It’s go time! In Game of Crowns’preview special, we were introduced to the cast of middle-aged, um, beauty queens who are in contention for this season’s Mrs. America pageant. Here’s the formula for this show: Toddlers and Tiaras, plus 40 years, minus any Trace of Youthful Innocence, plus Plastic Surgery = Game of Crowns! Let’s get started.
We open at Shelley Carbone’s Connecticut house, where she’s practicing saying the word, “prestigious” in the mirror while wearing a crown and sash. Fellow former competitor Vanassa Sebastian arrives, blinking and smiling as much as her frozen facial features allow. She reminds us that she is a certified nurse anesthetist and puts people to sleep for a living. Vanassa asks the viewers, “What other Mrs. America contestant can say that they pass gas for a living?” Groan.
On last night’s episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians we saw an emotional Khloe Kardashianreach her breaking point. From admitting to Lamar Odom’s affairs, packing up her home and facing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stolen jewelery, Khloe cracked under the pressure and gave in to some old vices.
Things kick off with Kourtney Kardashian and her half paralyzed face. Kourtney is distressed by her latest disaster with the dentist. Khloe however, is too busy snapping pics on her phone and threatening to use them at a later date. #Blackmail (see the video below)
We open with Melissa Gorgawatching the news of Teresa and Joe heading to court to plead guilty to a 41-count federal indictment for a staggering number of financial frauds. Melissa, proving she’s no more an actress than a pop star, pretends to be shocked and worried for Teresa. Melissa vows to be there for Teresa.
She calls her on the phone where Teresa is stirring a pot of colored water on the stove because the script read ‘pretend to cook ingredientzes’. Melissa expresses her concern and Teresa says they haven’t pled to anything yet, while Gia sits there with tears filling her eyes. I am really sad to see that reports were true and Teresa will indeed be filming how the legal situation affects her daughters.
Hey! Remember on last week’s Sister Wives when Kody got showered in waste at the RV park? Good times for sure! The Browns are on their way across country to meet a Christian polygamist family whose faith isn’t rooted in Mormon principles. This guy is living Kody’s dream. He once got his wife to bake for him and then complained while she was baking that she wasn’t available to cuddle. What will remedy that? Another wife! Who is this guy and how stupid are his wives?
Kody is sporting a fancier version of his usual denim button down. It’s got embroidery on it. Christine is a bit wary about driving across country to meet a family they don’t know. Janelle is happy to mingle with like-minded people. In the dark of night, the families meet, and Kody is beside himself trying to impress the cool Nathaniel Richard and his wives. From what I gather, he only has two wives. They admit to living a secret life, but the Richards share that there are a lot of plural families living in Missouri.
The Richards kids channel their best Sound of Music as they march their way through roll call. The families share a Passover meal where they celebrate (?) beasts and boils. Nathaniel is only thirty-three, and the Brown wives remember just how bright-eyed and idealistic Kody was at his age. From what I gather, the Richard family won’t be getting a spin-off any time soon. They aren’t hip even by Meri standards, and one of the wives is sporting a straight-up banana clip. Someone get this lady a scrunchie so we can at least bring her into the early 90s!
They’re called Mrs. Pageants. And they look like they’re going to be the perfect combo of women-of-a-certain-age shellacking themselves and each other into dresses and hairpieces, meaty husbands supporting (threatening?) them in the background, poor-man’s Vegas costumes, and a healthy sprinkling of good ole fashioned backstabbing. Game of Crowns is a hot mess, missus style.
We meet Vanassa Sebastianfirst, the alpha female of the group, a breast cancer survivor and Native American from the Passamaquoddy tribe. Vanassa is no pageant virgin, having competed and placed in a former Mrs. America pageant, and formerly won Mrs. Connecticut. Vanassa’s husband, Brian, co-owns Foxwood Resort & Casino (Where my uncle goes to play the dollar slots on the regular. My aunt does not approve. Foxwoods is spoken of in hushed tones in our family circle.).
Are yous ready for this? Real Housewives of New Jersey is ba-ack this Sunday. Before we dive into the new New Jersey, let’s rehash last season so we’re all prepared. Undoubtedly the theme for season five was Love & Fight. The cast made amends and broke up every other episode!
We were promised a season of family reunification but it was really more of the same old family crucification. The cast took their battling, bickering, and brawling all across the USA since Juicy was banned from international travel via his bail agreement #FlightRisk, where they attempted to mend fences with therapists, magic pony rides, and “truthing” exercises. And it all came crashing down again when they took a little venture to The Land of Posche.
In the end, we ended up right back where we started, but at least Bravo fired some people and a new cast might bring new dramas. Here’s hoping! Oh – and Teresa Giudice got indicted, so that’s also something new.
Catfish Season 3 finale Episode 10- Bianca and Brogan
I can’t believe that it’s already the season finale of Catfish! I’m sad that I joined you mid-season—hopefully I’ll be back!
We’ve returned to the land of ridiculously named twenty-somethings, aka the land of Catfish. Nev gets an email from Bianca- a girl who has been talking to another girl over the internet named Brogan. Bianca fell in love with Brogan because Bianca is really into body modification and Brogan’s pictures depicted her with a lot of tattoos. Bianca felt an instant connection with Brogan, but had never wanted to video chat with her because she thought it would be awkward. Then, all of a sudden, Brogan vanished into thin air. She deleted her Facebook and stopped answering her calls.
Last night on Million Dollar Listing Miami our brokers dealt with disappointment – and some handled it with class and some handled it with tantrums more nasty than the ones my toddler throws.
On the other side of the spectrum, Sam DeBianchi continued to bug as she gloated and tried to get camera time by slamming her fellow agents.
Chris Leavitt is working with Senada on a co-listing for a fabulous condo in Boca Raton. He’s calling every agent he knows who can bring the high-end jet set clientele to their open house, which is actually comprised of hosting the Miss Boca pageant. Chris was worried the event wouldn’t be classy – it wasn’t – but it certainly made a splash – bikinis not withstanding – and attracted a lot of attention.