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Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was a knockdown, drag-out war of words. It would appear that this is the beginning of the bitter end for former besties Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita. I hate a reality TV friendship divorce – I feel like I need to have a funeral for Jacqueresa. Next week I’m so wearing black while tuning in.

Some other stuff happened like Lauren Manzo continued to complain about being fat and drinking egg whites while her parents made snippy comments about how she is fat.

So I guess Teresa and Joe Giudice are so broke they’re selling fake stories – or photos – to the tabloids (or volunteering to let the tabloids run stories about them depending on whom you ask and what week), yet they’re building a brand new carport and a garage with an inlaw apartment. Teresa wants her parents to live there. Apparently Teresa has also installed a new closet. I’m sure she cleaned out all of Italy’s marble reserve and all of JoAnn Fabrics fake gold leaf for the accents.

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I just hit play on the first episode of the last season of the first Teen Mom.  Did you get all of that?  It’s bittersweet.  While I hardly think being on this show is healthy for Maci Bookout, Farrah Abraham, Amber Portwood, or Catelynn Lowell, I’m going to miss the show.

I’m holding onto the knowledge that Barbara, Jenelle Evan’s always amusing mom, will be back on my TV soon enough on Teen Mom 2.  As long as I have Barbara in my life, I think I’ll be able to cope without Teen Mom.  If Teen Mom 2 ever is canceled, I’m going to need therapy to learn how to go on with my life. Take a deep breath, grab the tissues, and let’s start the beginning of the end.

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So last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we watched Tamra Barney get engaged to Eddie Judge on the most amazingly romantic trip to Bora Bora. It was a beautiful proposal and a lovely vacation – and congrats to the happy couple. Dang, I’d date Eddie for a vacation like that.

There’s been a lot of gossip that this trip was originally planned for Gretchen Rossi and Slave Smiley because he was going to surprise her with a proposal in the hopes of getting a spinoff, of course! Unfortunately – according to legend – Gretchen found out about Slave’s plan and flipped her shizz so Bravo offered up the trip to Eddie instead. And it’s a good thing that Gretchen refused to go, because while Eddie has a job, Slave doesn’t and we all know there’s no way in hell he could afford the Four Seasons and first class airfare to Bora Bora.

Now I’m not saying Eddie wasn’t planning to propose already  – he probably was – but who would pass up a 5-star vacation to Bora Bora? Not anyone with sense, that’s for sure. Tamra is obviously beside herself that anyone would ever think such a thing and even went so far to get into a twitter snipe fest with former Real Housewives of New York star Alex McCord over the accusation. You know there may be no truth to it, but as Aviva Drescher reminded us last night where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire – and there’s been a lot of smoke surrounding this story.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York was pretty low-key and I have to say after all the recent drama with certain other Housewives shows it was refreshing to watch a show that focused on the lives of rich, fabulous women instead of fabricated drama and petty fights. Well there was one petty fight, but it paled in comparison to other recent fights on other Housewives shows. And really I never thought there would come a day when I referred to Pinot Singer as low-key, and she’s not by any normal standards, but alas the pinot hath frozen over.

Things open with Aviva Drescher and her husband Reed meeting Heather Thomson and her husband for a getting to know you dinner. Over salads, Heather shares that though her husband is the son of a famous rabbi and they practice Judaism, she is not a full convert. No, no… she’s merely Jewish by injection only. Well, since there’s no shots the doctor can give you to make you Jewish, I’m going to assume the injection comes from her husband’s kosher sausage.

Among the other shocking revelations that came over dinner was the lurid story of Sonja Morgan and LuAnn de Lesseps bedroom activities and their proximity to Aviva‘s ex-husband. Boy, this man is busy on the Housewives circuit! Is he going to make his way to other franchises? Apparently Harry attended Heather‘s birthday party (does he know everyone associated with this show?) where it was disclosed (discovered?) that he slept with both Sonja AND LuAnn. When – no one seems to know – but it was presumably after the time when Aviva was married to him. A surprised Aviva handled the news with dignity, but disgust. I don’t know about you, but that would be a little too close to comfort for me!

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There are ten bachelors left on ABC’s wildly successful entertaining The Bachelorette.  This week, the guys score a free trip to London.  Yes, Emily Maynard is there too, as there’s always a catch.  The guys are checking out the scenery when the first date card comes into play.  The one-on-one date goes to Sean Lowe.  Date card reads, “Love takes no prisoners.” Emily and Sean tour London.  Sean speaks to the people of London about love.  Sean is my favorite bachelor thus far; however, this date is dreadfully boring.  The date card should have read, “Emily brings the history lesson while Sean brings the pretty.”

The group date card arrives.  It reads, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”  The mushroom farmer is the first to connect this quote to Shakespeare. I don’t know the rate at which mushrooms grow, so he might have a lot of free time in the fields to read tragic tales such as Romeo and Juliet.  Or, a producer might have written the answer on his hand.  The group date goes to…

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Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was actually a sweet storyline. Jaime Laurita got married and it was really, really beautiful. Although everyone mostly got along, there was some trouble over a tabloid article Teresa Giudice did. Melissa Gorga also gave us a demo of her new song, which, aaaaaaahhhh… I wish I could un-hear. Ok, I admit – it was a fun dance song…

Also, Caroline Manzo has been referring to herself in third person a lot, which has me worried. Nonetheless, I think I’m going to refer to Caroline Manzo as Caroline Manzo at all times. Caroline Manzo probably doesn’t like when people do that to Caroline Manzo.

Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita and Chris discovering an oh so conveniently placed copy of In Touch Weekly which also oh so conveniently has a photo of Teresa, Gabriella (I think) and a puppy on the cover. I wonder if room service is doling these mags out – you know, leaving it in front of the door like they do USA Today and The Wall Street Journal. Frankly, it’s not a bad idea – I love tabloids.

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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Well, well, well… Alexis Bellino and Gretchen Rossi have officially broken the Blomb Squad (that’s dumb and blonde). Last night on the Real Housewives of Orange County the rain continued to pour in the jungle as Alexis found herself in the middle of an onslaught. And poor Gretchen got cast aside as Lex’s resident BFF after Alexis determined that she too was involved in the attacks. Oh, the politics of being a Housewife.

We continue where left off with the face-off round the dinner table. The rain makes me think that all of Costa Mexico is crying on Alexis‘ behalf. Alexis reminds Tamra Barney that though she may believe she’s perfect, being a mean hateful bitch makes her flawed too. Alexis suggests Tammie Sue work on her own issues before pointing fingers her way. Like Alexis or not, she has a good point.

Alexis snipes that just because Tamra got her implants taken out doesn’t mean she’s real. Touche. And Vicki Gunvalson pipes up to remind us that all of them are fake as designers imposters perfume and that all these ladies are materialistic – that’s why they’re rocking LV and Chanel in the jungle. Alexis accuses Tamra of badmouthing her which is why Terry thought she was fake – Tamra denies it. Sadly, it was actually Gretchen who was badmouthing Alexis behind her back to Terry.

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Well, girls and boys… it finally happened. After months of build-up, Bravo unleashed the New New York and we finally caught a glimpse of Real Housewives of New York without Jill Zaaaaaaaaarin. For those of you who never thought you’d live to see the day – rejoice – but sadly it seems Pinot Singer has hopped right on up into the bitter, negative, biddy role that Jill so recently vacated. Dangit, Pinot!

Last night we were treated to some delightful new blood, and while Sonja Morgan was in good spirits and ready to move on and make new friends but keep the old, LuAnn de Lesseps, Countess no more and Pinot were still circling each other like round the UES rosie with the same old axe to grind. Sonja said the only thing worse than stale brioche at a party is stale guests… well meet your stale guests. Are people still eating brioche?

Things open with LuAnn and newbie Aviva Drescher pretending they’re long lost friends and doing lunch. Let’s just call it what it is – they’ve met each other a total of two times and Bravo is forcing them to interact as buddies to stack the odds. The only interesting thing that came out of this to-do was the revelation that Aviva’s ex-husband Harry has quite the active social life  - so active that he’s dated and most likely boinked LuAnn and Sonja.

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