Forget about a segue for last night's Southern Charm…let's just get started with the pregnancy drama, shall we? We pick up where we left off last week as a wasted Thomas Ravenel walks a sloppy Kathryn Dennis down Broad Street for more boozing. They flirt like middle schoolers as to whether they should purchase a pregnancy test. T-Rav questions whether Shep Rose could be the father, but Kathryn slurs that he was just a fling and goes in for the make-out. Thomas grabs ass before they head to the Rite-Aid for an EPT. I'm sure that the cab driver thinks he's being punked by Taxicab Confessions.
Back at his house, Thomas and Kathryn are plagued with test errors, which are actually more user error. A pouty Kathryn can't believe that T-Rav would be so irresponsible as to put her in a position to be pregnant (really girl?), but she gets more upset when he assures her that they may be in the clear. So, does she not want to be preggers or is this her dream? Thomas promises his entire family fortune to this potential unborn child.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta are still in Mexico. And they're still on the Krayonce Moore Does Mexico Tour which includes several events with misguided purposes, layered and shaded in ulterior motives and sneaky behavior. You know, the usual!
We left off with Kenya and Apollo having a "chat" and in walks Phaedra Parks rocking a stare that would turn any inappropriate-acting Housewife to stone. As the other ladies watch, frozen, Phaedra asks Apollo what he's doing with Kenya and then Phaedra storms off.
NeNe Leakes and Porsha Stewart explain to Apollo that he has no business talking to Kenya because his wife asked him not to and that is disrespectful to his marriage. If you think that made sense to Apollo, you're wrong. It didn't. Meanwhile, Kenya was on the other side of the Interviews With A Sexter party gloating to Lawrence.
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2, relationships were put to the test and bacon caused a marital breakdown.
Leah Calvert has made nagging and whining a full-time job. Usually I like Leah – aside from that mop of crazy she insists is hair (we don't believe you, member of the Dolly Pardon Wig Club!) – but last night she was working my last nerve. Look girl from WV, you can't have you pepperoni roll and eat it too!
Five minutes after the twins go to Corey Simms' for his weekend, Jeremy surprises Leah by letting her know he's headed to PA to work for a couple weeks. Leah is not happy. She tells Corey his job makes her feel like a single mother and that while he's gone she gets really overwhelmed. She's also frustrated that he doesn't validate her feelings by listening to an extended whiny-fest about how haaaaard lyyyyyyfe eees when he's gone. She thinks they should go to counseling to strengthen their marriage, but Jeremy is against it. He ain't payin' nobody his hard-earned money to tell him what's wrong with him.
Aviva invites Carole to lunch to discuss books, which really become a war of the words and over words and who wrote them. Aviva started out as a fangirl who took her obsession a little too far. She's currently boiling Carole's bunny slipper in a pot of water to make pasta. For some reason Aviva has an obsession with Carole eating pasta.
Aviva whips out a pair of glasses and says she SWF'd Carole's look. I think she was making a joke. Carole thinks she was making a threat – to both her sense of style and her livelihood. "Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Flattery is the sincerest form of flattery," Carole corrects. Aviva did not get the memo. For a "writer" she has trouble reading between the lines. Maybe Carole should have used a ghostwriter?
How much longer do we have to deal with Abby Lee Miller's crazy mean attitude on Dance Moms? Last night, Melissa got the rare taste of how it feels to have a daughter compete in Maddie's shadow, and she didn't play off her frustration well. At all. It was slightly fun to watch! Finally!
Abby calls her girls together to praise them for their win against Cathy's Candy Apples. Fallon has been given the boot for not remembering her routine, although Abby hasn't totally counted her out as a replacement for one of these losers dancers. During the pyramid, MacKenzie is on the bottom for not attending last week's competition. Funny…Maddie didn't attend a competition, and I believe she ended up third on the pyramid. MacKenzie is followed by Nia for over the top, yet improper facial expressions during the group dance. Payton is back on the pyramid and third from the bottom. Abby rails on how the sixteen-year-old acts like a baby, reminding her that MacKenzie is the baby on the team. Payton runs out of the studio in tears yet again. When Abby follows, Payton sobs that she dances because she love Abby and the studio so, so, so much. Abby softens…kind of.
Last night's Southern Charm began as the cast preps for their day, and I wonder how Bravo is able to get away with so much Jenna King side boob.
Cameran Eubanks is nervous about embarking on her new career as a realtor. She's wonders where her income will come from now that she's left her stable job as a make-up artist at a local department store. Cameran is meeting with a high end broker who is concerned about how fragile and soft the reality star appears. Luckily, Cameran's mother is an etiquette coach who has taught her daughter how to charm the pants off of anyone. She is complimenting the broker left and right and ends up scoring a 3 month trial run with the firm. I'd snark on the fact she's harboring an extremely wealthy fiance who won't appear on the show, but she's really so damn adorable and genuine. Cameran is by far the breakout star of this train wreck…well, she and Whitney Sudler-Smith's mom.
Since it was mostly a bunch of squabbling about tit-for-tat and tampon strings, let's make this quick and dirty! I'm gonna start by paying Snarlton Gebbia a compliment. She looks good! Less Wicked Witch Of The Tanning Bed and more Human Flesh who feasts on food and not the blood of innocents.
Right out of the gate Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville are at it over whether or not Lisa lived in Calabasas at some point and filed for bankruptcy. Lisa says no, but according to the $9.99 background check Brandi did on www.stalkurfriends.com (the same site that tricks you into thinking you'll be able to see who's reading your FB page!) Lisa like so did have an address in the valley. Lisa rolls her eyes. Then Brandi claims SPLITS Richards told her about the Kalatrashass living and Ken's financial past.
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, we dipped into the complex relationships of married couples having problems and the woman who decided it was her duty to help them out using shade, manipulation, and rompers. Kenya Moore, you benevolent soul!
Following the flip your coupledom dinner party, Kenya sits down with Miss Lawrence. She's just finished working out and is tucking into a big plate of fruit. "I have to take care of my figure and watch what I eat. I don't want to leave this trip looking like Phaedra." Phaedra Parkswho JUST HAD A BABY. Phaedra and Kenya need some new original material besides fat and slut zingers. Kenya also has to take care of her figure because African mysterio prince is her only man and errr… yeah.
Speaking of men she doesn't have, Kenya wants to coerce Apollo into a one-on-one so she can force him to admit he lied about the nature of their relationship. Kenya values honesty apparently. Except where her romantic relationships are concerned, then it's like, "Honesty? Who's that? We've never dated… "