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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta left NeNe Leakes and myself completely speechless. I dare say that was the oddest, craziest and most bizarre fight in Housewives history! Poor South Africa didn’t deserve this. Also, for self-proclaimed etiquette expert Marlo it’s a long way to the top if you want to be a socialite!

Arriving in South Africa the ladies brought the wild to the safari. Chalk it up to jet lag if you will. Lord the one liners in this episode are PRICELESS! After some super annoying Blair Witch Project footage of the women flying coach with no make up, they land in the airport, where much drama with the luggage ensues.

Apparently no one with the title “Housewives of Atlanta” can go on a ten-day trip with less than ten bags, so everyone is pushing these ENORMOUS luggage carts around the airport. Louis Vuitton is probably issuing a cease and desist letter right about now – either that or filing a defamation of character suit after this episode.

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Last night’s Mob Wives had everyone talking… about each other… behind their backs.

Drita D’Avanzo invites her friend over for a drink… so she can sign her divorce papers. She hasn’t spoken to husband Lee because she’s waiting for an apology. She knows the divorce is pretty much going to blindside him, but Drita believes it’s a move she should have made when he was first incarcerated.

Karen Gravano meets her pseudo-cousin Ramona Rizzo for dinner to discuss her calm, cool and collected meeting with Carla Facciolo. Sheesh, after taking shots and making peace at the end of the last episode, Karen has certainly changed her tune. Karen isn’t sure if Carla is Drita’s lackey or if she’s manipulating the situation. Ramona thinks that Drita is their main problem, but she still isn’t digging Carla. Ramona has heard that Carla has said the two are arch enemies… she threatens that Carla has kids at home, so she doesn’t need to be spreading rumors about big, bad Ramona. If Ramona hated Carla as much as Carla thinks she does (did she, or did she not just threaten Carla and refer to her kids in said threat? Am I missing something?), she’d be outside her house pinning Carla… in a voodoo doll way, not a pinterest way. Karen declares that she’s made peace with Carla, before smack talking her yet again.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore episode was aptly titled by the network “Free Vinny.” Not even 30 seconds into the episode and I can’t get Micheal Jackson’s “Free Willy” soundtrack song out of my head, only my mind is singing, “Hold me, like the roommate Vinny, and I will say to thee, you are my friend.” Pathetic, right? Right. I hope it sticks with you as it has with me. :)

So right off the bat, we all know it’s NEVER a good sign if the Shore Store boss shows up at the house. He knows his hair blends in all too well with the house’s “quaint” wood paneling, so usually he tries to stay as far away as possible from that set. It must be dire. It is… with Vinny at home and Mike MIA, there are shifts that need to be covered. Crude words aren’t ironed on to scanty boy shorts all by themselves, dear readers! Boss man Danny is not happy with their work ethic and he threatens to increase his employee base. That means potential new roommates for the gang. Because this show has all of a sudden turned into the Real World.

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Top Chef Season 9

Previously on Top Chef: Beverly gets sent home and Charlize Theron was awesome and beautiful.

We return to Top Chef:Texas with the chefs in the stew room going over Beverly‘s departure. Grayson talking-heads that she’ll miss her while the other chefs are either hiding their feelings or just don’t seem to care.

All of a sudden an angel walks in, a.k.a. Charlize Theron, and she thanks the chefs and calls herself a “huge nerd.” No, Charlize, people currently on their 98th consecutive hour of playing Skyrim while on a Mountain Dew drip are huge nerds. You are a pretty actress.

With the stew room properly blessed, we move on to the rest of the episode and the quick fire challenge, this time being judged by Padma, Emeril Lagasse and Cat Cora, who also has a new Bravo show coming up soon, Around The World In 80 Plates (Bravo doing cross-promotion, SHOCKING!!)

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On last night’s Teen Mom, emotions, not rational thought, reigned supreme. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘what else is new?’

Corey is working to secure a better job as a coal miner. He and Leah go to look at a piece of land where they could put a nicer trailer — it’s closer to town and the schools will better for the girls. Leah begins to look online for a new mobile home. Is Leah wearing a wig? Leah is excited to be a coal miner’s wife, especially due to better insurance and a closer proximity to Ali’s doctor.

Kailyn and Jo fought previously about Isaac’s child support and she is patiently waiting for his first payment. After a quick check of the mail, she receives a petition from Jo about why he shouldn’t be asked to pay that much support. She fills in poor Isaac on the discontent between she and his father, reading the petition to the toddler and explaining her side of things. I fully realize that the one-year-old has no clue what she is talking about, but still, I don’t think she needs to get into the habit of bashing Jo to his son.

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Last night’s season finale episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills brought us back to the show we know and love with an over-the-top wedding featuring all the trimmings those of us in the real world could never afford. It was beautiful, it was captivating, it was pink, and most importantly, it was drama free! I think it was a perfect season finale — until the last fifteen minutes, which I’ll pretend never happened.

It’s the day before Pandora’s pinksplosion fantasy wedding. As planned, the Vanderfabulous-Todds have converted part of their tennis court into the wedding site complete with a massive white tent that ensconces every surface in dangling crystals. While everything is carrying on as scheduled, Kevin Lee is apparently out of town! Kevin’s assistant is there in his absence and while she lacks Kevin’s bling, bling, she seems far more efficient.

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Last night was the finale of Love & Hip Hop. Given all the drama of the past season, it was a relatively tame ending. Almost nap worthy. Of course, our friends at VH1 tied up all the story lines with a neat little bow, but let enough drama leak to insure another season. No matter what, the finale was not much more than…{yawn}.

Kimbella invites Yandy over to discuss her latest blow-up with Erica. Yandy is shocked — she thought the pair was fine, but Kimbella fills her in on Erica’s recent interview. Regardless, Kimbella has bigger fish to fry as Juelz has been arrested for an episode with a neighbor. Her heart breaks every time she gets an update from prison.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim got ready for Kroy to leave for training camp and the rest of the ladies planned their trip to South Africa! NeNe decided to really stir up the drama by sneak inviting Marlo, and telling nary a soul, but Cynthia. And, oh my, were the ladies surprised, but not thrilled when Marlo joined them at the departure gate!

Things begin at Marlo‘s house, and ok, call me crazy, but I love the decor and the color scheme. NeNe is impressed that Marlo read Kim and Kandi the riot act at Cynthia‘s agency opening and definitely didn’t back down. On the tour, NeNe discovers Marlo has a full security system installed in her house, which she can monitor from her bedroom! Who is she, Drita D’avanzio? Is she mistressed to the mob in secret?

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