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Last week on MTV‘s Teen Mom, we saw Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra graduate, Maci Bookout invite herself on the Edward’s family vacation with Bentley, Farrah Abraham adopt a puppy, and Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley contemplate the future of their relationship.

It was mind numbing – at best.

This week must be the Teen Mom beach special.  With the exception of Catelynn and Tyler, who are busy caring for their new bundle of joy, all of the crazy kids, plus adult Farrah, are at the beach.

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Last night’s Dance Moms saw another Payton/Leslie invasion, the moms standing up for one another and Abby sneaking Maddie into a second competition without telling the troupe. Geez!

Abby gets on the troupe for getting second place overall.  While any other dance teacher would be thrilled, Abby reminds her girls that she is not any other dance teacher.  Paige is on the bottom of the pyramid along with Brooke, who is still on probation.  She blames the girls for not coming to them on their own to beg for their solos after mom Kelly pulled them from the competition.  Is she serious?  Nia is also on the bottom, although I’m not sure why.  Chloe and Maddie are in the middle of the pyramid with MacKenzie taking the coveted top spot.  Melissa is super proud.  The competition this week will be held in Virginia, and it’s touted as the largest dance competition in the country.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York drama over London continued. The city that likely paid Bravo to keep Pinot Singer from outside it’s fair confines for fear of what may occur has stood its ground and used Holla Thomson as the first offensive round in protecting its citizens from the wrath of pinot. That’s right, Heather proves that NOT inviting someone on a cast trip actually causes more drama than inviting them. How did she swing this one?

Things begin with a friendly lunch between Ramona, Aviva Drescher, and Carole Radziwill. Carole giggles nervously a lot as if she’s afraid to breathe wrong in the presence of the hair-trigger Ramona who is already on the wine. Was it even noon? Ramona shoves some skincare down everyone’s throats in the form of gifts.

Sonja Morgan was supposed to attend but bailed feigning illness. The girls launch right in to discussing Holla, who “talks a lot” and apparently it’s very hard to weed through a conversation with her. Carole and Aviva seem awkward discussing this given that Pinot approaches a conversation in much the same way. Who exactly were they talking about? Pinot or Holla?

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VH1 follows the lives of five women who were once married to Hollywood A-listers on Hollywood ExesVH1 sets up the show – “Simply put, these girls are starting over.  They all divorced young and got married even younger, so now is when they need each other’s back the most.  From raising kids to starting new businesses… these exes are ready to tackle a very busy year.”  And they’re going to let us watch! Tonight’s premiere is mostly meet and greet.

Andrea Kelly was married to R. Kelly for 12 years.  Unfortunate for all involved, R. Kelly was busted for peeing on a teenager during that time. They divorced in 2009.  Andrea started as “Robert’s” (R. Kelly) choreographer.  They no longer keep in touch. Andrea is moving to LA to spread her wings and open a dance studio. Andrea is wearing earrings as big as dessert plates. They’re making me hungry for cheesecake.

Andrea introduces us to Tony, her assistant, friend, and partner in crime.  The name on his shirts suggests he also answer to “Slick.”  Andrea is moving to LA ahead of her family. She’s very emotional.  Andrea is best friends with Nicole Murphy.

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Last week on the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard said goodbye to Travis Pope (egg guy) and Ryan Bowers (sweet talker) in Croatia.  This week, Emily wants us to believe she handles her own luggage as she and the remaining suckers suitors head to Prague.  Chris Harrison meets the men in Prague to remind them this is the the last set of dates before the hometown dates.  Also, he explains how this week is going to go down.  There will be three one-on-one dates and one group date.  There will be a rose up for grabs on the group date but not on the one-on-one dates.

The six remaining bachelors are Arie Luyendyk Jr., John Wolfner, Chris Bukowski, Doug Clerget, Jef Holm, and Sean Lowe.  The first date goes to Arie.  The date card reads, “Let’s Czech out Prague together.”  Emily’s date outfit is interesting – knee-high boots, Ricki’s bedazzled shorts, button up shirt that she forgot to finish buttoning, and a suit jacket.  Out of the blue, Emily lets us know she knows something about Arie but he doesn’t know she knows. Very soon after this revelation it’s painfully obvious that Emily is going to resort to passive aggressive hints for most of the date rather than talking to Arie about what she knows.  Very mature, Emily.

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Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta may have been more ridiculous than the premiere…if that is even possible.

After last week’s drama, Mimi Faust is recapping her feelings about K. Michelle’s birthday party with her good friend Ariane.  Ariane tries to talk some sense into her friend, but Mimi is just upset because Stevie tells her that she is his world.  Um, well, someone else was his world last night!  Ariane questions Mimi’s next step, but Mimi just can’t make such a big decision right now.  Gracious.

Rasheeda talks about her family with Kirk Frost.  After working with some major labels, she is much happier being a part of an independent label with her husband as her manager.  Together, they try to figure out her next single.  Kirk knows that she has the talent to go far, even if he’s more her sucker than her husband or business partner.  He wants the pair to be able to balance work and marriage.  Kirk is tired of having Rasheeda bring work issues into the bedroom.

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Last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey focused on the important things in life:  Rosie’s jaunty cap collection, the remix of “On Display,” and friends doing everything in their power to maintain a strong bond through mutual respect, listening, and give-and-take.  Oh wait, maybe not that last thing…

Caroline Manzo?  More like Caroline Done-zo!  She is way over Teresa Giudice’s behavior.  I mean she only wanted to return some swimsuits in the least set-up and manipulated scene ever and she ends up in the midst of World War Tre?  Uh uh.  No way.  Caroline is fed up…and you don’t want to see Caroline fed up because fed up Caroline looks like Caroline always looks scary.  The Manzo brood, Greg Bennett, and Uncle Chris Laurita are drinking some sucky read wine in the yard.  Lauren is worried about Jacqueline after hearing stories of tabloid-gate twenty-twelve.  Chris regales the children with stories of a Jacqueline once so loony, she threw all her ex-husband’s belongings into their front yard.  Basically, he opines, she is now throwing all of Teresa’s metaphorical crap onto their manicured lawn.  Chris wonders why women can’t handle fights with a quick discussion and then forgive and forget like he and his fellow brawn practice.  Oh yeah, emotionally emoted emotions.

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Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives.  There were college visits, big decisions, and a lot of running around the desert.  When you think about it, that would be the best way to best capture the flowiness of Kody’s mane, which, let’s face it, is the true star of this show.

Logan is graduating from high school, and he has narrowed his college search down to Southern Utah University and UNLV.  Mariah wants him to go to SUU, but Madison hopes he’ll stick close by as he’s her best friend.  Logan reveals that while his dad, moms, and siblings want him to stick around to be close to the family, but Logan isn’t planning on sticking around till he’s forty to see his brothers and sisters grow up.  Can you blame him?  His mom Janelle thinks he’ll have more ties to his religion if he goes to SUU.  Logan isn’t dead set on whether he’ll be a polygamist.  He sounds JUST LIKE Kody when he talks.

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