Can we make the anthropologists regulars on Sister Wives? Finally they are asking the questions I want answered…except for the big one–why does Kody Brown own so much denim?
Kody and Janelle are still trying to get to the bottom of the movie theater brawl between Garrison and Gabriel. Before punishing Garrison for smacking Gabriel by not allowing him to go on his ROTC trip to Hawaii, Kody calls in Paedon as a witness. Gabriel has been swearing up and down that he didn’t touch his brother, but Paedon confirms Garrison’s story. Yes, Garrison smacked Gabe, but only after Gabe slapped him. Knowing he’s been caught in a lie, Gabriel’s cheeks turn red and he’s on the verge of tears. Kody questions why he was so afraid to tell the truth…it’s not like he’s ever been spanked. I just wish this poor kid was being disciplined off camera. He is totally embarrassed. They take away a privilege, but Janelle knows the shame of being caught is the bigger punishment. Christine wonders if she can now trust Gabe, and Meri has decided that she and Kody are going to dress as the denim twins.
Claudia Jordan has hit-up Rent-A-Center and finally got some furniture, but that’s still not enough to make this girl happy! She cries to Kenya Mooreand Cynthia Bailey that she feels like it’s high school all over again where she is being bullied for being biracial and everyone expects her to just laugh it off.
Clawdia is so sad and blue because Porsha Williams won’t let her sit at the popular lunch table! Man – Porsha has some power, she’s ruining an African’s marriage with her cooch and she’s ruining Claudia’s job because she won’t do happy hours.
Claudia says she’s tried her hardest to be civil and supportive of Porsha, except for that time she called her a prostitute and that time she showed up at her work party to start an argument with her. Kenya tut-tuts about how shameful it is that women can’t support each other. I mean, it is soooo hard to work all day, get up at 5:30 am, and not have a married African pay your bills!
On last night’s Little Women LA, the aftermath of Todd’s rampage unsettles the group, the ladies run a 5K for charity, Lila attempts to make amends with Terra Jole in hopes of joining the friendship circle, and Elena Gant undergoes some sketchy plastic surgery.
We pick up at Terra’s “Used Date” party which she’s throwing for Tonya Banks. The women have all brought guys they used to date and are now offering up to Tonya, but the night is overshadowed by another ex altogether. Lila, Joe’s ex girlfriend, who Terra claims is still obsessed with Joe, somehow provokes Joe to start talking enough smack to instigate Christy McGinty’s husband, Todd. Before Todd can take a swing at Joe, Traci Harrison’s husband Erik jumps on him, knocking him to the ground as the cowardly Joe backs off. Elena’s husband Preston pulls Erik off of Todd, while Joe yells at Todd about verbally attacking “a pregnant lady” (Terra) last week and now trying to attack him. Erik is going ballistic in the corner. Christy blames the entire situation on Joe being immature (yes) and little people drinking too much alcohol (maybe). Christy and Erik start screaming at each other while Joe – who’s still wearing his douchey sunglasses – calls Christy and Todd pigs, complete with “oink oink” sound effects. Wow.
Clearly, VH1 is trying to prove to us that the Mob Wives are just fun people who hate brawling and enjoy each other’s company. Sure, we’ll go with that. I don’t know how to explain last night’s episode where Renee Graziano acted (dare I say) normal, Drita D’Avanzo’s focus was on a family trip, Karen Gravano was trying to bring her immediate family together in Arizona, and Big Ang, well, Ang is always the voice of reason regardless of circumstance. Natalie Guercio is going to need to learn when to push and when to put on the brakes. At least some things never change…
We begin with Renee channeling her inner goddess with a photo shoot for her Mob Candy brand. I must say she looks fabulous. A bob is a good look for her, and she’s happy with where her friendships are at this point in her life. From Mob Candy to Lady Boss, Drita is having her weekly conversation with Lee since he refuses to be on camera. She’s thrilled her daughter is excelling at soccer given that she was a soccer star back in the day. The couple decides that a Disney trip needs to be in the works for their family…now that Lee is allowed to cross state lines. Win!
We pick up at Kyle Richards’ gay singles mixer and let me tell you, if there is one thing that unified the gays in that room it’s that they were all: “HOLLA we never have to end up tied to one of these crazy broads!” Then they retreated to a corner, made good use of the free drinks, and watched the single almond dinner show, because as we learned last night women of Beverly Hills think indulging in a hot dog shared three ways is a treat.
Kyle wants Brandi and Kim Richards to leave – obviously because they have sucked the air out of a party already about dry spells – but Kim just sits at some table in the mood-glow lighting like, ‘I don’t want to leave it’s my by-proxy party cause Kyle is my sister and I can ruin it if I want to!’ Brandi hauls her out, after reminding her that Kyle is not her sister, which jerks Kim to life, cause – Brand is right!!! Huh?
Outside Kim complains that Kyle was trying to “force” Brandi to spill secrets about her life and wanted to embarrass her. Oh, and Kyle is to blame for everything. Brandi and Kim are a toxic mess.
Abby Lee Miller makes me want to break my television set. You mess with Nia, you mess with me! Last night’s Dance Moms was just more of Abby’s downward spiral into mean madness and delusion…and to be honest, I didn’t think she had much farther she could go! Boy, was I wrong!
After the ALDC’s first competition in Los Angeles where Abby was missing in action most of the time, she is back and more hateful than ever. I wanted to spit nails just watching her. When the group gets to a new studio, the moms and dancers wonder if Abby will even arrive at rehearsal. Holly has reached out to Aubrey O’Day (formerly of Danity Kane) to see if she would be interested in working with Nia. Abby beckons her students in with the shrieks of a banshee, yelling that the girls first attempt to compete in LA was “FAILURE!” Holly and Jill speak up to remind Abby that she was absent all last week so it’s not fair to blame the girls. Abby refuses to tell the mothers where she was the previous week, and Holly continues to ask her whereabouts. Holly then cites Abby’s unprofessional behavior during Nia’s casting call, and she screams that Abby is a shallow, nasty woman. She’s not Kelly or Christi and she accuses the other mothers of being cowards for not supporting her and standing up to Abby. Holly is sobbing and poor Nia is in limbo as Abby smirks.
Last night Donald Trump started off Celebrity Apprentice by demanding one of the remaining three celebrities plead their case to remain in the game. It was down to Vivica A. Fox, Geraldo Rivera and Leeza Gibbons. Naturally, human drama cannon Geraldo was not going anywhere.
Leeza attempts to blow sunshine up Geraldo’s patootie about what an amazing player he is. Smart move: she knows she can beat the pants off him and wants Vivica out of the game. I am sure Geraldo would gladly remove his pants, however, to pose for another naked selfie, just to reiterate how he started the selfie craze.
However, Vivica, after surviving “Toxic Trick”, decided the fight was not left in her. It must be the menopause making her act crazy, because she eliminates herself and promotes Leeza. So Vivica is fired and Geraldo espouses about how he is impossible to take down unless you are a KKK member on his 1987 talk show where he broke his nose.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules there was a wedding instead of cheating drama! Scheana Marie got married and it had all the tackery and whinery one would expect. What one could not expect is that she spent approximately $100,000 on disco glitter and tantrums.
Things begin with Scheana visiting Lisa Vanderpump‘s house for a pre-wedding check-in. Lisa wants to know if Scheana is really in love with Shay, the lurking hulk of gooey melted gummy bears that is about to become her permanent bedmate. Scheana is – why, she couldn’t tell you. What Scheana CAN tell you is that the heart wants what the bride wants no matter what it costs! It is HER. DAY to be pretty princess for a change, to usurp Stassi Schroeder as the unequivocal self-dubbed princess in the big pouffy dress and have all the attention ON. HER.
Lisa wonders how Scheana is paying such extravagances as 5 sets of mink eyelashes and 50,000 rhinestone-studded rose pedals… Well, since you asked, Scheana is using her lawsuit settlement! BRAKES SCREECH… what, you say? Remember when Scheana broke her teeth and had to have 6 hours of agonizing dental surgery and no one visited her in the hospital? Well Scheana sued whomever broke her teeth and got a settlement, which she is blowing on her very own Barbie dream wedding!