Recaps

Stephanie-Hollman-Cary-Deuber-and-Brandi-Redmond-go-catfishing

This episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas was all about family. From LeeAnne Locken looking to form a new one with boyfriend Rich, to Brandi Redmond reaching out to her grandmother, and Keatin running away from his step mom D’Andra Simmons. This show has proven it’s more than poop jokes and charity events. Cary Deuber, Stephanie Hollman and Brandi pack for the big Memphis trip. Brandi plans to visit her grandfather who suffered from a recent stroke.

D’Andra enters her ornate house and catches up with her husband, Jeremy. They discuss his photo journalism lectures and appear to have a good partnership. Jeremy breaks the news to his wife that his son Keatin feels he doesn’t fit in and wants to move out less than two months of living there. D’Andra is upset by this. She thought he’d pick up on their ambition and shake the feeling of entitlement. D’Andra wants to hold her step son to the year he committed to, she gets fired up. The two may be newlyweds (don’t forget LeeAnne stood at the Simmons wedding!) but he knows how she is, asking her to be levelheaded.

teen-mom-2-kail-school

Tonight’s episode of Teen Mom 2 left me with more questions than answers when it comes to the state of affairs for Kailyn Lowry, Briana DeJesus and Jenelle Evans. It seems like everything is always up in the air and nothing is ever resolved in their lives.

Starting with Kail, the ups and downs with ex-husband Javi Marroquin continue and ever since he filed for child support, they have been down. Despite the tension, Kail claims she is doing her best to make sure he sees the boys but when he can’t pick them up at the spot she designated, that quickly goes out the window. She decides to meet him in a parking lot that’s convenient for her but after a few texts from him, pulls off angrily and explains in detail to the boys that “Javi” (not Dad) doesn’t have the right car with car seats to pick them up so they have to come to school with her.

Vicki Hears a Rumor about Tamra

Someone once told me if you have nothing nice to say; say nothing at all. Well, unfortunately I’m not at liberty to do that – sorry Real Housewives Of Orange County. I have nothing nice to say about any of you, and the thought of holding it all in makes me want to cry like I’m Meghan Edmonds fake-sobbing in a canyon. Maybe Meghan’s tears were instal-dried by the wind or evaporated. Or plastic people make plastic tears which just clog in their tear ducts and until they’re plucked out and thrown away.

Meghan and Vicki Gunvalson aren’t so different, are they? It’s ME ME ME all the TIME TIME TIME. No one understands and blah, blah, blah…

asa-gg

Does anyone else forget all about where we left off when there is a break in episodes on a show? I certainly do! I’m assuming it’s a survival technique so that I can sustain watching copious amounts of horrible reality TV and keep coming back for more, but regardless of the brain science behind it, that’s exactly what happened when I went to watch tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset. I forgot all about the 80s costume party/unofficial day of reckoning for Shervin Roohparvar and his playboy ways. Not that it matters because in tonight’s episode, the Shahs have already moved on to skewer someone else and the lucky winner is pregnant-and-don’t-you-forget-it Asa Soltan Rahmati.

Anfisa-Shaun-Robinson-Jorge-Reunion-Couch-90-Day-Fiance

It’s the final episode of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, and I feel like I just got off a carnival ride that was left spinning a tad too long. You know the feeling – a little bit sick, a touch disoriented, but mostly just grateful to be alive! Yes, we made it to the end, people. But the couples on these reunion couches might not even make it out of their hotels, let alone to their golden anniversaries.

Last night, Anfisa and Jorge were isolated for a “private” chat with host Shaun Robinson, in which Jorge slung accusations and Anfisa ultimately walked off stage. Interesting points included Jorge looking totally stoned from beginning to end of this entire “Tell All” and Anfisa not lashing out at him with her characteristic rage. (But we haven’t seen his car/home/pet bunny as evidence yet, so truthfully, we have no idea what form her revenge will take.) Also, TLC decided to throw one more tent into this circus by showing us the rest of the dysfunctional couples’ reactions to Jorge and Anfisa while their segment rolled along. To which I say, well played, TLC. Embrace your crazy! Except, let’s get Loren and Paola muzzled next time, mmkay?

Jeff-Lewis-Blue-Sweater-Shirt-Mouth-Agape-Flipping-Out

Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward prepared for a baby as much as they could have…then she was born. Let the madness begin! This week, Flipping Out follows Jeff and Gage as they travel back to Valley Vista with their newborn daughter, Monroe, wading through the first hours, days, and months knee-deep in diapers and midnight feedings. Good thing Gage didn’t piss that nanny off too badly last time she visited! He needs her now like Jeff needs his breath spray. And by that, I mean, desperately.

Before they leave Chico, their surrogate, Alexandra, must say goodbye to the baby she carried in her womb for nine months. Even though Monroe is not biologically hers (Jeff and Gage had a separate egg donor), it’s still an emotional process for Alexandra to let go. Naturally. “My heart hurts looking at her, it’s so full,” she says while rocking her. Jeff and Gage wanted Alexandra to hold Monroe before she left, which they hope provides closure, but aren’t sure whether it just made everyone more sad. Jeff also hopes to get more sleep in the coming days because they literally got zero the night she was born. From one parent to another, Jeff, let me say: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Bless your heart.

jax-brittany

On the latest installment of Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky, Jax Taylor is doing one hell of a tap dance to convince the family that he really does intend on moving forward in his relationship with Brittany Cartwright. Only one tiny little problem with that: no one’s buying it. Winchester might not have cell service or wifi, but they do have cable and looks like they have been watching Vanderpump Rules.

We resume with Don getting nowhere fast by talking to Jax about his intentions with Brittany. Jax is pushing the narrative that the “Brittany Spark” is gone, which he thinks is a little bit of a depression. She is sleeping late, eating a lot, dating a complete loser that’s not good for her, you know, the usual signs of losing your spark/mild depression. But Don isn’t impressed with this theory and when he accuses Jax of trying to get out of moving forward with his daughter, Jax couldn’t be more obvious about being caught in a lie. His eyes get big, he turns red, and he stumbles over his own reassurances that he has every intention of being with Brittany but darn it, he is a perfectionist and he guesses that holds him back sometimes.

Below Deck Season 5 - Captain Lee & Kate

Last night was the premiere of Below Deck season 5 and guess what?! I have thoughts. Oh so many thoughts. And I may still pine for the Season 1 cast. Oh Bravo, where did you, NOT Captain Lee Rosbach, find these people?!

Captain Lee is steering the gorgeous Valor out to St. Martin with a skeleton crew of ne’er do wells, or actually never-had-dones. He blames all the “Hollywood Types and Wall Street pricks” who now own yachts instead of merely chartering them, and therefore there are NO available good crew left and he was stuck with the leftovers. #DoNotBelieve. I blame Bravo casting. Either legit professionals don’t want to appear on a reality show, or Bravo intentionally cast unprepared boneheads for drama.

Luckily, Lee will always have Kate Chastain!