Therapy Schmerapy, eh. Teresa Giudice and Joe G-to-the-Orga are clearly beyond help. Existing in a world where all versions of rationale just slip in one ear and right out the other. As Teresa so aptly put it, “I don’t store things in my brain.” Clearly.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the siblings from hell attempted to see a therapist to mend their fractured relationship. I guess they don’t understand that it takes way more than one hour-long appointment to patch things up, but Bravo doesn’t have the time to be airing all that. We would be watching RHONJ season 35 if that be the case.
Now I’m no Teresa hater, I find her tolerable and she has redeeming qualities; one of which is her eternal optimism and goofball nature. I don’t know how the Gorgadice families got into this mess that has come to dominate my television and yours for the last two years, and frankly I think both Teresa and Joe, of the salmon colored button-down, told versions of the truth that make sense.
Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago solidified my theory of VH1 shows. From here on out, we’ll have a violent show, then a lovey-dovey episode, then more hair-pulling smack downs. Such is life, right y’all?
Renee Fecarotta Russo is meeting Nora Schweihs and her friend Julie for lunch. Renee isn’t chomping at the bit to hang with Nora, but she’s willing to put on a happy face since Julie is in town. Nora is clearly still miffed about Renee flaking out early at her father’s memorial luncheon. Nora goes into a diatribe about what a loyal friend Julie has been to her. Renee wishes that Nora would stop being so passive aggressive and calls Nora a “moron.” Nora reveals that she’s angry at Renee for being late to brunch, and Renee comes at her with guns blazing. Renee loves to rock a fedora, doesn’t she? She can’t believe that Nora is keeping a tally on who was there for what. The conversation–and the lunch–is donezo.
Hollywood Exes on VH1 features Jessica Canseco (ex to Jose Conseco), Nicole Murphy (ex to Eddie Murphy), Andrea Kelly (ex to R. Kelly), Sheree Fletcher (ex to Will Smith), and Mayte Garcia (ex to Prince). They all have famous exes, but the show is about the these women living their lives as friends, moms, and business women.
Sheree Fletcher shows Andrea Kelly around LA. LA is a completely different world for Andrea, who recently moved there from Chicago. They start at the Sprinkles Cupcakes “ATM” machine. Andrea says, “Shut the door and check your email!” Andrea brings a ton of personality to this show. But I might have to start watching it with closed captioning, because 54% of the time I have no idea what she’s saying.
Not many people realize that R. Kelly was married to Andrea. Being a “phantom” took its toll on Andrea, she says.
Deep in the middle of Real Housewives of Orange County, it was a beautiful clear night overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It could have been the setting from a movie, but instead it was real-ish life. And from Heather Dubrow‘s palatial lawn stars dotted the sky of what should have been a perfect evening. Sadly, an evil eye had befallen the enchanted party and instead of an evening of friendship, love and celebration – it was one recriminations, accusations, and petty slights.
‘Perhaps the drinks flowed too abundantly?’ Heather thought to herself. ‘Perhaps I was too liberal with the invitations?’ she pondered. But then she remembered, she had sold her soul; let it all slip away and now Bravo owned her – they owned her home, her celebrations, and even her name. Well, at least for next couple years. Oh, well might as well make the best of it. Champs for all!
Last week there were issues over a bow. Some loose ends were left untied and Sarah Winterchester, the faux-heiress (who left her holler for the wilds of Orange County), was being shown the door at this exclusive party. Sarah began to realize the Xanax in her purse was a bad idea (OK, I made that part up). Also a bad idea – letting herself be talked into attending a party where she was out of her element, nervous as hell, and wearing the dress she bought at the adult superstore on Sunset. All in all, mistakes were made and she would suffer for them. One can escape the trailer park, but never really escape the trailer park. Just ask Tamra!
Last night’s Dance Moms saw another Payton/Leslie invasion, the moms standing up for one another and Abby sneaking Maddie into a second competition without telling the troupe. Geez!
Abby gets on the troupe for getting second place overall. While any other dance teacher would be thrilled, Abby reminds her girls that she is not any other dance teacher. Paige is on the bottom of the pyramid along with Brooke, who is still on probation. She blames the girls for not coming to them on their own to beg for their solos after mom Kelly pulled them from the competition. Is she serious? Nia is also on the bottom, although I’m not sure why. Chloe and Maddie are in the middle of the pyramid with MacKenzie taking the coveted top spot. Melissa is super proud. The competition this week will be held in Virginia, and it’s touted as the largest dance competition in the country.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York drama over London continued. The city that likely paid Bravo to keep Pinot Singer from outside it’s fair confines for fear of what may occur has stood its ground and used Holla Thomson as the first offensive round in protecting its citizens from the wrath of pinot. That’s right, Heather proves that NOT inviting someone on a cast trip actually causes more drama than inviting them. How did she swing this one?
Things begin with a friendly lunch between Ramona, Aviva Drescher, and Carole Radziwill. Carole giggles nervously a lot as if she’s afraid to breathe wrong in the presence of the hair-trigger Ramona who is already on the wine. Was it even noon? Ramona shoves some skincare down everyone’s throats in the form of gifts.
Sonja Morgan was supposed to attend but bailed feigning illness. The girls launch right in to discussing Holla, who “talks a lot” and apparently it’s very hard to weed through a conversation with her. Carole and Aviva seem awkward discussing this given that Pinot approaches a conversation in much the same way. Who exactly were they talking about? Pinot or Holla?
VH1 follows the lives of five women who were once married to Hollywood A-listers on Hollywood Exes. VH1 sets up the show – “Simply put, these girls are starting over. They all divorced young and got married even younger, so now is when they need each other’s back the most. From raising kids to starting new businesses… these exes are ready to tackle a very busy year.” And they’re going to let us watch! Tonight’s premiere is mostly meet and greet.
Andrea Kelly was married to R. Kelly for 12 years. Unfortunate for all involved, R. Kelly was busted for peeing on a teenager during that time. They divorced in 2009. Andrea started as “Robert’s” (R. Kelly) choreographer. They no longer keep in touch. Andrea is moving to LA to spread her wings and open a dance studio. Andrea is wearing earrings as big as dessert plates. They’re making me hungry for cheesecake.
Andrea introduces us to Tony, her assistant, friend, and partner in crime. The name on his shirts suggests he also answer to “Slick.” Andrea is moving to LA ahead of her family. She’s very emotional. Andrea is best friends with Nicole Murphy.