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On last night’s Survivor the women continued to reign supreme, while Troyzan tried his best to win allies with his mind games.

Tarzan finally realizes that two boys are left compared to six girls so he needs to get on the women’s good side.  Kim hates being portrayed as the women’s leader, but she’s happy that Christina and Alicia didn’t fall for Troyzan’s master plan that could have easily taken down the women.

Tree-mail arrives, and it’s more cryptic than ever.  Of course, Kat figures she’s safe if she can just solidify her lady vote.  At the reward challenge, Jeff Probst poses a series of questions which can be answered with the name of a remaining teammate, and the major obstacle is figuring out how each of their tribe mates will vote.  If a player is wrong in guessing what the other tribe mates thought, a rope attached to a voodoo doll with their likeness will be chopped.  One too many chops and it’s bye-bye voodoo doll!  The winner wins a fantasy picnic on an isle far, far away.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County it was all about Gretchen Christine. She’s got a zillion careers. One of them, is unfortunately singing, which she can’t actually do, and another one is dating Slade Smiley, which is really just an unnecessary side-job she should quit.

Well, Gretchen Christine is quite the fair-weather friend isn’t she? So, she arrives at Alexis Bellino‘s latest rent-a-mcmansion and plops her Gretchen Christine handbag on the counter and starts doing the QVC descriptor hands over the intricately designed leatherette flower, while Lex oooohhhs and aaaahhhs. This is taking the Bravo Home Shopping Network a touch too far. Quick question: Anybody out there sporting one of those jalopies? Yeah, didn’t think so!

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On last night’s 16 and Pregnant we meet Jordan Howard, a teen from Millersville, Pennsylvania who is in a biracial relationship with Tyler.  She discusses her situation with her mother Kelly who isn’t keen on her daughter’s boyfriend.  She won’t even let him in her home.  Kelly is alright with Jordan staying at Tyler’s house now, but that will change after the baby.  The baby WILL stay at Jordan’s house and Tyler will NOT be included.  Thankfully, his parents are more supportive.  Jordan wants to stay with his parents after the couple’s son is born, but they all know they will face strong opposition from her mother.

Tyler has spent a lot of his savings on baby supplies and furniture.  Jordan wants to contribute, so the pair go shopping for baby clothes.  It’s worth noting that Tyler is wearing a shirt that says “I’m the guy your parents warned you about.”  Tyler and Jordan reveal that her mother is so wary of Tyler because he’s white.  She admits she even had some strange reactions from her friends when they first got together.  Jordan discusses with her friends her fear about telling her mom about her plans to move in with Tyler’s family.

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We have made it to the finish line of yet another Bad Girls Club! Well, except for next week’s reunion, which looks like an edition of Bad Girls Club: Drag Race.

This week, new girl Camilla appears to be having some sort of psychological break with reality. She continues to storm up and down the house, vandalize the giant slot machine with the girl’s pictures on it, and act like the other ladies in the house care. Spoiler alert: they don’t. In the few days Camilla was in the house, she managed to have a girlfriend over, and about seven members of her family, and the rest of the bad girls didn’t even react.

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On last night’s Bethenny Ever After, Mexico says bienvenido to Bethenny Frankel and Co.!  Watch out Cabo San Lucas, Hurricane Bethenny is rolling into town to celebrate her birthday.  The group is greeted with coconut popsicles, and I have never seen someone so obsessed with how her child holds a flipping frozen treat…seriously, just let the kid eat the popsicle!  She and Jason Hoppy are led to their villa, and it’s a true paradise.  Jason is hoping that the couple can leave their bickering and pettiness back in the States.

At dinner, Bethenny congratulates Jason on making it through a day without ripping each others’ heads off.  She accuses him of not trusting her and not liking her, regardless of how much he loves her.  They are both saying the same thing, but yet when Jason says it, Bethenny seems very guarded.  Bless him.  Let it drop, lady!  Or don’t let it drop…that may be a better conversation than what Bethenny broaches next.  She wants to ask Veronica to be Bryn’s guardian in the event she and Jason die.  Bethenny explains to Jason that his parents are getting up there in in age, so clearly Veronica is the perfect choice.  Her near-death experience in Nantucket only solidifies this fact.

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We resume with Basketball Wives where we seem to every week…with a fight involving Evelyn Lozada.  Shoeless (we all know what that means, don’t we Kenya Bell?), she steps across the table to get to Jenn Williams who has just been smacked by her friend Nia.  Evelyn takes a flying leap off the table into the arms of a waiting production team bouncer.  I would ask when will these ladies ever learn, but I’m pretty sure the answer is “Never.”  But I will ask, when will these venues stop letting these kooks film their show at their places?

Evelyn wants Jennifer dead for thinking she’s better than Nia.  How dare Jenn call Nia a “bum b*tch?” Evelyn wreaks havoc on a plant while Jenn watches.  Nia calls out Jenn for having celebrity friends.  Tami Roman can’t even regain control of the situation.  She’s confused.  Jenn decides it’s time to leave, and Evelyn beaks down in tears because you don’t judge a b*tch.  You nevah evah judge a b*tch, ya hear?  Gracious.  Kesha Nichols leaves with Jenn, and she asks if the attack was expected.  Kesha should know by now that outbursts are par for the course with these “ladies.”

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Alright, I hate to break it to you wonderful readers, but this is going to be a brief-cap. As you well know, Real Housewives of New Jersey premiered last night, and as this was the final segment of the three-part train wreck known as the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion and I think we’ve said all there is to say. So, let’s break down the important parts!

  • So, is Kandi Burruss a sugar mama? Marlo Hampton seems to think so! And not only that, but she seems to think it’s her business to announce to the world that Kandi’s man lives with her. Well, I mean that’s called being in a committed relationship, you know: getting serious, not paying for sex, moving in together, going on actual dates in public, marriage… But I guess an escort/mistress wouldn’t know that, would she?. Kandi seems to think telling people her man drives a Range Rover proves she’s not a sugar mama. Kandi, yeah, labels don’t mean anything – just ask Marlo!
  • Marlo apparently earns money from all her haters. They take up a We Hate Marlo collection and just give it to her to fund her “labels”? So – can you guys do that for me? I need some new clothes – preferably ones made by Louwee VooTAWN.
  • So, Cynthia Bailey spoke after Andy Cohen slipped her a note telling her to fire up those vocal chords or get fired! Apparently, no one can get over the fact that Cynthia acts differently with a friend than she does with her co-workers and acquaintances. Much to do was made over the fact that Cynthia changes her spots for stripes when she leaves the giraffes for the zebras. Well, I really don’t think it’s that odd to act differently around people you know well, but I guess that’s why I’m not on a reality show. Personally, I don’t find Cynthia to be fake or confrontational with anyone. Nevertheless, Cynthia leaps right on into a screaming match with Kim Zolciak about how fake she supposedly is and how as soon as she gets near NeNe Leakes she grows a pair of ovaries.
  • Proving that she speaks her mind, Cynthia calls Kim out on being a mistress! Cause, you know, it is what it is… Kim claims that Big Poppa was legally separated and you can date when you are separated. Except, Big Poppa is STILL not divorced – that’s the part she conveniently left out!
  • Cynthia, Marlo, and Kandi have distracting hair, that was probably not the best choice for the given environment. They keep flipping it over their shoulders and playing with it while trying to scream at people.
  • Marlo said she made it rain in South Africa because she knew She by SheBroke needed some money. Kandi snarked that she collected all those wasted bills to give to her man. Burn!
  • Sheree‘s greatest arguments are revisited. Who gon’ check me boo reigns supreme in my mind. Kim’s wigs have really um… gotten much more voluminous, haven’t they? And much tackier and trashier. First season they looked cute-ish, albeit a little cheap and matted. Now they look well… really fake and super cheap. What happened? Too much microwaving.  Apparently, Kim and Sheree’s friendship has managed to survive call girl comments and wig pulls, because they are genuine and Sheree has never hit below the belt. Never really hit below the belt? If my friend called me a “call girl” on national TV, I would be preeeetty furious.
  • Kim informs us that despite what she told us, NeNe doesn’t have a penis. Whew! Good think she cleared that up!
  • Andy is still desperate for NeNe and Kim to be BFF again and return this show to its former splendor. Look, Andy – we all want that, but they are both too egotistical and it’s not gonna work out. Sorry. NeNe and Kim discuss their friendship for the umpteenth time. Both ladies are happy in their respective lives and are supportive of each other. Humbleness still eludes NeNe.
  • NeNe reveals that she brought Sheree and Kim to the attention of the producers and apparently NeNe convinced producers to hire Sheree because they initially thought she was too boring. And apparently, NeNe is willing to help Sheree out again – but unfortunately she is playing for the wrong team. Nothing like a little blackmail! <> And here come the rumors that NeNe got She by SheFired, well, fired!

And that’s it! We’re done with another season of RHOA!

THOUGHTS ON THE FINAL PART OF THE REUNION? ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT NEXT SEASON OR ARE YOU OVER THIS SHOW? WHO WILL QUIT FIRST: NENE OR KIM?

They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!

Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently,  just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!

At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’

Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee - whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.

Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.

Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?

Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.

Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!

In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness  – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!

Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!

Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.

The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!

At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?

So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha

The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!

So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.

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