In case you were feeling stressed out about the lack of available Real Housewives wines (and other sparkly alcoholic beverages), Heather Dubrow is launching her own champagne, not to be confused with Fabellini. Appropriately this champagne is named after Heather’s 5-year-old daughter Colette, who leads Heather to drink. Heather commissions a giant champagne bottle-shaped cake, that she is flying in its own seat on a private plane to Napa for the launch party of Colette Champagne. All of the ladies are invited. Lifestyles of the rich and guest role on canceled sitcom hopefully famous!
Literally fell asleep – snoooooze, snore, zzzzzzzzzz, yawn at the thought of another Housewives hawking wine storyline.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was everything. All of Yung Joc’s baby mamas are in some book club hybrid that is simply amazing, and the remaining story lines paled in comparison. Don’t believe me? Let’s begin at the beginning…
Tony is trying to convince Kalenna to invest in a new Atlanta nightclub, but after hearing about Stevie J.’s experience, Kalenna is very skeptical…and she shares as much with the requesting investor. Tony hates that Joseline Hernandez gotten into her head to squash this deal, but let’s be honest, someone needs to be asking the hard questions! He’s frustrated that Kalenna has so many reservations about what he considers to be an amazing deal to dump their entire life savings. Not wanting to further upset her husband, Kalenna caves and agrees to fork over all of their cash. Hey, at least they’re getting paid for this show, right?
I can’t believe it’s the season 2 finale of Blood, Sweat, and Heels! Is it just me, or was this season waaaaaaay too short? Bravo, please give us more of these ladies next season (and please, please let there be a next season, period).
In full disclosure, I have to admit I’m connecting to Mica Hughes‘ recent loss of her 91-year old grandmother in a special way tonight, as I lost my own 91-year old grandmother just this morning. A second mother to me, she went peacefully, surrounded by love and family and I got to see her right up until the end. I know reality television is good fodder for snark (don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of it with this finale!), but it’s poignant to realize that we’re all connected in strange, surreal, and plain old human ways too. Now, on to the show. Which tonight, friends, is one HOT mess.
I still don’t know what the hell happened on Real Housewives Of New York! One minute Bethenny Frankel was crying, the next she was hugging, the next she was building flimsy walls, the next she was eviscerating, the next she was arguing, the next she was conducting a high-powered business summit, the next she was running away, then she was apologizing. Dare I say – with all her emotional turmoil – she was acting like Kelly from Scary Island. I feel like everyone needs an instruction manual for how to operate Bethenny.
Back in the Berkshires at Dorinda Medley‘s birthday dinner, Bethenny is having a sobbing meltdown because Heather Thomson tried to smother her with a meatball like some sort of depraved Upper East Side momogul version of Aqua-Teen Hunger Force. Get the memo, Heather: Bethenny doesn’t eat! Bethenny is allergic to fish – and, also Xanax!
Then Bethenny is running around to Heather’s side of the table, eyes shining with tears (or maybe it was Skinnygirl Sparklers; who knows) hugging Heather and apologizing for the walls she’s has because everyone is trying to put her in a Skinnygirl box. “I’m over myself!” Bethenny snaps. “I just don’t want attention!” Except for the times I’ve talked to the media and put myself on reality shows!
So, it’s the second installment of Bravo’s experiment with the “real” Long Island friends ofSecrets and Wives, and this time we’re going to be able to tell these dern ladies apart if it kills us! (Or maybe just me.) We start at Liza Sandler’s house where she is waking up in bed with bestie Andi Black, both of whom are in full drag queen makeup. Speaking of queens, Liza’s mother enters the room to compare hair heights with her daughter before Liza and Andi start chatting about Susan Doneson’s sideways remarks about Liza at her party the previous night. Susan basically thinks Liza is a whiner for complaining about moving out of her North Shore palace, as she doesn’t have a job, but does have a hefty divorce settlement coming her way. Liza is not happy with the smack talking, that happened at HER party, in HER yard, at her soon-to-be-surrendered McMansion!
Meanwhile Susan, the only career woman in this circle, is heading to the gym with Amy Miller for a Soul Cycle spin class. They run into Cori Goldfarb at her spa before entering the gym. The concept of “Truth + Beauty,” Cori and husband Sandy’s business, is a “one stop shop” for all your health and beauty needs. It looks like a spa with a poor-man’s gym and Chico’s costume jewelry, but what do I know? Andi joins the ladies at spin class and gets an earful from Amy about her upcoming trip to the Bahamas with her much-derided boyfriend, Arthur. Back at the front desk, Cori is needling Sandy about his “involvement” in the business, which she doesn’t really want much of. After he pretends to know what’s going on for a while, Cori shuts him down with an “I am going to stab you” threat. In the gym, Gail Greenberg shows up in dueling rat-tails and Andi immediately asks her if they can all go for a ladies’ weekend to Gail’s Hamptons home. Gail evades, then sort of nods yes while Susan interviews that Gail goes nowhere without her plastic surgeon husband, Dr. G, who Gail carries around “like one of her Birkin Hermes handbags.” Susan complains that Gail looks down on her. Why? “Because I’m a working girl?” asks Susan, with no irony.
Vicki Gunvalson is WOOHOOING to her hooha’s content and rolling in the affirmations! Brooks Ayers and his (apparently suspect?) cancer have moved in and Vicki is relishing in the fact that she can play the nagging, over-bearing, mother hen who also holds the bank account and the car insurance. “Brooks eat that carrot or you’re gonna get spanked!” Of course, Brooks is acting the part of the rebellious teen sneaking light ranch dressing and whining that he can’t have Wonderbread with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter like all the other boys.
“Cancer loves white bread!” Vicki lectures, making a little note to up Brooks’ insurance policy and give a rousing speech at the next insurance convention about the benefits of long-term care policies. Now she knows from experiences. WOO HOO! Vicki is having her affirmations for breakfast and selling them too.
With so many “cliffhangers” from last week’s episode, I couldn’t wait to find out what happened when Mimi Faust finally had an exchange with Nikko’s wife Margeaux regarding that now ridiculously played out sex tape. How did Stevie J fare in federal court while facing massive child support claims with Joseline Hernandez by his side? Are Kirk Frost and Rasheeda ever going to get an original story line? Is Mona Scott Young getting the last laugh? I’d have to give a resounding “yes!” to that last one, and yet I am just as enthralled every week. Who’s with me?
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with the Mimi/Margeaux introduction, and Mimi is quick to tell Margeaux that Nikko didn’t have an issue hiding his marriage for two years when he was sleeping with her. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Margeaux and Mimi are back and forth with their words and their hands, each yelling at the other to get fingers out of faces. Ariane tries to pull Mimi off of Margeaux, and she says what everyone else is thinking. Both of these “ladies” need to be focusing their aggression on Nikko, not on each other. The women are accusing each other of being cowards, and Margeaux wonders why Mimi wants to keep it a secret that she was the mastermind behind the sex tape leak. Mimi storms out, and Margeaux tries to explain Mimi’s part in the VIVID revelation. While Ariane has had her doubts about Mimi’s story, she has to believe what her friend tells her…unless proven otherwise.
On last night’sBlood, Sweat, and Heels, Melyssa Ford becomes even more of a drama queen as the self appointed epic sh*t-stirrer between Geneva Thomas and Demetria Lucas, while Daisy Lewellynand Mica Hughes face some trying – and sweet – times with their families. We begin at Mica’s apartment where her new fling, Kevin is coming to play kissy-face. Things are moving fast with him, but they haven’t slept together yet, Mica would like us to know. She tells Kevin she wants both of them to be HIV tested before moving forward with a sexual relationship, and Kevin is in agreement. Since Mica’s sister passed away in 2011 from HIV, this issue is close to her heart. Whoa! She’s got an HIV swab test ON HAND. Didn’t see that coming. Kevin gets his swab on and they are in the clear. Mica jokes, “We can go on ahead and get busy right now!” Not knowing much about Kevin beyond this, I’d venture to say he is either a stand up dude, crazy, or reeeeeeeeeeally in lurv with Mica. (Seriously, who agrees to get HIV tested on camera!?!?)
Daisy is over at her apartment Skyping with her mom. She’s stressed out from the Hamptons trip, so she wants to refocus on her health now. She proposes holding a prayer vigil for herself and wants to include the ladies and her family. The negative energy around her is bringing her down. Daisy’s parents are split up, but she wants them both to come to her vigil, which should be okay because they’re cordial. Daisy is a daddy’s girl, but loves her mom despite their sometimes more distant relationship.