Drama, exciting and new…come aboard, we’re expecting you! Where y’all as excited as I was for the season premiere of Below Deck? Those Captain Lee, Stud of the Sea ads on Bravo have been quite a tease. Thankfully, our wait is over. Bring on crystal blue water, Captain Lee lectures, millionaire antics, and sunny insanity!
Before we get into the recap let’s meet the crew, shall we? Returning this season are a few fan favorites. Adorable bosun Eddie Lucas is back, as is Kate Chastain and her bitchy resting face. Kate’s least favorite stew Amy Johnson returns as well. Of course, it wouldn’t be the show without everyone’s favorite captain! Joining the group are some folks who are sure to bring the crazy. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota is a former competitive diver and surfer who went to culinary school in the hopes of being a yacht chef. Unfortunately, this summer she’s just second stew. She’s also likely to be in a 5150 hold at some point in the near future.
Last night the ladies covered what I refer to as administrative details, but Andy Cohen was utterly superfluous as Bethenny Frankel stepped in to truly host the reunion, which is an excellent way to take heat off your own misdeeds. Like when Bethenny repeatedly accused Ramon Singer of being nasty and having a nasty side and saying truly awful things. I was like for every finger Bethenny is pointing at Pinot Pologies of The Ramacrame Delusions of Turtle Time Island, there are four Singer Stingers pointing back at Bethenny. Honestly, is Bethenny cognizant that she is the queen of the cutting and nasty comment? Back to Dr. Amador‘s couch you go! She should just move the good doc into her Skinnygirl subsidized apartment, paint him red, and make him part of the zillions of products she hawks under the guise of healthy living.
There is so much to cover in this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County. The drama was as fast-paced as a NASCAR race and just as laden with fiery crashes. It was hard to know where to look with all the insults speeding past. I think Heather Dubrow‘s wide-eyed, defied the effects of Botox, shocked face said it best. You know something’s big when it supersedes the glamour of a 22,000 square-foot house with its own luggage room, and a lunch menu that features “sparkle cauliflower!” (That sounds like something from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection).
Before all the hate comes love-ish. Vicki Gunvalson is getting into the business-side of filling love tanks and renting out her backyard for weddings, specifically the wedding of Tamra Judge‘s son Ryan. It also emerges that Vicki and Tamra attend the same church. Tamra is in chapter 2 of Bible For Dummies and is therefore ready to be baptized at the big church party. Dunking your head in a vat of wine does not count as accepting Jesus, Tamra.
Nina Parker, formerly of TMZ and the Insider, is at the helm of this season’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion. She can’t do any worse than hosts of the past, can she? In my opinion, she did a good job wrangling Stevie J., Joseline Hernandez, Mimi Faust, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost and crew, but we’ve got another hour next week to draw final conclusions! Off that bat, she begins last night’s first installment by introducing the major players. Thankfully the extras are “holding it down on the couches,” although there are several minor characters missing at this point.
In the finale episode, Stevie takes off to Los Angeles without his bride, but he and Joseline explain that they are “working through things” and happy. Stevie feels proud and healthy due to his sobriety and Joseline doesn’t see the need to accommodate him by curbing her intake…as she states, she’s not going to court. Joseline then turns on her co-stars, saying that if they are nice, she’ll be nice, if they act a fool, well…Nina highlights Joseline’s journey after her last reunion antics from reconciling with Stevie to NOT apologizing to Mimi. Joseline tells Nina that she was in the wrong for wiling out the last time they were in this situation, but everyone was ganging up on her. As for apologizing to Mimi, Joseline doesn’t think her husband’s ex needs to hold her breath. Stevie feels badly for pushing Joseline’s buttons when it came to her working without him, and Karlie Redd expresses her surprise at the bouquet that met the side of her face. Joseline instructs her to speak more loudly like when she bleeps bleep. Geez. Ariane challenges Karlie’s loyalty, and the two have a war of words. Oddly enough, the Karlie and Joseline agree that they could be friends going forward.
Y’all, I’m torn. On one hand, I enjoy watching a show on Bravo that doesn’t revolve around incessant bickering and pettiness, but on the other hand…that chef, the language, Kim Zolciak Biermann’s new face that she’s denying! What’s up with all of that? Don’t Be Tardy is certainly mindless entertainment, but I feel like it’s also killing my brain cells…but what reality show isn’t these days? 🙂
Last night’s installment begins with Kroy and the obnoxious chef playing pool as Gloria the assistant brings downstairs the overly excited tiny pups with their red rockets glaring in Kim’s face. As Kim complains about the puppies x-rated doggie parts, one creature pees on Brielle’s bum and everyone gets into an overly ridiculous conversation about how many sacs hold the testicles in both canines and men. Kim has felt the balls and sacs with her pooches and her husband. That’s a tad too much information for this blogger!
Last night on Manzo’d With Children Mother’s Day was celebrated with a throwback photoshoot, Albie and Chris still pretended they don’t have jobs, and Lauren decided to never leave home again. Actually they barely leave the kitchen… what is happening in the rest of that house!?
Caroline Manzo is stressed. First Chrissofart left mommy and is now debauched in Hoboken. Now Lauren, about to be married to Vito the living incandescence of an Al-flavored mozzarella ball, wants to MOVE. OUT. Caroline cannot have this.
Caroline tries to convince Lauren that she and Vito should just stay at home to save their money, because Caroline is not giving them a downpayment on a house – only utilities in her house! This is what passes for responsibility in Manzo-land? Shouldn’t Lauren already have savings given that she’s been living with her mother her entire life? Caroline would prefer they make the ‘smart choice’ to live with her until they can afford to buy a nice (re: luxury) instead of living someplace dumpy (see: Crissofart’s apartment).
But Vito doesn’t want to live with Ma and Pa Smothers, he wants the freedom to show his love to Lauren and admits to his fiancé that he wouldn’t feel comfortable “in the bedroom” living at her mother’s. Does Lauren care what Vito thinks or wants? #RhetoricalQuestion.
Boss Jackie Christie has alienated almost every co-star on Basketball Wives LA, but Draya Michele isn’t far behind when it comes to upsetting friends. After Jackie and Brandi Maxiell’s explosive French fry altercation, the women were back last night to instigate more drama. Bring on dodge ball! The episode begins with Brandi meeting up with Mehgan Jones after their brawl in Santa Barbara. The two ladies have forgotten their smack down, and are instead blaming Jackie for all of their issues. As to whether Jackie is still hosting a cancer event to celebrate Brandi…that’s still up in the air! Brandi and Mehgan seem to have forgotten their punching match a few weeks earlier in lieu of bonding over how much they dislike Jackie.
Meanwhile, Jackie is recapping the insanity differently by sharing with Shaunie O’Neal that her latest experience with Mehgan who renders the suggestion that everyone bring tennis shoes? For fighting? Nostrils tempers that the tennis shoes were probably an invitation to exercise. Mehgan is meeting with Malaysia Pargo and Angel Brinks, and she reveals that she wants to unleash her anger on Jackie by hosting a dodge ball tournament. That’s much kinder than I expected.
Well, last night’s Little Women: LApicked up right where we left off. In the tornado of Tonya Banks and Jasmine Sorge. Last week, Jasmine stormed out of a party after surviving multiple confrontations with Tonya, all stemming from some trite slight (or perceived slight) that Tonya’s hanging on to from a year ago. As Jasmine tries to flee the scene, Tonya “touches” her head after Jasmine put her hand in Tonya’s face. As far as Jasmine is concerned, Tonya is trash. As far as Tonya is concerned, Jasmine is a sh*t stirrer. They vow to never be friends. (Pinky swear.)
The next day Briana Manson and Tonya meet for lunch to debrief. Since Jasmine is the only friend she has left who accepts her relationship with Matt, she wants to keep the peace. In order to do that, Tonya claims Jasmine needs to apologize or she’s “gonna snatch that wig off her head.” Because Tonya is all class, all the time. At her home, Jasmine cries to her husband about Tonya’s ratchet behavior. She expects more of little people, and just wants to get along with the group. She’s not ready to be around Tonya, but will have to face the music at Christy McGinty and Todd’s upcoming anniversary party.