Recaps

Shahs of Sunset recap

The moment we have all been waiting for is finally here: on tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset, we finally get to see the nuptials of former runaway groom Reza Farahan and his long-time boyfriend, Adam Neely. It’s a moment that has been highly anticipated by both viewers and the Shahs since last season’s shocker of Reza calling off their wedding in Thailand. There is only one person who hasn’t been anxiously awaiting this wedding – the other groom, Adam. Because he has NO IDEA this is happening. That’s right folks, you’re invited to an ambush wedding!

To lovingly set the stage of “marriages that shouldn’t happen,” we open with the not-that-sad Shoe Sultan, Mike Shouhed. It’s not even six months into his marriage to Jessica Parido and she has hit the trails in search of greener, less cheating grass. Reza stops by with bags of groceries and wants to know why Jessica left. Mike explains that he has been rude and neglectful of her and she decided that’s not the type of life she wants. Mike says he doesn’t blame her for teaching him a lesson. Clearly, Mike is feeling sorry for himself, and while Mike’s busy talking about how wonderful Jessica is, doesn’t mind throwing her under the bus by acting like she walked out over some trivial matter.

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Little Women: NY recap

After fireworks during a night out of belly dancing, the Little Women: NY think it’s about time to get away and plan a camping trip to bond and maybe even try and have fun. Let’s see if a little fresh air can mend the rift between Jazmin Lang and sister-in-law/ultimate ball-buster, Dawn Lang.

Jazmin meets up with roomie Jason Perez to discuss her issues with Dawn. Jason believes in tough love but thinks Dawn expects Jazmin to be just like her and that’s not fair. He questions if maybe Dawn resents Jazmin for taking her only brother away and would like to give her the benefit of the doubt but thinks her judgmental nagging is becoming too much to bear. Jason thinks if he can invite Dawn and Jazmin over to his parent’s house to see a loving family dynamic, it might help.

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Is it me or are things on Real Housewives Of New York just straight up mean this season?! If it isn’t raining men in NYC, it’s raining bitches – and everyone is getting drenched! 

At least things start out positively. Moving into the fifth floor of Manor Morgan is Luann de Lesseps. The heater may not work but at least there’s a hot plate.

While Luann lounges on a bed still bearing the trappings of 1992 bourgeois stylings, she wonders if her hostess with the mostess loose ends, Sonja Morgan, has told Bethenny Frankel about the Tipsy Girl unveiling. Sonja shrugs off the potential snafu. She ain’t scairt of Bethenny. The well of booze has a deep trough, and Tipsy Girl is but a little drop, all of it likely going down Sonja’s gullet. After all, there was once a Skinny Bitch, then along came a Skinnygirl, and that little low-fat piggy went on reality TV and squealed all the way to the bank.

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Briana and Matt recap

To you who are about to read this recap: I salute you! For those of you who actually tuned in last night for Part 2 of Little Women: LA Matt and Briana, Ride or Die…can we go in on a group therapy rate together? Because I may need some deep work on my residual anger issues after witnessing this unnatural disaster. It only took me an entire week’s worth of hot showers to clean the stank off after witnessing last week’s sh*t show, but I fear it will take Briana Renee a lifetime to live with herself after broadcasting this hot mess to the world. Sigh.   

We pick up after Briana told Matt Ericson he couldn’t come home yet, just after taping the LWLA Season 4 Reunion. Upon hearing that news, Matt threw himself a wittle hissy fit then slept in his car, but he’s suddenly back! And just in time to take Briana’s poor, sweet, innocent daughter, Leiana, to a “Daddy Daughter Dance.” Erm. No. WHY IS BRIANA ALLOWING THIS!? And where is Leiana’s actual father, Leif Manson!? 

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dance moms group

Well played, Lifetime, well played. I’ll give the network a slow clap for sure after last night’s wrap up to the Dance Moms reunion. It had me bawling like a baby, but I appreciated that it focused on the only two redeeming qualities of the show: the girls’ genuine friendships and the amazing dancing. Plus, kudos for plugging the girls’ music videos and YouTube channels! Each of these young ladies has a bright future ahead of her, and Jai Rodriquez is yet again a breath of fresh air compared to ol’ Phil Collins.

The reunion begins with the girls joining The Boys of Temecula in a fabulous hip-hop number. After the dance, Maddie, MacKenzie, Nia, JoJo, Kalani, Kendall, and Brynn join to Jai to dish about the drama and the fun we’ve seen this season. Maddie recalls that she, her sister, and Nia were the only original ALDC team members remaining, and they have all grown up together. Jai shows a clip of the girls learning of Maddie and MacKenzie’s departure which starts the waterworks. You can tell how much these girls love each other. Don’t you remember being that age when when those kind of friendships were the only care in the world?

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Danny-Zurelkat-Guest-Below-Deck-Mediterranean-001  

Last night, it was all too much for resident horn dog Danny Zurelkat, who decided to break rank and get his smooch on with a charter guest. Danny and his trusty sidekick, Bobby Giancola, also though it was a good idea to bring girls on board after their inebriated night out on the town! It’s time for this week’s installment of Below Deck Mediterranean, Jersey Shore style. 

Despite the desperate pleas of Julia D’Albert-Pusey to think twice on an idiotic move, the Danny and Bobby manage to drag a few falling down drunk women back to the hot tub of shame for a nightcap. But Captain Mark Howard doesn’t take too kindly to this crew-on-civilian canoodling, laying blame squarely on the shoulders of their superior, First Mate Bryan Kattenburg. Bryan’s in charge of the whole boat, remember? It’s HIS fault! 

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Brandi cries over Bryan

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas needed a Prozac. Brandi Redmond is down in the dumps because her marriage is basically a jar of Ragu Marinara she can’t open. All she wants is some drama-free spaghetti. Instead, she’s stuck begging, over speakerphone, for permission for her love to open the door to Bryan’s heart

Also, LeeAnne Locken just straight-up exhausts me! She’s the type of person who demands total reconnaissance of your time as her soul soldier. Once you’re in a relationship with LeeAnne, it’s your responsibility to make up for all the tragedies of her childhood. Tiffany Hendra is in it so deep, she doesn’t even know how to come up for air, look around, and realize holy hell – I’m out here in Antarctica, where everything is as frozen as my Botoxed-face. LeeAnne is just SO MUCH WORK.

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Teen Mom 2 recap

Last night was the most rage-inducing episode of Teen Mom 2 this season thanks to David Eason’s (aka “Uncle Dave”) beyond creepy, awful behavior.

On the bright side, Adam Lind’s child support wasn’t mentioned at all (or it was and my brain has successfully blocked it out). Instead of forced storylines that no one cares about, we got to see the genuine Chelsea Houska deal with the very real issue of taking a six year old to get glasses.

The deployed Javi Marroquin made several appearances via FaceTime and surprised Kailyn Lowry and her friends. Leah Messer was surprised by Corey Simms’s objection to the court order grant, which she thought they had agreed was fair and best for the girls. And I was surprised and disgusted to see David calling Kaiser his kid.

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