Really Vanderpump Rules has come down to a Fund-Rager and a contrived roast of Jax Taylor, which coincidentally happened while Brittany Cartwright‘s extra-crispy mama is in town? It’s so contrived. All of it. And it really frosts my lipstick.
But first, it’s Tom 1‘s party and everyone will cry if they want to, cry if they want to – you would cry too if these friends happened to you! The boys really got the birthday shafts, didn’t they – the girls got trips to Montauk and NASCAR, and they get made fun of and forced to do charity work. HA.
Well, Tom turned an indeterminate shade of 30 and celebrated not by raising awareness for himself or his attuned and wrinkle-free skin, but by inviting all of his friends to donate their easily-earned money to charity. Kristen Doute brought her crisp $20, handed it to the collection emcee and announced that now she has full-license to be bad for all eternity in exchange for this one good deed. Jax didn’t have that luck – his card was declined when he tried to give a measly $100. His karma, as always, remains, in despair.
We’re back to the day of the Celebrity Big Brother eviction. Stacy Francis and Jessica Cunningham are trying to talk out their disagreement and getting nowhere quickly. Stacy has a slightly different recollection to the incident than Jessica (and the cameras who kindly recapped). I say slightly, I mean majorly. Stacy‘s version strangely did not involve screaming and swearing. Needless to say, they give up without resolution.
Nicola McLean and Spencer Pratt are talking about Kim Woodburn and how quiet she’s been over the last few days. Spencer notes that behavior like that, just trying to get arguments and playing the game, is hard to keep up, and says that he tried it for three weeks and struggled.
Where is Tamron Hall?? Last night’s Sister Wives Tell All was mediated by Andrea Canning, and it was, as it always is….lame. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed reliving the highlights from the season given that this season focused mainly on the older children.
With nary an introduction, the crew jumps immediately into Madison and Caleb’s wedding. A Caleb fan club is formed. The parents are beyond proud and the young couple is revered. Kody Brown’s officiating the ceremony but forgetting the rings is recalled. Robyn and Christine tout their newfound sister wife friendship after an issue with Kody that is never fully explained. When pressed about the argument that solidified the bond, Christine throws out phrases like “super mad” while Robyn nods (a lot). Kody jokes that his wives get upset with him for the most minor of infractions. Do I still have a pulse? I hope so, because I have nearly an hour of watching ahead of me!
Well, Real Housewives Of Atlanta started out nicely, didn’t it? Of course, after Jesus fixed things up nice, it went straight down to hell in a hand basket over dinner! Get your prayer cloths and holy water to the fires, y’all!
I, for one, loved seeing Phaedra Parks and Kenya Moore get their glamour and their good intentions on to drive to Detroit in a vintage convertible, letting the shade fly out the window like one of Kenya’s alleged weaves. Phaedra and Kenya are about to spend a week roughing it with children affected by the Flint water crisis at summer camp.
It’s Day 16 on Celebrity Big Brother – the morning after the fight and Kim still shows no remorse in the diary room. She has decided it’s all Nicola’s fault (or Nicole, ‘cos she refuses to use her proper name) and hasn’t quite clicked that if everyone else is saying one thing, and she’s saying the other, they may have a point. As one of my fave housewives once said “Take this as a moment to look inside yourself and see that if everyone says your dead, it’s time to lie down”. But no, it’s a conspiracy, orchestrated by ‘Nicole’. I give up. Even the fact that Jessica is the only person to greet her when she comes back in the house, it’s not enough to make Kim even doubt herself.
It’s the day of James Jordan’s eviction from Celebrity Big Brother, and the recap takes us from the morning before he goes, through the eviction, and to the after-math. Tad confusing but do-able.
We start with Spencer Pratt being uber polite to Kim Woodburn and she just point blank ignores him like a buzzing gnat. I am actually liking Spencer and Heidi Pratt this season – something I never thought I’d say, but it does appear they are a lot quieter, or maybe the house in general is a lot louder. Same with Jedward, apart from the occasional featuring of them in some ‘let’s pretend’ game, the airtime they get is minimal. So perhaps we do have something to be grateful to Kim for…
Day 13 on Celebrity Big Brother starts with Kim Woodburn “apologizing” to Chloe Ferry. This “apology” involves Kim implying Chloe’s a prostitute and telling her to go to a high class escort agency, rather than standing on a street corner asking for £20 for a bl*w job. I have heard better apologies. Somehow, Chloe takes it all within her stride and gives Kim a hug. I am not convinced she understood most of the words. Maybe someone will explain later.
Hell Housemates are back in purgatory for one final chance to win their place back in the house. It involves a quiz about non hell housemates. The person that gets the question right, gets to nominate another hell housemate to lose a life. If someone loses both lives, they will be banished back to hell and face an eviction later.
I regret to inform you that last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was, once again, all about Kim Richards‘ sobriety. At least we got to see some Erika Jayne side-boob this time though – to cover all the bases of Housewives anatomy. Honestly I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than pantygate.
The story of Kim is a sad one indeed. In fact, Kim and Kyle Richards‘ life reminds me of a book I read – a memoir written by Jack Kerouac’s daughter about her adolescence and early adulthood. I initially read it in high school and was jealous of her free-spirited life and her mother who let her do whatever she wanted; she could party, stay out all night, etc. I re-read the book in college and that time I was sad that she had zero guidance or stability.