The Hollywood Exes are off to Palm Springs. Sheree Fletcher takes Jessica Canseco and Nicole Murphy swimsuit shopping. She surprises them with her great idea to get away to Palm Springs. She’s hoping for bonding time and relaxation. Nicole picks out a purple bikini for Mayte Garcia. Sheree and Jessica remind her purple is forbidden. Mayte is “not allowed” to wear purple. Sheree calls Mayte on the phone to tell her about the trip and the bikini. Nicole says about the purple, “Girl, do not run from it! The more you fight it, the worse it gets. Embrace the purple rain around you.” It does seem a bit silly.
The house Sheree rented used to belong to Bing Crosby. It’s also rumored to be where JFK and Marilyn Monroe got together. Andrea Kelly says, “Sheree did very well finding this house. It’s absolutely beautiful. She should of looked on the map though a little bit longer because this house is in the middle of no-damn-where!” After a tour of the house, Jessica suggests cocktails. Sheree prays first. Jessica says, “It’s hot as balls out here. I just want to have a drink. And Sheree wants to make a prayer session out of this.” Prayer is done, drinks are poured, and the women are heading out to the pool. Unfortunately, on their way outside, they discover a cockroach in the house. Sheree takes off. Jessica picks it up. Nicole tells her to flush it. Instead, Jessica carries it outside. Nicole is like, why did you do that?!? Jessica says she cannot kill a living thing. This sets the tone for the entire weekend.
Well, Butch is back in jail. April breaks the news to Tyler. April calls, she barely says one word, and Tyler does one of his overreactions. Sometimes, I feel like Tyler is merely playing a character that he thinks we think is cute and edearing. Anyway, according to April, Butch came by her place, looking like he was on something (you don’t say?!), and he freaked out on her. April tells Tyler she’s all brused up. Tyler texts Catelynn while she’s at work to let her know.
Catelynn visits April. April says she and Butch were just hanging out and drinking beers. Then, April’s friend called her, Butch assumed April was talking to Nick’s dad, and “one thing led to another” - April shows Catelynn the bruises on her arm and the hole from Butch smashing April’s head into the bathroom wall. The toilet is also broken. April claims Butch held a rolled up towel against her neck. April knows they shouldn’t have been together but… you know, you know. She says “you know” repeatedly. Catelynn tells April their relationship is toxic because they enable each other. April says, “But… I love him.” Then she says she hates him and starts crying.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York was a hot mess of faux pas, inappropriate comments, and geriatric sexual harassment. I guess you could call this episode the George & Ramona show, because well that’s what happened. The two of them demonstrated that their concept of social etiquette evaporated sometime around the dinosaur era as they fought to one-up each other in the rude and out-of-control category.
Maybe Aviva Drescher was trying to get her dad some air time to gain relevance, maybe he acted more out of order than usual because he was hoping to stage a fifth wind career revival – who knows, but you and I both know Andy Cohen loves an old sassy so Papaviva will be making an appearance on WWHL very soon.
Before all that happened Carole Radziwill also headed to Miami for a one-day Bravo sponsored trip to visit her friend, jewelry designer Ranjana Khan. Ranjana also does this thing called face yoga as a side-job. Basically it was yet another chance for her to advertise her product – and for Carole to call out LuAnn de Lesseps on “friend jumping.” Is this going to become a thing? I makes me think of Heathers meets Tremors.
Anyway, Aviva calls to inform Carole that things withRamona Singer are going, well, the way things always go with Ramona – like rancid unchilled pinot drank out of a Tupperware container. That’s a metaphor for BAD. Carole is like ‘Oh tee-hee… I’m not going to make enemies of Ramona – that bish is psycho. I just call her bunny, because she’s got so much energy.’ Aviva, feeling like she just ran a half-marathon with a hang-over, lamely agrees.
Mimi wears a fabulous dress to visit K. Michelle in the studio. She reveals to K. Michelle that she dumped Stevie’s belongings in his friend’s driveway, and she wants the pair to get counseling. K. Michelle wants to know if Mimi hopes that counseling will rekindle the couple’s relationship or just allow them to co-parent. Mimi explains that she just wants counseling so the couple can be in the same room together. Something tells me she’s talking tougher than she actually feels. K. Michelle shares her new song with Mimi that was inspired by Mimi’s struggles. Wow, it’s quite the literal interpretation of Mimi’s issues. I’m a tad worried that Mimi will be offended, but she loves the rendition.
It was vacation time on last night’s Big Ang. For Ang, that means packing up her custom made bikinis and heading to Florida to party with her friends and “spend all the money.”
Ang invites Lil Jen and Linda over for breakfast and mimosas to plan their big to-do. Ang reveals that it’s tradition to get drunk the day before vacation so the plane ride won’t be as bad…don’t worry, they plan to get drunk on the plane as well. Later (but hopefully filmed earlier), Big Ang goes to get filler put in her face so she’ll be looking over the top for her trip to Florida. She isn’t thrilled when her dermatologist reminds her to be careful in the sun, and she’s also disappointed that she can’t come to get filler more frequently. Ang says she likes her plastic surgery regardless of whether she can afford it.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a pleasant reminder of what this show used to be. You know, when people got along, had fun, and didn’t take every side-eye so seriously they were declaring it a nuclear state of emergency. I mean there was a time when the ladies of RHONJ didn’t spend countless episodes dissecting and cataloging every tabloid edition published in the last year to decipher just how much one said RHONJ hates another said RHONJ.
Oh, yes… that show once existed and I think last night proved it could exist again. Here is my two step plan to eradicating the petty, hateful, and mundane drama on this show: 1) take everyone out of Jersey and give them more to worry about than spray tanning and meatballs 2) Pay them only $1 per season until they agree to get along, act civilized, and go hang out at Chateau kvetching about Danielle Staub. See – not so hard, right?
So the whole gang embarked on a cross-country trek to Napa where the Blk.-meisters were to meet with Vivendi winery for a distribution deal. As Hurricane Irene is raging on the horizon, the packing commences. Everyone feigns concern about leaving their small children at home while they cavort around in the great wild west. Except for Caroline Manzo – she’s bringing her small children with her.
On last night’s Mob Wives Chicago, Leah organized the ladies to participate in a breast cancer walk in honor of her mother, and Renee’s daughter Giana went to visit her father in the clink…much to the chagrin of her disapproving mother.
Leah Disimone and Christina Scoleri go bead shopping…because that’s a thing. I must backtrack in my snarkiness. Leah wants to a breast cancer walk to honor her mother who was just diagnosed. She wants to make t-shirts for her team, and Christina has volunteered to have a get together where the women can decorate said shirts. Leah reveals that she is going to invite both Pia Rizza and Renee Fecarotta Russo to walk with her. Christina bristles as she has issues with both, but she is happy to hear that Leah is also going to include Nora Schweihs. She’s glad that Leah finally realizes that Nora isn’t as bad as all the other ladies want her to appear.
Did anyone else catch the clip of Britney Haynes sitting at the kitchen table eating Fruit Loops during the episode introduction? Willie might have been dead to her but she’s not above eating his fruit loops. HILARIOUS! Somebody please give that Big Brother editor an Emmy!
Even after two weeks of slop, Shane continues to be a beast at competitions, winning his second PoV. Shane takes himself off the block. Of course. There’s only one dumbass in Big Brother history who didn’t use the power of veto on himself. The lone member of Dan Gheesling‘s team, Danielle, goes on the block in Shane’s place. Either JoJo or Danielle will be evicted from the Big Brother house.