Recaps

dance moms moms

If there’s one thing that Abby Lee Miller can consistently do, it’s bring the crazy to Dance Moms. Despite her legal woes, she managed to be a part of last night’s episode–although she appeared to be on the verge of a mental breakdown the entire time. However, I don’t think Abby’s as unhinged as she appears…I think it’s all ego. Also, Lifetime, I’m on to you adding nine extra minutes to the episodes this season. Not cool. 

Abby is sporting pajamas and rollers as the ALDC waits to practice. Jill has her nose so far up Abby’s bum in hopes of drawing her out of the insanity. “Your hair is going to look so great when you finally take out of those hot rollers,” and, “You don’t want to go out on the bottom…you need to show the world you’ve still got it!” Abby retorts that she wasn’t put on this earth for the Feds to make her look bad. She’s done working with the ALDC. Holly questions whether they should pursue an opportunity with Debbie Allen. They want to be supportive, but if she doesn’t want them there, they don’t have other options. As Abby melts down, she shuns Melissa and Jill who hope she’ll change her mind. Gia is equally stressed as she works with the girls on their group number. 

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Tom Schwartz Feels Sad

Last night on Vanderpump Rules an informal peace summit was finally staged, over shots, in, of all places, Lala Kent‘s apartment!

Stassi Schroeder is still milling around Los Angeles lost adrift the skeletons of the friendships she buried when Saint Patrick of the Mount Perfectionist Adultiness loved her. Now, knocked down to mere mortal status, Stassi is alone and friendless with only Kristen Doute (and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Klone No 1. Kristina), to consume Pinot and laments with her. Luckily our trusty friend Lala will remedy allll that!

Over on the homefront – SUR – Jax Taylor is back at work after his shoplifting suspension but no one is glad to see him. Lisa Vanderpump isn’t finished with her tough love just yet! To really remind Jax of what a bad boy he’s been, she orders him to do *gasp* COMMUNITY SERVICE. She’s like a an uber-glamourous court circuit judge with a vendetta! Lisa remands Jax to gather all his unworn clothes to donate to charity. Plus, he has to force the Toms to do this with him.

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Kim Fields reacts to rumors

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta the drama in Jamaica was stirred up into a tidal wave. And floating out in the center of it, with the lightning crashing down all around her, laughing in the face of a sea storm set to destroy Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial, was Kenya Moore. Or should I call her, Kenyursula The Sea Witch!

The group is headed somewhere in Jamaica to meet Peter’s long-estranged family, but after learning Cynthia doesn’t consider her a BFF, Kenya skips the outing. Instead she goes to the spa with Matt. While relaxing in a bubble bath Kenya rambles on and on about how Cynthia never appreciated her love and support. Matt is like uhhhhh… I thought this was supposed to be sexytimes not aquatherapy? 

Cynthia is also upset because some “super awesome person” went to Kenya to reveal the classified information about Kenya not being Cynthia’s BFF. How old are we again? BFF-bickering? It’s like giving each other those broken heart friendship necklaces in grade school. 

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 Katie-Rost-Swinging-Real-Housewives-of-Potomac 

It’s time to drop the manners lessons and get a little bit more real with the Real Housewives of Potomac this week, and given Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’s confession about her crumbling marriage and Robyn Dixon’s financial dirt being dragged out into the light (courtesy of Google, no less!), it looks like that’s just what’s about to happen. 

We begin with Gizelle Bryant, who’s accompanying Karen Huger on her first flight lesson. Karen is interested in getting her pilot’s license, but Gizelle isn’t sure Karen’s – er – airbags will survive the altitude. While they wait for her plane to be prepped, the ladies dish about newcomer Ashley Darby. They weren’t fans of Ashley’s whiskey tasting, but Karen is a fan of Ashley – so far. Gizelle is reserving comment for now. 

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Emily & Bri

On last night’s Little Women: Atlanta, the twins decided Emily Fernandez couldn’t possibly be pregnant because she didn’t show everyone her peed on pregnancy test. 

Emily is still upset Lontel left her after finding out she was knocked up, so she decides to do something which makes her happy. That happy is horse back riding. Emily spent her childhood riding, but since moving to Atlanta to become a Cheek she’s left horses behind in Texas along with her daughter. Bri Barlup comes along for moral support. Emily explains that most little people can’t ride very well since they lack the leg span to grip the horses. 

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Briana-Renee-PlaidShirt-Little-Women-LA

Before we begin our recap of Little Women: LA, it’s of some interest to note that Briana Renee did a bit of damage control in an interview posted just hours before the episode aired. She claimed that her sister, Tiana, falsely accused her husband Matt Ericson of abusive tendencies on last week’s show. And she’s hoppin’ mad about it. Briana says Tiana’s accusations were “a complete, blatant straight-up lie” and “disgusting.” Furthermore, Briana maintains she never told Tiana she thought it was “ok” to hit a woman, although Tiana says differently. In other news: Christy McGinity Gibel lost in a car accident lawsuit brought against her in The People’s Court today. Whah?  

Very interesting times we’re living in with the ladies of LWLA, indeed. Now, on to the show! Terra Jole and Tonya Banks are washing their doggies at the pooch spa. Terra vents about her discussion with Briana and Matt at Elena Gant’s Little Palettes party. The conversation went something like this: Briana, do you want to reconcile with your family? (Terra and Christy) I’m fierce! (Briana). They are dead to us and will never meet their grandchildren! (Matt). So, it didn’t go well.    

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mob wives brittany

Put a fork in Mob Wives…it’s done. Just don’t put a fork in Brittany Fogarty’s hand because she’s likely to gouge out Marissa’s eyes. That was one of the most comical wannabe smack downs in reality television history. Marissa in her stilettos and Victoria’s Secret get-up managed to get the only punch in on the farmer newbie. Farmer Brittany tried her best to get in a swing, scaling fences and wriggling out of the umpteen bouncers trying to contain her as she and not-so-prissy Marissy scream c-u-next-Tuesday insults that would make Ericka Jayne blush. Karen Gravano is disappointed. She had high hopes that the newbies could have a civil discussion. So Karen’s a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of person. That’s rich! Drita D’avanzo stays in Brittany’s corner like the little old guy who coached Rocky in the ring. Drita knows what it’s like to want to fight someone but be stopped by production assistants or, I don’t know, the police. Seriously, did you see this on TMZ? Girlfriend needs to take it down a notch.

Karen is peeved that Drita is encouraging Brittany. Brittany is peeved that Karen is being Switzerland in this altercation. The following day, Drita and Big Ang plan a big day of inspiration for Drita’s memoir. They are dining at a restaurant that was a mobsters’ strip club dream back in the day. Speaking of back in the day, don’t take a drink every time one of the women utters the phrase…alcohol poisoning doesn’t look fun. While Drita’s husband Lee isn’t keen on the idea of his wife penning a book, Ang believes he’ll come around and be proud of the finished product. Across town, Renee Graziano is thrilled to have son AJ and his girlfriend Andrea spending the night. Thankfully, Renee did a better decorating job the second time around, sans weed. Renee’s rules include AJ doing the laundry and no loud sex. AJ just needs snacks, Gatorade, and his mother not to make comments that make his girlfriend physically cringe.

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Erika Girardi gets defensive over Yolanda's Lymes

Erika Girardi-Jayne showed some colors that weren’t pink and sparkly, but rather murky and c-nty on last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. If there are two definitions of the word “c-u-next-Tuesday-y,” Erika gave us both in the form of new personality called Erika Payne. I expected a little more honesty from Erika. We’re talking about a woman who prances around with her hoohah out lecturing about confidence and self-acceptance, yet she effortlessly lied to a group of women, not caring that one of them could lose friends over it. Interesting indeed, Ms. Hoohah of the Beverly Hills. Are the Lymes of Yolanda Foster worth all that? 

I really like Erika in general, outside of her relationship with Yolanda in which she is being used (willingly? accidentally?) as a patsy for whatever game it is Yolanda is playing. The reunion should be very interesting! 

On the bright side Eileen Davidson melts my heart for being so down-to-earth, silly, and admitting that she doesn’t give a flying $4,000 designer f–k about materialism. Eileen truly has confidence and doesn’t need all the trappings of attention-seeking “c-nty” necklaces to get a reaction out of “old women,” or the inflated status that swinging around a designer bag gives you. She’s as anti-Hollywood Friend as you can get, without needing some sort of validating T-Shirt proclaiming, “Proud To Not Be A Hollywood Friend #DreamTeam” – you know, the BS Yolanda is always shoving in everyone’s face to make them question themselves. Eileen is my Spirit Housewife. 

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