Tonight’s finale of Teen Mom 2 gave us the ending this season deserved – happiness after a whole lot of drama. So much happened from start to finish, this season actually felt like two rolled into one. Kailyn Lowry started out finalizing her divorce with ex-husband Javi Marroquin after so many contentious back and forths about everything from him coming over unannounced to her surprise pregnancy with another man. Leah Messer dealt with mild yet frustrating behavioral problems with the girls, all while trying to get her new dream of motivational speaking on track. Chelsea DeBoer and husband Cole settled into newly married life, dealt with the increasing drug use issues of her ex and navigated the newborn stage of baby Watson with ease before finally getting the wedding reception they always wanted. Briana DeJesus joined us as the newest Teen Mom and the drama she brought didn’t disappoint as she dumped baby daddy Luis in the middle of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, her worries about Luis not stepping up to the plate, just like Nova’s dad, proved to be right and her stress levels rose over every single episode. Jenelle Evans and boyfriend David Eason welcomed baby Ensley, moved into their dream home and got engaged. But it wasn’t all sunshine thanks to Barb winning permanent custody of Jace and with it, permanently damaging her relationship with Jenelle so much so that she wasn’t invited to their wedding. Now that we are all caught up, let’s get started with how everything wraps up tonight!
I’m pretty sure the ladies of Real Housewives Of Orange County were able to put 100 viking warriors to shame with their brutal ceaseless fighting. So, SKOAL!
Peggy Sulahian is just kind of just the worst, isn’t she? Maybe she’s a nice person, and she seemed OK at her Armenian anniversary party, but as soon as you take the Diko away from Peggy she turns into a judgmental, overbearing, clueless buzzkill intent to smother the fun out of any party with her nonsensical ramblings. Even a Viking send-off. I don’t want to be mean, but perhaps Bravo needs to issue ‘Funness’ qualifying exams.
There were men in fair isle sweaters serenading the ladies, then fighting over the amorphous blondes (Shannon Beador is convinced it’s her because Vikings “like a girl with a lil meat on her bones,” but would Shannon really touch whale blubber? I feel like it’s not very holistic…). But anyway, there were men doing all this for all of them, and in the middle of it all Tamra Judge and Vicki Gunvalson were hugging and kissing like it was 2010, and Vicki even apologized to Shannon – more on that in a bit – then in walked Peggy, wearing a blood red caftan, and out for blood! She ruined the whole thing. Again.
Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives Of Atlanta, and things are all a’crazy in the great big blender of Bravo. First of all NeNe Leakes has made her triumphant return to claim her crown has the queen of the peaches. That’s what she thinks anyway. Also, Kenya Moore is FINALLY married. Hallelujah – Jesus exists.
Phaedra Parks is sadly no longer with us after she threw herself a Phuneral By Phaedra with her epic lie about Kandi Burruss last season. Which means Porsha Williams is allllll by her-seeeelf. No Frick, only Frack. Just a girl and her Hennessey and the menz will soon follow, or something!
Kandi continues her quest for world domination with fried chicken. And like fried chicken, everybody wants a piece of Kandi! Her life has become like one of Aunt Bertha‘s sweet potato pies – cut in a million different slices with no one getting a big enough slice. The OLG Restaurant is going great – so long as Kandi is there. Apparently no one is visiting for a Mama Joyce sighting – or they’re afraid she’ll spit in their food.
The couples of 90 Day Fiance might not be able to see the enormous red flags whipping around in the tornado of their relationships, but that’s what family is for! At least, that’s what Molly’s family is for. But when her father and Olivia double-team to talk some sense into Luis and her, the 90-day lovebirds naively write off their concerns. In Evelyn and David’s case, it’s not family who interferes – it’s Evelyn’s very wise bestie, Mikayla. Instead of listening to to Mikayla’s rational questions about their rush to the alter, David shows that he’s just as awful as Evelyn when he cruelly insults Mikayla, reducing her to tears. Now I must also revoke my stance on David being kinda cool. It turns out he and Evelyn deserve each other. May their joint obnoxious, immature entitlement long-fester and destroy!
Meanwhile, Nicole introduces May to Azan’s family
so they can help raise her too and Thailand-David and Annie are propositioned by David’s walking-ATM-friend, Chris – who turns out to be insanely creepy, guys! Aika also arrives on U.S. soil to raise Josh’s self esteem by at least ten bro points, and Elizabeth lands in Ireland to face the Gorgon Andrei. Whew. It was a super-sized two-hour episode last night, so let’s get to it!
I’m over it. You’re over it. My neighbor, who doesn’t even watch The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, is over it. But Siggy Flicker is NOT OVER IT, people! Yes, we’re talking about Boca. And this week, Siggy decides to take her juvenile antics to a lower level of pre-K when she literally sticks her tongue out at Margaret Josephs to drive the point home. The point being…nanny nanny boo boo? Not to be outdone by the Most Talented Person On The Planet, Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice decide to scrap as well. Whether their drama is real or fake is still up for debate, but there’s no doubt that mutual resentment is buried deep in the basement of each woman’s respective McMansion.
At Margaret’s house, she’s returning from Vegas just in time to “wash the puss and the pits.” Marge Sr. is happy to hear Marge Jr.’s success in getting her shoe line licensed. She also got to steal some hotel slippers, so the trip was a big win. Margaret didn’t have time to by her husband, Joe, anything in Vegas though, so he’s grumpy. She thinks he’s a stage 5 clinger and needs him to back-that-sh*t-up when she walks in the door. She also needs Siggy to take several seats, especially after she hears about her continued cake drama at the purse party. “This is like high school,” says Marge. “I love it.”
Who cares about Game 7 of the World Series when Survivor is on? This week marked the very last “pre-merge” episode, which means that stuff is about to get real starting next week. All three tribes at this point have some good drama going on, so it will be interesting to see how it all comes together once the individual portion of the game begins. But while the season thus far hasn’t shed too many memorable players, that all changed tonight when one front-runner saw their game come to a shocking end after putting their trust in the wrong person. Isn’t that the way it usually goes?
Please remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 6 of Survivor: HHH, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!
Last night’s Below Deck charter was annoying “AF,” which is how lead charter guest Sarah liked to tag every last thing! I don’t know if she just learned to spell and wanted to prove that she can, or possibly that she thinks English is a dead language replaced by Hashtag Speak, but she was correct in labeling their group “H.M.E”: Hot Mess Express. More like Hot Mess Distress.
The happy couple was only happy if there was booze to be consumed, and her much-older fiance was essentially silent as she careened around the yacht complaining, tantrum-ing, and shrieking like Vicki Gunvalson. Shockingly the one thing aboard Valor that consistently impressed this charter group was Jen Howell. How’s that for a reversal of the status quo!?
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County episode was the equivalent of drunk sorority girls. Leave Iceland alone! Like seriously – go home ladies; you’re drunk! Especially Vicki Gunvalson. First she was dying, then she was drunk, then she was sobbing into Tamra Judge‘s hair… It’s the casserole that revived her! That and the attention frenzy in the wake of her ‘heart attack.’
Poor Vicki her love tank’s connected to her heart valve, her heart valve’s connected to that part of her brain that says ‘PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ME! ME! ME!” So she was vomiting and having heart palpitations while Peggy Sulahian and Kelly Dodd fought over who was better at caring for Vicki’s sputtering love tank.