The Dancing with the Stars powers-that-be did what we hope for all season and kept the first part of the finals competition to just one hour.
William Levy & Cheryl Burke are up first with an energetic ChaCha to “Raise Your Glass”. The colors on Cheryl’s dress were fun, but something about the cut/style just didn’t suit her for some reason and I was distracted by it. In my unprofessional opinion, there didn’t seem to be much content for what should be the “knock their socks off final dance”. Len disagrees with me, saying it was the best he’s seen in 14 years. What do I know?
Oh lawdy, last night was a night of meltdowns wasn’t it?Real Housewives of New Jersey was an emotional hot mess of whining, tantrums, crying, cursing, bickering, double talk and fat talk. Sometimes we all freak out – even if we are a forty-something father of four or a ten-year-old girl or an overweight twenty-four year old woman. You know what – we’re all just people at the end of the day.
But before we get to tantrums, let’s talk butt cheeks. There were a lot of those weren’t there? There were also bras and tampons. And I learned something important today that I never particularly wanted to know… Teresa Giudice didn’t wear a tampon until she was 27. Did she never go to the beach on her period until she was married?
So things begin in the car with Teresa and Joe Giudice. She tells him about the pool party and he starts screaming and cursing about how much he hates her family and will throw them out of his house and kill people. It was horrible. Juicy needs an intravenous drip of prozac and an anger management coach. Teresa was mortified – as well she should be – dump this loser please. He’s bad for her image and her self-esteem. CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE REST!
Kody and his Sister Wives have been struggling since moving to Las Vegas, so they are trying to make it a positive experience for the children and all the women. That can only mean one thing…date nights!
Kody has a new car thanks to his marketing gig. The family meets at Robyn’s to see the crew’s new ride. It’s a convertible, so that’s practical given the amount of children this brood has. Wait, am I watching Sister Wives or the Bachelor? It seems as Kody planned individual dates for each wife so that their relationships can grow separate from the giant polygamist family they’ve created. Chris Harrison would be so proud. First up? Meri is granted a decades long promise from Kody, and the couple is going skiing together for the first time.
It’s reunion time for the Mob Wives. Oddly enough I feel as if the season flew by, but when I see footage of past episodes, I realize I’ve been watching this show for what seems like forever. Joy Behar is hosting the debacle, and I’m curious to see if she can keep the crazy in line.
We revisit the season, with special attention paid to Junior Pagan’s betrayal and Renee Graziano’s breakdown. Renee and her sister Jenn Graziano, who is a producer on the show, are asked about their thoughts on Junior. Renee is actually very calm, and sadly she reveals that she miscarried before everything went down with Junior. Her sister discusses why she continued to film Renee during her dark times, and Renee admits that she urged her sister to document it. Joy reminds Renee that Junior was wearing a wire in his watch which explains his reaction to Renee gifting him with a new watch for his birthday. Both Drita D’Avanzo and Jenn are confused as to why Junior would want to be on a television show when he was trying to be so sneaky. Renee and Jenn reveal that neither have spoken to Junior, and Renee has heard that he was rejected from the witness protection program.
On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding, we are (yea!) one week closer to Kim Zolciak’s wedding extravaganza! There is vow writing, there is portable toilet shopping, and there is a potentially faux peace treaty forged between Kim and her wedding-ruining mother.
Can I just say that K.J. is a Kroy Biermann mini-me? I love the premise of Kim talking to him at the start of each show. That skull and crossbones knit cap is just too much!
Kim is wearing a belly baring pleather shirt and meeting up with her Uncle John who apparently lives in my neck of the woods. She starts in on her mother, and John is quick to remind her that she’s about to talk crap about his sister. Kim shares that her mom is threatening to be sick on her wedding day, and John reminds her that she is very particular. Kim’s mom Karen informed John of her threats, and John reveals that his sister is no longer talking to him after he put in his two cents. Wait, did Kim just spit out some gum at the table? John believes that Kim and Karen are too similar, hence the tension. The pair gets teary remembering John’s battle with cancer and how he promised not to leave her until she was married. Kim asks him to accompany her dad in walking her down the aisle. Wow, Kim has a heart on this show!
It was the hometown visits for American Idol this week, which on the results show warrants a Simon and Garfunkel montage (loves!) as Joshua Ledet, Phil Phillips, and Jessica Sanchez head back to where their hearts are for a giant, stadium sized homecoming party. Ryan Seacrest reminds America about the deets of the next week’s final faceoff with his hands casually resting on the backs of Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez. Steven is doing his best Gollum/gargoyle statue impression while JLo looks awkward…probably because she’s not sure she’s going to continue with this gig. Randy Jackson is confident in his judging abilites, sporting a leather blazer.
After Ryan announces the performers for the evening will be the King’s daughter Lisa Marie Presley and everyone’s favorite Idol alum and eyeliner abusing Adam Lambert, the final three perform a Beatles song. Yawn. Bring on the sofa! As always, an idol fueled Ford commercial is highlighted, with a noticeably absent P Philly. Jessica explains she’s happy to make it this far, and regardless of her fate, she’s excited to find out the results. Phillip and Joshua echo her sentiments…and why shouldn’t they? History tells us that the runners-up usually do better than the winner anyway. Reuben Studdard knows what I’m talking about. J Hud, anyone?
Chaz Brown won first place last week, and while he has immunity, he is able to pick his fellow black teammates to travel with him in first class. I’m excited as some part of me thought the teams would stay the same throughout. Chaz chooses Cheven (Chef Kevin), Avery Pursell, Mrs. GarrettGary Walker, and Nookie Postal. So two of the red team are heading to Lyon in style. The black team castoffs aren’t too upset to not be on Chaz’s team. On the red team, Sai Pituk is upset that her Asian training won’t be helping out her team yet again.
Well that was certainly shocking wasn’t it? Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County had it all. There were princesses, and puppies, and inappropriately placed speeches, and engagement rings, and diarrhea, and luxury bathrooms where champagne happened but diarrhea did not, and trains, and surgery, and there was also that fight where Briana Culberson called Vicki Gunvalson out on having an emotional affair. Yeah – so how ’bout that bombshell? Whew… I’m still speechless!
So where do we begin with these fine orange specimens of botoxed, bleached glory? Oh, yes we start at the Barbie-ests of them all’s house – Princess Alexis von Nosenjob Boobersmidts Tannorexia of Rent-a-mcmansions (aka Alexis Bellino) She’s a stunning example of a queenly and dignified life. Princess Von Boobersmidts is on the precipice of the entertainment event of the year. The grand gala of puppies and princesses. A ball where all the fairest, and grandest, and “wealthiest” come from miles around. Descending down the steps of their giant SUVs covered in glitter and filled with fillers. Oh, it’s an event to say the least.
Yes, Alexis is throwing a princess puppy party for her four-year-old twin daughters Melania and McKenna. Alexis has assistants and party planners and movers shuffling around giant ornate over-stuffed hideous rent-a-couches in order to make room for the bevvy of puppies that will be dropped onto the scene the next morning. In the middle of all of this our very busy princess takes a break for a statelyevening ritual… spray tanning. She’s so busy, but a lady is nothing without her orange glow.