Things kick off with Kimmie Kakes and Bruce Jennerenjoying a father daughter lunch. Kim is on a mission to drop the post pregnancy pounds so she can squeeze into a skin tight wedding gown. Kim decides to talk Bruce through the logistics of giving her away. Apparently Kim wants a solo walk for the first leg of her aisle walk and for Bruce to collect her after she passes the first fountain. Bruce likens the whole thing to a relay race. I think he was looking for the word circus. Tom-ay-to, Tom-ah-to. Changing gears, Bruce feels like all the embellishments on Kim’s crazy shoes looks similar to his a$$ when his hemorrhoids are acting up… yep when it comes to this family nothing is off limits. I think ‘dangleberries’ may have been used in this sentence but I was too busy vomiting to be entirely sure.
It’s finale time for Game of Crowns. This season we laughed, we cried, we watched Lynne try to cry without actually manufacturing human tears. We toughed it out through talk of cuchinis and butt glue. We stuck by this crazy-train of a show like a tacky matching jumpsuit. So if (well, when) the show is not renewed for another season, we can at least say we bore witness to it all. Let us now recap what may be the final moments of lukewarm fame for Vanassa Sebastian, Lynne Diamante, Shelley Carbone, Susanna Paliotta, Leha Guilmette, and Lori-Ann Marchese.
Last week left us at the Legends of the Crown pageant at Foxwoods Resort & Casino, with the final spot for the Top 5 still open. Four spots have already been filled by Shelley, Lori-Ann, and two other non-GOC cast members. Susanna, Vanassa, and Lynne wait in the wings for the announcer to say their names. But only one name can prevail! And that name is…Van-ASS-a. Yes, she wormed her way into the Top 5. Now Susanna and Lynne can go eat the loser buffet together backstage and talk about their best-friend sleepover tonight.
Opening today’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne is Lydia Schiavello in class at her Interior Design School in Melbourne. I’m already excited because I’ve realized over these past few weeks that Lydia’s footage is priceless. I can’t help but think that she could be the least intelligent of ALL the Housewives franchises, trying to pawn herself off as smart and sophisticated. It’s pure joy at this point listening to the idiotic things that pour out of her mouth. Even Alexis Bellino knew she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
It’s already terrible as Lydia basically tells the professor how do his job, how he actually admires HER, how “cute” her little classmates are and how she goes on a completely other route than what the assignments are because, well, she can. She states her design is classical, contemporary, eclectic and timeless. What the?? Those four words in one design statement are all over the friggin’ place. I’m starting feel as if she just spews out words and doesn’t even know what they mean. You know, if they are big words then I’m getting Lydia feels she sounds intelligent. This is hilarious watching her struggle to appear like she knows what the heck is going on.
What do you do when you’re upset about how the paparazzi and press are portraying you in the media? Well, you pack a clear bag full of scandalous items and wait to be photographed on Sunset Blvd, of course. Later, you’ll explain that it was just a publicity stunt for your new line of security safe handbags, but nothing could be twisted in the meantime, right? That’s exactly what LeAnn Rimes does on this episode of LeAnn and Eddie. Oh, andEddie Cibrian decorates a room.
In the beginning of this episode, we find LeAnn and her interior designer working on a room in her home. There’s an issue on where to place the the 16 tables that are in the space. At one point, Precious is designed over with a pillow on the couch. That worried look in her eyes tells me that she might be needing a little more doggy therapy. Eddie shows up and LeAnn asks his opinion about the new table placement. He likes it, but LeAnn has them returned to their original places.
Since Madison Hildebrand has left the show, there is a void, an emptiness that has yet to be filled. Dare I speak its name? Malibu. Those spectacular beach beauties along the Pacific Coast Highway and sprawling gems perched high above them. Malibu. I know it’s only the second episode in, but you are missed. Oh Malibu.
So it’s back to the Hills and San Circle open house we go. And back to some more trash talking by David Parnes and James Harris. The Brits cannot let it go. They are completely frothing at the mouth as they devalue the house inch by inch. Sure the property has its minuses, but the pluses far outweigh them. Can you only imagine if they had gotten the listing and the tables were turned?? Everything would be brilliant, right??!! Josh Altman has really gotten under their skin. Get over it guys. Though, Josh Flagg seemed to enjoy watching the boys little catfight. Meow.
With Nationals right around the corner, Abby Lee Miller is hellbent on creating a winning team with top placing soloists. You know what that means…the revolving door of Dance Moms wannabes keeps shuffling through the studio. After losing last week to Bleu, Abby wants to strike fear in the hearts of her original team–moreso than she does on any regular day, at least. She also takes the opportunity to lecture the moms of the selected new group. Even after doubting Abby’s training, Loree has defected to the elite competition group with the veteran moms, and her former newbie counterparts aren’t happy about her move.
Abby wants to reserve any bickering until after the pyramid. Poor MacKenzie is at the bottom for being pulled from the group number so Abby could place the girls in a higher age bracket and hopefully avoid tough junior competitors (epic fail) her lack of maturity during an improv practice. Chloe follows for her sixth place finish. Nia rounds out the bottom rung because she’s Nia, and Nia rarely ever traipses up to the top half of the pyramid. Jade is third on the pyramid for being third in the solos, and Kendall is second for finally figuring out what it takes to become a favorite. Perhaps it’s because she’s been hanging out so much with top dancer Maddie.
This week on Atlanta Exes, the ladies are far from over the fallout at the Tea Market. Sheree Buchananmay have discovered the reason why Tameka Raymond has been throwing so many jabs her way. Monyetta Shaw reveals devastating information. If you thought the argument at the Tea market was bad, this week it is even worse.
The episode begins where it left off, at the Tea Market. Traci is still screaming; and Greg, Tameka’s assistant, is saying that he believes that Traci Steele and Torrei Hart came to the event to bring drama. Outside while talking to Greg and Brandon, Tameka’s assistants or her minions as Torrei calls them, Torrei takes jabs at Tameka’s career. She says that Tameka hasn’t styled anyone lately and has no sense of style. Tameka takes her style cues from the Kardashians. Noooo, *in my Kevin Hart voice,* she definitely would be lost if that was the case. Inside, Tameka vents to her sister. She calls Traci Steele and Torrei, “flat shoe” MFers. Tameka also says that she probably didn’t greet Torrei because Torrei looked like one of the Mongolian carpets, with that nappy ass shit in her head. “You were camouflaged, if you ask me,” Tameka says of Torrei and the carpets. Outside, Torrei complains to Traci that Tameka can’t keep using her son’s death as an excuse. Torrei says that Tameka was like that before her son died, and people around town were saying that it was karma that her son died because of the type of person she is/was. Side note –Personally, I can’t believe that anyone would say that, or that Torrei would be insensitive enough to repeat it, on national TV no less.
Last night was the first installment of the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion – was it me, or was that kind of lack-luster? After a season of serious hysteria and drama I expected something with a little more oomph, but it all felt watered down. Maybe they made a pact that they wouldn’t argue as loudly or as crazily just to spite Andy Cohen? Hey – stranger things have happened!
Can we just be done with Brooks? Talk about beating a deadbeat! He’s smarmy, he’s scummy, no one in Vicki’s life likes him, but for some inexplicable reason she likes him. A lot. So much so that she pretty much imploded her marriage to Donn over her “emotional affair” with Brooks, and she had to shell out big (in massive check form) to finalize her divorce. Tamra can’t forgive the recording of Brooks calling Vicki a “whore” and threatening to beat her (truly unforgivable) and Vicki has forgiven and is moving forward.