone. So, she pushes the childhood insecurities out of her mind and soldiers on.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was everything you hoped it would be…if you hoped it would scripted and ridiculous.
We rejoin Joseline and Stevie J hashing out baby-gate. He thinks there is no way the baby can be his…it would be bigger. Oh please. Joseline threatens to take him for half of what he has, to which Stevie grabs his crotch and tell her she can have half of it. Otherwise, she can go back to where he found her. Wow. I am surprised more women aren’t falling over themselves to have a chance with this winner.
K. Michelle is working with producer B. Cox to do a showcase to introduce her to local record labels. She admits to going slightly crazy at Jive, so B. Cox tells her she needs to be shaking hands and kissing babies…not screaming in the lobby of labels.
Hollywood Exes follows the lives of five beautiful and talented women who once lived the high life, married to elite stars. Now, such a pity, they have to drive themselves and work to pay their mortgages. Surprisingly, the women are all down to earth and likable. For now. Only time will tell if they turn this nice refreshing show into a catty nightmare. Refreshing is nice, but I’m finding the show somewhat boring. Hopefully the story line finds a nice middle ground.
It’s official. Jessica Canseco is planning on moving her ex, Jose Canseco, back into her house. Because it worked so well for her the first time. And, in the many years since, he’s proven himself a changed man. Jessica is a hopeless romantic, idiot, all of the above…
She has very high expectations for this arrangement. Jessica plans on making Jose clean, cook, drive, and parent Josie. Basically, Jessica wants Jose to make up for the seven years he’s been MIA. Oh, Jessica. She’s delusional if she thinks Jose is looking for anything but a free ride and some action on the side. Even Jessica’s friends see Jose for what he is, a freeloading creep. Nicole Murphy thinks Jessica would be better off hiring help. Nicole is a wise woman.
This week on the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard visits the hometowns of the final four suckers for a pretty blonde – Chris Bukowski, Jef Holm, Arie Luyendyk, Jr., and Sean Lowe. Matching the rest of the season, it’s one of the most uneventful hometown episodes ever. There are the standard meets and greets, uneaten dinners, one-on-one grilling sessions, and claims of love. Emily’s conversations mostly fall flat, as she’s seriously lacking personality. Yet, as always, the families are completely willing to accept Emily into their lives after spending just two hours with her.
Before she begins the visits, Emily heads home to Charlotte to see Ricki. While she’s there, she thinks about the final four men. According to Emily:
Chris is sweet and open. Jef has the edge that Emily looks for in a guy, and she feels comfortable with him. Emily felt an immediate connection with Arie. He brings fun and excitement into her life. (And he’s a really good kisser.) Sean makes Emily feel safe. Sean is “perfect.”
Therapy Schmerapy, eh. Teresa Giudice and Joe G-to-the-Orga are clearly beyond help. Existing in a world where all versions of rationale just slip in one ear and right out the other. As Teresa so aptly put it, “I don’t store things in my brain.” Clearly.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the siblings from hell attempted to see a therapist to mend their fractured relationship. I guess they don’t understand that it takes way more than one hour-long appointment to patch things up, but Bravo doesn’t have the time to be airing all that. We would be watching RHONJ season 35 if that be the case.
Now I’m no Teresa hater, I find her tolerable and she has redeeming qualities; one of which is her eternal optimism and goofball nature. I don’t know how the Gorgadice families got into this mess that has come to dominate my television and yours for the last two years, and frankly I think both Teresa and Joe, of the salmon colored button-down, told versions of the truth that make sense.