Courtney Stodden and Krista Keller are such an extreme level of dysfunction it’s practically nullified the other moms/daughters, uniting them in their shared astonishment at the of f–ked uppityness. Everyone overtly gawks at the crazy. The collective question everyone wants an answer to: Why would Krista would allow her 16-year-old daughter to marry a 51-year-old? No one gets a straight answer, just a lot of subterfuge and obfuscation around the point.
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills told us, once again, about the manipulative webs spun by the busiest little spider in Beverly Hills, Lisa Vanderpump. But alas! There is also a praying mantis awaiting in our midst named Yolanda Foster! Once she extracts herself from her bathrobe cocoon, that is.
Despite disliking all the women Erika Girardi throws a dinner party to introduce Tom. Naturally this is the perfect occasion to wear a microscopic leopard-print negligee and call it a dress. Hostess with the mostess vag! #ThisIsYourBrainOnErikaJayne
Minutes before guests arrive, Yolanda cancels, FaceTiming from bed, wearing her magical-mystical bathrobe (upon impact Yolanda must instantly post a sick-selfie! ). Yolanda’s eyes and brain are swollen because of miscounting spoons. My husband observing from the side of the room, noted, “That sounds like a ‘washing my hair’ excuse.” Erika is understanding because as Yo’s Sequiny Solider she must protect the Lymes of Power.
Am I allowed to be excited when the Dance Moms sound technicians and producers are scurrying around the Los Angeles ALDC studio totally gobsmacked as to why Abby Lee Miller and the drama-loving mothers are nowhere in sight? The dancers are there, but they aren’t allowed to be filmed without their moms present. Ashlee and Brynn arrive and are confused as to why they are the only ones in attendance to meet with Abby. A producer reveals that the veteran moms are no-shows, and without them, the girls cannot be on camera. Abby cackles at the wonderful thought of not having to deal with the crazy. Abby has designated this week’s solos to follow the theme of famous L.A .murders. Brynn tries to be cheery as Gianna Googles “Black Dahlia Murder” to get the young dancer in character. Yikes.
Trying to make a point about Abby’s recent shenanigans, the mothers decide to show up late wearing their pjs in a nod to their dance instructor’s erratic behavior. The mothers take issue with Brynn rehearsing sans the remaining ALDC dancers. Abby totally could have let the other girls dance…it didn’t have to be on camera. Ashlee tries to explain that she’s not the reason the girls weren’t allowed to participate, but Jill knows how to push her buttons. The more Ashlee fake cries, the more Jill screeches. It’s cringe-inducing.
On last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Tom Sandoval introduced us to a bass guitar bedecked with dildos, which made more sense than almost everything else happening with this group.
Katie Maloney has been waiting and hoping, begging and whining, pleading and crying to get engaged to Tom Schwartzsince the dawn of Twitter. Maybe even before in the prehistoric age of Facebook. It finally happened so OMG! WEDDING! is her entire life.
Katie bombards Lisa Vanderpump and begs to have her engagement party – a casual BBQ for 50 or so sane people plus one full-scale rampaging case of psychosis (Kristen Doute) and one bitch ghost with a superiority complex who is temporarily angelic in order to wheedle her way back in (Stassi Schroeder). After some hesitation, Lisa decides to let Katie and Tom have the party at Villa Rosa, BUT! Kristen and Stassi are not allowed to come! Katie agrees so fast heads spun exorcist style. Some re-friend she is.
Everyone has returned safely and soundly from Jamaica. Well, safely if you don’t count gushing emotional wounds! But, at the very least, everyone is trying to move on from the traumatic trip by focusing on the positives in their lives. For Kim Fields that means doing what she does best: Keeping it professional.
After being re-inspired (HA!) by directing Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial, Kim has a Skype meeting with Art, her longtime agent, to discuss the future of her directorial career. Art wants examples of Kim’s recent projects to use as a reel for other clients – including a new TV show. Please Lord do not tell me Kim is considering the CB Eyewear ‘mercial a legit indicator of her abilities!?
The first ladies of Potomac drop their etiquette lessons for some twerking at the beach this week. But it’s not all surf lessons and margaritas for The Real Housewives of Potomac, as Ashley Darby takes some heat over her less-than-glamorous beach house accommodations. Since we’ve recently learned RHOP has indeed been renewed for another season (woohoo!), it will be interesting to see whether these ladies keep up the veneer (how ever thin it may be) of their “manners” and “etiquette” storylines, or whether they start showing us who they really are. Rumors of cast shakeups already abound!
Katie Rost is meeting Gizelle Bryant, Robyn Dixon, and Ashley out for lunch. Gizelle immediately fills Robyn in on Michael dropping his pants and trying to jump overboard at Karen Huger’s harbor party. Robyn’s like, “Meh.” She cannot be bothered. So conversation turns to the ladies upcoming getaway to Ashley’s beach house, in which she plans to accommodate 7 people in 5 bedrooms. Gizelle commands her to work it out, babe. Work.It.Out.
On last night’s Little Women: AtlantaMonie Cashette tried to break into the entertainment business as a video vixen casting agent. Like many things Monie has tried as of late, t’was not a success!
Everyone is still reeling over the fight between the Tiny Twins and The Cheeks. Emily Fernandez and Bri Barlup blame the twins for instigating. Bri got involved because she was defending pregnant Emily, Emily got involved because it was two twins to one Cheek! Bri complains that AndreaSalinas thought Bri was pushing Amanda Salinas, when Bri was actually just warning her to back up. Andrea mistook Bri’s raised hand as a shove, rushing over to defend her sister, and that’s where things got out of hand!
I thought maybe watching Mob Wives would get easier, but it didn’t. I’m still so sad for Big Ang’s family and friends, and I want her co-stars to stop engaging in behavior that she would frown upon. Do you hear that ladies? The episode begins with Carla Facciolo, Renee Graziano, and Karen Gravano coming to cook for Ang who is recuperating form her lung surgery. While she is in a lot of pain, she’s up and about and anxious to find out if she’ll have to undergo chemotherapy. As the women nosh on a delicious looking spread, Karen shares her disappointment that her father has been denied early release. She blames his name…any other inmate with his record of good behavior would be back on the streets by now. Ang is just happy to toast her friends and be out of the hospital.
Drita D’avanzo’s daughter Gizelle is celebrating her birthday, and her mother surprises her with the puppy she’s been begging to get for the last few weeks. This brings the miniature dog count in their family to two. Meanwhile, Karen is meeting with Brittany Fogarty, the newbie who must regurgitate everything that’s ever said to her by anyone. Karen complains about the court’s vendetta against her father. While Brittany can somewhat relate, she has never felt like Karen, that she has to defend her own name due to her father’s actions. Karen then decides to try to warn Brittany (yet again) of the pitfalls of being friends with Drita. Brittany hopes that her sharing Drita’s latest beef with Karen wasn’t considered instigating. She didn’t realize the history between the pair, and she’s taking herself out of their issues. Oh really? Their conversation turns to Brittany’s distaste for Carla and Renee, but she agrees to give them one more chance for Karen…since their fathers have so much history together.