Melissa Gorga, behind-the-scenes s#*!-stirrer and perpetual wannabe victim, tackled the double-trouble twins with some gossip and found that Teresa Giudice isn’t the only person who flips-the-f-out!
Before all that, Joe and Melissa embark upon a new career – one they’re suited for! Joe bought a big ol’ garbage truck and announced they’re in the garbage business. At first I thought he meant they ARE the garbage business, which of course, but they are for real compacting garbage. This type of garbage is a truck specifically designed to incinerate important papers. And if Juicy or Chris Laurita‘s “paperwork” are any indication – I say that truck is going to be doing a lot of business! Also now they can finally “smoosh” all evidence of Melissa’s past – like the Lookers! paychecks!
On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, things begin with Kris Jenner and Leah Jenner taking a random midnight dip in the ocean. Kris decides to not let Kendall and Kylie’s hatred of her bother her. Apparently, at any given time, at least one of her kids can’t stand her, so basically it’s same old same old to Kris. #DysfunctionAtItsFinest
Kim Kardashian has decided not to let her embarrassing run in with Brody Jenner stop her from her selfie project. That’s too bad. Today Kim has graduated from standard ‘selfies’ and is now taking a$$ selfies. You read that right. Did one of her employees just rub her butt with oil and then apply sand. Seriously. Was this written in to their Kartrashian Kontract? Must be willing to apply baby oil and other lotions (amongst other elements) to Kimberley’s derriere. Quick question; how many employees does it take to apply oil and sand to Kim’s ass? If you answered 3 you were correct.
How are we already at the end of the Sister Wives’ season? It’s reunion time, and Tamron Hall is hosting Kody Brown, his hair, and his four wives, and she is such a class act. Right off the bat, she revisits Meri’s decision to get a wet bar go back to college and Kody’s stick straight locks in the scene. Geez, it’s horrible. Kody is supportive of his first wife’s plan, but Robyn is just a ball of fun when she learns the news. The sighing and the jaw clenching is intense. Meri is tearing up just watching the playback of the situation. Robyn tries to clarify that she didn’t feel betrayed, but she did feel ditched. She doesn’t want Meri to find better friends outside of the family…um, these women aren’t friends. Christine thinks that Meri heading back to school is the best thing for Meri. Since Mariah left, Christine feels that Meri has disengaged, and fulfilling herself through college will be just what she needs to find happiness.
Next we go back to the time that Kody pounded on his chest and talked about hormone swapping through make-out sessions with Mykelti and her now former boyfriend. Kody is so proud of his little speech, and Robyn once again reminds us that pre-marital sex is bad, bad, bad. Christine loves that Kody makes kissing sound gross to potential suitors. Tamron looks perplexed by the entire conversation, and I can’t say I blame her. The topic segues to the importance of My Sister Wives’ Closet. Finally, Janelle speaks, and she looks amazing. Tamron chides Kody about his temper tantrum in the counseling appointment where he said he never got to be the leader of the family. He is constantly asking for permission from his wives and seeking a consensus. Robyn praises Kody for being a great leader. I wonder if she ever gets tired of constantly stroking his ego…
On last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, it’s a sunny day in HOTlanta while Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann are enjoying an afternoon playing with the kids in their driveway. This could be my favorite scene of the episode as I adore seeing the family having a leisurely time WITHOUT technology. Brielle begs Kim to take the Range Rover out for a spin and she is brutally denied and downgraded to the gold Honda because she’s already banged up the expensive cars. I take that back, I actually love and appreciate this segment the most. Good for Kroy and Kim not catering to Brielle’s whining.
Later that day we see Kim and Sweetie chatting about dieting or rather, not dieting as Sweetie enjoys her miniature salad (yeah, where was the dressing? Dry salad is my idea of what meals would be like in Hell.) and she imparts a few words of nutritional wisdom onto Kim. Kim is having none of it – unless the advice is topped with Reese’s Pieces and Skittles. Kim’s idea of lunch consists of cookies and cakes and what the?? Are we 10 years old? I love me a good Sprinkles cupcake once in a while, but not seven of them for dinner.
Jenelle Evans is still pregnant. But lucky girl was blessed by the court gods who don’t want to deal with her because her latest charges have been dropped. Barb brings Jace over, where he knocks over a plastic slide and nearly maims his cousin while Babs freaks out. Jenelle sits there and stares at the ground. Barbara worries about Nathan Griffith leaving Jenelle alone for 30 days – what if she gets on some ‘pregnant and single’ app! – while he goes to jail for his DUI. Barb is anxious that without Nathan, Jenelle will have to get herself to school alone. Jenelle is how old? Oh right – mentally she’s 12. And that’s generous.
However, Barbara is also worried because Nathan is violent. To be accurate, Nathan is Dr. Fakeyl and My. Lyes and he could snap at any moment – especially when his friend Mr. Alcohol joins the party! Jenelle claims they’re getting along better because they talk now. Oh that’s nice – I’m sure they have plenty of insightful things to say. Either that or the Dr. Phil Home Therapy app they downloaded and bought cliff notes for told them to just talk til they’ve got laryngitis. Hooked on Phonics Psychology, y’all!
It’s three days prior to Christy’s wedding day. She is trying on her wedding dress for Briana and Elena and it’s gorgeous on her. Christy says the dress was created to be a short style wedding dress for a person of average height, but it makes a perfect floor length for Christy. Christy tells the girls that she is very excited that her two children will be attending the wedding, as she has split custody with her ex. However, she is also very anxious because tonight her parents will be meeting with Todd’s parents for the first time. Also, Christy has yet to meet Todd’s parents. Briana gives Christy some advice and tells her to keep her mouth shut and not talk too much. Good advice!
I’m sure Aviva Drescher is trying to take credit for it, but it was less about a leg being thrown across Le Cirque (seriously was this not the scene from a David Foster Wallace novel, or what?!) and more about the reactions of the other ladies – specifically LuAnn de Lesseps who literally burst into uncontrollable laughter and couldn’t stop.
Before all of that we have to dismantle the curious case of who got hairy with Harry. Sonja Morgan is reclining in bed, surrounded by interns of a frightened nature, one leg is propped on her pillow – tonight’s episode is clearly full of leg drama. Ramona Singer comes over to see her “Sonja-Bonja” which really is the most apt nickname ever. Sonja Bonja. Say ‘Bonja’ out loud and then laugh cause we all know Sonja likes to bone ya! I digress…
Ramona has Kristen Taekman with her because now that Aviva has outed herself as full-scale allergic to sanity, they need a tagalong to pour their wine. Pinot and Commando are adopting, y’all! Hide your impressionable youngish 30-something quarter-life crisis friends.
We’re back at Caroline’sdinner party with everyone wondering about Caprice’s whereabouts. And suddenly she appears. Like Beetlejuice. After acknowledging all of the Ladies and some of the waitstaff, Caprice finally says hello to the host. Caroline is angry that she wasn’t acknowledged first. Caprice is upset that Caroline didn’t stand up to greet her. It’s pretty damn awkward around that table. After some chitchat, Caprice announces that her surrogate is dilated and she’s about to leave the country to be with her. There’s talk of a mucus plug, but I don’t even want to know what that’s about. Caroline thinks Caprice is being overly dramatic and should just get on the plane already. And she better take the rest of that vegan meal that Caroline had prepared especially for her.