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Back to the boardwalk! Last night’s Jersey Shore took a step back from the norm. Instead of being a PSA of how not to act/dress/drink yourself into a combination of regret, remorse and oblivion, it was more a study in sociology. This show has long been touted as a gluttonous look at very tan, very blinged out people with too much money, time and booze… but not quite enough sense. As it should be.

However, before I ever got this dream job of blogging for RT, I watched religiously — and not for the antics and the ridic catch phrases and abbreviations (although those are Ah. Maze. Ing!) — because, unlike with any other heavily scripted reality show, these folks really seem to care about one another. They brawl, they bitch, they hook-up, things get awkward, but no matter what, at the end of the day, they really are a family. #SundayDinners

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Previously on Top Chef: salty grits, Padma eats ribs, and cookware gets thrown!

The chefs walk into a completely empty space, followed by Padma Lakshmi and Hugh Acheson who tell them that their elimination challenge this week will be to open and manage an Olive Garden location. Whoever can make the Tour of Italy the fastest will win access to the coveted breadsticks recipe. Finally, a challenge for us normal folks!

Actually, that never happened, but it was kinda close. Padma tells us it’s that time of the season again — for the restaurant wars challenge. Yay! This time, they will be separated by gender, which means we are in for some wonderful talking head commentary on girls ruling and boys drooling. Or, the opposite as Edward kicks off the trash talking by saying that the men are stronger chefs. You’ll want to remember that statement, folks.

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Because everyone likes a little something extra after the holidays, last night MTV gifted us with not one, but two new episodes of Teen Mom 2! I know you’re just as pumped about it as I am, and if you think I’m being sarcastic… well, you’re right. Two hours of mayhem, stupid choices, and those poor toddlers.

EPISODE ONE: MY SHAMELESS PLUG FOR NORTH CAROLINA COURT APPOINTED ATTORNEYS

Leah and Corey are gearing up for more doctor’s visits for Ali. In an effort to cheer up the twins, Leah brings home a kitten. Just one more thing for the couple to take care of in the midst of all their issues. Corey isn’t thrilled about the cat (can you blame him?) but he is happy he’ll be able to accompany Leah to Ali’s geneticist appointment.

Chelsea is recovering from her surgery and she’s bummed to learn that the owners of the house her dad’s she’s renting are trying to sell it. She reveals to her dad that she’s going to have to find new digs. She promises her dad that when she finds a new place, Adam won’t be living with her… he’ll just stay there the majority of the time. Chelsea is ready for a change. There are too many bad memories in her old house — fighting with Adam and growing distant from her former roommate Megan (foreshadowing? And thanks to all the readers who made me realize it will be Megan who shows up preggers in this episode, when I mistakenly thought it was Chelsea’s sister). Chelsea also wants to go back to blonde. Whoa, the changes!

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was fun except for the KimKyle-nanigans – that’s shenanigans by Kim and Kyle, if you can’t decipher the lingo. Kim, in addition to looking a hot mess and appearing hung over the entire trip also had Kyle taking every opportunity to argue with her; those two again managed to be completely inconsiderate to everyone, but luckily it ruined only Kyle’s good time.

Things start out on a high note with Adrienne and Paul hiking and holding hands. Double take! I love Paul in middle-aged tourist gear. All he needs is a fannypack to go with Adrienne’s “Visit The Palms, I need the money!” visor.

Kim finally arrives in Lanai! As for being late, “Oops” is all she has to say for herself. Kim is so excited to finally be there and unluckily gets placed in a room right next to Kyle. A frantic Kyle hears Kim’s voice and ignores Mauricio and margaritas(!) to eavesdrop on Kim. In the talking head, Kim states: “I chose to not *coke sniff* to talk to Kyle.” Nice.

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After last week’s romantic (?) proposal, Love & Hip Hop resumed with some slight back story behind Jim Jones’ decision to head to Miami. There is a video montage of the pair from season one intermixed with Jim preparing to pop the question.

As he waxes poetic in the background about what it means to have Chrissy as a lady and confidante, why she is perfect for him, and what all they’ve been through, we watch him shower (he totes has a body under those baggy clothes!), profess his love for Chrissy in the steamy mirror and contemplate choosing the perfect ring. Oh VH1, how cheesy lovely.

After Chrissy says yes, it turns out the entire Miami trip was a set-up by Jim. He has all her friends and family at the restaurant, and apparently Emily, Teairra, and Olivia were in on the plan as well. I clearly didn’t give Jim enough credit. That was a pretty sweet proposal. In her interview, Chrissy cries about how wonderful it feels to be a Jones, compliments crizazy Mama Jones (love!) for raising such a wonderful son and ends with a tearful, “Even if we never get married… I will always have love for Jim in my f*&^ing heart.” And here I was thinking that Jim was the more romantic out of the two. Chrissy is like a female Shakespeare!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, new friendships were formed and relationships tested their boundaries as Peter and Cynthia struggled in their marriage and Phaedra and Apollo came together for the purpose of a new family business. Kim spends the whole episode annoyed that she has to parent her teenaged daughter – cause you know she has more important things to worry about like her 65 thousand gaudy-a$$ sofas. Does she feel bad every time she makes her husband move Big Poppa’s crap around?

Things start out in Phaedra’s kitchen where she is talking to her mom about opening her funeral home, Funerals Worth Dying For or Fabulous Funerals by Phaedra. Phaedra wants to leave a legacy for her son and thinks a funeral home is a way to do so. Isn’t she a lawyer – Ayden can’t take over the firm? Anyways, Phaedra is envisioning events, not funerals and her plan is to “throw ‘em in the ground with a bang!” There’s only one problem – Apollo has no interest in the mortuary business. No interest at all. Phaedra decides since he likes driving and is strong he can pick up the bodies and transport them to the mortuary. In fact, he can swap out going to the gym for lifting bodies since it’s such good exercise.

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Last night’s Mob Wives was an all out war — the weapons of choice? Acrylic nails, silicone and weave. It was quite a battle!

At Big Ang’s request, Drita D’Avanzo agrees to try to mend fences with Karen Gravano. Drita attempts to apologize, but Karen isn’t having one second of it. They are back to the conversation on the rooftop last season. Big Ang mistakenly thinks things are copasetic as she watches from a distance. Um. Karen accuses Drita of claiming she put Karen in the hospital. Drita never said that… but she did hear it, and it seemed plausible as Drita typically puts people in the hospital.

Ramona approaches, reminding the ladies that Renee’s birthday isn’t the time of place. Drita swings at her and it is an all out hair pulling brawl. Ramona won’t let go of Drita’s hair, no matter how much Derek Tobacco (what a great name!) tries to stop her. Ramona’s mouth is bleeding (or is that smeared lipstick? Nah, totes blood) and Karen is threatening Drita with “her bloodline.”

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It’s an all new Jerzday, GTLers! Last night was the season premiere of Jersey Shore which found the gang back at the Shore for Round Three. I have to say, I love the local seasons as compared to Miami and Italy. The drama continues as Mike “The Situation” (or the Saduation) Sorrentino won’t stop with proving true the fact he hooked up with Snooks while she was with Jionni. Without further ado, I’m going to Jersey Shore, b*thches… and I may rip your heads off along the way!

Ciao Florence, s’up Jersey. There’s a montage of the group leaving Italy, although it’s clear they are thoroughly thankful for their experiences abroad. Or not. Fast forward two seconds to a Jersey shuttle ride and the whole cast is riding out to that infamous house that once had an Italian flag spray painted on the garage. What happened to the antics of watching separate housemates hilariously make their way back to the Shore? I guess production costs called for “an altogether now” arrival. Oh, nevermind… they went straight from Italy to Seaside. That’s quite a spring break! One thing hasn’t changed… no one wants to room with creepy old Mike.

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