What say we about Vanderpump Rules except that these girls are seriously a mess. How any of them can possibly have boyfriends is a straight-up mystery to me.
Taking a break from Stassi Schroeder's ridiculous Jax Taylor entanglement – albeit a brief six second break – we are treated to the terminally insecure and immature Kristen Doute on a girlfriend tantrum bender.
Apparently everyone in LA is a part-time Sur employee and a maybe model/maybe hooker and they often live together and hook up. And sometimes when six degrees of Sur happens they run into each other at amateur staged for Bravo TV modeling shoots. Such would be the case with Kristen and boyfriend/concealer lover/musician/maybe hooker bedding Tom Sandoval.
Oh, Sean Lowe works out? I almost forgot. While glistening with sweat and annoying homely husbands across America, the Bachelor shares, "One week into it, I find myself really digging a lot of women." Only Sean knows which ones but the possibilities include Sarah, Kacie, Desiree, AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley, Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie, Tierra, Taryn, Daniella, and Amanda. One of these women could (but probably won't) be Sean's future wife.
Chris Harrison arrives on the scene of the crazy to deliver the first date card. It's addressed to Lesley and reads, "How long will this love last?" Lesley is excited and goes on and on about dreams coming true and taking her relationship with Sean to the next level.
Sean brings Lesley to the Guinness World Records Museum. Lesley isn't too impressed, saying, "I'm thinking, um, this could be fun, but if I could have picked any place… I really didn't think we'd be coming to the Guinness World Records." Poor Lesley… a waste of a good (albeit way too short) dress is always tragic.
We are now officially ten episodes into this season of Teen Mom 2, and I worry that there is no end in sight. All of the girls seem to be mirroring each other's behavior. Jenelle Evans moves, then Leah Messer moves. Jenelle drops out of school, Leah drops out of school. Kailyn Lowry gets a new place, Chelsea Houska wants a fenced-in backyard. I guess I should be glad that they are all pretty interchangeable, right?
Kailyn has decided against moving to Texas to be fair to Jo. He is excited to hear that she plans to stay in Pennsylvania. She informs him that when her lease is up, she plans to look for another home about twenty minutes away. Does Jo minds driving twenty minutes back and forth to see his son? Um, I think Jo is glad that he doesn't have to travel back and forth to Texas! While Jo has Isaac, Kailyn decides to go bowling with Gigi and some of her friends. Kailyn is paired up with Gigi's friend Javi, and she thinks he's really cute…cute enough to marry?
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued arguing, battling, passive-aggressively sniping, and being fake to each other. They all need some hobbies.
Things begin back in the Moroccan restaurant of horrors. If you can imagine things got even more atrocious. As if Mauricio Umansky whining and shrieking at Brandi Glanville wasn't bad enough, then Taylor Armstrong started with the drunk histrionics.
I think Camille Grammer said it best: "Taylor, nobody cares. We've already heard your story." This time Taylor's drunken syrupy gaze blurriedly turned towards Yolanda Foster who is apparently a bad, bad, bad person because she's married to a rich man and doesn't act like an ass every single minute. Maybe Taylor should do master cleanse. It can't hurt and it's probably better than the wine cleanse she's been doing for the past couple years.
Taylor makes some threats about how she knows what really goes on with David Foster as one her "best friends for twenty years" was married to him. She's referring to Linda Thompson. And if you recall when Taylor arrived at Yolanda and David's home the man married to one of her best friends for a zillion years had no idea who she was. It wasn't all wine and roses then either, was it Taylor. Well it was all wine…
I'm still not sure how I feel about this new group VH1 has pulled together for the new season of Love & Hip Hop. Some seem incredibly boring, while others (cough, coughErica Mena) are too over the top. Speaking of, Erica was still keeping it classy on last night's episode. She's meeting with Lore'l to discuss they're beef from last week. Erica doesn't like how she ganged up with Rich Dollaz. Lore'l doesn't understand why Erica is so proud of her craziness. Erica tries to pretend that the record was Lore'l's idea, and then she claims to have asked Lore'l to make her relevant.
Consequence is a practicing Muslim, and he and Jen Bayer are raising Caden to be Muslim, but Jen isn't sure she's ready to jump on board. Cons wants the family to pray together, and Jen hopes that they can expose Caden to some of the Christian traditions she participated in as a child. Religion is very important to Cons, and he is counting on Jen to start learning about Islam and his spirituality.
Yandy Smith's little Amir is so precious. Mendeecees and Yandy discuss their relationship, and he is proud of himself for curing his wandering eye. He wants to be a family man now. Mendeecees wants the family to move to a bigger place, but Yandy doesn't want to move because her mom lives upstairs. She thinks her living situation is stable, and Mendeecees has been anything but until recently. Yandy wants to make sure that they are on the right track before they take that next step.
Last night began as Renee received a threatening letter from her ex warning her not to turn AJ against him or speak ill of him to their son. Understandably freaked out, she goes to see Ramona at the hair salon. Ramona can't get over the content of the letter, and is appalled that he was even able to get a stamp in jail to send it in the first place. He even writes "this is importanat to your future." Yeah, I'd say that is pretty threatening!
Love's mother reveals that Love was so horrible as a teenager that she called her "Satan's spawn." Love has had a string of mobster boyfriends, and she has broken so many noses that she had to stop counting. Karen arrives to remenisce with the mother-daughter duo, and Love reveals that she''d love to settle down and start a family, but how do you tell your husband that you've shot and stabbed your exes? That's a tough call.
Carla and Ang meet up, and Carla shares that Joe is moving in with his girlfriend. Carla isn't too keen on the idea of having Raquel in such a motherly role with the twin. Big Ang is a tad peeved that Carla ditched her Botox party. Carla didn't want it to be uncomfortable since no one really likes her at the moment…she's got that, right, doesn't she? Ang informs Carla that none of the women have a problem with her, and she wishes that Carla would be more supportive of Renee's efforts to get clean. Carla believes that Renee is totally unstable thanks so all of her pill popping, and she's done with Renee.
Asa needs to find the most perfect budget-friendly chakra-shattering diamond to make her diamond water. Diamonds are interesting little things. They contain vibrational energy that is the original energy from the creation of the world – and stuff. Asa meets with a diamond broker and puts her special brand of crazy right out there, saying, "I'm making beautiful diamond water infused with real diamonds." Diamond guy is like, Oh wow. Interesting. Let's go to the VIP room in the back. That's where we take our rich and/or cray cray customers.
When diamond guy brings out a small box of loose diamonds, the universe leads Asa to two envelopes. Asa holds a 9 1/2 carat diamond up to her forehead, feeling it with her third eye chakra, and says it feels amazing. Diamond guy tells Asa that this particular diamond – the most remarkable, vibrational, drinkable diamond on the planet -.costs $325,000. Asa is like, It's not that special, what else you got?
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta it was the great booty show-down. Really. Kenya Moore decided to twirl all over Phaedra Parks' workout video and co-opt it as her own based purely on the fact that she thinks her butt is hotter and that she is more recognizable. Mind you, this is her opinion.
Things begin with Cynthia Bailey judging a hair show. And because she's contractually obligated to spend time with Kenya, Kenya shows up to "support" her. Kenya smizes at the camera, pretends to be earnest, and claims that she and Cynthia have started to become friends. Meanwhile Cynthia is shooting her a wicked stink eye and looking like the last booty she wants to see walk through the door belongs to Kenya.
Speaking of booties… it would appear there's a new horse in the OK get crazy and twirl corral. Chatting show-side with Lawrence and Derek J (bitchy step-sisters 1 & 2), it is revealed that the ever-humble, never wacky Kenya is coming out with her own booty workout video. A Stallion Workout video to be precise and that stallion aims to usurp Phaedra's donkey booty project.