Recaps

Sonja Morgan snaps!

When Snapped meets Real Housewives Of New York insanity (and hilarity) ensue. In what has become my favorite episode like ever, last night was the perfect genesis of drama (and melodrama) meets fun and friendship. Keep it comin’ Bravo. 

The ladies are all Scary Island 2.0, but this time it’s Sonja Morgan having a total break from reality (gummy bears optional). After Sonja and Bethenny Frankel went head-to-head over whose head was more screwed up, the ladies chowed some lobster and went to bed. Drama makes a mama cranky and sleepy. Rather, it makes most people cranky and sleepy – it gives Bethenny and Ramona Singer a crackling energy. 

They stay up discussing the Sonja-sodes (the Sonja Episodes) and Ramona confesses to being worried about her bestie. Both agree Sonja is turning to alcohol to cope with loneliness – something ironically they can relate to. This spirals into a truly touching conversation where Ramona opens up to Bethenny about her divorce from Mario.

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Cori-Goldfarb-Crying-Secrets-And-Wives-Bravo

If last night’s Secrets and Wives revealed anything, it’s that the men in this circle are bloody awful. And the women who love them appear clueless. But when a Fire Island trip brings the women together during which tempers flare, these ladies show how to get over a reality TV fight in 3.5 seconds, which is more than I can say for the Real Housewives of any city on the planet. 

We pick up at Cori Goldfarb’s party, where Susan Doneson’s husband Jonathan is making an absolute drunken fool of himself, verbally abusing his hostess with such gems as “Shut the f*k up!” Cori breaks down in tears when Susan is unable to control her attack dog man. While an embarrassed Susan tries to do damage control with the group, Jonathan corners Cori in the kitchen to demand that she “not be upset.” That’s as much of an apology as she’s going to get out of this scumbag for now, I guess. On the ride home, Susan tries to explain how to act like a human to Jonathan while he promptly falls asleep in the cab.

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dance moms abby 2

Remember that time that Abby Lee Miller pitted sister against sister and lost her cool anytime she felt threatened by another competing studio? Of course, you do…it was only last week! This week she serves up even more drama on Dance Moms, ousting Kira and Kalani and prompting many cry faces from her dancers.

The episode begins with the ALDC meeting in her shell of a new studio for the pyramid. She claims her contractor has promised that they will be dancing in the space in three weeks, my my very meager knowledge of renovations says otherwise. Abby begins by harping on the group’s second place finish the most recent competition, and then congratulates a missing MacKenzie on scoring a bit guest spot on a Nickelodeon show. She also reminds the troupe that MackZ is her last first place winner, and all of the girls now standing in front of her are just first losers. Jill and Kira interrupt to say that the girls are suffering from the lack of dance classes being offered in LA…which is none. When Holly agrees, Abby draws the line…the ALDC can either take classes or pursue stardom, but not both.

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RHOC Recap

Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County the ladies put aside their differences, pettiness, and spite in the name of philanthropy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

In Napa, at the Bello’s fabulous mansion, celebrating COLLETTE, the fabulous non-champagne occupying the niche market of Methode Champenoise, aka sparkling wine coolers, drama is ensuing. When in fabulous surroundings, act not fabulous! Shannon Beador and Meghan KING Edmonds are arguing over being non-charitable regarding Meghan’s wine fundraiser for juvenile diabetes (because nothing says diabetic and kids like wine!).

Meghan doesn’t understand why Shannon doesn’t want to help her host this event, because although Meghan is tall enough to reach the sky, she has difficulty understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around her. I mean, OF COURSE Shannon would want to help some young upstart third wife of a has-been athlete, because charity starts at home among your RHOC kin. DUH!

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lhhatl joseline

So, there definitely wasn’t a lot of love being shown on last week’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. Margeaux expressed her desire to separate from husband and sex tape star extraordinaire Nikko, and Khadiyah sent Yung Joc packing after he couldn’t commit. After all, he’s got all the members of his baby mama club wanting to dry his tears in the wake of their break-up. Best friends Mimi Faust and Ariane had it out over Mimi’s participation in said tape’s leak, and Kalenna and Tony faced tension in light of his new investment…and his decision to no longer manage his wife’s career. 

It seems the only couple that is doing halfway decently is Rasheeda and Kirk Frost. Funny how quickly the tides change! The episode begins with Joc and Rasheeda discussing the statuses of their respective relationships. Rasheeda chides Joc that he can’t keep hopping from one ex to the next, and Joc changes the subject to share how much Kirk claims to love his wife these days. Joc requests that Rasheeda intervene on behalf of he and KD, and she agrees. Anything to get him off her and Kirk’s sofa! Across town, Jessica Dime is meeting with Dawn. She’s tired of letting Mimi barely manage her career. The women are getting massages and complaining about Mimi’s lack of professionalism. Jessica wonders when she’ll get to work with Stevie J., but Dawn reminds her that Stevie isn’t going to be doing anything anytime soon. Jessica needs to come on board with Dawn’s management, and Dawn promises a big payout for appearances.

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Sonja Morgan is defensive

Real Housewives Of New York – when it’s too hot in the city, despite the arctic winter chill, escape to the islands of Turks and Caicos but bring the arctic chill with you! I truly did love this episode – it was old times RHONY – real friends, serious drama that wasn’t fake or fabricated, yet light-hearted frivolity and laughs. 

I’ve come to love the friendship of Bethenny Frankel and Luann de LessepsI think they deserve their own bestie name: Bethann? Luannethy? I’ve also come to accept Kristen Taekman as being silent, but necessary – her facial expressions are the omnipotent narrator and her outfits are a pleasant diversion from such atrocities as macramé, lucite stripper heels, or neon yellow bikinis purchased from the MTV Spring Break store in 1993. 

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dance moms pyramid

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m still reeling by Mother of the Year Melissa admitting that MacKenzie should have lost to older sister Maddie on last week’s Dance Moms. What doozies does she have in store for us this week? And what kind of hateful ridiculousness will Abby Lee Miller emulate as the ALDC goes head-to-head with the West Coast’s equivalent of the Candy Apples? So many questions regarding last night’s episode, so let’s dive right in, shall we? 

The episode begins with the girls joking about the previous competition. Of course, MacKenzie has earned her a spot at the top of the pyramid, and Maddie teases that her tap routines never lose, so it’s game on against her sister. All of the dancers agree that Abby won’t be too bitter about the group loss since she can blame it on Michael Jackson’s choreographer. Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid, and Jill bites her tongue. A shocked JoJo follows, with Abby claiming she is capable of doing better. Nia rounds out the bottom, with Kalani in third on the second rung, and Maddie as runner up for losing to her sister. MacKenzie earned her place in the pyramid’s first place ranking. 

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Reality TV Listings Secrets and Wives

On this week’s Secrets and Wives, the ladies take their friendship, and the last shred of their dignity, to a whole new level of hell, gazing upon Cori Goldfarb’s bare lady parts while she lays spread eagle before them on an exam table – all in the name of Truth + Beauty. A little too much Truth for my taste, I confess.

The ladies gather at Cori’s spa, Truth + Beauty, to experience a day of horror with sketchy consultant “Dr.” Levine. Cori’s client base is basically zero, perhaps because people have heard of the anal relaxing cream that lines the shelves? Or the prerequisite vaginal rejuvenation consultation – with all of one’s closest friends looking on! – that the spa is now known for? The low client base is surely a mystery. Liza Sandler of the thousand botched facial plastic surgeries (seriously, go check out her younger photos on Bravo, then ask yourself: Who is this formerly human girl?) volunteers to be the example of what not to do to age gracefully. Unaware of the irony, Liza poses herself in front of the group while Dr. Levine warns the ladies on using too much filler, or else beware the dreaded trout pout!

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