It's still sad to see Seaside Heights in all of its glory, and our thoughts and prayers are still with the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Of course, our cringing and laughs are still with last night's episode of Jersey Shore. One half of the meatball brigade continued her messy behavior while a newly sober roommate learned some "shocking" things about his new girlfriend.
Deena Cortese is crying and yelling at Ronnie Ortiz-Magro. It's awkward. He wants to know how he can help her get through her major issues. DJ "Pauly D" Delvecchio believes that Deena will be a new person in the morning…once she's sober. You have to be worried about our future when Pauly D is the voice of reason. Vinny Guadagnino thinks that Deena is suffering from anxiety, and he's an expert on the subject. Deena is hyperventilating, and Vinny is trying to teach her how to cope. Inside, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola is chastising Rawn for being too hard on Deena even she's losing patience with the roommate herself. Rawn and Jenni "JWoww" Farley think that Deena's parents coddle their daughter too much. Vinny is concerned that Deena is drinking through her issues.
Ronnie calls Deena's mom and learns that her parents are on the way to pick up their daughter. He explains to her parents that Deena is just wasted. She doesn't need to go home, she needs to sleep off her alcohol binge. The housemates are happy that Vinny was able to talk some sense into Deena, and she's much less angry when she rejoins everyone in the den.
Top Chef is back. Padma Lakshmi returns as host, and the series promises a "back to basics" season. Top Chef Season 10 will take us to Seattle. But, we're not actually in Seattle yet, because the judges still have some cheftestant fat to cut.
The remaining Top Chef Seattle hopefuls are broken up into four groups and must prove themselves to either Tom Colicchio,Emeril Lagasse, Hugh Acheson, orWolfgang Puck. The cheftestants will pour their hearts and souls (and, for some, sweat) into dinner prep, soups, omelets, and salads, and then the judges decide who moves on to Seattle.
Head judge Tom Colicchio's team includes John Tesar, Elizabeth "Lizzie" Binder, Jorel Pierce, Micah Fields, and Anthony Gray.
John pimps himself as the "most hated chef in Dallas." Then, in case we're too dim to realize, he tells us that "hated" basically means "awesome." John says he has a natural talent, and he's the best. Well, there you have it, Top Chef fans. Should we just call it a season and crown him the winner now? Eh, what fun would that be? Let's meet the other egos contestants.
Smearing a bunch of concealer on your lips is not cute – it's disturbing. Just as wearing "suntan" pantyhose is not cute. Why do you want to look lip-less? Especially when you've surgically enhanced them already?
On the bright note, Splits Richards only wore ONE caftan-y garment last night. That's like some kind of reality TV milestone, right?
Also what think you of the intros. I thought they were all cute, HOWEVER Taylor's about 'working too hard for this zip code' was not appropriate in my opinion.
So let us begin… Lisa Vanderpump levitates above these ladies like the fabulous beacon of pink glow that she is. She is the goddess of this bunch, like Glenda The Good Witch on Wizard of Oz. And now she has moved to a fabulous new home – far more chic than her old overblown digs. That closet. Her glow-y, plush bedroom. I really wish Lisa would adopt me and then I could throw away all her pink satin blouses embellished by Pandora's bedazzler and we'd be one big happy, wine-sipping family.
Last night on RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race a surprise elimination took place as we headed into the final three. Synergy really whips through 'em fast, doesn't it?
For the mini challenge the sometimes ladies had to go back to their roots – manhood. Ru challenged them to a butch guy photoshoot. If you imagined it was sort of a mess, you were right. Manila Luzon shoved a banana in her pants.Chad Michaels looked like "Burt Reynolds and Cher had a baby," according to Jujubee.
Those photos were TERRIBLE! Poor Latrice Royale lamented about how she has difficulty feeling sexy as a man – or a woman.
In the end Yarlexis was able to snag the sexy real men photo win, which isn't saying much.
For the main challenge Ru requested the girls punk the public. Dressed in drag they had to play a little game called "Queens Behaving Badly." Ru carted them all over to Hollywood Blvd where they had to harass tourists and the like into doing ridiculous pranks called upon by their partners through an ear piece. Each prank had a score. It was sort of a street-side variety show and it was kind of interesting but sort of low-brow.
The show begins with Chantal and Takari being ambushed by the therapist. Takari is in tears, and Chantal reminds her mother that while she provided everything for her girls, it was their grandmother who served as the mother figure. Jackie doesn't want to hear any of it. Chantal wants her mother to take responsibility for their past relationships, but Jackie is totally on the defensive. She thinks her daughters are being mean and throwing false accusations at her. The girls leave after Jackie refuses to shoulder any of the blame for their relationship troubles. Doug tries to placate the girls in the driveway, but they are both over trying to make things work with someone who won't acknowledge any mistakes. Back inside, Jackie apologizes to the therapist for having to listen to her disrespectful daughters spew lies. The therapist is smart enough to know that she just needs to keep her mouth shut. Could Jackie be any more delusional?
Brooke is waiting on Gloria Govan to meet her for lunch when she reads that Matt Barnes is in trouble with the law for his multiple traffic violations. She calls Gloria who won't be able to make it to lunch…which I guess is a good thing given that there's a half-eaten pizza in front of Brooke. She clearly wasn't waiting.
Last week on Big Rich Texas, Kalyn Braun got herself fired from the ranch (where she scooped poop) for flirting with the boys and showing too much boob. News traveled quickly around Woodhaven, of course, and Whitney Whatley just couldn't resist the opportunity to call Kalyn a slut at the Texas Diva Reboozing party. Insults were slurred… glass was broken… Kalyn's almost mommy came to her rescue.
Dragging Kalyn to the car,Leslie Birkland demands, "How could you not tell me you got fired?" Kalyn is all like, whatever… all I did was flirt with boys. Tyler quips, "Hopefully just flirting." Kalyn declares, she's had a rough night and wants to stop talking about it. Leslie says, "We'll talk about it when I want to talk about it… and I want to talk about it tomorrow." Hilarious. Way to be all stern and stuff. Leslie informs Kalyn that she's now working with her at Life's A Pageant. I'm not sure if that's a step up or a step down from the ranch.
Bright and early the next day, we learn that Bonnie Blossman hopes her Fiona Frost book series makes her the next J.K. Rowling. The second book of the series is ready, which calls for a party. Bonnie explains, "The main suspects of the book are a teen vampire cult, so I'm having a vampire-themed launch party." Naturally, Bonnie and Whitney shop for costumes for the party. While shopping for vampire gear, Bonnie asks Whitney why she went after Kalyn at the Texas Diva party. The short answer is… Kalyn's a skank.
Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta – and so far, I'm liking things. We checked in with all the housewives, where we learned that the more some people change, the more they stay the same! And we unfortunately met new Housewife, Kenya Moore.
She made a helluva a first impression – I now totally associate Kenya with "coochie crack." Here's how she introduced herself: She yelled "coochie crack" at the top of her lungs about 20 times, then screamed 'SECURITY!' like she was some sort of A-Lister up there with Victoria Beckham. Right, so this one's a live-wire!
Things begin with the very, very richMs. NeNe Leakes, who is channeling Bret Michaels realness with that bandana. Surprisingly Greggalicious is also part of the equation. He's fetching her mail and begging her for some love. My how the tables have turned now that NeNe holds the keys – and the wallet! NeNe is playing coy about rekindling things with Gregg. C'mon – you know these two are meant to be and I sort of love them together.
NeNe explains that she's also been method acting and exuding her inner Kim Zolciak by practicing trailer living on the set of The New Normal. And our first kapow of the season. I have so missed my NeNeisms.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.