Are y’all as glad as I am that the circus we watched in the form of the finale of the Mob Wives reunion is finished? Get it together, Vivica Fox! You’re not part of the cast (although, check her out in that action shot–gotta love Viv!)! After her Twitter war last week where she joined forces with the veteran ladies against Natalie Guercio, I was a tad curious to see what would unfold…until my very exhausted brain realized that the entire reunion was actually filmed before that happened. Oops. Oh well! I was still anxious to see what would unfold after the insanity of part one. At least it opened with a bleeping, bleepity, bleep montage the the dicks and dildos (the things you can now say on television!) that came out of Drita D’avanzo’s mouth throughout the season. It didn’t feel right typing that, I’ll be honest. A blushing Drita is mortified by her mouth, and she admits that “pickles” is her safe word when her oldest daughter catches her cursing like a $%*&$% fool.
Getting into the meat of the series, Renee Graziano’s early season rocky relationships with Big Ang and Drita are highlighted, followed by forgiving Delicious Natalie and her decision to let go and let God. A tearful Renee is upset that she harbored so much hatefulness in her heart, and she apologizes for hurting her friends. Drita admits that she still likes Renee, but she didn’t how she was behaving for the first part of the season. Natalie wishes they had buried their issues earlier but knows they both are too stubborn for that to have happened. Now, Renee is in a good place. One “you go, girl” from Vivica, and we’re treated to an video introduction of Natalie DiDonato, aka, New Natalie, aka Nat D, aka Natalie 2.0, aka Fraudalie (not to be confused with Ratalie, of course!).
The ladies start off the last leg of their Tour de Denial at the flower market. Earlier, while they were biking through the city Lisa Vanderpump saw a friend of her son Max. Brandi got to chatting… and other things… with said 23-year-old – lo and behold he asked her on a date, after spending the night with her. Are we sure they weren’t biking through the Red Light district? Isn’t dating your former bestie-turned-enemy-turned-stalking/slapping-recipient’s son’s friend a little, I dunno… Lifetime Movie creepy? I mean I can just picture Sela Ward playing the role of LVP.
Brandi, wearing a Fred Flintstone costume, recounts to Kim about “play slapping” Lisa. Kim laughs that uptight Lisa can’t take a joke – like that one time super sober champion soberling Kim joked about Harry doing evil, awful things and Lisa Rinna having evil, awful secrets… does Harry keep a people-eating troll in the basement?!
Is there an end in sight to this season of Dance Moms? I don’t know about y’all, but I’m Abby Lee Millered out! After a victory over the Candy Apples, the girls are actually looking forward to pyramid. Holly stills feels tension with the other friends, and JoJo laughs that Kathy exceeded her expectations when it came to crazy antics. The team is excited to have scored a win with a tried-and-true lyrical number, but Holly wants Abby to push the girls like she was doing before they went to Los Angeles. Lyrical is easy for them. Not for Nia, Abby snaps. Holly, I’m with you on how unfair all of this is, but it’s not going to change, and you’re just making it worse by expressing your opinion. It’s tragic all around. Jill speaks up to back Holly by saying that the girls are up to the task to do more challenging numbers. Well, Jill, those dances don’t win, and what’s more important in competition than winning?
Abby has come up with a great project for the girls. She’s asked all of the dancers to make a pros and cons list as to whether JoJo should be allowed a permanent spot on the team. Hearing it from her peers will make it more real for her. According to MacKenzie, JoJo is loud and crazy, but kind and hard-working. Jessalyn looks on proudly at her daughter’s resolve, but I think we’re one teammate down and JoJo’s already about to burst into tears. Maddie cites her ability to take direction but notes her timing issues. Nia claims she takes opportunities away from other girls who have been with the ALDC longer, and Kendall calls her respectful. Everyone says she’s either too loud or two crazy. Poor JoJo stares stone-faced only moving to wipe the tears before they can roll down her cheeks. Holly is proud of how JoJo is handling herself. In the end, JoJo earns an ALDC jacket and a spot on the team. Because the group routine was so strong, all of the girls are on the same pyramid level…except Maddie. She’s on top for her highest scoring solo. Maddie looks slightly uncomfortable for being singled out from the team, but Melissa beams.
It’s here y’all! Oh, how I’ve been waiting with bated breath for the return of Southern Charm. I’m auditing a class, and I kid you not, the professor reminded us to watch the premiere tonight. Of course, he then said he was joking and hoped that none of us would watch something that portrayed the Holy City in such an unholy manner, but I only heard the first part! It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten my T-Rav fix. Thomas Ravenel, he loves the taste of the finest bourbon and the smell of the best cocaine. The former politician is raising his infant daughter Kensington Calhoun with his much, much, MUCH younger girlfriend Kathryn Dennis. Despite Facebook break-ups and pool snafus, the couple is trying to make it work. Thankfully motherhood has tamed young Kathryn’s eyelashes.
Cameran Eubanks is married to a doctor (surprise!), but she still wants to grow her business as a realtor. Shepard “Shep” Rose has enlisted her to find his palace (and not his Palace Hotel…but more on that in a second!), and the duo has found the perfect home for him to renovate (read: rebuild) on Charleston’s east side…where I live and work. Just a coincidence though, I swear! Although she once made a prediction that Shep would be married in two years, she’s come to the conclusion that his house won’t see a goldfish, much less a wife! Shep is proud of his restaurant/bar endeavor. Remember that investor who warned Whitney Sudler-Smith that opening so much as a hot dog stand with Shep would be a bad idea? Well, he can suck it. And speaking of hot dogs, the Palace Hotel serves up gourmet versions, as well as a mouth-watering watermelon ricotta salad and amazing cauliflower tacos. Ignore the barred windows and doors, they are just part of the neighborhood’s charm.
In fact, last night was awash in lost possessions. For instance, Stassi no longer has possession of Katie Maloney. Katie is officially out from under Stassi’s very busy self-pleasuring thumb. Naturally, Stassi doesn’t feel at all responsible since Katie is the one who “changed the rules” of their friendship by partying with the enemy.
Stassi tells Katie over and over again why Stassi is upset about all the things that happened to Stassi which were upsetting and hurtful to Stassi and Stassi’s feelings really matter a lot to Stassi who was really going through a lot of things that were terrible for Stassi. It was all”I! I! I!” at the Stassi Schroeder Whine-a-thon (wine not included)!
Something was missing on last night’s Love & Hip Hop, but I can’t quite pinpoint what it was. Did any of the ladies in Rich’s harem of crazy decide he wasn’t worth it? Nope, that wasn’t it. Did we watch genuine story lines fraught with raw human emotions? Yeah, I’ll let you stop laughing before you answer that question. Oh, I know! Peter Gunz was nowhere to be found. Nailed it!
Yandy Smith doesn’t understand why Mendeecees is taking an issue with her firing Remy. She won’t be disrespected by her fiancee’s employees, and he doesn’t understand how a firing equates to her having Kimbella jump his assistant. Yandy tries to explain that Remy was mouthing off, and she gives her best impression of how Remy reacted to being fired by her boss’ future wife. When she doesn’t win that argument, she changes the subject to their upcoming baby shower. She barely fares much better with that conversation.
Phaedra Parks visits Porsha Williams for dinner at Casa de Eviction 3.0 way out in Africa. Porsha opens some bags of frozen stuff and was struggling with the scissors… too bad Claudia Jordan‘s snaggletoes weren’t there to help a sister out!
Porsha is wearing a collar with chain around her neck because she’s a kept-woman chained to the stove? Isn’t Phaedra the one playing 50 Shades of African Chocolate?
Welcome Back Kardashians! Surprise, surprise the premiere episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians opens with Kim Kardashiandoing a nude photo shoot. Kim and Kanye West are trying to have another baby which means they are apparently having sex every opportunity they can get. It’s kinda gross because Kim tells everyone about 8 seconds after they have sex that they just had sex. Her make-up artist commented about the glow she had on her face post-bathroom romp at the shoot and it’s just eeww. Khloe was standing in the corner (Still playing with her hair a gazillion times a day) while Kim was getting primped and air puking at the same time. Kim detailed the path of Kanye’s sperm making their way to her egg as her eyelash glue was drying.
Kourtney decides to visit Bruce Jenner at his bachelor pad in Malibu and check-up on him. Side note: It appears Bruce has had more plastic surgery because he does look a little different in the lips/cheek area. He seems lonely and misses his life with Kris. The Jenners have parted from the Kardashians and now it’s a house divided post-divorce.