Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, when Don gets replaced with a hotter deckhand, it’s Rocky’s perfect dream! After Don Abenante’s departure and Emile Kotze and Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow’s drunkalicious failed date last week on Below Deck, it was time for some new blood. I think the correct term in this situation is “chum.” But beautiful chum, nonetheless!
Last night’s episode introduced us to Dane, and Rocky was all about him. Sorry Emile! Also, perfect, sweet, unassuming bosun Eddie Lucas suffered a hit involving his long-term, long distance relationship. The show begins with Rocky tackling a pile of laundry and dismissing Emile who is now trying harder than ever to win her heart. She needs maturity, experience, and someone who can handle his liquor. Connie Arias decides to jump ship from her cabin with Emile in favor of bunking up with Kate Chastain. Kate is thrilled because she’s much rather share living space with a friend than Don’s unknown replacement. In the kitchen, Emile shares with chef Leon Walker that he plans to head to California to win over Rocky’s family. Delusional, party of one? Leon joins the majority in thinking that Emile is clueless about girls, and Amy Johnson agrees as she hears Rocky’s recap of the date. There is a reason why Captain Lee Rosbach likes to keep yacht crew hook-ups to a minimum.
Back at Shannon’s Aries party, Tamra Judge is spitting mad that Vicki is allowing Brooks to call her a liar and a backstabber. The unladylike doth protests too much!
Tamra believes Vicki is so influenced by Brooks (and his lies) she may be turning into Brooks! Shannon is hard-pressed to believe that the never, ever dim-witted Vicki could be bamboozled by a con man, so possibly, just possibly, she knows Brooks is faking cancer but is going along with it. Even Tamra can’t believe that – or at least that’s what Tamra is telling the cameras because the only time Tamra has Vicki’s back is when she’s stabbing it!
On last night’s Ladies of London, we were treated to all the fabulousness that the London elite social scene offers. Like headstands in cocktail dresses and humping in onesies! After last week’s (best)friendship-ending tea between Marissa Hermer and Juliet Angus, it’s time for a bit of light hearted fare, no? But tensions rise this week between Juliet, Julie Montagu, and Caroline Stanbury as Caroline’s “sharp tongue” – and pajama antics with husbands who aren’t married to her – rub both ladies the wrong way.
It’s Christmas in London, and the ladies are decking the halls with merriment, and what looks like a tropical vacation for Juliet and family. Annabelle Neilson meets Julie out for tea to catch up after the holidays and chat about Julie’s new business. She’s created “JUB” which stands for “Julie’s Unbelievable Balls” (Heeee! Am I thirteen years old? Because I love this…), an energy snack for workouts. She admits that teaching yoga won’t fund Mapperton, so mama’s gotta get those coins elsewhere. Meanwhile, Annabelle is developing a children’s book series about feelings. Annabelle grew up feeling suffocated, lonely, and fearful about school. She was sent to 20 childhood therapists to work through her anxiety, but is now finding solace in creatively expressing her struggles through books she hopes will help other children with their feelings. (Well, Annabelle: consider one book pre-ordered by me for my very own anxious kindergartner. Thank you!) Julie comments that because Annabelle is so private, she never knew this deeper side of her, or the struggles she’s faced. I have to say, these two women seem to be forging a genuine friendship, which is refreshing to watch unfold!
Do y’all know how frustrating it is to talk to AT&T technical support to complain about spotty internet and cable, explaining I need it for work, only to have the technician (who is in a time zone 12 hours ahead) that I shouldn’t be working so late? Is that the point, ma’am? Gahhh, the things I do for Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. Of course, I don’t want to miss a second of Soulja Boy’s antics, but it’s my job. The people have a right to know how whiny Ray-J is at any given minute and just how shady Teairra Mari is being to her “friends.” Enter Hazel-E. We all know the history between these ladies is complicated, but I believe that Teairra always holds the upper hand. Hazel gets her former roommate to concede to an inappropriate relationship with Berg where her music was concerned, there was no knee bending in a back alley. Win-win?
Ray is meeting with newbie Brandi (not his sister, I repeat, not his sister). She’s Whitney Houston’s goddaughter, and her husband Max Lux is a big time producer. If you forget that halfway through the episode, she’ll remind you again. Ray complains about the new found friendship between Princess and Teairra, and Ray makes the mistake of saying he’s going to working with Max on some “music.” Brandi is fully aware what it means for Max and Ray to work together….side chicks.
Last night’s Manzo’d With Children was brought to you by the letter V. V as in Vito Scalia, but also for “Vessel,” losing your Manzo Virginity, and Visiting the library. But mostly V is for Vito and all the ways he is passive aggressively trying to use his voice. (V is for Voice).
Lauren Manzo‘s wedding will include 300 hundred people and 300 hundred Italian traditions, but only one corsage. Vito’s mom, Denise, comes over, pushing her dog in a stroller, to see where her son will be spending the rest of his remaining days. Lauren asks her if she wants a corsage at the wedding – of course she does! She’s the mother of the groom and that is an honor that must be signified. Caroline Manzo “wouldn’t be caught dead in a corsage.” She describes Vito’s mother as a “firecracker” and explains they’re different, yet the same.
Time for some standardized test prep! Different, but similar-style with Caroline and Denise.
On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy, we were treated to a trip down memory lane for the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star. The photographs (oh the photographs!) alone were enough to make it a fabulous episode. Kim Zolciak Biermann with dark brown hair and braces? Yes please! The episode begins with Kim and Kroy heading to Connecticut, leaving Gloria and chef Tracey in charge of the brood. Not only is Kim scheduled to do an appearance at a casino, she’s also returning to her roots. The casino is in her hometown!
In their absence, Kroy has charged Slade with building a shelving system for the boys’ playroom. Wait, what? Slade is unsure as to whether he’s capable of constructing furniture, but he concedes that it shouldn’t be impossible. After all, he can read. Just not well, right? Returning to the town where she grew up, Kim is overwhelmed by the time warp. Nothing has changed, except her nose. Seriously, does she think we are that dumb? As the couple cruises the main drag, Kim remembers working at every fast food restaurant from Burger King to Taco Bell to Krispy Kreme. She always got fired for giving out free food to her friends.
There’s no MER I in “team,” so the legal union of Kody Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown took place on last week’sSister Wives sans original first wife Meri. Now, it’s time for the family to focus on the purpose behind this paperwork shuffle…adopting Robyn’s three kids from her previous marriage. Of course, wouldn’t it have been more prudent to find out if said children’s biological father was willing to terminate his parental rights before shifting the family dynamic? Janelle and Christine are secondary players in this triangle, and they don’t seem all that bothered by it.
Kody has come to the realization that he’s got a lot of children, and having a lot of kids is hard when you have to tackle such tough topics like building a new play-set for the younger kids, newly engaged Madison joining the LDS church, and adopting Robyn’s three children. The moms call in Robyn’s children and clumsily try to explain the paperwork shuffle that will allow Kody to adopt them once they get the green light from their father. Robyn’s oldest daughter is over the moon. Kody reminds the children of Meri’s part in this deal, and they all offer up hugs of thanks.
Last night Real Housewives Of New York turned 100 and kept it 100! Andy Cohen checked in one-on-one with all of the current cast, Aviva Drescher, and also Kelly Bensimon who shared some really illumination information about her version of Scary Island, the issues with Bethenny Frankel, and more. It made me all the more le sad that Le’ Ladies New York are done for this season!
It’s clear that Bethenny has become the omnipotent narrator of RHONY; the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-describing prophet who speaks of success and failures with aplomb and certainty. It’s not a bad role for her, and she clearly relishes in it (and clearly isn’t glad her talk show ended!).
For the 100th episode, I was pleasantly surprised how candid and willing the ladies were to share their side of the stories – and I’m also super glad Bravo allowed them to really go IN. I appreciated Bravo not pretending viewers don’t understand things such as editing!