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Oh, Jersey Shore, how I love you…let me count the ways. I love you when you’re camping, when you incite food fights, and when you bring home grenades. I love you when you wear furry Ewok boots and need to blur out your private area because you forgot to put on underwear. I love it all.

Mike failed to execute his master plan on the last episode, so he takes an opportunity to take Jionni aside. He tells Snooki’s boyfriend that Snooks has totally seen the Sitch’s P while Ryder was hooking up with the Helium. Mike hopes that Jionni can respect his admission, man-to-man. Jionni shakes Mike’s hand and then crawls back in bed with Snooki to relay the Situation’s most recent situation. Snooks looks worried in the night vision cam, but seem legitimately concerned when the producers switch to full-on regular lighting. Jionni asks Nicole if Mike is being honest, but he continues to spoon Snooki as she laughingly declares Mike a liar.

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Last night on Project Runway All Stars the three finalist were revealed after the designers had to create a ready-to-wear look for designer, Nanette Lepore.

The designers meet Nanette in her garment district store and we learn commercialization combined with rising rents are forcing many factories and designers out of the infamous district. Nanette is very involved in a charity to revitalize the area (as is Isaac Mizrahi). The designers are to sketch one ready-to-wear piece and then go over the analytics with Nanette and her “coster.” The coster basically tells them how much the garment would sell for vs. how much it would cost to produce and make a profit. The difference is how much they can spend on fabrics to construct the piece.

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Last night’s Survivor started off simple enough…the women have gained momentum, the once unified Manono are beginning to crumble. However, I never thought I would see or hear what I did. Boo to you, Colton. Boo. To. You. And to think, last week I thought we’d be biffles if I ever met you on the street. Shame on me.

The men head back to camp after sending Hairless Matt packing. The remaining Muscles can’t believe the outcasts have aligned. Tarzan and Troyzan decide Bill needs to be next, not because they don’t like him – quite the opposite! Bill is so charming he’s dangerous, potentially eroding the core alliance of five.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies went back in time to their golden years. Aaaahhh… the ’80s; before botox, satin cocktail dresses, orange tans, and TV friendships took over their dreary lives. To a time when they were young, free, and filled their heads with hairspray instead of restylane.

Things begin with Gretchen and Slave driving somewhere. Slave has found his calling of the week in comedy. He says, making jokes helps him escape his problems and he now wants to pursue this. Even Gretchen is like, ‘gimme a break!’ Gretchen asks him not to make future acts center around her co-tarts. There goes Slave’s interest in comedy, because what other material can the man come up with?!

Heather and Tamra meet for lunch. I love Heather’s dress. We find out Terry is from Van Nuys and his father lives in the OC, which explains how east coast Heather ended up in a nouveau, riche, trashy, beach-side, suburb of LA, nearby the likes of Gretchen and Alexis. Kidding, I have family in the OC and it’s beautiful there.

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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After the crew continued their vacation in Montauk, where Jason and Bethenny continued their passive aggressive marital meltdown. There were some cute parts (Cookie) but it was a lot of raw sadness in the form of a couple who seems genuinely at odds, but still love each other.

Things start out with Dwayne. Bethenny has a driver now – who also seems to double as a bodyguard. Is she afraid of Jill, now that she has been cast aside from reality TV? Why Bethenny can’t drive herself to Montauk is interesting to me… she did so last week. I guess she’s big league now, or a “baller” as Bethenny likes to say. Also on the trip is Bethenny’s Glammy. Does she own this Mercedes?

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Last night’s Basketball Wives was, per the usual, a hot mess of hating on the new girls, horrific dancing, and bad behavior at a charity event. Hmmm, was it a rerun?

The episode begins in Miami, with Evelyn coming over to Tami’s house to visit. Evelyn is so over the infidelity rumors, and Tami totally understands the lifestyle of an athlete, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating on her. She advises her friend to ignore all the press. Evelyn has tried to tell Chad that the rumors don’t just affect their relationship, they affect their children. Tami is convinced the pair will be happily married in no time.

Evelyn takes the red-eye to New York to meet the new girls with Suzie. Evelyn is keen on Kesha’s style, but she is questioning Kenya’s weave. Kesha can’t get over Suzie’s constant penis references. For Suzie, Evelyn brings up Kenya’s Youtube videos. Evelyn is impressed that Kenya is open to taking down the videos, after hearing that they aren’t sexy or good. Evelyn feels a tad (just a tad) badly about bringing the videos’ suckiness to Kenya’s attention.

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Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies returned to the States, to nothing but drama. NeNe learned Bryson got arrested, Peter is spending more money Cynthia can’t afford to waste, and Kim is furious over Kandi‘s alleged “black babies” comment with Sheree stirring the pot all the way to millionaire’s row! Oh, these girls – no moving experience in Africa was going to move them!

The women are getting ready to leave South Africa. Marlo has the housekeeper bring her an icee and pack up all her things, while she lounges on the bed barking instructions. I’m very surprised she and Kim don’t get along better – they have many similarities! Meanwhile, NeNe needs help zipping and hauling all her Louis VOO-Tawn luggage to the car.

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Last night’s Mob Wives was more about tricks than treats, with the women divided between two, that’s right, TWO competing Halloween parties. The horror!

Drita D’avanzo and Carla Facciolo are taking their kids to pick out some pumpkins for Drita’s upcoming Halloween party. Carla thinks it is going to be a fun, drama-free party based on the guest list. Both hope that Renee Graziano will attend, and for a little while she’ll be able to enjoy herself and shake off the funk of Junior going back to jail. Carla and Drita are worried about Renee and all the stress she unnecessarily takes on in her life.

Ramona Rizzo is dining with her friend Lina, who has known her since before she married her now ex-husband. She reveals that she got disowned by her father because she didn’t marry an FBI—full-blooded Italian. Ramona’s first husband was Arabic, and she was hoping that because he was from a different culture, she would be so far removed from the criminal lifestyle. She was wrong about her husband, just like she was wrong about her current boyfriend.

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