Last night was the second installment of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion. I don’t want to go into the stupidness that is stupid Teresa Giudice and her stupid financial nonsense and stupid decisions that made her go to jail. I mean damn, read what you sign, ask questions if you don’t understand - hello!
The most laughable comment from the whole reunion was Teresa trying to convince us that she’s usually a very conscientious-y type of person who “always dots her ‘I’s and crosses her ‘T’s.” First of all, she knows two letters in the alphabet? Bet they were both used a lot in the PLEA AGREEMENT Teresa didn’t read, but signed. Second of all, if you were a routine “i” dotter or a “t” crosser you’d not get indicted for bankruptcy fraud or sign fake W-2s because you’d actually make sure the people you hire, like your accountant, are doing their jobs! And finally – I’m frankly surprised Teresa was able to use that expression correctly. I would fully expect her to say something like “I’m the type-a person who crosses eyes and dots my teacup, with you know, fabulicious teas – coming soon!”
Let’s just say this, Denial is the longest river in New Jersey. The river of denial flows right out of Melissa Gorga‘s $3.8 million Montville mansion (where they had the big ol’ plumbing disaster and the leaky pipes and the plastic sink) and it roars down the hill into the chicken coops of Teresa and Joe’s purloined marble encrusted converted trailer, built at the base of Mount Tackiola. Now for sale, delusion included in purchase price!
He’s baaaack! On last night’s season finale of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, viewers were finally treated with the return of Malibu Madison Hildebrand. Bravo producers had teased this early on in the season but decided to hold out until the very end. And it’s a good thing. He was just the ray of sunshine needed to wrap things up after last week’s hankyfest. But if you blinked, you may have missed him fraternizing with the Brits!
Speaking of…James Harris and David Parnes, aspiring to expand their business along the California coastline, are enlisted by client, Christine, to sell her home in Laguna Beach. However, they are greeted with a chilly reception from the local agents at their open house. One broker in particular gets all up in their business and asks what they are doing there. Well, this is America and we have a right to free enterprise. Anywhere. Same as you do, lady. The Brits ‘shake it off, shake it off’ like Taylor Swift and joke that the shade they are getting is because of their accents and clothes. Not quite. But I get where the agents are coming from – they live and breathe Laguna Beach. This is their value add to potential buyers in the area. They are just being protective of their tightknit community. It would be no different if either of the Joshes encroached on their territory. But not as much for Madison who, looking quite refreshed, (don’t blink) stops by to take a look around. The Brits would be wise to connect with him, the self-anointed ‘Beach Guy’, as he has done business there before and this type of clientele is his bread and butter.
Remember how last season on Vanderpump Rules everyone busted Kristen Doute‘s thongbutt for cheating on Tom 1? Well this season she’s accusing him of cheating on new girlfriend Ariana Madix. I dunno kids – it seems kinda transparent to me, like Kristen just wants Tom 1 all to herself and back in her thong-th-thong-thong-thong! (In case you’re wondering why I keep bringing up thongs, it’s cause Bravo gave us a lovely shot of Kristen’s thong butt).
This season everyone on VPR has undergone metamorphosis after the insane betrayals and they’ve grown. Except for Kristen. She’s stayed the same. Well, maybe she’s grown more crazy – we’ll wait on assessing that.
Kristen is supposedly madly in love with 22-year-old Baby Einstein (Slowstein? He ain’t sharp) DJ James Kennedy, who is trying awfully hard to get some attention on this here TeeVee thingy. First he tried to be besties with Tom 1, but when that didn’t get his pale, pastiness on camera, he decided screwing the desperate and maligned Kristen would have to suffice. Other than famewhoring, James enjoys BeamerSelfies. We’ll get to that later. So anyway, everyone has learned. Everyone has grown.
Y’all, is it just me, or is Love & Hip Hop Hollywood getting more and more comical? And scripted? Don’t get me wrong–it kind of makes me enjoy it more! Last night begins as Yung Berg is trying to seduce Teairra Mari with the new music, and he’s outfitted the studio with champagne and strawberries. While Teairra loves the song, she isn’t feeling his romantic intentions. She’s fine with a professional relationship, but she can do without his advances. Berg tells Teairra that Hazel is fighting mad that they are working together, and Teairra goes off on her former friend. Why does Hazel care if Berg produces a song for her? It’s not like they are getting it on behind the scenes. And just like that Berg is brought back to reality.
Of course, at the gym, Hazel is recapping her recent fight with Berg with Masika. In turn, Masika explains her friendship with Berg because she wants to keep things one hundred. Hazel is surprised to hear this…while she knew Masika and Berg were acquaintances, but now Masika is acting like they’re besties. Masika promises she cooled her friendship with Berg when she saw how he continued to treat Hazel, and she reminds Hazel that he’s always been a player and a flirt. Hazel disagrees. In her wacky world, he only had eyes for her!
Last night the Real Houewives Of New Jersey reunion and these girls came prepared to bring their solid gold-plated fambly drama. Really – is there any person on RHONJ that doesn’t have some seriously intense and Lifetime Movie family issues that should not be meta-solved on reality TV? It’s looking like Amber Marchese is the only one, but then again, she has The Jim so maybe not!
But last night all the drama centered around the two famblies that put the thieves in Thick As Theives but certainly not the thick (Lapband as thieves doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?!): the Manzos and the Gorgadices.
Teresa Giudice is headed to prison and she’s still living in a delusional world cause she is a delusional girl. She and Melissa Gorga have a little tension-y about whether or Melissa texes Teresa or called her after she got her sentence. Glad in this terrible time Teresa can still focus on the important things like pettiness! And Dina Manzo, bless her heart, she’ll defend Tre to the bitter end because like duh – murderers aren’t going to prison but “good girls” like Teresa are. Do good girls steal from banks? Does Dina have a different dicktionary than I do? “Good: a person who is like nice-ish and only occasionally like breakes the lawr but who makes really good spaghettis from ingredientzes that are zenny and who defenses me against my horrible sister-in-law.” Dina is a caring friend, but good friends don’t let friends be totally f–king delusional!
On last night’s My Five Wives, Brady Williams hopes in vain that his business will turn around, the family tries to rekindle relationships with their birth families, Rhonda’s son has a health scare which forces her to make a big decision, and the awkward double dates continue.
Rhonda gets ready for another long day at work, saying her kids miss her during her 12-hour shifts as a medical assistant, but that she loves her job. Nonie is busy taking care of her own brood and a couple of Rhonda’s kids while she also works in Brady’s office. According to Nonie, all of the wives work in and out of the home. Not sure we’ve seen concrete evidence of this yet.
Since the season opener of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, we have anticipated the passing of Josh Flagg’s beloved grandmother, Edith. Pass the hanky…that episode has finally come. No more chats in her deluxe apartment in the sky. No more lunches at La Dolce Vita. No more pearls of wisdom to pass along. This woman who endeared herself to us and showed us the softer side of Josh, may be gone from this life, but she is certainly not forgotten. Edith is in our hearts forever.
But before we turn on the waterworks, we must first endure another installment of ‘Will the Brits pull off another impossible deal?’ and ‘The Days of Our Un-Engaged Lives’ with Josh Altman and Heather. James Harris and David Parnes have ramped up the yip yap factor this week to an eleven (Spinal Tap, anyone?) and Josh seems to be back to his old self swimming with fellow shark, Daymond John, founder and CEO of FUBU, and investor on the reality television series Shark Tank.
On last night’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood, we got to see more than our fair share of silly altercations. This show has just become a “lather, rinse, repeat” cycle…one that Mona knows best. However, I do like an episode that shows Soulja Boy’s boyish charm (did I really just type that and mean it?) and Omarion in any capacity!
When the episode starts, Apryl and Omarion are practicing birthing techniques with the help of a midwife, but Apryl is getting more and more freaked out by the idea of a home birth. Omarion want his son to be circumcised, but Apryl challenges him to strip off the turtleneck from his own manhood when their son goes under the knife. Omarion begrudgingly agrees–if his newborn son is man enough to undergo the procedure, he is too. He shares that he told his mom to apologize to Apryl for her behavior at the shower. Apryl agrees to listen to what Leslie has to say, but she’s not burying the hatchet yet.