It’s Day 29 in the Celebrity Big Brother house. The housemates are woken up by rock music from the 1980s – it feels like this series started around then, not just 29 days ago.
The day’s task is Rockstars and Roadies. ‘The Housemate Mayhem’ band – consisting of Jedward and Nicola McLean – get all the power as the rest of the housemates are roadies that have to do whatever the rockstars order.
It is Day 28 on Celebrity Big Brother, and we are bracing ourselves for another live eviction. The vote is for the winner, so the person with the least votes will be out, just before the final.
Calum Best is in the diary room venting about Jedward. Apparently, Edward tends to do the one liners, where John gets really angry and disrespectful. To be fair, that is the only way I can tell them apart; I have slightly more toleration to Edward – he can speak a couple of words more than his brother before my stomach goes. Only a couple mind you.
It’s Day 27 and Day 2 of Final Judgment in the Celebrity Big Brother house, and one of the nominated housemates will be leaving. We start the program with Kim Woodburn in the diary room talking about lust. Really? Far too early for that, and this show airs at 9 PM.
Jedward are in the bathroom singing the Going Commando song. Like you do when you’re teaching a child to pee in the potty. Personally, I can’t wait for the “we are leaving the house and vanishing into obscurity again” song. I’d actually pay for that one.
Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.* Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.
LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!
With Cem and the children already in Dubai, Caroline S is holing up in the Westbury Hotel for her last week in London. Sophie joins her for a massage, telling Caroline that she’s relieved they’re back to being buds again. Caroline thinks that says a lot about her. Something tells me she isn’t all in with the rebirth of the Stanbury Sisters just yet.
On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.
After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.
Today I come to tell a tale about the World’s Greatest DJ, who was persecuted and stalked, mercilessly harassed, and run out of clubs, all because the world wanted to possess his art and his talent. Naturally, I speak of James Kennedy, The White Kanye, and the rapper on the run from his tormentor Jax Taylor. Such are songs of sorrow played out on Vanderpump Rules.
Oh, last night was a doozy, filled with Ariana Madix‘s infamous sulk and the slow emancipation of Scheana Marie as she suddenly blinked into the light as it dawned on her that Stassi Schroeder‘s power and possession was an elaborate ruse. If only Katie Maloney would see such signs, but alas she’s too busy painting squiggly black lines over the sunrise of truth.
With so much deception going on with the moms of Teen Mom 2, it would be hard to keep up if they weren’t all so obvious. Now I know since filming has wrapped months ago and the moms are active on social media, what’s going down on this season isn’t exactly a surprise to anyone. We are just seeing HOW it goes down, which unfortunately, still doesn’t offer a whole lot of clarity for the viewer.
Jenelle Evans finally admits on camera that she’s 13 weeks pregnant and David Eason says his stomach is still full of butterflies (again). She reveals that the real reason behind her lying to the producers about being pregnant is because they wanted to wait until she knew the gender and was past 12 weeks. Instead, everyone found out via police report, which Jenelle deems “the trashiest way possible.” I get that Jenelle wanted to control how and when she announced her pregnancy but I doubt the reaction to her announcement would have been any different, given her history on the show and how many haters she has. Regardless, Jenelle is legitimately baffled as to why everyone can’t be happy for her when they are so happy for fellow cast mate, Chelsea Houska.