Recaps

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On Teen Mom 2, it’s more of the same and it seems like some issues will never get resolved in the long term. Jenelle Evans is still at war with mom Barb, despite the custody agreement that was supposed to make everything easier. Kailyn Lowry and ex-husband Javi Marroquin are in the same boat but instead of custody, it’s child support that is dragging out. Briana DeJesus doesn’t have a custody or child support issue yet but likely will in the near future since baby daddy Luis is starting to disappear. Chelsea DeBoer has plenty on her plate between wedding planning, possibly modifying custody and changing Aubree’s last name at Aubree’s request. Leah Messer has her hands full as twins Ali and Aleeah’s fighting escalates. That seems like a good place to start so let’s get going.

Leah is driving the twins to see their dad and they are in the backseat, slapping and hitting each other while they argue over sharing beef jerky. Once they are with dad Corey Simms, the fighting doesn’t stop as Aleeah catches a fish and Ali complains that she’s bored and wants to leave since she can’t really partake in catching fish at the lake. Aleeah reels one in and wants to stay, but they opt to leave and Corey has to break up another fight that starts the second they are in the car with one another. Aleeah is in tears and Corey knows she is acting out because she is getting less attention.

Vicki sits down with Tamra

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County we saw a different side of Peggy Sulahian. A fun, light-hearted, yet conniving side! I think we were supposed to really care that Diko upset Shannon Beador in a game of karmatic husbands, but eh, I mostly care about Peggy’s recipes. But first, always but first, other stuff happened. And and that other stuff was another session of Will Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge ever be put back together again? (My magic hate ball says: NOOOOOOOOOO, NEVER, EVER, EVER – JUST F–KING STOP!).

Ugh Vicki and Tamra. Again. I feel like I’m contractually obligated to write about how they met for coffee at a subliminally named place called Patch, even though we know they won’t patch anything up.

Shahs of Sunset Recap

We are in for yet another New York edition of Shahs of Sunset this week, but finally get to see what is going on in L.A. with those left behind – Shervin Roohparvar, Asa Soltan Rahmati, and Destiney Rose, who I keep forgetting is a cast member.

It doesn’t look like L.A. is missing the Shahs much and I’m pretty sure New York will be happy to get rid of them but first, we have to suffer through Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi’s life-changing, earth-shattering, coming of age bit part in an off Broadway play that she keeps talking about. In case we haven’t been taking her seriously up to this point, she has learned her lines and thus, turned her chaotic life around in one single unpaid job opportunity. To quote Reza Farahan, it only took 35 years.

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We asked, we believed, and we received! TLC’s 90 Day Fiance has scrounged up another batch of betrothed couples from across the globe to show us just how dangerous the internet can be. Yes, five brand new couples and one set of familiar faces (hello Nicole and Azan!) are poised to broadcast their epic travails of love and con-artistry for our viewing pleasure. For all of you long-time 90DF fans, welcome back, friends! For those of you wondering, WTF is this show and why should I watch it? I implore you: SET YOUR DVR NOW. You’re welcome, in advance.

As a reminder, the premise of this show follows American men and women who have fallen in love with foreigners who, when they arrive in the U.S. on a K-1 “fiance” Visa, will have exactly ninety days to marry their captors partners. Joining Nicole and Azan this season are newcomers Elizabeth and Andrei, Annie and David, Aika and Josh, Molly and Luis, and finally – the number one contenders for actual love and happiness (how refreshing!) – Evelyn and David. Last night’s premiere introduced us to most of the couples, and there’s a lot to dissect – so let’s get our dumpster diving on, shall we!

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Jeff Lewis may have dodged a bullet when he passed on Versailles, but business isn’t his problem. Nannies are. Remember the lovely and caring Gema, who Jeff was madly in love with just a moment ago? Yeah, well – now she sucks, apparently! This week’s Flipping Out finds Gage Edward and Jeff ready to fire Gema over a series of infractions, including messing with their nanny cam – which is definitely not okay with these super-addicted nanny cam dads. Nope. Nope. And Nope.

We begin at New Hollywood, where Jeff is berating Jenni Pulos for coming to work with a cold. It’s not a cold, says Jenni – it’s pregnancy congestion! But Jeff barely has the attention span to keep ragging on her because now he’s mad at Gema, who hasn’t been responding to baby Monroe in a timely fashion. Also, Gema feels like she’s going crazy working in this controlling environment, where Gage literally snaps his fingers at her if she moves too slowly, and where Monroe is still screaming her poor little head off (less so, but still…it’s maddening). On a scale of easiest to toughest babies from 1-10, Gema ranks Monroe at a solid ELEVEN. Zoila Chavez is even feeling rattled by Gema’s frustration, thinking the nanny might quit any day. And she’s ready to help make that happen.

I'm a Wild Banshee

Personalities began to shine through and strategic players and partnerships started to take form during Episode 2 of Survivor: HHH. It was a very welcome change of pace following last week’s over-stuffed and rushed premiere episode. This episode took its time, gave us a lot of insight as to how the players are starting to align and ultimately ended with your standard “is it him or her?” question entering a pretty tame Tribal Council.

Please remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 2 of Survivor: HHH, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Shady Beach

They’re back and bronzer than ever! The Real Housewives Of New Jersey started season eight with new housewife  Margaret Josephs and the resurrected career of Danielle Staub ready to mix things up with the nuttiest broads the Garden State has to offer: Teresa Giudice, Melissa Gorga, Siggy Flicker, and Dolores Catania. (Pause here to observe a quick moment of silence for Jacqueline Laurita, who is likely still watching last night’s premiere in a loop on her bedroom TV while she drinks BLK Water and screams into her pillow.)

We start the premiere super-sized episode on a sad note for Teresa and Joe Gorga, who lost their mom this past year after she contracted pneumonia. Teresa cries that her mom was a fighter, but caring and loving too. She would want her family to be strong after her passing, which is what Teresa plans to be as she handles her four daughters, Audriana, Milania, Gabriella, and Gia, solo while Joe Giudice is serving his prison sentence. Or away at “camp,” as the ruse goes.

Dance Moms 2

After last night’s Dance Moms, I wonder if Ashlee is second guessing her decision to stick with Abby Lee Miller. As she convenes with the crazy mini moms, they realize that Abby is nowhere to be found. As the mothers traipse into her office, she starts shrieking that she is braless and they are bombarding her bedroom. She starts grabbing at the cameras and boom mic, and a poor production guy narrowly escapes. Ashlee is indignant. She didn’t sign up for this. Um, yeah you did.

Across town, the elite team the Dream Team the Irreplaceables are rehearsing with their new choreographer. The elite team is growing up, so they are doing a burlesque number. Jill recognizes the girls need to sass (sex?) it up with a dance unlike the minis lyrical pieces. Kendall and Kalani will be doing solos.