We pick up at Kyle Richards’ gay singles mixer and let me tell you, if there is one thing that unified the gays in that room it’s that they were all: “HOLLA we never have to end up tied to one of these crazy broads!” Then they retreated to a corner, made good use of the free drinks, and watched the single almond dinner show, because as we learned last night women of Beverly Hills think indulging in a hot dog shared three ways is a treat.
Kyle wants Brandi and Kim Richards to leave – obviously because they have sucked the air out of a party already about dry spells – but Kim just sits at some table in the mood-glow lighting like, ‘I don’t want to leave it’s my by-proxy party cause Kyle is my sister and I can ruin it if I want to!’ Brandi hauls her out, after reminding her that Kyle is not her sister, which jerks Kim to life, cause – Brand is right!!! Huh?
Outside Kim complains that Kyle was trying to “force” Brandi to spill secrets about her life and wanted to embarrass her. Oh, and Kyle is to blame for everything. Brandi and Kim are a toxic mess.
Abby Lee Miller makes me want to break my television set. You mess with Nia, you mess with me! Last night’s Dance Moms was just more of Abby’s downward spiral into mean madness and delusion…and to be honest, I didn’t think she had much farther she could go! Boy, was I wrong!
After the ALDC’s first competition in Los Angeles where Abby was missing in action most of the time, she is back and more hateful than ever. I wanted to spit nails just watching her. When the group gets to a new studio, the moms and dancers wonder if Abby will even arrive at rehearsal. Holly has reached out to Aubrey O’Day (formerly of Danity Kane) to see if she would be interested in working with Nia. Abby beckons her students in with the shrieks of a banshee, yelling that the girls first attempt to compete in LA was “FAILURE!” Holly and Jill speak up to remind Abby that she was absent all last week so it’s not fair to blame the girls. Abby refuses to tell the mothers where she was the previous week, and Holly continues to ask her whereabouts. Holly then cites Abby’s unprofessional behavior during Nia’s casting call, and she screams that Abby is a shallow, nasty woman. She’s not Kelly or Christi and she accuses the other mothers of being cowards for not supporting her and standing up to Abby. Holly is sobbing and poor Nia is in limbo as Abby smirks.
Last night Donald Trump started off Celebrity Apprentice by demanding one of the remaining three celebrities plead their case to remain in the game. It was down to Vivica A. Fox, Geraldo Rivera and Leeza Gibbons. Naturally, human drama cannon Geraldo was not going anywhere.
Leeza attempts to blow sunshine up Geraldo’s patootie about what an amazing player he is. Smart move: she knows she can beat the pants off him and wants Vivica out of the game. I am sure Geraldo would gladly remove his pants, however, to pose for another naked selfie, just to reiterate how he started the selfie craze.
However, Vivica, after surviving “Toxic Trick”, decided the fight was not left in her. It must be the menopause making her act crazy, because she eliminates herself and promotes Leeza. So Vivica is fired and Geraldo espouses about how he is impossible to take down unless you are a KKK member on his 1987 talk show where he broke his nose.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules there was a wedding instead of cheating drama! Scheana Marie got married and it had all the tackery and whinery one would expect. What one could not expect is that she spent approximately $100,000 on disco glitter and tantrums.
Things begin with Scheana visiting Lisa Vanderpump‘s house for a pre-wedding check-in. Lisa wants to know if Scheana is really in love with Shay, the lurking hulk of gooey melted gummy bears that is about to become her permanent bedmate. Scheana is – why, she couldn’t tell you. What Scheana CAN tell you is that the heart wants what the bride wants no matter what it costs! It is HER. DAY to be pretty princess for a change, to usurp Stassi Schroeder as the unequivocal self-dubbed princess in the big pouffy dress and have all the attention ON. HER.
Lisa wonders how Scheana is paying such extravagances as 5 sets of mink eyelashes and 50,000 rhinestone-studded rose pedals… Well, since you asked, Scheana is using her lawsuit settlement! BRAKES SCREECH… what, you say? Remember when Scheana broke her teeth and had to have 6 hours of agonizing dental surgery and no one visited her in the hospital? Well Scheana sued whomever broke her teeth and got a settlement, which she is blowing on her very own Barbie dream wedding!
I’ve been waiting all weekend for more of Chrissy’s fabulous wigs. She’s pulling a fast one on us, right? Her hair–or the drama–on last night’s Love & Hip Hop didn’t disappoint. It was the same manufactured Mona mess as always!
After Mendeecees’s mother and his ex Samantha’s mother went haywire with drink throwing and death threats at a recent meeting to discuss Little Mendeecees, Yandy Smith is shopping with her fiance and getting the scoop on the evening’s antics. Yandy doesn’t know whether to laugh or, well, laugh at the idea of Mendeecees’ mom and Kim brawling over their grandson’s future. And here Yandy thought involving the grandmothers would create calmer negotiations. I guess if she wants something done right, she’ll have to do it herself!
Rich Dollaz has fun friends. He asked Cisco and Mendeecees to go shoot some hoops, but uh oh! The fellas take a wrong turn on the way to the basketball court and end up at a strip club. The three men share about the messy situations in which they have recently found themselves. Mendeecees is like a broken record with his mama drama, Rich was put on social media blast after messing with Jhonni, and Cisco can’t believe that the girl he cheated on and left has moved on with a new boyfriend. The nerve! Chink commiserates as well. He’s in love with Chrissy, but he’s not ready to divorce his wife yet. However, after hearing the craziness his friends are facing, he starts to think that perhaps his relationship with Chrissy is worth moving on from his ex.
And furthermore, if you are so upset that people are “unjustly” calling you a whore, and you don’t want women resorting to those insults, why is that the only insult you’re ever resorting to? These are real questions for Claudia, who calls herself a journalist. I’m investigating and I want answers.
It seems to me that it should be Porsha who is upset with Claudia, I mean I’d be pretty pissed if someone, for basically no reason, called me a prostitute on national television and then didn’t even have the proof to back it up. That’s some slanderous libelous hearsay and I am misusing legal jargon cause I got my law degree from the same $19.99 internet correspondence course that Phaedra Parks did. The one where long-term thinking and recidivism rates are like huuuuhhhh? The same legal school where they don’t teach you that marrying an ex-con exponentially increases the likelihood that you’ll be married to a prisoner at some point. What happens on air mattresses in the ghetto at 2 am renders one dumb and useless, I suppose!
Much like all of us have been doing for several seasons, anthropologist students have decided to research why four women have decided to spend their spare time braiding Kody Brown’s hair. On last night’s Sister Wives, social scientists moved into the cul-de-sac compound to study the true dynamic among Meri, Janelle, Christine, Robyn and their brood of children. I want to know the time line of when these episodes were filmed. Was it before or after the great wife swap of 2014? Perhaps that will be addressed in the SECOND HOUR…or not (really, TLC?) of last night’s Sister Wives, which is aptly titled “All About Robyn.”
Christine is thrilled to have her mom Annie moved into her home, although the kids are taking some time to adjust to another adult in the house. That evening, Kody makes the announcement that four anthropology graduate students will be coming to visit and study the family. Kody believes these grad students have hit the jackpot with his family. The students’ professor coaches the students on what to watch for…who is the sex wife? Who is the love wife? Will there be another wife? Potentially the young student who is now fearful she needs to fake a relationship to thwart Kody’s advances? The wives and Kody go to meet with the students to set some ground rules. The students don’t want to be treated like guests.
Last night Chris Manzo went for round two on the Millionaire Matchmaker. While some things have changed, like he’s no longer on Real Housewives Of New Jersey… OK, that’s the only thing that has changed (including that Patti Stanger still wears rompers and short-suits every freaking day!) because Chris is still a mama’s boy who needs mama’s approval before buying a pants that don’t belong on a 50-year-old.
True to form Caroline Manzo accompanies Chris to check in with Patti and go over what he’s looking for in a woman. He found her – her name is Caroline. Patti eventually sends Caroline out of the room because there is a difference between smothering and mothering, but the sad part is Chris is looking for someone, not only that his entire family also wants to date, but whom reminds him of Caroline, because he idolizes his parents’ marriage. Mmmmkay, moving on.
Patti describes Chris as desperately clinging onto the mama’s boyness and is afraid to move-on (or out!). She worries that he comes across as boring and needs to be micromanaged. Caroline worries that with Lauren getting married (and hating every girl Chris and Albie look at) and Albie finally in a relationship, Chris will end up living at home forever. Not that it’s a problem … I mean who makes better meatballs than mama?!