Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we met other new Housewife Porsha Stewart. What can we say about Porsha other than she's very, very, very, very, very, very blessed – and everything's, like, so perfect, like, all the time!
Porsha can pretty much be described as Kenya Moore's diametric opposite – a fact that has not escaped Kenya for one second. While Porsha grew up rich, doted on, and adored only to get married to a famous athlete and live as a socialite, as Kenya pointed out – she had to earn her own titles. Which may be why she clings onto an aging, tarnished, crown for dear life. When alls you've got is yesterday's honor and some Stuff Magazine covers, girl can't sit back on her booty and let the world forget!
Things begin with NeNe Leakes and ex-husband/current squeeze Greggalicious having a little one-on-one time. They head to Miss Lawrence's salon for some pedicures on giant, ridiculous, lacquered thrones. Gregg displays his talent for memorizing Hallmark cards and old wedding toasts by serenading an embarrassed NeNe with badly rhyming poems. All Gregg wants is a key. A key to NeNe's house, a key to her life, a key to her heart!
Kody Brown and his Sister Wives are back, and the family seems to be feeling the strain of their Las Vegas move even more intensely than last season. Even Kody's once fluffy, blonde mane is now straw-like with a dishwater hue. Oh, the hairmanity! Seriously, if I'm going to watch a show about a polygamist (and I do like watching, don't get me wrong), couldn't TLC have found one a little more Bradley Cooper and a little less Harry from Dumb and Dumber?
The family remembers how difficult the transition to Las Vegas was, especially for the older children. There is definite tension on the sofa, that's for sure. All of the wives blame being separated on the break down of their family unit. The family is still trying to secure financing for their cul-de-sac village. Christine is concerned that Robyn and Janelle's credit won't allow them to qualify for a loan. If one of them can't get their home, no one will be able to move forward.
I think we all learned a good lesson on Real Housewives of Miami last night. Thomas Kramer's house is no place for Housewives of any strife, location, or wig-wearing persuasion.
The creepy, weird older guy who hosted the ladies of Atlanta on an unforgettable girls weekend two seasons ago, once again did Housewives no favors by hosting the ladies of Miami for an atrocious dinner party where the lest desirable thing at the table was Thomas himself. Look dude, if you think telling an 80-year-old woman to sit down and shut-up because she's nearing her expiration date is going to get you a reality show, you're mistaken.
Things begin at Lea Black's house withMama Elsa and a case of missing mozzarella. Apparently Mama Elsa wants Lea and Marysol Patton to make up, but Lea has a conflict of interest – or two. One of them is 8 foot tall drag queen in a 40" wide wig named Elaine Lancaster. And the other is that essentially that The Patton Group screwed up The Black Gala two years in a row and there was nary an apology in sight.
We begin with Rawn, Snooki, and Deena working at the Shore Store. The meatballs are already hoping to bail on their shift, and hard-working Ronnie is beyond frustrated. He and Danny retaliate by donning trucker hats and ditching work like true meatballs. Mike calls his sister and dishes on Paula. He wants a classy girl, and his sister gives him advice on how to proceed with "shocking" Paula. A giant storm rolls in (which I realize is nothing compared to the super storm), and Snooki and Deena are freaking out. Down the boardwalk, Ronnie and Danny drink fruity cocktails and laugh about the chaos the girls are likely unleashing on the store.
Season 10's cheftestants are Bart Vandaele, Brooke Williamson, Carla Pellegrino, Chrissy Camba, Danyele McPherson, Eliza Gavin, Jeffrey Jew, John Tesar, Josh Valentine, Kristen Kish, Kuniko Yagi, Lizzie Binder, Micah Fields, Sheldon Simeon, and Tyler Wiard.
Alright, alright, alright!Padma Lakshmi is in the house, err, kitchen, and she's feisty. John decides to talk to his teammates while Padma is still dishing out instructions for the Quickfire challenge. She puts him in his place. Manners by Bravo lesson number one: don't talk over Padma. Standing beside Padma in a quiet and single-file line, as not to bring on Manners by Bravo lesson number two, are three past Top Chef contestants. Surprise! Josie Smith-Malave (season 2), C.J. Jacobsen (season 3), and Stefan Richter (season 5) will be the judges for the first blitzkrieg (okay, a little dramatic, but I love that word). Chrissy remembers Stefan; he's an evil villain who looks like a thumb.
We're back after a one week hiatus of Flipping Out due to election day, and Jeff Lewis, Jenni Pulos, Zoila Chavez, Gage Edward, and crew are just as out there as ever. That's why we love them, right? Not to mention, Grandma Patty was front and center in this episode, so that alone made it amazing.
Last night's episode started with Jeff using his infamous mask to scare the bejeezus out of Andrew and Zoila. If Andrew had jumped any higher, he would have hit his head on the chandelier. Zoila comforts him, while Jenni scolds Jeff. Gage thinks that the Andy/Jeff dynamic isn't appropriate for the work place. At Gramercy, Gage, Jenni, Jeff, and Andrew are looking into planting trees. Now that he's listed the house, one of the couples from a showing said that there wasn't enough privacy. Gage is still pouting over Gramercy, and he's wearing on my nerves as the season progresses. I adored him at the beginning.
Jeff decides to prank call his grandmother, pretending he's a roofer, but Patty totally hangs up on him. He and Jenni are on their way to see how her renovation is proceeding. Jeff feels responsible for taking care of Patty, and he wants to discuss with her the fact that one day she's going to need a caretaker. He really wants her to move to Spring Oak (do it, do it!), but she's not entertaining that idea. Patty is such a spitfire, you can't help but love her.
This week on RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race the queens played homage to the ladies of girl group fame. And nobody melts a drag queen's heart (or mine!) like Diana Ross! Girl groups for-ev-ah!
Thing start out with a little SheMail and then Ru appears in the workroom to let the girls know it's time to get their cheer on. The mini challenge is all about Cheer-Reading where the queens have to make a rhyme that throws shade at their opponents. Given that the remaining queens is all nicies and Miss Congenialities there was about as much shade as a Phoenix summer – well except for where Yarlexis is concerned.
It seems there is a lingering vendetta that the two girls shouldn't be the shining star of the judges eyes last week and they get hassled over their language skills, but it was all in all pretty tame. It reminded me of that 80's music video "Hey Mickey!" That's how cutsie pie this was.
I don’t even know what to say about the fact that train wrecks of Teen Mom 2 are back for another season. Part of me roots for these girls like no tomorrow, but the other part of me wants them to get their shiz together off camera and step up to the plate. Regardless, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer (now Calvert) are back for yet another round.
Right off the bat, we’re reminded of the tension (for lack of a better word) between Jenelle and mom Barbara. Jenelle has broken up with Kieffer Delp while completing a rehab stint for her marijuana addiction, and she’s been diagnosed as bi-polar. She plans to stay on the straight and narrow. I’ll keep my laughing to a minimum. Jenelle shares that she and her mother are getting along well, and her attorney Dustin Sullivan calls to remind her that one passed drug test isn’t a victory. She needs to remain on the straight and narrow.
Chelsea recaps her past with the always awesome and supportive Adam Lind. While Chelsea appreciates that her mom is willing to help her with daughter Aubree’s childcare, she hates that her job at the tanning bed keeps her from spending so much time with her kid. Chelsea reveals to her mom that Adam may move in over the weekend, although they aren’t quite back together…at all. He’s just being nice. Shocking, I know!