It’s three days prior to Christy’s wedding day. She is trying on her wedding dress for Briana and Elena and it’s gorgeous on her. Christy says the dress was created to be a short style wedding dress for a person of average height, but it makes a perfect floor length for Christy. Christy tells the girls that she is very excited that her two children will be attending the wedding, as she has split custody with her ex. However, she is also very anxious because tonight her parents will be meeting with Todd’s parents for the first time. Also, Christy has yet to meet Todd’s parents. Briana gives Christy some advice and tells her to keep her mouth shut and not talk too much. Good advice!
I’m sure Aviva Drescher is trying to take credit for it, but it was less about a leg being thrown across Le Cirque (seriously was this not the scene from a David Foster Wallace novel, or what?!) and more about the reactions of the other ladies – specifically LuAnn de Lesseps who literally burst into uncontrollable laughter and couldn’t stop.
Before all of that we have to dismantle the curious case of who got hairy with Harry. Sonja Morgan is reclining in bed, surrounded by interns of a frightened nature, one leg is propped on her pillow – tonight’s episode is clearly full of leg drama. Ramona Singer comes over to see her “Sonja-Bonja” which really is the most apt nickname ever. Sonja Bonja. Say ‘Bonja’ out loud and then laugh cause we all know Sonja likes to bone ya! I digress…
Ramona has Kristen Taekman with her because now that Aviva has outed herself as full-scale allergic to sanity, they need a tagalong to pour their wine. Pinot and Commando are adopting, y’all! Hide your impressionable youngish 30-something quarter-life crisis friends.
We’re back at Caroline’sdinner party with everyone wondering about Caprice’s whereabouts. And suddenly she appears. Like Beetlejuice. After acknowledging all of the Ladies and some of the waitstaff, Caprice finally says hello to the host. Caroline is angry that she wasn’t acknowledged first. Caprice is upset that Caroline didn’t stand up to greet her. It’s pretty damn awkward around that table. After some chitchat, Caprice announces that her surrogate is dilated and she’s about to leave the country to be with her. There’s talk of a mucus plug, but I don’t even want to know what that’s about. Caroline thinks Caprice is being overly dramatic and should just get on the plane already. And she better take the rest of that vegan meal that Caroline had prepared especially for her.
The drama was “reel” on last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. Mimi Faust is still “reeling” from the release of her sex tape with Nikko. He’s still excited from all the people watching the film reel, so at least they are on the same page. Nikko is thrilled that they are trending on social media while Mimi is upset that her shower rod has its own Twitter handle. Of course, she doesn’t seem to be too upset laugh at memes of her co-stars mocking her video all over the Internet. Mimi is grateful for Nikko’s support throughout this ordeal. He’s such a stand-up guy. He’s hoping to start marketing his own line of shower curtain rods. Yeah, Nikko certainly didn’t plan to leak this video…
Rasheeda is back in the studio and she’s dishing with Kalenna on the state of her marriage with Tony. Kalenna reveals that she did get physical with Ashley, but she sent her friend home to work on her relationship with her husband. She also drops a bombshell…she’s pregnant. Kalenna is equal parts stressed and excited because the first time she had a child with Tony, he cheated on her, claiming he wasn’t ready to be a dad yet. Rasheeda urges her friend to break the news to Tony, but she can relate given how Kirk Frost responded to her recent baby news.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County everybody was having a meltdown. I swear Andy Cohen needs to have staff psychiatrists at these Housewives shoots!
We begin at Lizzie Rovsek‘s dinner party on the balcony of bitchery. Shannon Beador is over-whipped into a frenzy and Tamra Judge is making things worse by grabbing at her face and yelling under the guise of calming her down. Shannon became more agitated thinking Tamra’s bad Botox was contagious. “I was trying to restrain her,” huffs Tamra.
Finally David helps Shannon into her coat to escort her out of the party. I’m pretty sure he was planning to drive her to Cedars Mt. Sinai for the Britney Spears suite. Vicki Gunvalson runs outside to confront Shannon and it seemed genuine. She encouraged Shannon to just go home and not deal with this anymore today.
This episode of Game of Crowns can be summed up by the following statement: Nick the cop is crazy. After last week’s TMZ report of Nick biting Vanassa Sebastian’s husband’s ear not once, but twice, during a brawl at the “non Bravo sanctioned” GOC preview party, one can only watch Nick’s antics toward the ladies in last night’s episode with a tainted lens – otherwise known as totally accurate judgment. Oh, and besides getting screamed at and threatened by Leha Guilmette’s husband (and his father!), the ladies also competed in a Mrs. America pageant. So, let’s get to it.
We’re reminded that Lori-Ann Marchese and Leha are both in Arizona competing for Mrs. America while Shelley Carbone, Vanassa, and Susanna Paliotta are flying down to bet on them like racehorses support them. We pick up outside of the airport where Vanassa and Susanna’s matchy-matchy twinkie jumpsuits caused a major blowout, with both women screaming insults at each other. The trio manages to load their luggage into the car, get to the hotel, and choose appropriately distanced bedrooms from their respective frenemies despite the drama. Once there, Susanna takes Vanassa aside to “work through their issues.” Susanna claims she feels bad for Vanassa because Vanassa is the “typical alpha male” who needs to “pee on everything to mark her territory.” Ironic coming from the woman who went to great lengths to wear the same tacky jumpsuit as Vanassa with the express purpose of starting World War Who Cares.
Things kick off at Rob’s apartment. Khloe Kardashian is homeless y’all. I find it hard to believe anyone with an estimated net worth of $18 million could be homeless. Not to mention her mother has a home the size of Disneyland and her step father offered her to crash at his Malibu mansion just last episode. Nice try Khloe, but you my dear are not homeless and I don’t expect to see you at the soup kitchen anytime soon. Khloe and Rob’s relationship is borderline incestuous. Actually it’s not even borderline, it just is. Rob gifts Khloe with sex toys as a welcome present and Khloe announces she will wear lingerie for him. Khloe admits their relationship is like a married couple. I can’t believe I’m going to say this – I’m actually looking forward to Kim taking selfies.
It’s nice to know that no matter how many seasons of Real Housewives of New Jersey we have, some things will remain the same. Teresa Giudice will always be delusional, Melissa Gorga will always be pretending to be someone she’s not (i.e. rich), and the fashions will always be an abomination that is almost unbelievable!
While Teresa is in denial about potentially going to prison – and perhaps if you’re headed to prison the only way to get through is to be in denial – she’s planning for Christmas with her daughters. I will say, and I may regret saying this, Teresa seems much more humbled, sincere, and real this season.
All the Jersians are preparing for Christmas in their own way: Dina Manzo has to put the tree outside because her hairless cat Botox is afraid of it or something. Maybe seeing his reflection in the shiny ornaments was traumatizing. Lexi is waiting for college admissions letters, but has her heart set only on NYU. Dina encourages her to throw a rock over a bridge and let go of preconceived notions of destiny. #ZenByBravo Dina needs to stop getting her life tips from old episodes of Dr. Phil.