Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something.
Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree.
Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York, BookGate got "street", and thankfully no one was injured. And some other stuff happened. Finally.
We pickup where things left off at LuAnn de Lessep's BBQ. This season class with the countess means taking a backseat to drama and serving dessert while massive fighting occurs. And hats off (or should I say heads – heads bearing wigs) to LuAnn because in the midst of the melee she let them eat cakes. Yes, ladies, please this fighting is so gauche – literally where Heather Thomson is concerned – let's enjoy a nice tart instead. I've long been a fan of the mighty ego of LuAnn and this season she has truly reached her stride, she's let go of some of the pretense and she's more relaxed.
Last night's Dance Moms had my waterworks in full effect as Abby Lee Miller struggled with her mother's failing health. It's heartbreaking. As the episode begins, Melissa starts the water works with Abby after sharing that she'd been visiting with Mrs. Miller in hospice. Abby knows that her mother wouldn't want her moping around the nursing home, so instead she heads to the studio. The pyramid isn't going to reveal itself!
Nia is on the bottom for not being on the group routine. That's fair. Holly is furious. Kendall follows for her second place finish, and she can't even look up from the floor. Kalani is third from the bottom for minor technical issues. Kira is confused. Her daughter was part of the highest scoring duet. Clearly the girls' performance in the competitions has nothing to do with their spot on the pyramid. MacKenzie is third overall for balancing dance and her budding musical career. Chloe is second for her winning duet with Kalani. Kira's point has just been proven. Maddieis on the top for shining regardless of dancing a solo. Abby proclaims her the star of the group dance that she wasn't present to see. Abby wants to dedicate this week's competition to her mother. Both Maddie and Chloe get solos. MacKenzie won't be in the group number since she needs to focus on her music video, but Nia will be dancing with her peers…maybe. Holly wonders if Abby is taking on too much in order to escape her feelings about her mom. Why yes. Yes she is.
So I'm writing this (obviously) before the big Southern Charm announcement on Watch What Happens Live, but I'm going to predict that Thomas Ravenel is now a dad. I heard this weekend from a friend of a friend of a friend of Kathryn Dennis that the pair welcomed a baby last week. Kevin Bacon has nothing on the degrees of separation in a Southern town! I'm going to keep this prediction in my recap just to see…
Last night's episode begins with Craig Conover and Cameran Eubanks getting up early (separately) the morning after the Carolina Day party. After all, unlike their counterparts, they have jobs. Craig knows he needs to buckle down and focus on becoming a successful attorney. After coming home at a decent hour from the soiree, Cameran is ready for the day. She is walking South of Broad with her broker Eve and sharing the gossip from the fete. Eve gushes "T-Rav, oh my Lord!" and admits she spent some time with "that rascal" about fifteen years ago. This confirms Cameran's assumption that T-Rav gets older and older, but he always goes after the young ladies. The women tour his next-door neighbor's home for a potential sale. Is it just me, or is it weird that Cameran didn't know where T-Rav lived? The ladies head next door to call on T-Rav, but he's not home…however, there is a half finished lead crystal old fashioned of scotch on his window sill. Sounds about right.
Last night was the season premiere of Married To Medicine and things kicked off with a bang! Dr. Heavenly Kimes, dentist, not doctor, definitely brought her a-game in the drama department and wants it known she is not to be trifled with.
But let's begin with last season's drama! Mariah Huq and Quad Webb-Lunceford are not friends. There are varying accounts of why said friendship broke up, but one account is clearly rooted in the same deep-seated delusion that allows one to think lime green eyeshadow smeared up to your eyebrows looks hot. Yaaaaaas, I'm talking about Mariah!
While Quad is worrying about how to thwart Dr. Gregory's babymaking attempts now that she's quit her job to flounce around in lingerie, design dog clothes, and do photo shoots with designers to prove her divatude, Gregory has baby fever. Quad worries that since they've only been married a year she's not ready. Gregory points out that she's on the "backend of 30" and he is 13-years-older so no time like the present to ditch the condoms and get at it!
Last night was the pre-finale episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Which means we are almost to the epic reunion. You know you're salivating!
Porsha Stewart is all about spreading her wings and flying post-divorce, except she's not worried about a little thing called a j-o-b. Her priorities are recording a song instead of showing up to rehearsal for the part she was hired to play in Kandi Burruss' musical. Yep, ol Poryonce (per Don Juan) is skipping play practice to go warble some songs she probably bought from Kandi (and pretended to write!) in the recording studio. Look Porsha isn't the worst singer, but she's certainly no Mariah and she should be honing her skills with seasoned veterans on Kandi's stage – instead she's violating her contract, insulting her employer, and making a mockery of a paying job. She'll probably still want top billing too!
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken.
Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again.
"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies took their petty drama and their over-exposed lady parts to the Hamptons. Oh! Oh! And LuAnn de Lesseps appeared. I missed her. Awwww…. Lu – welcome back, weekend mama!
Aviva Drescher has a tagalong no one likes. Because the only tagalongs anyone likes come in a Girl Scout's Cookie box. The other problem of course is that no one likes Aviva and that Amanda cannot hold her liquor or her tongue (seriously there were Brandi Glanville levels of slurring every time that woman spoke last night. I don't know what was droopier her boobs or her articulation!).