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It’s an all new Jerzday, GTLers! Last night was the season premiere of Jersey Shore which found the gang back at the Shore for Round Three. I have to say, I love the local seasons as compared to Miami and Italy. The drama continues as Mike “The Situation” (or the Saduation) Sorrentino won’t stop with proving true the fact he hooked up with Snooks while she was with Jionni. Without further ado, I’m going to Jersey Shore, b*thches… and I may rip your heads off along the way!

Ciao Florence, s’up Jersey. There’s a montage of the group leaving Italy, although it’s clear they are thoroughly thankful for their experiences abroad. Or not. Fast forward two seconds to a Jersey shuttle ride and the whole cast is riding out to that infamous house that once had an Italian flag spray painted on the garage. What happened to the antics of watching separate housemates hilariously make their way back to the Shore? I guess production costs called for “an altogether now” arrival. Oh, nevermind… they went straight from Italy to Seaside. That’s quite a spring break! One thing hasn’t changed… no one wants to room with creepy old Mike.

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Last night’s Teen Mom 2 was all about holiday hoopla, reconciliations and jail bait. Corey, Leah and the twins enjoy their birthday and first Christmas at home, while Kailyn struggles with sharing Isaac over the holiday. Chelsea can’t do much more than shoot googly eyes at Adam, while Jenelle tries her darndest to bail Kieffer out of jail in time for Christmas. Awww, the gift that keeps on giving… Ugg, ugg, and more uggs…literally.

Chelsea talks to Adam for the first time since their big fight after her surgery. Adam has a new job, and Chelsea wants to the pair cease fire before the holidays. Her mom is trying to be supportive and allow Chelsea to invite Adam over to the family’s Christmas. Adam comes to take Chelsea and Aubree to pick out a tree, and he reveals that his new job provides health benefits for Aubree as well as his child support will be garnished from his paycheck. That’s a start at least!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills a little bit fun and fancy came back to us as the ladies sans Taylor embarked on a trip to Hawaii. Luckily, Loony Lips’ drama wasn’t far behind as she called mid-beach to let everyone know she had ditched her hubs for greener pastures. Hey, I heard Mohammed is single! What about that Martin? Kim also missed the show, but Brandi was there in her stead and ready for a full-frontal close-up! That was some bikini!

Things begin as The White Party rages on! Moments after Kyle and co. have kicked Taylor and Russell out for threatening to sue Camille, the ladies reconvene in the all-white living room to break down the situation again for the umpteenth time. Is she or isn’t she? Lying that is! No one seems to know what to believe. Even Taylor’s BFF is pretty mute about the situation. Adrienne is still pretty pissed that Taylor involved the ladies in all this mess — which I’m pretty sure she thinks is nonsense. Only Dana readily believes her BFFL. Hey girl wants to stay on RHOBH!

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On last night’s Love & Hip Hop, it was all about talking. Blah. Blah. Blah. Everyone wants to discuss Kimbella and Erica’s fight. Yandy wants to talk about her issues with Chrissy which are weighing on her professional relationship with Jim and Chrissy just wants to cry about how Jim isn’t ready to commit.

We begin with Yandy Smith meeting up with Erica Mena about her brawl with Kimbella Vanderhee. Yandy can’t understand why Erica instigated such a hurtful confrontation. Yandy is so confused with Erica’s belief that her behavior was alright. Erica thinks that Kimbella talking about the pair being on the same level career-wise was enough to provoke her insults. Yandy sets her straight… Erica isn’t Yandy’s friend, she is nothing more than a potential client that proved she had a dirty mouth and ugly intentions.

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The last season of Mob Wives ended with a throw down and from the previews it seems like there’s more of the same this time around. I can’t wait! Last night, the ladies of Staten Island dealt with near death experiences and a celebration of life party that quickly turns sour.

The episode begins with Renee Graziano heading to the plastic surgeon to get a full body makeover. She wants a flat stomach and new bum. It looks like it’s going to be A LOT of work. Once she’s on the operating table Renee begins to get nervous. Her son checks in with the receptionist to see how she’s doing, and the camera man is kind enough to show us a giant piece of skin and fat they have removed from Renee’s body. Something tells me this isn’t going to end well.

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The girls of Teen Mom 2 are at it again. They make a good decision, then they make two bad decisions. They seem to be on the right track, then they derail faster than Chelsea can whine that Adam’s changed. And the guys? Oh the guys! I know boys mature slower than girls, but COME. ON. It’s time to step up to the plate, with everyone acting like adults. There are children involved, after all.

We rejoin Jenelle Evans as she moves back in with mom Barbara after filing domestic violence charges against Kieffer. She is trying to redeem her failing grades and focus on her upcoming nineteenth birthday. Her mother seems passively supportive of her daughter’s efforts, but she is concerned that Kieffer will throw her back off course. The two both agree that Jenelle spending time with son Jace is the right thing to do.

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Last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop was a hodgepodge of car shopping, conversations with Chrissy’s aunt Cookie and cat fights. Chrissy still struggles with the status of her relationship with Jim, while Yandy introduces an interloper with some awesome hair-pulling skills.

Jim Jones is buying me a car at the Audi dealership looking for his first white car (he lost a bet) and mocking Chrissy’s reaction when she finds out about his new purchase. It is a beautiful car, fit for a hustler. Jim’s words, not mine. His friend promises to get the bleeped ready (after much rewinding I am going to definitively type he said he’d get the “puff puff” ready) so they can christen the car on the ride home. That gorgeous car won’t even be off the lot before it reeks of marijuana.

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Last night’s Teen Mom 2 doubled the depressing. Jenelle Evans and Kailyn Lowry both battled issues with their distant mothers, while Leah Messer-Simms and Chelsea Houska spent twice the time in the hospital.

Leah is taking time off work to spend time with the twins. She can’t get over her anxiety about Ali’s impending brain MRI. Leah tells her friend that while her daughters are her world, her life would be very different — and probably much easier — if she had waited to have children.

Kailyn is signing the lease on Isaac’s and her new digs. She found the apartment through a non-profit group and she’s keeping the news secret from her mother after getting an ugly note from her mom’s live-in boyfriend. Kailyn is excited to share the news with her boyfriend Jordan and has already decided to turn the laundry room into a small nursery for Isaac since she doesn’t have a washer and dryer.  Jordan seems excited about the prospect of being able to visit Kailyn and Isaac without having to deal with her mom or Jo… although it’s hard to tell, as he’s almost as monotone as his girlfriend.

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