It’s time for the Ladies Of London to head to Scotland this week, as Caroline Stanbury hosts a trip – with NO house rules and (gasp!) a RENTED castle – for her friends and enemies before moving to Dubai. Julie Montagu, of course, feels preyed upon by Caroline’s digs about rules and such, but finds that her former ally, Sophie Stanbury, is not interested in gossiping with her anymore about Caroline. What’s a future Lady Of The Manor to do?! Cry in her kitchen. That’s what.
Testing her loyalty right off the bat, Julie has Sophie over for wine – and whining. She’s pissed about Caroline telling her she’s going to show her “how to have a good time” in Scotland, versus the crap time she had at Mapperton. Julie snarked back that she’ll try to not walk out of Caroline’s dinner. Touche! But then she sobs about Caroline picking on her again, and Sophie draws the line. She’s extracting herself from this mess, pronto, advising Julie to fix her sh*t with Caroline all by herself.
If you haven’t yet been wooed by the idea of men-children in tight white chinos paired with pastel polo shirts, then I implore you to tune in OnDemand, if only to better appreciate this recap. Because taking a cue from any good Bravolebrity, everything is about Me! Me! Me! Even Summer House. Last night we got our first taste of Montauk living from a bunch of late-twenty/early-thirty something New Yorkers who spend their summers in a rented mansion partying, playing girls (and each other), and wearing pastels.
It’s nomination day in Celebrity Big Brother house. The housemates get to nominate for the first time and things are about to get real.
But before those fun and games, we open to Coleen Nolan, James Jordan, and Calum Best discussing the argument last night. Coleen explains that she was just trying to make Jamie O’Hara feel better and apologizes for upsetting him. Calum explains his point, that it was just another label he had wanted to escape from in the house, and that he understands now why it was all said. It was all very civilized and British, and everyone is happy and lovely again.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, we learned that Stassi Schroeder‘s problems with men run deep. Like down in the beautiful, briny sea deep. She’s also being strangled in turtleneck-form by her own ill-advised hubris.
Now, I must do a disclaimer with this recap: Do not expect my usual greatness of prose mixed with pearls of wisdom, as I have the worst cold I have ever had in my human existence. And I feel like garbage. Like what Tequila Katie (minus Tom 2) may smear on Scheana Marie‘s overly-contoured face.
Can we talk about Scheana? Ho-ly does that girl need a ‘stink face’ removal procedure. Didn’t anyone warn her that her face will freeze that way if she makes a poop face immediately after getting Botox? I mean, I get it – she has a hard-earned summer body to protect, but lighten up and eat a lil’ clam. I hear Kristen Doute loves them.
This week is a little bit of a cease fire on Teen Mom 2. Jenelle Evans and Nathan Griffith have resolved one issue in court (assault) and seem to be on their way to resolving custody of son Kaiser out of court (sort of). Meanwhile, Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin don’t have much to say to one another. It’s obviously the beginning of the end for these two when it comes to playing out on TV but it is still unclear exactly when the marriage started to really go south. Maybe all will be revealed in the episodes to come.
As we join Kail, she’s trying to prepare the boys for Javi to come home while juggling college courses and cleaning up dog vomit. You would think after having two little boys, Kail would be better equipped to deal with some dog barf but she recoils from the situation with more fear than she did jumping out of that plane! But Kail has big things going on in her life to focus on. According to Dr. Drew (how involved is he is these poor girls’ lives?), Kail would be the first teen mom EVER to graduate from a four year college. Coupled with the fact that Kail’s mom never went to college, Kail is super motivated to finish school and while Javi might not be around, luckily Jo Rivera and Vee Torres are around to help pick up Isaac from school and cheer on Kail. It’s nice to see how well they are all getting along and creating their own modern family.
Well the Celebrity Big Brother trailers are promising a good one tonight so we can only sit back and think of England….or America…wherever.
We open with the gratuitous scenes of Jasmine and Bianca working out. Can’t miss an opportunity clearly. And I don’t just mean for the cameraman, I’m sure the girls know exactly what they’re doing. Especially when they ask a watching Jedward (one of them at least) and Jamie to help ‘spot’ them. I presume they mean help, rather than eye-spy. I smell ‘camera-time’.
Wonderful readers, please accept my sincerest apology for missing last week’s recap…I was discombobulated with the holidays. You missed what would have been a post rehashing eighty minutes of a certain someone whining more about what she swears was an innocent online relationship turned farce, topped off with four minutes of a not so shocking revelation from one of the Brown children. Last night’s Sister Wives episodes dealt with Mariah’s recent announcement, which unlike her sisters Madison and Mykelti before her, had nothing to do with an engagement. After coming out as a lesbian to Kody Brown and her moms, a huge weight seems to have lifted off of Mariah’s shoulders. Good for her! I would guess that some of Mariah’s behavior and attitude of late has been due to keeping such a big secret. Immediately, Janelle starts laughing–she was so worried Mariah was going to say she was ill. Robyn jumps up in tears of joy.
Both Robyn and Janelle embrace Mariah saying that she seems so happy to have found herself. Kody and Meri stay seated, with Meri sulking that Mariah didn’t tell her first. Christine asks how Mariah has come to this revelation. Mariah cries, revealing that she was homophobic because she was so terrified of her own feeling after hearing such negativity about the gay community from others in her religion (but not from her immediate family). As she explains her thought process to her parents, it’s refreshing to see Janelle, Christine, and Robyn with such huge grins on their faces. Janelle and Robyn are bursting with pride for Mariah. Meri is the only one yet to speak, and Mariah praises Robyn for making her feel like being gay is okay. The other wives leave, and Meri offers a hug. Kody envelopes his daughter in an embrace and tells her that he loves her unconditionally and he’s so glad she felt safe enough to come out to her family.
On the other side of the spectrum, freed from the clutches of one felonious fool, Phaedra Parks is happily clutching her pearls while smirking the good fortune that has fallen into her lap. Or into her law office, rather, and it’s not a bomb threat this time. And Porsha Williams continues her travels backwards in maturity by sneaking her boyfriend into her mom’s house for a little late-night nookie (with Yoni balls).