Remember how last season on Vanderpump Rules everyone busted Kristen Doute‘s thongbutt for cheating on Tom 1? Well this season she’s accusing him of cheating on new girlfriend Ariana Madix. I dunno kids – it seems kinda transparent to me, like Kristen just wants Tom 1 all to herself and back in her thong-th-thong-thong-thong! (In case you’re wondering why I keep bringing up thongs, it’s cause Bravo gave us a lovely shot of Kristen’s thong butt).
This season everyone on VPR has undergone metamorphosis after the insane betrayals and they’ve grown. Except for Kristen. She’s stayed the same. Well, maybe she’s grown more crazy – we’ll wait on assessing that.
Kristen is supposedly madly in love with 22-year-old Baby Einstein (Slowstein? He ain’t sharp) DJ James Kennedy, who is trying awfully hard to get some attention on this here TeeVee thingy. First he tried to be besties with Tom 1, but when that didn’t get his pale, pastiness on camera, he decided screwing the desperate and maligned Kristen would have to suffice. Other than famewhoring, James enjoys BeamerSelfies. We’ll get to that later. So anyway, everyone has learned. Everyone has grown.
Y’all, is it just me, or is Love & Hip Hop Hollywood getting more and more comical? And scripted? Don’t get me wrong–it kind of makes me enjoy it more! Last night begins as Yung Berg is trying to seduce Teairra Mari with the new music, and he’s outfitted the studio with champagne and strawberries. While Teairra loves the song, she isn’t feeling his romantic intentions. She’s fine with a professional relationship, but she can do without his advances. Berg tells Teairra that Hazel is fighting mad that they are working together, and Teairra goes off on her former friend. Why does Hazel care if Berg produces a song for her? It’s not like they are getting it on behind the scenes. And just like that Berg is brought back to reality.
Of course, at the gym, Hazel is recapping her recent fight with Berg with Masika. In turn, Masika explains her friendship with Berg because she wants to keep things one hundred. Hazel is surprised to hear this…while she knew Masika and Berg were acquaintances, but now Masika is acting like they’re besties. Masika promises she cooled her friendship with Berg when she saw how he continued to treat Hazel, and she reminds Hazel that he’s always been a player and a flirt. Hazel disagrees. In her wacky world, he only had eyes for her!
Last night the Real Houewives Of New Jersey reunion and these girls came prepared to bring their solid gold-plated fambly drama. Really – is there any person on RHONJ that doesn’t have some seriously intense and Lifetime Movie family issues that should not be meta-solved on reality TV? It’s looking like Amber Marchese is the only one, but then again, she has The Jim so maybe not!
But last night all the drama centered around the two famblies that put the thieves in Thick As Theives but certainly not the thick (Lapband as thieves doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?!): the Manzos and the Gorgadices.
Teresa Giudice is headed to prison and she’s still living in a delusional world cause she is a delusional girl. She and Melissa Gorga have a little tension-y about whether or Melissa texes Teresa or called her after she got her sentence. Glad in this terrible time Teresa can still focus on the important things like pettiness! And Dina Manzo, bless her heart, she’ll defend Tre to the bitter end because like duh – murderers aren’t going to prison but “good girls” like Teresa are. Do good girls steal from banks? Does Dina have a different dicktionary than I do? “Good: a person who is like nice-ish and only occasionally like breakes the lawr but who makes really good spaghettis from ingredientzes that are zenny and who defenses me against my horrible sister-in-law.” Dina is a caring friend, but good friends don’t let friends be totally f–king delusional!
On last night’s My Five Wives, Brady Williams hopes in vain that his business will turn around, the family tries to rekindle relationships with their birth families, Rhonda’s son has a health scare which forces her to make a big decision, and the awkward double dates continue.
Rhonda gets ready for another long day at work, saying her kids miss her during her 12-hour shifts as a medical assistant, but that she loves her job. Nonie is busy taking care of her own brood and a couple of Rhonda’s kids while she also works in Brady’s office. According to Nonie, all of the wives work in and out of the home. Not sure we’ve seen concrete evidence of this yet.
Since the season opener of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, we have anticipated the passing of Josh Flagg’s beloved grandmother, Edith. Pass the hanky…that episode has finally come. No more chats in her deluxe apartment in the sky. No more lunches at La Dolce Vita. No more pearls of wisdom to pass along. This woman who endeared herself to us and showed us the softer side of Josh, may be gone from this life, but she is certainly not forgotten. Edith is in our hearts forever.
But before we turn on the waterworks, we must first endure another installment of ‘Will the Brits pull off another impossible deal?’ and ‘The Days of Our Un-Engaged Lives’ with Josh Altman and Heather. James Harris and David Parnes have ramped up the yip yap factor this week to an eleven (Spinal Tap, anyone?) and Josh seems to be back to his old self swimming with fellow shark, Daymond John, founder and CEO of FUBU, and investor on the reality television series Shark Tank.
On last night’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood, we got to see more than our fair share of silly altercations. This show has just become a “lather, rinse, repeat” cycle…one that Mona knows best. However, I do like an episode that shows Soulja Boy’s boyish charm (did I really just type that and mean it?) and Omarion in any capacity!
When the episode starts, Apryl and Omarion are practicing birthing techniques with the help of a midwife, but Apryl is getting more and more freaked out by the idea of a home birth. Omarion want his son to be circumcised, but Apryl challenges him to strip off the turtleneck from his own manhood when their son goes under the knife. Omarion begrudgingly agrees–if his newborn son is man enough to undergo the procedure, he is too. He shares that he told his mom to apologize to Apryl for her behavior at the shower. Apryl agrees to listen to what Leslie has to say, but she’s not burying the hatchet yet.
On this episode of Manzo’d With Children, it looks like a typical summer day in the Manzo household with Albie and Christopher practicing their chip shot in the backyard and Lauren moping around them. Caroline decides to drop the bomb that they are heading to good ole Austin Texas next week to do some research on BBQ sauce. It’s the last family vacay before Lauren gets married and Caroline wants to make sure her bbq sauce is competitive with other brands out there before it hits the shelves. The whole family is on board and this should be fun!
As they’re packing their stuff up, we learn Albie and Christopher’s dog died last Christmas and the last memory they have is of him peeing on their luggage. Gross. Across the hallway, Lauren is packing stilettos and might want to throw in some gym shoes because you know, Texas has dirt. Good God. Christopher is eager to get to Texas and experience some authentic Texas goodies (gun fights, big hair, etc.). While I appreciate their stabs at humor, it’s just very Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie-esque and not funny at all. Meanwhile, we learn Abie is now not eating meat and it’s apparently huge drama as Texas might not have any white meat for him. Oiy!
On Secrets Revealed Part 1 Bravo unveiled all the Real Housewives Of New Jersey drama we missed. The ladies packed up all the tampons at ShopRite and traveled to Atlantic City via party bus. We – and they – can thank the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad twins for this trip!
And a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad trip it was! In synopsis: everyone had their period, Amber Marchese wants to be a Russian hooker named Alana when she grows up, Twinsanity, and Dina Manzo files Atlantic City under “White Trash” in the zen-dictionary.
Of course, more happened: first of all Teresa Giudice packed like her life depended on it – did she know this was the last time, for a long time, she’d be strutting her sequins out on vacation? A party bus, hired by a twin, picked-up Melissa Gorga, then Teresa. Melissa spotting Teresa standing in front of a mountain of luggage, in front of her gelatinous mountain of tackstronomy house, observed, “You need to learn to scale back girlfriend.” Truer words, Melis! They tawk periods and pick-up Dina who is DUH – like on her period!