Ramona and Sonja are cackling drunkie-drunkifers who happen to be charming in their own minds. Delusional, desperate, clinging to the disillusion that they matter, and running amok like a middle-aged hasbeen PinotDee and PinotDumb. It’s time to put down the wine and the antics and grow the eff up. Turtle Time is over.
Things begin where they left off with Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher meeting beak to beak to discuss the inappropriateness of talking behind someone’s back. And ironically, Ramona is hiding right behind Heather’s back listening in. Cue an wine-fueled embarrassing meltdown of screaming obscenities across someone else’s party.
Oh the twists and turns of last night’s Bachelor Pad. I have to admit, with the exception of predicting a camping date, I had it all wrong…
Blakely Jones is so thrilled that her alliance had her back. I wonder if she’ll ever realize they weren’t keeping her around because they like her, it’s because five-star crazy is fun to watch, and they know she’ll never win. Chris Bukowski crawls into his top bunk and burrows under his covers. Jamie Sarah Newlon comes to his bed and starts baby-talking to him. He’s pouting sleeping. Chris reluctantly lets girl number three crawl into his bunk.
Kalon McMahon walks into the bedroom, and Chris wants to know why his buddy lied to his face. Chris demolishes a rose and throws the petals at Kalon. “How romantic,” coos Kalon, “Must be how you won Emily.” Ouch. With that Chris hops out of bed to go confront Ed Swiderski, leaving Sarah looking a lot like Jamie last week. Ed says he’s more loyal to Jaclyn Swartz than he is to Chris. When Ed raises his voice to be heard over Chris, Chris starts screaming to talk like an adult. He’s something else, isn’t he? I hope Sarah is picking up these red flags. Ed can’t apologize anymore, so he’s out…and a wine glass gets smashed in the process. Mazel Tov!
Finally, the episode we’ve been waiting for all season–the last one! Last night was the season finale of the scripted train wreck that is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.
Lil’ Scrappy goes to visit Erica Dixon, and she doesn’t trust him. Erica doesn’t think he can be loyal. He claims that Shay is a friend, but Erica knows she’s just a “slut bucket.” Loves it! She just wants them to be friends and be great co-parents to their daughter. Scrappy professes his love and apologizes for being “a little wild,” but he ultimately agrees that the pair needs to focus on their daughter. If they make it work down the road, he’ll be thrilled, but right now he can be patient.
Last night was the season finale of Mob Wives Chicago, and we finally had some questions answered and saw at least some of the women having fun together. It’s about time, that’s for sure!
Pia Rizza heads to Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s apartment to discuss her very productive and positive meeting with Nora Schweihs . Pia reveals that Nora ran away as soon as they began to talk, and she is no longer a thought in Pia’s mind. Renee is all “duh.” I know middle schoolers with better vocabulary. Renee shares with Pia her screaming match with Giana’s father. She is worried that when Giana finds out she yelled at her father, it will push her daughter even farther away from her. Renee also talks about her weekend getaway with Dave. While it was fun, she isn’t sure what it actually accomplished to help their relationship. Pia advises her to focus on Giana and put Dave on the back burner.
Ahhhh… New Jersey, where class goes to die. Oh, I joke! What I should say isReal Housewives of New Jersey- where class goes to die. So Chris Laurita tried to be all sophisticated-like and invite these imbeciles to a vineyard he is hoping to sign a business deal with. So, just read that sentence back to yourself again and then pause – no logic, right? Well, I guess he needed Bravo to expense his business trip.
This episode had a lot going on from friendship and family drama to marital discord, but the important thing, the crazy thing, the most ridiculous thing was Joe Giudice andAlbert Manzo‘s highly intense discussion about KFC. Was there or was there not a KFC on some street, in some random Jersey suburb?! There they are on a bus bitching about biscuits. This warrants a very terse and snippy discussion peppered with F-bombs and lots of ‘I ate extra crispy every day dammit, I know where the bleeping KFC is dumb a$$.’ “You’re a loser!” Albert yells. Yeah… grown men over there!
It was a Big Ang birthday last night! Ang planned a surprise shindig for her sister Janine, but both she and pal Linda celebrate their big days during the same week.
Linda comes to visit Ang’s chest at the Drunken Monkey. Anthony arrives with his new motorcycle. Linda manages to make sitting on a motorcycle pornographic. Of course she does. Ang is terrified at the thought of riding a motorcycle…something tells me that is foreshadowing. Later, Ang has her friends over to enjoy some bubbly and a very dirty pool. Kilo is breathing all over Lil’ Jen. Ang hates shoveling leaves out of the water, and she decides she’s going to get herself a pool boy for her birthday. He can fill her champagne glass, massage her head, and fetch her towels. No mention of cleaning the pool though…
Immediately following Janelle‘s eviction, the houseguests all but handed the Head of Household to Frank. Frank, the ox-like creature teamed up with Boogie, who has escaped eviction three times in four weeks… makes perfect sense. But, it’s okay, right? The Silent Six should be safe. They promised!
Britney immediately came down with a case of “OH S**T!” In the end, Frank stayed true to the alliance thanks to Boogie‘s insistence, and nominated Wil Heuserand Joe Arvin. Frank really wanted to nominate Dan. Boogie said no. Frank won the Power of Veto and really wanted to back door Dan. Boogie said no. Boogie is such a buzz kill.
The Big Brother week started with Joe as the target and Wil as the pawn. Then, Wil proved just how much he sucks at playing Big Brother. Wil’s flippant attitude left Boogie and Frank feeling uneasy. Who is evicted – Wil or Joe?
Aaaahhh… last night the bitchery on Project Runway was at an all-time high. Apparently the producers think we want that – we don’t. We want high-quality interesting fashions. We didn’t get that. We got meltdowns of epic proportions instead. And one delightful Dmitry who is slowly warming my ice cold Reality TV fashion blogging heart. Marry me you Russian dancing boy stud with the deadpan stare.
So last night the designers had to divide into two teams and create a “capsule collection” of work wear for Marie Claire Work – which is apparently a magazine? Is that like the magazines Ramona Singer appeared on the cover of? AKA: no one has heard of them and you can get them for free next to the trashcans outside of the 7-11? Anyway, yay! Product promotions!
So Gunnar (crazy skunk head loony boy with drama coursing through his veins like a fiery will) and Raoul (already eliminated once and back with a desperate vengeance) are picked last. Cue the meltdowns. Shockingly it was Elena, Dmitry‘s former Soviet Bloc comrade, who suffered from the biggest bitchery fit last night.