Someone’s gotten a bit of a haircut! Sister Wives returned last night with a vengeance. Kody Brown excites with his fresh trim–it’s so subtle that only one as obsessed with his mane as I am might notice the glorious new style, but it’s fresh.
Leading up to the new season, the participation of Merihas been questioned, but I think last night’s premiere solidifies that she’s pretty much here to stay…although we didn’t see much of Christine. Janelle looks amazing, but I am waiting for her exodus. Go girl. As for Robyn? She’s already relishing her role as Kody’s real wife, although it’s purely on paper. That said, I made my friend Trey watch with me, and asked his thoughts after the episode ended. “Girl, if we had to take a shot every time that guy with bad hair and the denim suit said ‘paperwork,’ we’d both be dead.” And he’d be right.
On last night’s Little Women: LA, the ladies’ friendships with Briana Manson came to a head over her relationship with Matt. Elena Gant and Preston share some “big” news. And Tonya Banks recruits the ladies for spots in her new workout video for little people.
Elena is brushing up on her US history in order to pass her immigration test, since being married to Preston these past four years only guarantees her a green card and endless access to his dwindling bank account. Preston agrees to help quiz Elena on her facts if she strips every time she gets an answer wrong. Elena agrees to the game, first piling on a parka or two. Since she thinks the governor of her state is Justin Bieber and one important thing Abraham Lincoln did was “feed the slaves,” she’s going to be butt naked in a few short minutes, I presume. #SlyFoxPreston It is sweet to see some true bonding between Elena and Preston, but before we take in too much of a tender moment, Preston suggests the reality TV Marriage Kiss of Death: a vow renewal! Oh no. Elena wants her family to be there since they weren’t able to be at their first wedding.
“I’m on a boat, and it’s going fast and, I’ve got a nautical themed penis folded afghan…I’m the king of the world on a boat like Lee (oh! Ha!), if you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not me…oh!” Yes, I am a huge Lonely Island fan. Of course, I am also a Below Deckfanatic, and the show has yet to disappoint me so far this season. I just hope I don’t run out of ship-themed intros!
As last night’s episode begins, the Eros crew has five hours before the new charter guests arrive. True to form, Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is bawling on the phone to her dad about how mean Kate Chastain is as a boss. Her dad quickly reminds her that she has a job to do and her boss is there to make sure she does it properly. Amy Johnson sympathizes with Rocky as she was Kate’s punching bag last season. Amy promises to help alleviate any of the tension as long as Rocky is willing to work with her to make sure things get done. Rocky is no quitter, so she dries her tears, makes weird faces at the camera, and sets her sights on doing anything but what is asked of her. Sounds about right…
Can we stop talking about cancer? Obviously it’s terrible, but does an entire season of Real Housewives really need to be devoted to questioning it, discussing it, and arguing over who is the expert on it. Especially when ME-ME-ME-Meghan, the person most vociferously insisting she’s the so-called expert can’t even figure out how to make MINUTE RICE!! (This same person then brags that a meal containing Minute Rice is healthy. Oh honey… have you learned nothing from Vicki: cancer loves processed food!).
Hasta la vista, Atlanta. It’s time to say hello to Hollywood. Last night was the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. In case you missed it, Soulja Boy hasn’t gotten any smarter (nor have the ladies who love him), Hazel E isn’t making better decisions, and Ray-J is every bit as whiny as you remember if…if not more. The episode begins with Teairra Mari, Moniece, and Apryl Jones are lounging on the beach, with Moniece revealing she’s in a relationship with a new man who shall remain nameless–for the time being at least. Teairra has washed her hands of her relationship with Ray-J, and the women revel in the gossip of Princess’ recent arrest in New Orleans on the heels of an altercation with Ray. Apryl, sporting a new nose ring, interjects to say she’s planning a post-baby party, but she’s invited her new friend Princess. Teairra promises that she’ll behave if Princess can do the same. Apryl hopes she’s able to be the bigger person.
Across town, Hazel has ditched her obsession with Berg and is back in the studio with producer Milan. She’s mourning the recent loss of her grandfather and was surprised that former friend Teairra reached out to her after his funeral. Milan has been seeing someone for a while, and he’s ready to get married and start a family. It’s a conversation he needs to have with his love, although he’s not sure how it will be received. He is apparently the antithesis of every other dude on this show.
Last night Real Housewives Of New York revealed secrets. Such secrets as Bethenny Frankel is the only woman in NYC who has abandoned waxing. And sadly, it’s all over. But there were no fat ladies singing – only ex-countesses with autotune.
The big storylines were that Carole Radziwill has forgotten how to be an author and Josh and KristenTaekman had a 10-year anniversary celebration for which Kristen busted out her wedding gown. Also, Ramona Singer confessed that there were fractures in Ramonja. That’s it – the world is ending! But there was a new RHONY dynamic duo to replace them- Harole (Heather and Carole). In the end Ramona and Sonja Morgan hugged and made-up because after an adult lifetime of friendship and drama, of course there will be times when they don’t see eye-to-eye or support each other in the right way.
Bethenny and Dorinda Medley meet for drinks to swap stories about their past lives being broke and waitressing. Both credit the hard work, volatile environment, and required sucking up for tips to their current success because they’re not afraid to speak their minds, be bold, or mix cough medicine with booze. Bethenny loves Dorinda because she’s a broad. Hey, isn’t that why we all like Dorinda? In fact, all these long seasons – what was RHONY doing here without Dorinda?!
On last night’s Little Women: LA, truces were struck and twerks were had. We pick up at Terra Jole and Tonya Banks’beach bonfire, where Jasmine Sorge is defending herself for the thousandth time against the wrath of Tonya. Jasmine finally apologizes “if she ever disrespected” Tonya, telling her they don’t have to be best friends to be cordial in the future. Tonya accepts, then offers an apology in return. Which is shocking. They even hug it out in the end…then the earth cracks open and swallows everyone up, because this here is some serious fiction. Or is it? Hard to tell these days!
Christy McGinty is meeting up with the dubiously titled “internet personalities” Pauly and GloZell (Green), who have used Christy in past comedy videos on YouTube. They’re making a new one titled “Lip Gloss” and want not only Christy, but her gaggle of friends to be part of it. Terra and Tonya are Pauly’s top 2 choices, but Christy’s nervous about getting Terra on board since she basically dissed her music video last year. She’s going to try her best though.
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started from this tropic port, aboard this giant ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure. The newbies were a crazy bunch looking for a bitchy resting face cure. On last night’s Below Deck, Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow proved once again that she is a whiny horndog who is used to getting her way, Don Abenante proved once again that he is a whiny meathead who is too good to use a mop, and Connie Arias proved that she may be the only semi-normal, halfway likable newbie aboard Captian Lee Rosbach’s Eros.
The episode begins as Bosun Eddie Lucas and Chief Stew Kate Chastain summon Rocky and Emile Kotze down from the radar, warning both that it could fry their brains or at the very least knock them off the yacht and send them toppling into the ocean. Are these people for real? Eddie then threatens to fire Emile if he does anything that stupid again. Rocky gets a more passive aggressive but similar speech from Kate. Luckily, Captain Lee is going to have the final word. Rocky smirks as she’s scolded and then complains that everyone is making a mountain out of a mole hill. The charter guests are still recovering from the foam party and have decided to sleep in, which makes Kate very grateful.