Last night was the conclusion of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. And it was a whirlin', twirlin', spinning time. There were more lies, half-truths, and defense mechanisms swirling around that stage than in the eye of a tornado. And I'm dizzy.
A certain someone in a yellow dress needs to sit down and get her twirl out of Andy Cohen's face. Lord knows that may have been the closest he's ever been to a lady's anatomy.
Things begin with recapping Kim Zolciak's exit from the stage (and the show!). She texted NeNe Leakes a bevy of glowing compliments. In exchange NeNe wishes her well and calls her out on the wig pieces she was trying to pass off as her "real hair". Wig shade never ceases to amuse me. I call Kim's clip-in beehive "Marge".
Last night's reunion host was none other than Dr. Drew, who admits to being a huge fan of the show. Sure he is, just like he DVRs Teen Mom 2… I wonder if the ladies scared off Joy Behar or if she just had a prior commitment. I'm actually shocked they didn't get John Salley to be a part of this VH1 debacle! Drew smugly talks about the drama from the season and explains that there is some Love (Majewski, that is) lost–because she won't be appearing on the reunion after getting booted from the show. We're treated to a highlight reel of Love's looniest confessions and outbursts. The woman sure loves to stab people!
This week onThe Rachel Zoe Project, Rachel traveled to New York for the opening of DreamDry, William popped over from England like a fashion fairy godmother delivering couture that rendered Rachel temporarily speechless, she gave husband, Rodger Berman, a makeover (but not his hair) and Skyler attempted to hit his mother with a shovel for trying to catch a bit of sleep.
Things begin with Rachel and makeup master Joey bickering about when Rachel will pop out a sibling for Skyler. Rachel trolls off a bunch of excuses and Joey chalks her many excuses up to bullshit. Rachel whines that even showering has taken a back seat in her life since becoming a mom. Sounds like someone’s traded boho chic for hobo chic.. Showering Shmowering, Joey is sick of Rachel’s never ending excuses. Rachel says that she arrived a little late to the party with the whole having accessories kids thing which has kind of gotten in the way. Joey makes the biggest mistake and says forty is the new twenty anyway, and with that Mommy Hobo becomes Valley girl in 2.8 seconds demanding to know who the heck in the room is 40?!? Cos she certainly isn’t the ‘f’ word yet.. ‘like Duh!’… and of course it wouldn’t be a proper Valley girl rant without Rachel sounding off by calling Joey a bitch for speaking such utter nonsense. Poor Joey, at least he now knows the word forty is like Harry Potter’s ‘Voldermort’ in the Kingdom of Zoe.. #Hewhoshouldnotbenamed
We will be bringing you weekly fancaps from the new reality dating show, Ready For Love. There have been two episodes so far and the recap below is the premiere episode that aired on the 9th. We'll be posting this week's episode shortly and then will be on track starting next week! Without further ado, here is Ready For Love, fancapped by Anne R.B.
I may be the only person watching Ready for Love. I read that ratings were very low for the premiere, and even worse in week 2. People: this show is GOOD. It's not actual good like Downton Abbey, it's stupid/adorable good – like Most Eligible Dallas. The show begins with Executive Producer Eva Longoria giving us an infomercial speech about why she invented this show: she loves dating shows but hates how the couples never last! What's a girl to do? Scientifically reinvent reality dating shows, of course. Her plan is 3-fold:
I cannot get enough of the Robertson family, and I was so sad to learn that next week is the season finale! So this season of Teen Mom is going to continue indefinitely (or until one of the girls finishes college…so forever), but we only get roughly six weeks of Si, Jase, Willie, and Phil? Something is not right in the world of reality television.
Last night's Duck Dynasty begins as Godwin and Jase arrive at the warehouse (fun fact…Godwin used to be a bull rider. I love him 8 seconds more than I did before!), and they are surprised to see a Harley parked in Willie's spot. Whoever would violate Willie's sacred space? Jase knows that there are two thinks you never mess with when it comes to Willie…his food and his coveted parking place. Jase enters his younger brother's office to find Willie strumming an electric guitar. When did Willie start playing? And why is his beard now five shades darker than his hair? It's almost black. Willie reveals that he's been messing around with the strings on and off…since yesterday. Mid-life crisis, anyone? Jase informs Willie that someone has parked in his spot, but Willie isn't concerned. The Harley is his. It goes perfectly with the new Warrant t-shirt he bought on eBay. Jase can't help but poke fun at his brother, sharing that Willie can barely ride a bicycle, much less a Hog.
We receive requests on a daily basis asking us to cover more of your favorite reality TV shows with weekly recaps. We often have to respond, explaining "we'd love to, but we don't have enough time, budget, etc". For a long time now, many of our wonderful readers have offered (and begged – you know who you are!!) to write the recaps for us, just for fun because they love a certain show. We're truly blessed to have such amazing and loyal readers and have decided to give this a trial run! We may tweak things as we go, but as of right now, we are on the hunt for anyone who is interested in participating in our new Fancap test drive.
Below are a few of the shows we get requests for, but feel free to pitch us on any not listed, too!
RuPaul's Drag Race
Braxton Family Values
*Gypsy Sisters – tentatively spoken for
Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Bad Girls Club
*Rachel Zoe – spoken for this season
If you have a knack for writing and want a way to share your love of a favorite show, here's your chance! Send a sample recap (sample can be of any show) to firstname.lastname@example.org with "Fancap" in the subject line.
Be sure to include what reality show you're interested in covering (that we don't already do on a weekly basis). For example, please don't pitch us on shows we regularly cover already, like HW's, Shahs, Bachelorette, Teen Mom, etc.
On last night's Dance Moms,Abby Lee Miller highlighted the competition among her smallest dancers, pitting an over-the-top Asia against an injured (cough, cough) MacKenzie. Good times!
The girls and their moms pile into the studio for the pyramid reveal, and Abby is livid about the second place finish. Loooserrzzz! MacKenzie is in the bottom spot since she didn't dance due to her injury. Paige follows her for doing a disservice to our nation by not properly holding the flag during the group number. Perhaps there shouldn't have been a flag to mishandle in the first place, but what do I know? Kendall is next for her lack of focus, while Brooke rounds out the bottom rung. Chloe starts the middle level, followed by Nia. Holly couldn't be more proud. Asia is number two for winning her division, and Maddie finds herself back on top. She is, after all, America the Beautiful. What the…?
Abby questions where MacKenzie's air cast is. She's still injured, right? MacKenzie claims that she's able to dance, while Melissa urges her daughter to tell Abby what the doctor told her….if she feels 100%, she can participate. Abby wonders if MacKenzie returned to her doctor for this news, and Melissa explains that she didn't, but MacKenzie knows her own body well enough to know if she's okay to dance. Abby knows what's going on (someone doesn't like being replaced by Asia!), and she tells Melissa that the doctor originally said two weeks, so she's going to make MacKenzie sit out for two weeks. She doesn't want to trust an over-the-phone diagnosis.
Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.