On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey (brought to us by the Bravo Home Shopping Network) the ladies brought home the bacon while the menfolk sat around the kitchen table gossiping and snarking like old biddies. I applaud the progressive feminist nature of these industrious girls. Except for the one whose husband said he owned her. Yeah, that one needs to take a women’s studies class, stat!
So things begin with Teresa Giudice - or is Joodichee? Our favorite Jersian wordsmith has apparently, once again, forgotten how to pronounce her ever-shifting last name. Teresa’s newest venture is branding herself – I think she should start with having a consistent pronunciation of her own name, but that’s just my suggestion. “Branding” means adding Fabellini to her ever-expanding product repertoire. I swear Teresa makes up these words, Fabulicious, Fabellini, etc because she can’t actually pronounce any real words!
Teresa is in the car with Joe Goodouchée and they are headed to a vineyard, she thinks. Despite the fact that she is now in the wine making business, madame Giuhoochie has no idea where wine comes from or where one goes to taste wine.
Last week on Big Brother, Willie Hantz’s reign as HoH was a success royal mess. Not only did he manage to “embarrass” his coach Britney Haynes (Seriously, shut up, Britney!), he went The Shining levels of crazy paranoid, got messed up with a few lying snakes, and turned the entire house against him. Willie went from HoH to house pariah to Have Not faster than you can say, “Seriously, shut up, Britney!”
Willie‘s head of household ended with Kara being evicted from the Big Brother house by a vote of 5 to 3. Shortly after, Frank, Willie’s number one enemy, won the head of household competition.
Coach Janelle Pierzina convinced her team to vote against Kara. As long as Frank and Willie are going after each other, her players stay safe. Dan Gheesling thinks he’s still in a good position in the game, even though Kara was the second person from his team of three to be evicted. Frank, the new HoH, belongs to Mike Boogie Malin, so prepare yourself for a week of Boogie’s ego.
Nora is crying to the point that her make-up is running so she makes a quick exit. Renee is quoting Forest Gump. Christina can’t believe that none of the women are even slightly siding with Nora. Has she watched any of the episodes?
Pia decides to hash out the party antics with her fifteen-year-old daughter. Pia wants her daughter to hear their crazy family history before she hears it on the mean streets..or at school. Bella is very mature, but she sure didn’t need to hear that her mom punched someone in the face. Just let this poor girl navigate high school sans the drama! Pia is doing an ugly cry, but her daughter is a stellar and mature fixture. Should she get her own show?
Last night was the premiere of Project Runway, Season 10 and since nobody cares about anything but the clothes, Reality Tea is providing you a snap-judgement photocap. C’mon you know that’s how you watch the show, too!
The Challenge: Take a garment that defines you as a designer and make a companion piece for an over-the-top Times Square Project Runway Promotion fashion show and have it judged by wacktastic former Sex And The City stylist, Patricia Fields and guest judge Lauren Graham (aka mute drone with no fashion pedigree).
Also supplying commentary, but no actual critique is Michael Kors (once innovative American sportswear designer – now PR sound-bite drone), Nina Garcia (once important and relevant fashion magazine editor), and Heidi Klum of the crotch short minis and crisp German accent.
So, that was a bust wasn’t it? Ok, let’s trash discuss some looks!
Welcome to the first live show of Big Brother 14. It’s day 13 for the hamsters, and, oh my gosh, has it been crazy in the Big Brother house!
But first… 12 brand new houseguests came into the house to begin the best summer of their lives and a surprise (not really) brought four legends – surely Big Brother meant to say, “3 legends, plus Britney” – into the house to coach the newbies on how to play the game. How in the world did anyone get through the game of Big Brother without Big Brother manipulating the game? Oh, yes, that’s right – just fine! Grrr.
The final 3 arrive via ferry and Nookie assures us that if it comes down to him and Liz Garrett, he’s confident that Avery will choose him. Avery meanwhile lets us know that since she’s the sole provider for her kids, she’ll do whatever it takes to win this thing.
The team gets off the boat and is met with their first challenge – they have two hours to purchase ingredients (from the three shops listed) and prepare a traditional Uruguayan dish. The contestant to impress the chef with their dish will earn the exceptional ingredient. Liz thinks the two hour timeline is insanity.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE REST – INCLUDING THE WINNER!!
Last night’s Teen Mom wasn’t quite as depressing as I thought it would be, so that’s a plus right? There were other pluses too…a dog got painted, Maci finally realized Bentley needed to socialize with kids his own age, Amber decided to stick it out in rehab, and Butch reveals that he isn’t a big drinker. Just wait.
Farrah’s sister Ashley is visiting her in Florida. Her mom will be arriving in the next few days for a visit. Farrah reveals that she and Sophia have a more better place to live in Florida than she ever had at her mom’s house. Yes, yes, Farrah. It’s way more better. How’s school?
It was the birthday party from H-E-double hockey sticks on last night’s Dance Moms. Abby Lee Miller doesn’t only have some of her dancers in tears, but some of the moms as well!
The bottom of the pyramid is Paige because of Kelly changing her choreography. While Abby is proud that she beat her Candy Apple counterpart, perhaps she would have beaten her even better with Abby’s moves. MacKenzie joins Paige on the bottom, followed by Brooke who is finally off of probation. The middle rung Nia and Maddie. Chloe takes the spot for landing her solo in the top ten and winning the overall best costume award.