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Last night’s Mob Wives seemed to be another calm episode, thank goodness.  Most of the women were dealing with their jacka$$y exes, but there were no screaming matches, no altercations, and no drama.  It was a bit weird, I’ll admit!

Drita D’Avanzo is playing with her new pup Lucky when she receives a call from soon-to-be-ex-husband Lee.  She shares her rap video/bank robbing debut with Lee, and he’s excited for her.  She drops the bomb that she wants to start dating.  Drita is confused at how supportive he’s being, and it makes her remember why she married him in the first place.  She’s thrilled the pair is getting along and can be friends, but she really wishes Lee had never cheated.

Ramona Rizzo and Karen Gravano head to a specialty grocery.  Karen wants to get Ramona’s opinion about reconciling with Drita. Ramona is not at all on board.  At. All.  Karen is only considering this treaty to make Renee Graziano happy.  Ramona warns that Drita will end up getting physical as she’s a “different breed.”  Karen is quick to say that the second Drita gets violent, Karen will end up in jail for rearranging her face.  Ahhh, mending fences…

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Last night’s Survivor was clearly ladies’ night, as Tarzan is the only man left.

We learn that Troyzan whispered “do it” to Kat as he was leaving.  Kat is befuddled…does he think she’s going to go against her alliance?  Well, someone’s going to have to do it!  Alicia thinks that Christina’s ramblings during tribal council only show how wishy washy and weak she is.  Alicia thinks Christina needs to stick around a while, but she is starting to feel threatened by the amount of power Sabrina seems to have garnered.  Alicia sees herself as a puppet master, poisoning the other women against Sabrina.

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After a week’s hiatus from Dance Moms: Miami, the crazy is ba-ack, and this week they are heading north!

Victor and Angel are embarrassed over their last showing–fifth place is a joke at Stars studio.  Kimmy makes the top of the list for missing first place in her solo competition by one point.  Sammy is at number two for her great solo.  Jessi finally works her up from the bottom, and Victor praises her from improving her behavior.  Lucas gets a tad misty to see he is fourth on the list, which means Hannah is on the bottom.  While she’s improving, it’s not at the same rate as her teammates.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County there were bombs over Coto. Gretchen Rossi took the stage – or rather was hoisted up there – and bombed. And Vicki Gunvalson received a news bomb that rendered her speechless for the very first time in television history. Really, has anyone ever seen Vicki speechless? Cause I haven’t. The theme of this episode might as well of been ‘Surprise! By Vicki Gunvalson’ because she had all sorts of emotions we’ve never seen before…

Well, it finally happened. Gretchen put on her sequined leotard, hopped on stage, and belted her little song out. She did it in the same manner as a drunk sorority girl at a karaoke bar – she just screamed it into the mic and didn’t even bother with that whole being in tune thing. Right after Alexis Bellino prayed to our Lord Jesus to give Gretchen a voice and a miracle, the World Renowned Dance Troupe known as The Pussycat Dolls took the stage to shove their twats in people’s faces. They’re right up there with the NY Ballet, didn’t you know.

Tamra Barney, whose front row seat gave her quite the eye-full, can now deliver a baby, perform a pap smear, and administer a Brazilian wax all after a five minute performance. The funniest thing about the show was Vicki and Alexis being completely in denial about their significant other’s enjoyment of the PCD gyrations and thrusts. Vicki claimed good ol’ boys from the south have never seen such things. Oh yeah… huh.

Apparently Jim Bellino was just having an awful time! Just the worst. I mean he’d rather be at the church sewing circle. I mean ugh, there were drinks and pussy cat dolls and scantily clad pussies, oh my! I mean, no straight red-blooded man would be interested in that sort of thing. He’d much prefer to be home on the sofa watching HGTV, snuggled up next to Alexis, wearing her breathe-right strip. He was only there as a supportive partner. Uh huh. We all know Jim is not about sin city. I mean he hates vanity, gluttony, greed, sloth, and pride!

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On last night’s 16 and Pregnant, we meet Myranda Trevino and her boyfriend Eric Kennemer from Bronson, Texas.  She’s a track star and he hopes to play professional baseball one day.  Myranda’s mother Billie has addiction issues and allowed her three months pregnant daughter to move in with Eric at his grandmother’s after the pair had been dating six months.  Myranda has a strained relationship with her mother, but during a discussion we learn that Myranda was on the Pill but stopped taking it for a month.  She plans to drop out of school and get her GED.

Eric’s Nanny helps the couple and allows the couple to live with her for free.  Eric says the most honest thing ever on this show when he tells his brother that Myranda got pregnant because he was thinking with his penis.  Eric is working part time and about to start college classes.  Nanny is a spitfire.  She is annoyed at the pair’s stupidity in light of birth control, and she makes sure to give the couple as little privacy as possible. Nanny drops the bomb that her house isn’t a daycare facility, so the couple will have to find other living arrangements once the baby arrives.

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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After the team continued their Mexican adventure which coincided with Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy continuing their marital meltdown, but strangely they seem to be making some small strides and at least they are communicating. Somewhat. Maggie, Bethenny’s beleaguered intern quit and then there were three Skinnygirlians.

Team Frankel is still in Mexico, but things are in a much happier mood than last week. Bethenny and the girls, plus Jason, start out with breakfast and a little trip to the beach vendor. Bethenny is a little steamed that she thinks she got ripped off by the sarong vendor and wants to go for round two to haggle for a better price. She runs into a jewelery vendor instead and falls in love with a fantastic necklace that she really wants. He won’t come down on the price, so she throws the less emotionally invested Jason into the mix. Jason has no luck either and Bethenny promises to run into “hermano” again and make the necklace hers.

Later Bethenny does find Hermano and is able to negotiate a deal to get Julie and Jackie some jewelery and score the necklace. Hey – she’s rich! Jewelery for all!

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Oh Basketball Wives!  An episode with no fighting?  What’s a girl to do?  Don’t get me wrong…I relished in it, but I am just so…so…so confused!

Tami Roman, Nia Crooks, and Evelyn Lozada meet up for cocktails, and Evelyn is appalled that Jenn Williams is giving interviews about the smack situation.  Jenn is dead to Nia, and Tami agrees.  Of course, in Tami’s interview she says that what happened at the race track was between Jenn, Nia, and Evelyn…she will continue to maybe kind of be passive aggressive pals with Jenn.  Evelyn is beside herself.  She realizes that she’s an adult with an eighteen-year-old daughter, and while she should probably be more mature, she wants Jenn’s blood.  It’s a totally normal and mature reaction, right?  Evelyn wants Tami to uninvite Jenn from the Tahiti trip, but Tami is unwilling.  Jenn’s been invited, and Evelyn needs to get over it.  Wow, Tami.  I am slightly impressed.  Evelyn makes sure that Tami knows that she’s in charge of Evelyn not getting arrested in Tahiti.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?

Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.

Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.

Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.

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