Last night on Real Housewives of New York somebody got diarrhea! Isn't that a fantastically mature and classy storyline for a show supposedly about the upper-echelon of New York society. The thing about Housewives that happens is they burst onto the scene and present all these admonitions about how people should behave and why – meanwhile never quite behaving that way themselves. It's a curious phenomenon, one explored over and over again without pause.
Pinot Singer can't stop with her pinographies on how she's as lucid as the wine is white and the trash is not. And MevivaDrescher can't stop with her mespousing about how everyone is wrong and she is the definition of the right of the right. Unbutton your top button Meviva, have a glass of wine (a Xanax might put you over the edge) and accept that crazy can't even be managed by Nurse Ratchet and she had far sturdier shoes than you. Although, I'll hand it to Meviva – she put that education to good use and her lawyer-y skills were out and abundant over the tea that scalds and burns.
And in other news Aviva's father George returned. And yeah, please go back from whence you came.
First of all I have to admit I spend way WAY too much time analyzing the antics of the Housewife. They are an odd specimen, aren't they? And Real Housewives of New Jersey in particular. Although those ladies leave me wanting to turn into Pinot Fabulous Singer and just get sloshied all day, I have to admit they really keep it interesting from the psychological perspective.
Which leads me to last nights FINAL season finale of RHONJ. And out it all came like projectile vomit. Except I was left with way more questions than I had to begin with. I mean will I ever get the answers I'm looking for or will I die questing to know what exactly happened at the infamous S4 Posche Trashion Show? I guess if I can ever manage to get stranded on a desert island with Teresa Giudice I might learn the truth, but until then all I'm left with is an an aneurysm from wonder and a seriously large bill for TherapyByBravo. You're paying for this right @bravo_andy?
It is not often that a Housewives show rivals that of a Shakespearean drama with so many higher level plot points circulating around. I literally feel dizzy. Bravo has truly outdone themselves, but they've also truly over done themselves and I don't think they can ever come back from the edge with this one.
I don't know about y'all but I am totally loving Real Housewives of Miami thus far. I don't know why; it's got a fun vibe, a rich vibe, and a kooky one. So that means next season someone will be a suicidal drug addict who escapes from Promises welding a stiletto as a weapon and is on a homicidal rampage after plastic surgery made her a cyclops and her AMEX Black Card was cut up at the Saks White Sale because her husband declared bankruptcy after it came out that he was selling aftermarket implants. Anyone that gets the Troop Beverly Hills nod in this sentence wins my eternal love.
Anyway, enough about my super secret gift as a medium (watch it Alison DuBois – I'm comin' for you electronic cig blazing!), let's talk shop and get to the recap.
Things begin with gossip before breakfast – or maybe it was lunch – I couldn't tell. Alexia Echevarria comes over to Ana Quincoces' house to discuss the delusions of Karent Sierra. See Karent isn't just clueless about how to spell "Karen," she's also clueless about boyfriend Rodolpho's definition of the word "boyfriend."
Alexia does not like Karent right off the bat, she thinks she is icy and aloof. I agree. Something about her just doesn't translate well. Ana just seems to think it's odd that Karent is completely in the dark about Rodolpho's texting habits.
The season started with a bang, got a little boring in the middle, and then Dan revived it with some brilliant moves. After 75 days in the Big Brother house, only Dan, Ian Terry, and Danielle Murphree remain.
Who will win Big Brother 14 – Master of the Mist, Awkward Super Fan, or Crazy Teacher Nurse?
First of all, I'd like to give a huge "WAY TO GO!" to Mary for a job well done with the Silver Fox yesterday. While she's recuperating from rubbing elbows with celebrities and trading Housewives gossip with THE Anderson Cooper, I will be taking over the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo recap. It almost feels like Christmas! To be totally honest, this family had me "neck rust." Of course, I don't have to tell you that last night's episode did not disappoint. I forced my friend to watch it a few weeks ago because he's from the next county over and is familiar with the Kuntry Stoe (it's apparently somewhat famous among tee-niny Georgia towns). He could only stomach about five minutes of it, but he is also pretty sure he knows people who went to high school with June. His girlfriend shared with me last night, and I quote, "He's told me about a thirty times how he lives close to Honey Boo Boo." It appears everyone has been touched by this little pageant angel.
The show ran the gamut, from Alana's seventh birthday party to June and her money-making schemes (extreme Bingo-ing, y'all!) to make-up lessons to meeting Miss Georgia…who, by the way, doesn't fart. I know you're totally shocked by that information. I just can't get enough of these people. Sit back on your velour pee-stained sectional (hold it in, Chickadee!), stroke your deer yard art, and enjoy.
Last night's Flipping Out was all about Andrew. Jeff Lewis thinks that Andrew is really fitting into the office, both for his design taste and ridiculous personality. As with everything else, they can manage to sexualize a towel rod. While Gage Edward recognizes that working with such a cast of characters certainly makes the day more entertaining, he isn't quite sure it's how a business should be run. After some tension and arguing in Chicago regarding Jenni Pulos' wedding plans, Jenni gives Jeff a heartfelt card in hopes of putting the negativity behind them. Jeff appreciates the note, but he teases Jenni that he deserves more than a $50 gift card since he's walking her through life. I want to remind Jeff that he already thinks Jenni is spending too much money on this wedding, so he should count his lucky stars!
Jeff's client Lisa can't get over how he treats Jenni. Jenni, of course, just rolls with the punches. Lisa is the senior executive producer of Extra, and she hired Jeff to do a few smaller projects around her new home. In true Jeff fashion, he was able to convince her to do a total overhaul, and now she's concerned about the giant budget. Like all of Jeff's clients, she does have fun with all the insanity.
Gage is diligently working on Gramercy. He really isn't onboard with moving into Spring Hill. Jeff, meanwhile, is hoping to get Spring Hill finished and permits acquired so they can move in quickly. Jeff likes that he doesn't have to micro-manage Andrew on all of these projects, although Andrew's comments around contractors and clients are worrying Jenni in her newly minted HR position.
Last night was the first ever Dance Moms reunion, with the show's executive producer Jeff Collins mediating the crazy. I really couldn't be more excited that Lifetime jumped on this bandwagon. Let the insanity fly! It's a two parter as well, which is always nice!
Abby Lee Miller faces off with the Kelly, Christi, Holly, and Melissa. Jeff is admittedly nervous, and I can't say I blame him after he shows an "everyone's replaceable" montage followed by some highlights of lighthearted moments interspersed with Abby threatening the moms. Why do I love this show so much? It is truly amazing, and we're only two minutes into the episode.
Jeff questions the ladies about Abby's teaching style. Christi believes that Abby is harsh with some students while being overly kind to others. Holly, an educator for over twenty years, believes that Abby's direct message is usually on target, but her delivery is off base. Melissa, of course, sings Abby's praises. Abby thinks that the mothers have too much time on their hands. Dance moms of years past weren't as privileged and didn't have the luxury of leaving their jobs to hang out in the studio. Plus, Abby believes that kids these days get a trophy for just being born…and I couldn't agree more.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York one special housewife had a resurgence of adolescence when all she talked about was me, me, me, mememememememmememememe! Yep – one whole long hour of Aviva Drescher, her phobias, the horrible St. Barths psycation, and her problems with Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle Cum. Luckily Heather Thomson was there to speak for the masses, be the voice of reason, and finally suggest that she maybe just LET. IT. GO.
Things begin with a dinner party in a lovely UES apartment. Attending the party are siamese twins Pinot Singer and Sonja Morgan and their frienemy LuAnn de Lesseps. Apparently all three ladies share a mutual friend who is probably looking for camera time because she's selling her apartment, her recipes, her interior design business, her dignity, her husband, whatever…
LuAnn lets us know things have been strained with Jacques since she told him about the incidents in St. Barths, mainly pertaining to a late-night episode in piratry, so she's been giving him extra reassurance that she cares.