Last night on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo we were treated to more redneck living. It's sort of becoming an anthropology experiment at this point. This time we examined their diet in the wild. Don't these people have some pageants to do?
Anyway things begin with the local morning trek to mecca, aka the convenience store about 100 yards from their house. Mama, tired of the girls, ships them off to procure the daily necessities. Apparently Pumpkin often makes this journey styled in what the manager calls the "Bam Bam Look" – which means NO SHOES. Whatever happened to No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service?
Yes – the employees know them all by name as they're reg'lars at the slurpee machine. Pumpkin spends so many hours hanging out there Mama has to call her to come home. Wasn't this a Family Guy episode? Whaddya wanna bet Pumpkin manages that convenience store some day and then starts her own franchise. Dream big. Big as a pumpkin!
Part two brings us the rest of the original cast. Well, almost. Amber Portwood is still at summer camp. <wink, wink>
Maci and Ryan… Sitting in a Tree…
Before Dr. Drew obsesses about Maci Bookout andRyan Edwards living happily ever after, heasks Maci about college. She says, "I'm doing good now. After my first two years, I just realized how fast it was going by. I stopped making excuses. Aside from Bentley, that should be the most important thing." Maci adds she is done wasting her time and money. Also, she travels at least once a week to speak to teens about teen pregnancy.
Last night's Flipping Out was my big fat Greek disaster when Jenni enlists Jeff to help her plan the events in Chicago. He does a better job at counting her pennies than picking out place settings.
Jeff Lewis loves pitting Zoila Chavez against Lupe. He enlists boyfriend Gage Edward to help him drive The Zoila crazy. It is priceless. Later Jeff and Jenni Pulos head out to work on a project, and he gets freaked out when she makes eye contact with a homeless guy outside of the car. The duo meet with Jeanne Shaw, a repeat client whose home they are upgrading. Jeff is freaking out that Jenni has yet to send out her Save the Dates, so he and Jeanne needle her about her jam packed wedding weekend. Jeff loves working with Jeanne because he's often able to convince her to make more changes than she initially planned. Money isn't really an object though as Jeanne is married to the lead singer of Styx.
Last night was the season finale of Dance Moms with an explosive competition. Abby Lee Miller was meaner than normal, Candy Apple Cathy's laugh grated on my last nerve, and Kelly contemplated pulling her girls from the Abby Lee Dance Company for good.
The girls are headed to Beverly Hills 90210 for Nationals. I think the moms are more excited than the kids. Melissa clearly wants some Brandon Walsh action! The bottom of the pyramid is Paige, thanks to her injury and forgetfulness, Nia for not being sharp enough, Chloe for coming in sixth overall, and Kendall for being good, but not good enough. Jill is livid. Brooke is on the second level. Abby touts her amazing job but calls her lazy. MacKenzie joins Brooke for forgetting part of her dance. Maddie makes her way back to the top of the pyramid.
Last night on MTV Real World Spring Break, oh… errrr…Oops! I mean Middle-Aged (Wannabe) Girls Gone Wild. Oh… danggit – I mean Real Housewives of New York! There we go, that's the right show. Anyway, last night on RHONY the battle between Turtletime and Hurricane Aviva continued to rage. I think we're going to have to declare this one a draw because both these crazies went in circles like a typhoon and I don't think anything was resolved!
So things begin with a little bitching and arguing over what else – girls trip vs. couple's retreat. What about therapeutic retreat? Why didn't Bravo call in some therapists to assist with the lunacy and sit everyone down for a good ol' " I feel" session followed by some team building exercises?
Over breakfast, Reid and Russ are present and this is not acceptable. A clearly hung-over Sonja Morgan is shoveling in the food at warp speed and complaining about being called white trash. Pinot Singer and Sonja try to "pretend" they have no idea what that even means and hop on Google for a little investigative research. They get on dictionary.com and are most surprised to find a photo of themselves right next to the description. Oh, that can't be because White Trash means "poor" and they are not poor. They are just bankrupt and married to (or divorced from) money. Then someone distracts them by yelling wine and they decide oh, well at least White Trash means you're nice and it doesn't have anything to do with being inhospitable anyway.
Chris Harrisonwelcomes back the Bachelor Pad losers… Ryan "not gettin' any" Hoag, Kalon McMahonandLindzi Cox(cheers), Reid Rosenthal (lukewarm cheer), Jaclyn and Ed, Erica Rose, Jamie Otis (ready for a costume party, absolute silence), Tony Pieper and Blakeley Jones (cheers), and Michael Stagliano (huge cheer). Also, the super fans – SWAT, David, Donna, Paige, Brittany, and Erica.
The losers vote for the winning couple of Bachelor Pad 3. Who will it be – Nick and Rachel or Chris and Sarah? And, as always, there's only one prize in Bachelor Pad. <wink, wink>
The women of Basketball Wives L.A. are back and are as unhinged as ever. At least a few of them are actual wives though, so it is an easier premise to swallow than its original counterpart…sort of. All of the original players are back it appears, although Imani Showalter is missing from the credits and she is replaced by Brooke Bailey.
The show begins with a discussion between Wacky Jackie Christie and her long suffering time spouse and confidante Doug. Jackie is worried about her daughter. After the death of mother, she allowed her daughter to stay in Washington. Jackie isn't sure how well she'll handle this whole "being independent" thing. Doug reveals that Jackie's daughter has texted him a few times, and he thinks she's doing just fine. Jackie starts rationalizing in a way that only Jackie can, blabbering on about sisterhoods and bonds and how easy it is for her to admit when she's wrong. Jackie is ready to apologize to her co-stars, and she has come to the conclusion that she just can't help people who don't want to be helped…and that is all she was trying to do. Again, sort of.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was a lot build up for it to go splat! But there were a lot of nice moments too. All in all, it was a great simmer episode to sandwich between two extreme crazy ones. And I guess next week we'll see just how much Teresa Giudice is to blame for all the stripper rumors.
Anyway, it's the first day of school and while it would appear that none of the adults have attended that archaic institution for, like, learning, the actual children are all off. Milania is going into kindergarten and Antonia starts first grade.
Poison Gorga is making pancakes and I think the only ingredientzes is Country Crock margarine because they must have showed us about 60 close-up shots of the tub. I wonder if this means the Gorgas are going to be busting out a cookbook and stepping on Chef Tre's toes? Uh-oh! Oh no, wait that's just Kathy Wakile! Because in the whole world only one person at a time can write a cookbook…
In the Giudice house Teresa is rushing around waking up all the girls. She gets out their tutus while Juicy makes lunches – he packed red wine, sausages, salami, and some uncooked pasta noodles – oh, and provolone. I love Milania's tutu! Milania is my homegirl and she's off to terrorize some far less wily 5-year-olds.