Recaps

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I’m confused – I thought Kim Richards was fired from Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills? Is she getting a royalty check every time someone says her name because she’s literally all anyone talks about. And Erika Jayne‘s face above, that’s how I feel when Kim gets brought up. I imagine Kyle Richards probably has an interesting enough life without discussing Kim.

First there is her questionable fashion taste, yet she is the owner of not one, but TWO luxury kaftan emporiums (Did Kyle really repurpose a lace table cloth into a mini dress last night? I applaud her dedication to sustainable fashion and support of Project Runway challenges in the real world sphere). There is her friendship with Morally Corrupt Faye Resnickher drama with other sister, Kathy Hilton, the Machiavellian womb which produced Paris Hilton. Then there is Kyle’s ultimate frienemy-ship with Lisa Vanderpump because of which Kyle often is seen making an ‘I drank a fiber smoothie but forgot my Depends’ face.

Oh, and the woman has like 46 feet of hair, which does tricks: Hair flips! Helicopter spins! Plus she can do splits. And Kyle’s married to “Maurice,” who may or may not be sour that LVP stole his Bravo spinoff, which is only karma because he may or may not have stolen Rick Hilton‘s clients (according to Truth Cannons). What I’m alluding to here is that Kyle has a lot to work with which doesn’t involve Kim. Plus, she’s also doing a closet renovation, so there’s that. 

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dance moms minis

Tonight’s Dance Moms was filled with mini meltdowns and mega drama. The ALDC mothers are concerned because Abby Lee Miller is introducing a new, younger team to replace their girls. She barely has time as it is to coach her competition team, and now these little ones are going to eat up even more of Abby’s time. Abby can’t be bothered with their fears…she needs to find her next Maddie, and the way the ALDC performed at last week’s competition has her convinced it’s the best decision. Her girls didn’t have one first place finish! 

Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid for not being able to express emotions through her facial expressions. She’s tired of Kendall just being pretty…not to mention, Kendall placed third in her solo division. Nia and MacKenzie round out the bottom…they both have super successful videos and songs on iTunes, yet they can’t snag a win. Brynn takes the third spot from the top for being middle-of-the-road, and JoJo is excited to be second with Abby praising her stand-out performance in the group routine. Kalani takes her rightful spot at the top of the pyramid for rocking the group dance…and becoming a big sister. Kira and her baby brother are healthy and happy. Kendall is given the promised solo for having the highest individual score, and Jessalyn reminds Abby about Kendall’s make-up breakdown. JoJo gets the second solo, but she’s going to have to give up the bow for her dark hip-hop number. The girls cheer when they learn that the group routine will also be hip-hop, and Abby brings in their choreographers. She’ll be too busy working with her minis.

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Lala and Jax feud in Hawaii

Last night Vanderpump Rules went to Hawaii, except for Kristen Doute and She Who Shall Not Be Named for fear of her Birthday Witch wrath. And what did these charming and classy people do in Hawaii? Argued. Nonstop.

The drama begins on the airplane where James Kennedy tried to get Lala Kent to join the Mile High Club. It only gets marginally better from here but we should get the worst thing out of the way first. Lala did not join the Mile High Club. At least not with James on that airplane. 

The group is all couples now, proof to Scheana Marie that they’re growing up. Something Scheana seems sad about as Shay lumbers around, perpetually in the shadow of her massive, fluttering ego. Not the pretty picture to adorn her Hoarders for Narcissists hovel!

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NeNe Leakes returns on RHOA

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, several of the ladies, led by Phaedra Parks, traveled to Washington DC to celebrate the anniversary of the Million Man March, while other ladies remained in Atlanta receiving million dollar guests.

Ayden helps Phaedra pack for the trip, which will involve meeting with several congress members, including Florida representative Frederica Wilson, whose organization inspired Phaedra’s newfound passion, Saving Our Sons.

Kim Fields, along with her two sons, Porsha Williams, her two thot-ful daughters Coco and Chanel, and Sheree Whitfield (plus the now adult Kairo!) will also be attending.

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Karen-Huger-Yellow-Dress-Real-Housewives-of-Potomac-001

The ladies of Potomac, MD are here, and they’re taking no prisoners! Straight out of the gate, the cast of the Real Housewives of Potomac are showing us why they’re a force to be reckoned with. So, let’s meet the latest group of women to catch Bravo’s roving eye. After we’re taken on a whirlwind tour of golf greens and tennis courts, stately houses and thick woods, the first place we finally land in is Gizelle Bryant’s kitchen, where she’s baking with her three adorable girls.

Gizelle says Potomac is an exclusive community where “only legacy or a large cash flow can get you in.” Gizelle’s father was one of the first African Americans to be in the Texas House of Legislature, working alongside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Andrew Young. Originally from Potomac, Gizelle moved to Baltimore (Potomac mourned…allegedly), then came back after her divorce (Potomac cheered…allegedly). Gizelle was married to Jamal Bryant, a well-known pastor-slash-cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater. He liked to play the occasional game of “hide the salami” when not pontificating from the pulpit, according to Gizelle. Despite her etiquette-centered upbringing, Gizelle is not interested in living by the rules according to Potomac Society anymore. She’s strictly into The Rules By Gizelle these days.      

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mob wives mermaids

Nothing like coming home from a twelve hour work day to drama filled two-hour premiere of Mob Wives! I don’t know if it’s a punishment or Christmas all over again, but I’m going to go with the latter. Karen Gravano is living the dream, back in New York after a stint in Arizona, and she wants her teenage daughter to recognize how fortunate she is to live this lifestyle. Meanwhile, Renee Graziano is hoping to leave drama and negativity in the past. A cook-out at Karen’s house is just what she needs, even though both women realize that Karen’s daughter Karina is going to give them multiple coronaries. She’s way too pretty to be a teenager, but Renee hopes that Karen will allow Karina to mermaid model for her Mob Candy line. At least they can keep an eye on her that way.

Big Ang is recovering from throat cancer, and with her blonde hair, she looks like a boss. She is extremely grateful for her friends’ support during her surgery and following ordeal, but she credits husband Neil for being her rock. I love Ang, and I am thrilled to hear she’s cancer free (as the season airs, prayers are with her now). Her doctor touts an organic diet and exercise…oh, and she needs to quit smoking. It’s hard. Also difficult? Drita D’Avanzo’s household. She’s juggling having growing girls and her husband home from the clink. While she’s thrilled to have the balance of a normal family, she wants her daughters to realize how far she’s come. Drita takes them on a tour of the projects where she grew up so they appreciate the beautiful home and pool they are fortunate enough to have. She’s worked terribly hard, and she wants her daughters to appreciate the struggle she’s had to become the woman she is today. Of course, a book about her life is the next step in her empire…if she can convince her husband Lee that it’s not disloyal to their lifestyle. 

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Eileen Davidson is uncomfortable

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills are now holding the Hamptons hostage. Lisa Vanderpump is pissy because she’s forced to stay in a cut-rate hotel, to attend a party Farrah Abraham is crashing, to celebrate the cover of a magazine literally no one has heard of. As Bethenny Frankel said, “Is it like one of those free magazines?”

Worst of all: Lisa must pretend to be happy about this so-called honor and has dragged poor Ken along for the ride. Did Ken not look about ready to lie down under the wheels of somebody’s limo just to make the high pitched voices stop? Ken-Aged-70 isn’t over the hill, he’s over it ALL. 

Still stranded at the White Party, over dinner Lisa morphs into a CIA Investigator, one step away from waterboarding Eileen Davidson with a Chanel purse and a Vodka Tonic, as she asked probing questions, carefully worded in provocative terms, about Eileen’s marriages – specifically how Eileen met Vinny and when.

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dance moms wolves

After a mediocre first week of Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller is trying to keep her crazy in check, but she’s really just in major denial.

After lectures on punctuality and dedication, Abby is running late. She needs her make-up artist to make sure her eyebrows look better. Jill recognizes this behavior as Abby being on the verge of a breakdown. When the ALDC convenes for the pyramid, Maddie and Kalani are on the bottom due to their absences. MacKenzie and Kendall round out the bottom row. Nia is in the third spot for managing JoJo’s hamster ball, and JoJo places second for actually dancing in the ball. Brynn is in the top spot for winning her solo. Abby grants her solos to Kendall, MacKenzie and Nia, snarking that their mothers think they are good replacements for Maddie. Melissa sticks up for MacKenzie at every turn (for the first time), and Abby doesn’t appreciate her new stance. In a twist, Abby makes the announcement that she’s going to start training a mini team of young girls who she hopes will redeem her name with her sub-par competition team. The mothers are less than thrilled with this news. 

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