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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, Slave took the stage, in what he presumed was a hysterical commentary on Housewives in their natural habitat, including the wrath of Miss. Piggy. Who really does not deserve to be unfairly compared with a certain lady of last night’s entertainment. Miss Piggy is actually well dressed as we know!

Things begin with Tamra showing up at Vicki‘s to make breakfast. Tamra looks cute – I love her shirt. Vicki immediately launches into what’s the deal with Gretchen? Are they besties, what happened, when, and why wasn’t she informed? Vicki is disappointed Tamra never confided her new friendship and warns Tamra that’s she going to have a brown nose because it’s so far up Gretchen’s mmmm. That close up of Vicki was a little frightening, no? Thanks editors!

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Last night, we bid farewell to the girls of the second Teen Mom…with the help of Dr. Drew of course!

After putting Jenelle Evans and Kailyn Lowry in the hot seat last week, Drew has Chelsea Houska on the sofa. She reveals that her relationship with Adam is civil, but does include hooking up with him, Dr. Drew pronounces it not healthy. Wow. I think I could do his job. After recapping Chelsea’s season, I wish Dr. Drew would ream her for riding on Adam’s motorcycle without a helmet. Instead he applauds her for her accomplishments…which I guess she deserves. He mentions her former friend, Megan, who recently had her baby, and Chelsea is quick to say that she hates that her friend is missing out on her youth like she did.

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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After, Bethenny had a girls weekend in Montauk where she confronted her daddy issues. She also wondered about Jason‘s vacations past as a homosexual. And we learn that Jason is finally growing part of a pair and putting his foot down about the home office situation by implementing a schedule!

Things start out with Bethenny meeting her new bestie Hoda for lunch. I do love Bethenny’s dress. The two have bonded over being very busy.

Over ordering Virginica oysters, Bethenny decides to inform both Hoda and the annoyed waiter that the menu options sound like her “wazoo” except nothing about Bethenny seems plump or balanced. Leave it to Bethenny to turn lunch porny. Good lord – she really needs to stop with the stupid, gross vag-talk. The waiter was mortified, which amused Beth.

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VH1 Basketball Wives Season 4

Last night was the second episode, of the new season, of Basketball Wives. Things are status quo…the new girls are trying to cause just enough drama to get camera time while not alienating everyone right off the bat, Shaunie is barely around (she’s too busy producing), the only thing the women like to talk about are one another, and Suzie is clawing her way up the “popular” ladder.

Shaunie, Tami, and Evelyn meet up to discuss the recent fight between Evelyn and Jennifer. Evelyn touts her two friends as good mediators. Tami believes that Jenn just doesn’t get it, while Shaunie thinks Jenn understood but didn’t want to “punk out.” As far as Evelyn’s concerned, Jenn is lucky she didn’t get punched in the face. All the ladies are trashing Jenn, but Tami and Shaunie are trying to be much more objective than the outspoken Evelyn. While all the ladies agree that Jenn has definitely found her voice, Shaunie thinks she is more reserved around her friends, while, doing more trash talking in the media.

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Oh, Jersey Shore, I love when you give the viewers a drama-free episode, filled with drunken stupidity, bunny costumes, and Pauly D one-liners. I love it even more when you try to hide a public service announcement about the importance of watercraft safety into said episode. We’re listening, MTV, and we’ll wear life jackets if we’re ever unfortunate enough to find ourselves in a deflating raft with Snooki at the helm. You may have saved lives. #themoreyouknow

The fight that started to transpire at the end of the last episode ends very anticlimactically. The dude who pulled down Jenni’s napkin dress gets kicked out of the club. As Rawn opines, “You either leave Karma or you get kicked out of Karma. And if you mess with Rog’s girl, you’re going to get messed up…because that is Karma.” I am so glad he understands the phrase! Back at the house, all Snooki want to do is “get it in” (I can’t believe I just typed that!), but he’s vomiting. JWoww hauls Roger off to the smush room, but is called away to do her dooty duty. Ronnie hates that Roger never gets to hang out, and he helps Roger escape to the deck while Jenni’s in the ladies’ room.

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On last night’s episode of Project Runway All Stars the designers headed to the UN where flags of the world were their inspiration!

The designers, still mourning the farewell of Kara, meet Angela at the UN. She briefs them on what, exactly, the UN does, in case you are confused. Does the UN need some good PR or something? Anyways, she informs the designers their challenge will be to choose a flag from one of six countries representing various regions of the globe, and design a garment inspired by the culture of the chosen country. One more twist – they have to use the colors in the flag!

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Do you like the recap title? I got it from one of my former first grade students after his dad’s alma mater beat my alma mater in basketball. If only I’d known in 2005 that Roy’s words would be so helpful to me now. On last night’s Survivor, the tribes proved once again that girls are passive-aggressive, while men like to pound their (sometimes waxed) chests when they succeed. It’s a study in middle school behavior to say the least.

The women head back to the Salani camp, which is basically the Manano camp. The guys brag that they were nice enough to keep their fire burning. It’s annoying to Michael that none of the women had to be voted off since Kourtney broke her wrist. Christina approaches Alicia to rehash the differences the girls had at tribal council. Alicia apologizes for any bad blood, but in her interview she twirls her imaginary evil-doer mustache and proclaims that if she saw Christina drowning in the ocean, she’d look the other way. It’s that kind of empathy I would hope that most special education teachers portray.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, skeletons came out of the closet, or the bedroom if you will, as Tamra and Gretchen told the other ladies about their new friendship and the truth about Brooks’ trouble with the law surfaced.

Things start out at the Effing Catalina Wine Mixer. Which, really is a wine mixer with all the wine these forty-something parents are mixing! No wonder they are acting like such nut balls. They could have their own Will Farrell-esque comedy about people who refuse to grow up.

Tamra is obviously insane – it’s more clear than ever after her meltdown last week – and is very upset that Vicki and Eddie were touching. Tamra is sobbing jealous because she loves them both so much. Eddie reassured her that he is not interested in Vicki, and that he loves her very much. Why he’s interested in Tamra is a whole ‘nother subject.

Back at the table Tamra starts crying again, explaining she doesn’t care about horoscopes, but Vicki and Eddie aren’t allowed to high-five or get within a 50 foot radius of each other. What is she so worried about?????

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