Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County was a case of hypocrite vs. hypocrite as everyone seemed to gang up on Alexis Bellino. Is there anything more ironic in the world than five women comprised entirely of silicon inserts, plastic, spray tan, polyester hair weaves, and injectibles accusing one another of being materialistic and phony? I mean, really… wow… did I just watch that? It was the most… odd argument I’ve ever seen on TV.
There was just SO much crazy going on. 3/4 of these ladies need to hightail it to the psychiatrist’s office for a nice long visit. I hear Dr. Amador is available since Bethenny Ever After is over – maybe he can relocate. Here are my observations:
1) Gretchen Rossiis a bad friend. Yeah, Alexis is a fake, full of it, and completely dumb but she’s not a mean person. For the past two seasons Gretchen has acted like Lex was her BFFL and now quick as instant oatmeal she’s ditched her and joined the mean girl squad. So, yeah, she’s a totally authentic person.
2) Vicki Gunvalson needs help. I honestly think Vicki is hopelessly socially inept and she covers that up by talking fast, saying crazy crap, and bragging. Kinda… like… Alexis, now that I think about it. Vicki seemed uncomfortable on the trip, angry with Tamra Barney, and really stressed about all her personal drama. Instead of being a normal adult and discussing it with her friends she started acting all goofball and hitting the sauce. Seriously – the singing though. Gretchen was right… “hell.”
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Oh snap! The Dance Moms: Miami finale is bringing some dramz in the form of a new dancer…the adorable Mia and her Charo-esque mother. Sweet!
As always, the episode started with the list, and Lucas takes the top spot for his many successes last week. Hannah scores second on the list for scoring second overall, and Angel tells her that she’s now acting like a great dancer and will be treated as such. Sammy is third for increasing her artistic game, with Kimmy fourth for sloppy transitions. Jessi is at the bottom (watch out for Susan!) for messing up in her duet with Kimmy.
Sammy and Hannah both get solos, and Lucas and Kimmy will be performing a duet. Jessi will only be dancing in the group number. Jessi is upset that she isn’t getting a solo, but she’s determined to keep it together to prove to Angel and Victor that she’s a team player. The theme for this week is “celebrity” since they swept last weekend’s competition. Victor announces he has a surprise, and enter Mia. She is one of the studio’s top dancers, who at ten, according to Victor, has the skill and technique of an eighteen-year-old. The dancers are thrilled. They love Mia…Lucas is even rocking a Mia crush. She is a precious little girl.
Last night was the season finale of 16 & Pregnant. We are introduced to Kristina Robinson who lives in Dewberry, Texas with her mother, grandmother, brother, and sister. She is very close to her Aunt Dotty, and spends lots of time at her house with her husband Daniel (that would be Uncle Daniel, correct?) and their three kids (so her cousins…funny how they don’t phrase it like that). It was at Dotty and Daniel’s that she met her boyfriend Todd…who is the younger brother of Daniel…aka her uncle.
The pair started dating a year ago, and things moved very quickly. Around prom time of junior year, Todd proposed, and Kristina accepted. That summer the pair was at the beach vacationing with Kristina’s family. While swimming in the ocean, the couple got caught in a riptide. Kristina was rescued by a lifeguard, but Todd drowned. This is tragic! Apparently, Kristina was about three months pregnant with his baby when he passed away. She has since moved in full time with Dotty and Daniel as she feels they can better to relate to what she’s experiencing with the loss of Todd.
Daniel urges Kristina to include her mother in the pregnancy because she’s feeling left out, but Kristina has a hard time being around her mother who is constantly distraught over the accident. Kristina is the only one in the family who doesn’t need a constant stream of subtitles. Her mother really wants her to move home, but she wants to stay with her aunt and uncle.
Last night was the season finale ofBethenny Ever After. And it really felt like both the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. Julie Plake left, Jason Hoppy and Bethenny Frankel finally moved into their new apartment after a season-long HGTV show of decorating it, and Bethenny announced that the talk show is really happening.
I have to say, I’ve long had a love-hate relationship with Bethenny. I’ve loved her on Real Housewives of New York. I’ve adored her on Bethenny Getting Married?. And I’ve resented her and been in awe of her for complaining about having it all while actually accomplishing it all on BEA.
With that being said, I think it’s time for the Bethenny of reality TV to come to an end. She’s seems done. Frankly, the show seems done. And I think most of the viewers are ready to see the silly, fun Bethenny they fell in love with again. Which hopefully will happen on her talk show.
I can’t say enough about how much Bethenny is willing to let it all hang out – literally and metaphorically – and give us the very best and very worst of herself, but it seems she’s maybe given too much and it’s time to move on. I mean, case in point – do we even care about the revolving door of employees that have now come to dominate the show as Bethenny’s so-called friends and confidantes? Nope. Sorry, Jacs!
Finally, it’s the freakin’ finale of Basketball Wives. I don’t know about y’all, but this season has been incredibly exhausting, and the Tahiti trip has almost made me lose my cool!
We resume the same place we do almost every week, with Evelyn Lozada mouthing off after Jenn Williams escaped into her bungalow. Kenya Bell and Tami Roman are listening to her rants about how fake Jenn is, but I can’t take my attention off her hula hoop sized earrings. Shaunie O’Neal sneaks away to speak with Jenn, but I love that she’s more concerned about Jenn airing the group’s dirty laundry on blogs and twitter instead of Evelyn’s erratic and violent behavior. Why should everything be about appeasing crazy? And I’m not a Jenn fan…I think she should let it go, and I think she is extremely and purposefully pretentious, but geez, Shaunie! She isn’t doing anything worse than Evelyn is!
Part two of the Mob Wives reunion starts amidst the chaos of the Drita D’Avanzo and Ramona Rizzo. Renee Graziano is trying to separate the women, and Drita leaves the set. Joy Behar doesn’t even get out of her seat. She’s just watching the craziness. Finally the women come back to the sofas, where Drita and Ramona continue to scream and bleep and threaten to kill one another off camera. I think they even decide to fight it out after the reunion (in the parking lot, perhaps?), and there are accusations of being in a gang. They are too well-dressed for this nonsense. Carla Facciolo and Karen Gravano are trying to keep the peace, urging the women to speak nicely. Renee tries to redirect, and Karen jumps on her for interrupting Joy. Renee tells Joy how to run the show, and it actually makes sense.
Joy seems to have regained control and Drita and Ramona are able to discuss the fight without raising their voices…too much. The next confrontation highlighted is between Drita and Karen. Karen and Drita have different definitions of friendship, but they plan to respect their truce. Joy is concerned that once people start gossiping on Staten Island, the truce will disappear. Karen and Drita reveal that they have promised to go directly to the other to resolve any issues regarding the rumor mill. Ramona says that she and Carla have a similar agreement, but it seems that Carla still likes to talk about her. Joy was excited that she was able to keep the women calm for at least a few minutes. We need more Big Ang and less bleeping.
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It’s just four days until the fantasy nuptials of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kroy Biermann. As the time runs out, drama amps up…but it’s no longer mama drama on Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. Jen has become the MOH who is MIA.
Just like with every episode, the show begins with Kim Zolciak talking to the adorbs K.J. She is complaining to him about how lax her matron-of-honor Jen is being, and he is just giggling away in his Spiderman hoodie. Kim can’t dwell on slack attendants for long, she has tent issues to worry about. Severe tent issues that drive her to drink white zinfandel before lunchtime. Kim has visions of covering the pool and and getting hitched under a gazebo which will sit atop the jacuzzi. She never ever ever ever had dreams of a tent in her backyard to shield guests from potential bad weather.
The chefs of Around the World in 80 Plates are heading to Barcelona, Spain. All of the contestants are talking mad shiz about their cooking skills…and survival skills. Nookie Postal reveals that he and his wife lived for a year there solely on money from his stellar gambling skills. Nicole Lou is hesitant to return to Spain as that is where she married her now ex-wife. Chevin had an experience with a hermaphrodite upon which I won’t expound.
The first challenge pits every man for themselves. The first five people to reach the goal, which is basically a ski gondola, will be teammates, and the players are trying hard to make it to the gondola with people they want to compete with on a team. The first team, red, ends up being Chaz Brown, Cheven Lee, Gary Walker, Nick Lacasse, and John Vermiglio. The black team is…everyone else. For those of you keeping score at home, that means, Nookie, Avery, Nicole, Jenna Hansen, and Liz Garrett. Nookie is the sole dude with the ladies on the black team. Red team member John is worried about the sausage party in which he’s now involved. The red team arrives first to meet Curtis Stone, and one of the teammates yells, “Boys rule, and girls drool.” I’m taken back to my former first grade student Roy who said that. All. The. Time. The teams must sort and prep different seafood for cash. Whichever team wins the most money will win the exceptional ingredient.
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