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On last evening’s Dance Moms: Miami, the insanity really took a turn.  Susan’s antics threaten to ruin Jessi’s home at the studio, and Debi will turn on anyone to stop others from turning on her.  Victor, Angel, and the kids (oh, and of course Kimmy’s mom Ani) are the only ones not riding Ozzy’s crazy train.

The dancers did an amazing job at last week’s competition, and while Victor and Angel are very proud, there is always room for improvement.  After their most precious little duet, Lucas and Kimmy are in the first and second spots on the list, respectively.  Victor touts Jessi’s solo as “phenomenal” but she’s third for getting a lower score than the two nine year olds.  Susan is peeved.  Her daughter is the best dancer at Stars!  Sammy is fourth on the list for not standing out enough.  Even though Hannah wins her age group, she’s last on the list because she cried before going on stage.  Hannah believes that she just needs to work harder.

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We were introduced to Sarah Roberts on last night’s 16 and Pregnant, a sixteen-year-old from Chickamauga, Georgia.  She is super close to her mother, and she lives with her mom and two brothers.  Sarah met her boyfriend Blake in the sixth grade, and they have been dating on and off for five years.  She had aspired to go to college and study journalism, while Blake dreams of being a shrimp boat captain.  Sarah’s mom Tina and Blake don’t get along, but of course she lets him move in once Sarah gets pregnant.  He’s a high school dropout, and Sarah’s mom doesn’t like how disrespectful he is or how he treats her daughter.  Blake doesn’t like following Tina’s rules, and Sarah wonders how long he will stick around in Chickamauga.  Blake thinks he could make more money shrimping in South Georgia.

Sarah’s mom does her make-up every morning.  Tina is concerned that once the baby is born the couple will take off to South Georgia.  At a doctor’s appointment, Blake seems very uncomfortable.  Sarah tells her midwife that she will be going to school online, while Blake mumbles something about getting his GED.  Blake has promised to pick up a crib from Sarah’s aunt, but he’s busy…playing video games and hanging out with his friends.  Tina warns Sarah that he’s only going to get worse once the baby is born.  Blake confides in a friend that he just wants to have fun until the baby is born.  The whole conversation has subtitles.  Thank goodness I’m Southern.  I have no problem understanding what they’re saying, which is awesome because it means I can keep typing instead of trying to decipher their backwoods twang.  The ever classy Blake reveals that he is so sick of Sarah’s mother, he is sometimes just tempted to pay child support and be done with it.

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This season of Basketball Wives has got to be almost over, right?  I mean, I don’t know how much more I can take of these women.  Just a forewarning, this post is more emotional than I tend to be, just because I was beyond disgusted at what I was watching.  I used to really enjoy watching these women.  Where did things go wrong??

Tami Roman is still going off on Kesha Nichols.  Kesha is staying cool, while Tami continues to remind Kesha that she told Royce Reed and Suzie Ketcham she wanted to go off on her.  Kesha walks away and tries to remain calm, as Tami confiscates her pocketbook and refuses to relinquish it until Kesha returns to put her in her place.  Do you kiss your kids with that mouth, Tami?  Tami seems to be mad that Kesha doesn’t know where she comes from, but it’s time to put that excuse to rest.  Tami apparently doesn’t seem to care that Kesha comes from a background where people don’t b!tch slap one another and hold handbags hostage. I want to smack (not really, as I’d be stooping to their level) Shaunie O’Neal, Evelyn Lozada, and Suzie for not intervening.  When Kesha walks away, the other women think that Kesha should have spoken her mind.  Shaunie even laughs that Tami is really going to keep her bag and sunglasses.  Tami, you are a grown woman, and you should be ashamed of your behavior.  Sixth grade bully.

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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After, the Skinnygirl team headed to Aspen for the launch of Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo. Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy continued to wrestle over whether or not Jason should work for Skinnygirl and Bethenny got a reminder of what it was like to be single and twenty-two again.

Things begin, oh I don’t even know where they began? What were they even doing? Oh that’s right… hanging out on the street corner! Which seems as close to Bethenny‘s natural habitat as a cougar in the city can get! Bethenny is buying art for the new apartment and congratulating herself on being such a renegade, so cutting edge. She spends thousands – ON STREET ART! No one rich in the history of the world has ever done that. Well, at least according to Bethenny’s revisionist history.

Bethenny buys a American Flag painting. I’m not sure why. It was hideous and looked like it was a papier-mâché accident. I kept waiting for her to try and commission one with the Skinnygirl logo on it. Which actually would’ve been neat. She could hang it in the office.

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The eighth season of The Bachelorette vows to be unlike any other.  The famewhore making the decisions this season is Emily Maynard.  America’s sweetheart, America’s famewhore, same difference.  You probably remember Emily from Brad Womack’s second season.  Brad’s the frequent-flyer bachelor who handed out roses in both seasons 11 and 15 of The Bachelor.  His second attempt at true love ended with him proposing to Emily.  Emily accepted Brad’s proposal, but her ridiculously high expectations and naiveté quickly wilted the relationship.

Emily is a single mom.  And, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she was engaged once before Brad.  She was engaged to Ricky Hendrick, of NASCAR fame, in 2004.  Sadly, on a rainy Sunday afternoon in October of the same year, Ricky boarded a plane sans an ill-feeling Emily.  The plane crashed, leaving behind a pregnant Emily.  Now, Emily is a single mom looking for true love on The Bachelorette.  Even though it didn’t work for her the first time around, she “knows the series works.”  Because, you know, that 17% success rate is a great testament of the true love that comes from appearing on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.  I’m obviously grading on a curve, here.  I’m including Trista Sutter, Jason Mesnick, by way of U-turn, Ashley Hebert, and Ben Flajnik, who is still collecting money on the deal.

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We’re down to the semi-finals on Dancing with the Stars this week. Just four couples remain: Derek Hough & Maria Menounos, William Levy & Cheryl Burke, Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd, and Mark Ballas & Katherine Jenkins.

As the couples make their way down the stairs, it looked like Derek almost slipped. Is it wrong to admit that it would’ve been the most exciting thing to happen all season? Although, there’s that whole rumored sex tape of William’s.

William and Cheryl are up first with a tango set to Sweet Dreams. I secretly wish they would’ve used Marilyn Manson’s version to shake things up. I’m sure it wouldn’t make for a good tango, but still would’ve been entertaining. Len says he hasn’t been this excited since his mum put him in long trousers. Bruno nearly jumps over the judge’s table giving his feedback, as he always does. Carrie Ann says that their lines were gorgeous, but gives criticism and the audience boos.

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*Sigh* When I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County way back when I was intrigued by the wealthy and fantastical lifestyles of women very different from me. As Real Housewives of Atlanta and Real Housewives of New Jersey came onto the Housewives scenes, they were my two favorites of the franchise. They were light-hearted, silly, and kooky – and I loved the genuine friendships along with the realistic seeming issues between friends.

Yes, the Danielle Staub stuff was ridic, but it was balanced by the friendships between Jacqueline Laurita, Teresa Giudice, Caroline Manzo, and Dina Manzo. I’m not sure what happened to that fun, outrageously silly show, but it is long gone.

As with Atlanta, no one on this show likes each other anymore. It’s painful and obvious that even the supposed friendship scenes are fabricated and the ladies are dialing it in. Additionally, I am very tired of the husbands dominating the storyline. This is a show about Housewives – I don’t care about your hubby. If they are that interested in being housewives, get a sex change!

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Last night was the season finale of Mob Wives, and one never knows what is going to happen with this rowdy group of women…especially since there’s a dreaded meeting between to women who have a penchant for beating the poo out of each other.

Renee Graziano and Drita D’Avanzo meet for cocktails to discuss everything that has been going on in their lives.  Drita relays the news that Lee will not be transferred to a prison in Brooklyn.  Renee outlines her father’s plea deal, and she is relieved that the other people that Junior affected didn’t get much time.  Renee has also scheduled the meeting between Drita and Karen Gravano for the following day.  Drita is willing to go so the pair can move forward, but she doesn’t want Karen rehashing the past.  Good luck with that!

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