Is ninety-minutes of Dance Moms really necessary, Lifetime? How much footage could you possibly have? The season is already going to be at least a hundred episodes long, so do we need to be subjected to super-sized episodes each week? Oh well. More air time for Abby Lee Miller at least!
As last night’s episode begins, the mini moms are excited to enter a quiet studio. However, they are quickly bombarded by the veteran mothers who tease them about fighting over a plastic crown during last week’s episode. Jill condescendingly compliments the mini team as “cute.” After some strong duets, the veteran moms are feeling confident in the pyramid. Of course, they are confused when they see so many pictures as part of the weekly round up. Are the minis part of the pyramid as well? Say it isn’t so!
We’re moving on, we’re moving backwards, and we’re moving into straight crazy territory on Real Housewives Of Orange County. Who isn’t on the edge of their seat after that preview for the rest of the season? In a war between Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Judge, it was always a toss-up, but then Tamra found Jesus through jumping jacks and Vicki got ‘duped’ by her own desperation, so now I don’t know… It’s probably still a toss-up!
Apparently Bravo is using Tamra as some sort of Kelly Dodd reflecting pool. Like, ‘Oh remember way back when when Tamra was an irascible ‘naked wasted getting’ bitch throwing wine in her friend’s faces? But now that she’s found the ever-supportive Eddie, she’s calm and centered.’ Like Kelly could be that too if she divorced Michael. I don’t know. Crazy is as crazy does, and crazy takes advice from Tamra and Vicki!
To Vermont we go! To Vermont we go… You can take the girls out of Jersey but you can’t take the Real Housewives Of New Jersey out of the girls! Even if you put them in big giant snow boots and plain old terry cloth bathrobes. Last night also signified the return of Kim D (for Desperate!), which in my book is always a good thing! Run on with the big boys, Kim, run on!
Melissa Gorga has lofty ideas to turn the trip to Vermont into one last relaxing weekend for Teresa Giudice before Joe goes to prison and Teresa becomes a single mom. Melissa even invited Teresa’s close friends Robyn and Christina. Unfortunately, Teresa’s girls weekend is beset by problems from the get-go. Two of those problems are named Kathy Wakile and Rosie Pieri.
On last night’s 90 Day Fiance, people tried to act normal in front of their fiances’ families. Alas, they did not accomplish this goal. Whether it was Anfisa halfheartedly trying to persuade Jorge‘s sister that she is truly in this relationship for “love” (HA!) or the hapless Nicole hanging all over Azan while she broke bread with his family, these TLC fiances are officially A MESS.
It’s interesting that the families of the engaged couples seem to understand this point in under a minute flat, yet the fiances themselves march onward in their happy delusions like zombies march toward the smell of fresh brains. Speaking of brains, Nicole needs to snatch one up right quick before Azan calls the Moroccan police on her himself – which he looked a millisecond away from doing after she brought up some “mistakes from her past.” And nobody would blame him for doing so.
Unlike contestant and television writer David Wright, I’m ready for Survivor! The 90-minute Premiere Episode of Millennials vs. Gen-X blew in like a tropical storm just upgraded to a cyclone, and in its wake it scattered a number of likable castaways all over the island, representing two of the most annoying generations of America (I belong to one of them, so I can say this). The “Survivor culture war” was on and within the first day, battle lines were drawn.
So let’s not take any short-cuts, even if Jeff Probst offers us any. We’re about to dig right into Episode 1 of Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen-X…and because this is a “recap,” that means that I’m either assuming you saw the episode, or you are wanting to know what happened. I’ll always try to keep headlines and the first few paragraphs “spoiler free,” but spoilers are definitely coming if you haven’t yet seen the episode. We’ll assume this pertinent information moving forward through the seasons. So with that…
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!
With baby Aubrey still in the NICU, Amanda and Andrea Salinas head to the gym with Minnie Ross to work off some of those bad vibes from the psychic dinner gone wrong. Minnie feels like the psychic was a fake but right on cue, the lights in the gym go out. Minnie is spooked but the real issue here is that The Other Twins stirred up drama yet again and Minnie is pissed Ms. Juicy jumped on the opportunity to question her miscarriage. I would like to think, along with Minnie, that issue has been put to bed, but Ms. Juicy isn’t about to give up that bone.
Despite her motives – which were decent – Christy’s delivery left a whole lot to be desired. She’s desperate. And, like grandma says, desperation is the worst perfume! The whole scene pretty much stinks, stank, stunk. Now it’s time to rehash that mess as the ladies gather this week for Elena Gant’s surprise birthday party. Because, what’s a LWLA event really worth if it doesn’t sport a few murder threats and potential lawsuits? Happy birthday, Elena!
OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans, last night was all about getting a crash course in what it means to be a free agent in the NFL. In layman’s terms (if you’re Brielle, please Google what layman’s terms means before going any further) a free agent is a player who is not signed to one particular team. In short, a player who is on the market, playing the field, trying to get that next gig, like Tracey on Tinder.
Guiding us on this little lesson will be the ever-optimistic Kroy Biermann (our free agent) and his still-not-totally-on-board-but-says-she-is wife, Kim Zolciak Biermann, as they go to meet with Kroy’s agent, Buddy. Normally, Kroy not being signed to a team would be stressful but since Kim’s stroke, she looks at the unknown of free agency as one big adventure. Unless that adventure involves living in Green Bay. Or Buffalo (haha!). Or having to live in someone else’s house with their furniture and toilet (paging Teresa Guidice for some much needed foreshadowing).