Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long! Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint. I couldn't love this show more if I tried. Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch. I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season.
The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream. It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance. Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare. No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee! Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!
Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve. Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition. He's still a redneck, right? RIGHT? Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town. Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops. God, I LOVE this family! The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure.
Last night's Dance Moms had to have been one for the record books. Not only did it have the return of Black Patsy, but we got to see Abby Lee Miller express emotions other than hatred or favoritism. I didn't know she had it in her!
The episode begins as the girls and moms convene in the studio, but Abby is missing. She arrives late and explains to everyone that her dog Baby has passed away. Abby fights through the tears to remind her troupe that this week they will be competing in St. Louis. The girls are visibly saddened to see their teacher so upset. Pets are family members, so my heart goes out to Abby. Losing a pet is devastating. Abby quickly runs through the pyramid. Paige is on the bottom for her apparent lack of confidence. Brooke joins her for only scoring fifth. MacKenzie rounds out the lowest level. Kendall is on the second rung, along with Nia whose facial expressions garner praise from Abby. Maddie seems to have once again secured a permanent residence in the top spot.
The group number will have some ballet choreography, and MacKenzie is once again out of the dance. Abby touts the piece as an epic love story, and she hopes she'll be able to escape into the fantasy of the dance to forget about the loss of Baby. Nia is given a solo, and Holly is over the moon for her daughter. Maddie will also be dancing a solo. Abby reminds the girls that St. Louis is the home of Nicaya, who is the daughter of blink-and-you-missed-her-but-man-was-she-sassy-putting-the-crazies-in-their-place Black Patsy. Abby pleads with the moms to be on their best drama-free behavior. Good luck with that!
Sean Lowe! Is that a long-tail boat you have there or are you just happy to see me? Sean sails into Thailand to forgo sexy times with his three remaining bachelorettes – Lindsay Yenter, AshLee Frazier, Catherine Guidici – in the Bachelor fantasy suite. They go to the suite, but instead of the normal sexy times, Sean and his ladies share closed mouth kisses and play M.A.S.H.
My M.A.S.H. game says Sean and Catherine will live in a house in Dallas with three kids. two dogs, and one hamster. Crossing my fingers!
Can you imagine spending only eight-ish "off camera" hours with someone before proposing marriage? I most certainly cannot, and leading into this week, Sean has some doubts as well. You see, he has feelings for all three women, and it's hard. Being. The. Bachelor. Is. Hard.
We share your pain, Sean. Watching it hasn't always been enjoyable either.
Growing up is sooooo hard to do. Especially when you're a 32-year-old male model perfecting the dilettante lifestyle. Such is the case of Jax Taylor, who everyday listens to Rod Stewart's anthem "Forever Young" on his iPod while slicing lime twists for the perfect cocktail. But alas fair Jax – everyone has a moment when they wake up Maggie Mae.
Worst of all is that Jax let his people down. His followers, ready to decamp in the jungle without their eyeliner for him, were crestfallen.
In the tangled web of Vanderpump Rules, Jax is trying to rekindle his relationship with Stassi Schroeder and to do that he's taking their dog shopping. Stassi wants all remnants of that flea Laura-Leigh exterminated. Over talk of new leashes, Stassi then turns her laser devil eyes on Jax and he is forced to beg and plead with her not to exterminate him as well.
Stassi and Jax, the endless tale of emotional f**kwittism. Is buying a new dog accessory some sort of break-up rite of passage now?
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there was an intervention, the reveal of Ken Todd's secret life, and one incredibly boring trip to Paris which consisted of standing on a balcony in bad cocktail dresses speculating over whether or not Kim Richards was jet-lagged or relapsing.
Things begin at Kyle Richards' house where we are treated to the full scope of her sitting room. I certainly hope she isn't paying Faye Resnick for her design services because tacked onto the white walls are dead turtle shells. In other accents Kyle had American flag pillows strewn around her sectional. #Refund. Anyway, Kim loves this room. She just loves this room. Apparently in her house there is no place to sit down. She should hire Faye. Or you know, buy a couch! Craigslist, baby.
Segue: can you imagine how awesome the BH Craigslist offerings must be?
Anyway, one thing Kim isn't happy about, besides her lack of seating space, is Taylor Armstrong's behavior. After Taylor got drunk and took off with a married man whose private jet she's in love with and ditched her daughter with the nanny and Kyle, Kim is convinced Taylor has a little problem with the old Chardonnay. Something about Taylor slurring 'Keeedeeeee's with youse, Kow. I thought eye left er at ome with the burlr larm?' tipped her off to the problem.
Is it just me or has Love & Hip Hop over extended itself on cast members and bad story lines? Some nights we see everyone, some nights we don't see some of the more "popular" characters. Heck, there are some women in the opening credits who have had maybe five minutes of screen time all season. It's nothing short of terribly confusing, but I guess it's one of the reasons I watch! You never know what–or who–you're going to get!
Last night commenced with Yandy Smith fighting mad after learning that her boyfriend Mendeecees jumped her personal trainer/cousin. He is all in her face about not caring that her cousin is in the NFL, and she's upset that he doesn't respect her family members. After lots of cussing, Yandy storms off into the night. Props to Mendeecees for being super mature about the situation. Oh wait…
Lore'l and Winter Amos are having drinks and discussing Lore'l's new record and their dating lives. Lore'l thinks they have different priorities in relationships…she is looking for love while her friend Winter is looking for cash. Classy. Winter is thrilled to hear that Lore'l has let her manager-friend go, and she's even more excited about her upcoming tell-all. She plans on exposing lots of past relationships, and Lore'l is a bit concerned to find out she's mentioned in the book.
Another day in the life of the girls of Teen Mom 2's craziness. I feel like the girls are starting to morph into one another. Leah Messer Simms Calvert is starting to act a lot like Chelsea Houska when it comes to getting over old boyfriends, and Kailyn Lowry is getting to know the inside of courtroom almost as familiarly as Jenelle Evans. What is going on with these girls? Let's get on with it, shall we?
It's been nearly two weeks since Kailyn or Isaac has seen Jo. The hearing for her Protection From Abuse Order is coming up, and Kailyn is going to see her lawyer to prevent Jo from harassing her. However, she admits to her friend that she really just filed it to prove her point. Once at the attorney's office, her lawyer asks that her friend remove Isaac from the meeting so they aren't talking about his dad in front of him. Kailyn suggests that the pair take anger management classes, and her attorney recommends a co-parenting class the two could take together. Kailyn's eyes light up at the thought of it…more time with Jo!
At her new digs, Chelsea is caking on the make-up and trying not to think about the fact that Aunt Flo still hasn't made her monthly visit. She hasn't talked to Adam since they hooked up, but Chelsea can't worry about him as it's her first day of beauty school and Aubree's first day of daycare. She is such a cute little girl, and I only hope that her mother's whining won't screw her up for years to come. You can practically see the excitement in Aubree's eyes as she's passed off to the daycare administrator. "Freedom!"
It's hard for Jenelle to focus on schoolwork now that Kieffer's out of jail. She explains to a friend that she would probably be with Kieffer if Gary wasn't in the picture, but Kieffer isn't what is best for her. Gary has a job and a car, so he's clearly the mature choice.
I'll be honest, it's still a little weird for me to see the majority of the ladies on Mob Wives actually being nice to one another. It's almost got me wondering when the other shoe is going to drop! Case in point? Drita D'avanzo and Karen Gravano not only went out for drinks, but they shared a spa day instead of a smackdown! Big Ang is typically drama-free, but Ramona Rizzo showed her softer side, and Renee Graziano is working on a more positive life. Carla Facciolo did get a bit confrontational with her ex while meeting his new girlfriend, andLove Majewskitalked a lot about stabbing people, so I guess some old habits do die hard.
Last night's episode begins as a shocked Drita is telling Big Ang and Carla that Lee is now out of jail. She is giddy like a school girl talking about what she fed Lee when she first saw him. Gag. Drita wants advice from Carla and Ang about what she should do when Lee is finished with the halfway house.
Karen, Love, and Ramona are hitting up a charity art event, and Ramona shares with Karen that Lee is free. Karen wishes him the best and is glad that his girls will have their father back, but as far as she's concerned, she wants nothing to do with him. She's finally at a good place with Drita, and the women wonder if Drita will take him back after his stint in the halfway house.
Renee has returned from rehab, and she's excited to talk to Drita and learn that Lee is home. She wants to get all of the ladies together to celebrate her new lease on life.