Is there any end in sight for Dance Moms? It seems that if Abby Lee Miller has her way, she'll be gracing our small screens every Tuesday from here to eternity! Of course, last night was the finale (I'm still not convinced the season is over), and the ALDC traveled to New Orleans. Abby is revealing the final pyramid before Nationals. Paige is on the bottom, followed by Nia, then Paige. All are called out for nit-picky mistakes. Much to Jill's chagrin, Kendall is also on the bottom tier. She reminds Abby that her duet with Maddiewon first. An overly orange Abby asks Kendall to tell her mother to zip it. Seriously, what is up with that spray tan? Abby reminds me off Ross on Friends when he keeps getting sprayed only on his front (I do so love that episode!).
Peyton rounds out the bottom and Leslie squeals with glee. It looks like someone hitched a ride on the ALDC bus to Louisiana! Abby reminds everyone how much Peyton wants to be a part of the team. Chloe is fourth for being a better dancer two years ago than she is now. Asia is third for being awesome in her duet, but Abby calls her a hot mess in the group number. MacKenzie is second, with sister Maddie taking the top spot. Abby praises her duet and tells her she wishes she'd danced it as a solo. Sorry Kendall!
The group routine will be a tribute to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. To be "fair," Abby is teaching everyone a solo…although she's pitting each of the girls against one another. Petyon and Brooke will be learning the same choreography. Kendall and Chloe will face off for the next solo, as will Asia and MacKenzie. Paige, Nia, and Maddie will vie for the final spot…because that's a fair match-up! Holly knows that it won't be a level playing field with Maddie in Nia's group.
Mackenzie opens the show, reminding us that she's still just a junior in high school. Homework is not a priority but prom is right around the corner. Woot! Mackenzie asks Josh McKee if he wants to go with her, and as always, he "doesn't care." Good talk, Josh. Good. Talk. Mackenzie squeals with delight.
Next Mackenzie shops for a prom dress with zero dollars (and fiance Josh is currently unemployed). Perhaps she should work on that homework a bit more. Math question: Mackenzie has $0. Pretty prom dresses cost $200. How many prom dresses can Mackenzie buy? Show your work.
After the bachelor party hijinks, Tamra figures the best way to continue emasculating her future husband with dance lessons. Tamra shouldn't be dancing. To be honest, I went to get a yogurt during this scene and didn't feel like reliving it so I plowed forward.
Later, Tamra is going to shop for bridesmaids dresses, and Vicki Gunvalson is a no show. Heather Dubrow and Ricky (and some other Bravo extra) are joining her, and Heather realizes she shouldn't be surprised that Tamra doesn't know the difference between blush, cream, ivory, and buff. Who cares? Tamra has plenty of time to find her perfect bridesmaids' dresses. The wedding is two weeks away, which is like an eternity in Bravo-land. The limo pulls up to the elite boutique, and Tamra has flashbacks of her many tequila-soaked vacays to Tijuana. Refusing to get out of the car, Tamra calls Diann screaming about the hideous thrift store. Thankfully, Diann is a bitch-whisperer and she's able to calm Tamra with coos of pricier frocks from the poor woman in the extended stay who designed for Alexis Couture. Thank goodness!
Last night's Basketball Wives marked the fourth straight episode of Evelyn Lozada crying over Chad Johnson, andTami Roman trying her darndest to start something with Shaunie O'Neal despite her positive life changes. It was also the fourth straight episode of Tasha Marbury staying above the drama and Suzie Ketcham talking out of both sides of her mouth (only this time, she's not gossiping, she's just finally healing from her jaw surgery!).
We started back in Evelyn's counseling session. Her therapist encourages her to figure out what she would do if there were no kids, media, or feminist groups involved. Again, I'm sorry…why are all of these people trying to get her back together with a head-butter? We all know that the head-butting incident wasn't isolated. I'm not saying that he was violent towards her multiple times, but their relationship was broken by both of them long before they walked down the aisle. The therapist wants to know what are the wonderful things about Chad that the public doesn't know. Is that you, Mrs. .Ochocinco Johnson? Seriously? With a glass of wine and dose of common sense, I'm more of a therapist than this lady.
Last night Lea hosted her annual The Black Gala and while things were a little more lackluster than usual in the auction department the drama surrounding the grand affair more than compensated. That and the diamonds of course! While the so-called "Cubans" are anything but Lea's besties, diamonds will always and forever be a Housewife's best friends, borrowed or no!
So Lea is hosting her big event, but most of the girls are playing hookie to go to something called Gay Polo. Gay Polo is polo, but there's tigers (and cougars) and leprechauns. Adriana de Moura and Marysol Patton were making a big, ginormous deal out of it like it was some spectacular extravaganza and Prince Harry was going to come out wearing nothing but a loin cloth and some body paint reading Kiss Me, I'm Gay. He's not gay, obviously, but he is hot and exciting. And he plays polo!
Things begin with yet another fight about Melissa Gorga allegedly cheating on Joe Gorga. I was rolling my eyes and guzzling my wine with my Milania Hair Care Hairmuffs on so I really don't know what that man was yammering on about. I was all prepared to throw my wine glass at the TV in my own Incredible Hulk Man-angsty moment when Bravo flashed us back 12 hours earlier.
And I really wish I had been prepared with my blinders on! We are greeted by Poison grinding his junk in Melissa's face. 'Happy Birthday baby – just call me Justin Timberlake cause I got you some d*ck in a box!' Melissa is like 'Where? I don't see it… Oh. Yeah that little guy. Awwww… thanks… Hi TUHREEEZA!" If I got Poison's junk in my face for a birthday gift I would cancel birthdays for the rest of my life. And Melissa had never been so happy to see her sister-in-law.
Everyone is finally moved into the cul-de-sac compound on Sister Wives, and the kids are ecstatic to be so close to their siblings. Kody thinks that Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn will have the biggest adjustment with boundaries.
Robyn has a grand plan to ceremoniously burn the duffel bag that Kody used to tote from house-to-house. Janelle never really minded what the bag represented, and Kody laughs. To Janelle, the bag is a symbol of her independence and served as a reminder that he'd be leaving soon. Sounds about right!
With Mother's Day on the horizon, Kody is meeting with this jewelry manufacturers to design individually pieces for each of his wives. He's hoping that none of the wives will get jealous. After seeing what Kody has designed, I doubt he'll have to worry. Robyn's piece is a phoenix rising from the ashes, Meri gets a loyal dog crown and heart, Christine's piece will be a mischievous fairy, while poor Janelle gets a tree. Will these be available on the web site?
It's been a whole week since I got to spend quality time with Phil, Willie, Jase, Uncle Si, and the rest of the Robertson crew. Sure, I've had my reruns, but I so look forward to Wednesday nights now thanks to Duck Dynasty. Last night was no different. Whether the warehouse boys were convincing Si to pay out his last dollar over a gentlemen's bet or Jase wearing out his welcome at Willie's house, the episode went by too quickly. Sidebar, I love howJep is always referred to as "Willie's Other Brother."
Jase and Missy are renovating their kitchen, so Jase and the kids will be bunking with Willie and Korie. Thankfully, Missy is out of town, so she'll have to miss whatever debacle will surely ensue this weekend. Meanwhile, after a heated race between two toy woodpeckers, Godwin, Martin, Jep, and Si are betting on who can knock down red solo cup pyramids, and Si is doing his best to hustle the warehouse crew. Jep can't believe that Si and his father are related…after all, Phil was almost a quarterback in the NFL, and Si couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.