The finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians is FINALLY here! Which means the over the top thoroughly orchestrated storylines and extremely D-list acting is finally coming to an end. We can all exhale and relax. Or at least until E! starts shoving Kourtney and Khloe take the Hamptons down our throats.
The episode begins with a disclaimer that we are able to witness an episode shot almost entirely by Kim Kardashian’s family and friends. Basically this means that both the acting and the cinematography suck tonight. Strap in for one last wild ride folks.
Things begin with a gleeful Kris Jennerscreeching she is in Paris whilst pointing out obvious landmarks like the Eiffel Tower. I feel like issuing a quick apology disclaimer to both France and Italy for having such a nutso family invade their respective countries. Kris is on cloud nine prancing around during her dress fitting. Kanye West and Kris decide she should be showing more cleavage. #NoBoundaries Why does Kanye even want to see old lady cleavage? Kim comes to the rescue and demands Kris keep her boobs in her bra. #ProblemSolved The Jenner-bots look Ah-mah-zing in their bridesmaid dresses, but Kourtney and Khloe are not sold on the look.
So, just how many security personnel does it take to restrain one Joseline Hernandez? Scratch that…how many does it take to restrain the entire cast? The first few minutes of last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion are total insanity and chaos. I can’t believe they filmed this madness. I’ve said it before, but this time I truly mean it. Shame on you, Mona Scott-Young. That was terrible.
First Joseline goes in on Althea, and I believe Benzino pops her in the head causing Stevie J. to turn into a wild animal. The women are fighting and throwing guitars (that poor band), as host Sommore is escorted off-stage. ‘Zino is screaming “Get off me, get my girl” to security as five grown men are unable to contain Stevie. He is literally undressing to get out of their grasp. The screen goes dark, and we are informed that Joseline and Stevie were able to break away from security. Joseline then bum rushes the stage and starts wailing on Tammy Rivera. What? They had about two minutes of minor beef in the second episode. Really? As Joseline loses her weave in the melee, Tammy procures an arm load of water (vodka?) bottles and starts pelting them. The screen goes black again, and we learn that the set has been locked down and Stevie and Joseline have left the building. Zino and The-The also choose to leave.
The second part of the reunion is off to a seriously scary start, and Sommore apologizes for the “altercation” after the remaining cast members rejoin her on the stage. She informs us of the Twitter battle that Zino and Stevie have been embroiled in pre-reunion, and she is shocked that Joseline was able to go from zero to a hundred on the psycho-meter just seconds after the ladies were chatting about shoes. Erica Dixon brings up her outfit (Joseline apparently didn’t want to dress like she was going to the Oscars), and Lil’ Scrappy believes she came dressed to fight. Erica recaps what started the fight, and Karlie Redd and Rasheeda couldn’t believe the level of rage in Joseline. My bad, the hair I originally referenced was actually Tammy’s. Poor Tammy seems to be the consensus.
On last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, we’re back at the campfire and waking up to the aroma of fresh bacon sizzling on the grill compliments of Kroy Biermann (love him!).
The gang gathers around the tent for breakfast after their first night in the woods. Activity of the day – fishing! The kids go digging for worms and off they go to the lake. Kim Zolciak, although looking ridiculous in her overstuffed plush robe, appears to be cozy and wait for it….enjoying herself! Ariana, Brielle and KJ are also enjoying themselves to Kim’s surprise.
Things kick off with Kimmie Kakes and Bruce Jennerenjoying a father daughter lunch. Kim is on a mission to drop the post pregnancy pounds so she can squeeze into a skin tight wedding gown. Kim decides to talk Bruce through the logistics of giving her away. Apparently Kim wants a solo walk for the first leg of her aisle walk and for Bruce to collect her after she passes the first fountain. Bruce likens the whole thing to a relay race. I think he was looking for the word circus. Tom-ay-to, Tom-ah-to. Changing gears, Bruce feels like all the embellishments on Kim’s crazy shoes looks similar to his a$$ when his hemorrhoids are acting up… yep when it comes to this family nothing is off limits. I think ‘dangleberries’ may have been used in this sentence but I was too busy vomiting to be entirely sure.
It’s finale time for Game of Crowns. This season we laughed, we cried, we watched Lynne try to cry without actually manufacturing human tears. We toughed it out through talk of cuchinis and butt glue. We stuck by this crazy-train of a show like a tacky matching jumpsuit. So if (well, when) the show is not renewed for another season, we can at least say we bore witness to it all. Let us now recap what may be the final moments of lukewarm fame for Vanassa Sebastian, Lynne Diamante, Shelley Carbone, Susanna Paliotta, Leha Guilmette, and Lori-Ann Marchese.
Last week left us at the Legends of the Crown pageant at Foxwoods Resort & Casino, with the final spot for the Top 5 still open. Four spots have already been filled by Shelley, Lori-Ann, and two other non-GOC cast members. Susanna, Vanassa, and Lynne wait in the wings for the announcer to say their names. But only one name can prevail! And that name is…Van-ASS-a. Yes, she wormed her way into the Top 5. Now Susanna and Lynne can go eat the loser buffet together backstage and talk about their best-friend sleepover tonight.
Opening today’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne is Lydia Schiavello in class at her Interior Design School in Melbourne. I’m already excited because I’ve realized over these past few weeks that Lydia’s footage is priceless. I can’t help but think that she could be the least intelligent of ALL the Housewives franchises, trying to pawn herself off as smart and sophisticated. It’s pure joy at this point listening to the idiotic things that pour out of her mouth. Even Alexis Bellino knew she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.
It’s already terrible as Lydia basically tells the professor how do his job, how he actually admires HER, how “cute” her little classmates are and how she goes on a completely other route than what the assignments are because, well, she can. She states her design is classical, contemporary, eclectic and timeless. What the?? Those four words in one design statement are all over the friggin’ place. I’m starting feel as if she just spews out words and doesn’t even know what they mean. You know, if they are big words then I’m getting Lydia feels she sounds intelligent. This is hilarious watching her struggle to appear like she knows what the heck is going on.
What do you do when you’re upset about how the paparazzi and press are portraying you in the media? Well, you pack a clear bag full of scandalous items and wait to be photographed on Sunset Blvd, of course. Later, you’ll explain that it was just a publicity stunt for your new line of security safe handbags, but nothing could be twisted in the meantime, right? That’s exactly what LeAnn Rimes does on this episode of LeAnn and Eddie. Oh, andEddie Cibrian decorates a room.
In the beginning of this episode, we find LeAnn and her interior designer working on a room in her home. There’s an issue on where to place the the 16 tables that are in the space. At one point, Precious is designed over with a pillow on the couch. That worried look in her eyes tells me that she might be needing a little more doggy therapy. Eddie shows up and LeAnn asks his opinion about the new table placement. He likes it, but LeAnn has them returned to their original places.
Since Madison Hildebrand has left the show, there is a void, an emptiness that has yet to be filled. Dare I speak its name? Malibu. Those spectacular beach beauties along the Pacific Coast Highway and sprawling gems perched high above them. Malibu. I know it’s only the second episode in, but you are missed. Oh Malibu.
So it’s back to the Hills and San Circle open house we go. And back to some more trash talking by David Parnes and James Harris. The Brits cannot let it go. They are completely frothing at the mouth as they devalue the house inch by inch. Sure the property has its minuses, but the pluses far outweigh them. Can you only imagine if they had gotten the listing and the tables were turned?? Everything would be brilliant, right??!! Josh Altman has really gotten under their skin. Get over it guys. Though, Josh Flagg seemed to enjoy watching the boys little catfight. Meow.