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renee michael mob wives

It was a very crazy Christmas for the ladies of Mob Wives. While I realize they filmed long ago, it's fun to bring their antics into present day. Santa probably didn't leave what he planned for Renee Graziano thanks to her behavior last night. Come to think of it, most of the girls deserved big lumps of coal!

After Natalie Guercio called out Renee's VH1 hire-a-date delicious, all hell broke loose, giving us a story line for last night's episode. We begin with Renee and son AJ dining with his new (?) girlfriend and Michael, Renee's latest love interest. Michael is late. Renee forgives his indiscretions and orders several bottles of wine. Xanax is her issue, so wine is fine. Is that how recovery works?

Michael tries to impress Renee's son with his rapper connections, but AJ isn't biting. When Michael reveals that he has somewhere else to be after this dinner, things go down hill. Renee blames Natalie for introducing Michael to her craziness with Natalie's "delicious smelling" comment. AJ tries to be the voice of reason, but we know it's all for naught. Michael exits (did they even have apps?), and Renee questions the relationship.

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Oh for peet's sake Stassi Schroeder needs to be on meds. She is categorically insane. I mean she must have her own category in the DSM-V. 

Last night on Vanderpump Rules the fallout from last week's drunken disclosures continued! So Katie Maloney got like super wasted and her hair turned an even more obnoxious shade of bronze and she also repeated a rumor that Jax Taylor and Kristen Doute slept together when he and Stassi were broken up. 

This turns Stassi all shades of paranoid as she starts speculating whether or not the rumors are true. All her 'friends' hoping to replace Kristen whip out their secret stash of bash books to speculate that Kristen could do something like that - and not only that, she would do something like that. 

Stassi claims the proof is that Kristen isn't over-reacting when confronted. Maybe because Kristen heard through that same rumor mill that Jax has syphoghonaherphilitis (allegedly) and ain't nobody got time for that! 

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Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills began the slow shifts of alliances as Kyle Richards and Brandi Glanville forged a tenuous friendship of nefarious intent. It's so pernicious. Just pernicious. 

Yolanda Foster is planning a dinner party to honor HER KING. It's David-galore and all about David. I wonder what flowers David likes? Probably the ones that bloom in his presence – he is quite miraculous that way! 

On the other side of town in a poor, sad subdivision where normal people who don't have houses built on a foundation of Grammy awards and or a fridge made of diamonds spun from the hair of virgin, albino Persian cats, Brandi is searching for her poor lost dog Chica. Awww… poor Chica. While Brandi annoys the bejesus out of me – and adding to that annoyance is the presence of Kyle in a pirate-themed Kaftan from Kylene By Too Many Kraptans - I totally understand the loss of a pet. 

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rhoa-recap

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta paid a visit to beautiful Savannah where there were history lessons all around. 

Things pick up where they left off on the bus ride that never ends. Kenya Moore is just sooooooo upset that people were late. Just sooooo disappointed. Just sooooo appalled. Needless to say she starts lecturing the group on not being tardy for any of NeNe Leakes' parties (Didn't we learn that last year?), when Kandi Burruss leaps up to shut Kenya down. Schooled By Bravo. 

Phaedra Parks whips out the breast pump to produce some "organic, chocolate milk".  New Housewife-in-Training Mynique Smith starts giving sex and marriage tips. She's another one who is subservient to her husband. Which means having a lot of sex. And listening to what he says. Many of the other ladies disagree – especially NeNe who believes the husband should be subservient to the working gal! 

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Well it appears we're about to have a Sharks versus Jets situation on this season's Mob Wives, only it will be Philly taking on Staten Island, and by Staten Island, I mean Renee Graziano. Note to self, never tell a man he smells nice in Renee's presence. What a crazy episode! Does someone need to go back to therapy?  Let's get started, shall we?

At Drita D'avanzo's house, construction is going full force. She's all about renovating her home while trying not to remember that the last time they tried to remodel her husband Lee robbed a bank and ended up in jail. Big Ang drops in to see the progress and enjoys hearing that Lee is happy to be working a regular job. Drita is stressing about her oldest daughter being bullied in school, and a girls' night out with the ladies helmed by Alicia deMichele Garofalo is just what the doctor ordered. 

Alicia has finished listening to years worth of wire taps that have made her husband into a virtual stranger. She can't dwell on what she's learned though because she has to host a party for her family. She has sheltered her children from their father's antics, and she's just trying to focus on her oldest son going off to college. Alicia has grand plans to send him care packages full of meatballs and condoms. She takes her brother aside to discuss her husband's lies via wiretap. Alicia wants to confront her husband about her new knowledge, and her brother hopes that she'll realize "it is what it is." I'd knee my brother where it counts, but Alicia is happy for the support.

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golnesa-gg-gharachedaghi-asa-soltan-rahmati

Last night's episode of Shahs of Sunset was fairly uneventful. For me, it felt like a filler episode to set up the showdown between Reza Farahan and Mike Shouhed on the next episode. Oh but Mercedes "MJ" Javid did do some of that pesky thing us regular folks call a job! I guess that's worth noting. 

To kick things off, Reza and Adam Neely are off to the mall. Reza pokes fun at Sears and Nieman Marcus in the same mall – this coming from the man who has Louis Vuitton shoes and IKEA furnishings in the same apartment. As they walk through the mall, Reza and Adam talk about the menu for their upcoming housewarming party, and they just happen to come across a Beluga caviar vending machine – a small can of caviar costs $3500, cash only. First, gross. Second, no problem for Reza, who whips out a wad of $100s. Adam wants to know who carries around that kind of cash, Reza says immigrants! Reza gives Adam props for going with the flow, adding, "With a little more training, he could be the quintessential perfect Persian wife." 

Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi and Asa Soltan Rahmati take a Tai Chi class in the park. Asa thinks it'll be good for GG, who lacks impulse control. At the same time, GG tells us, "MJ makes me want to cut her t*ts off and bitch slap her with them."  Tai Chi just makes GG horny.  Better luck next time, Asa.

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vpr-recap

Last night tables turned wildly on Vanderpump Rules when one drunken girl proved that loose lips do in fact sink friendships of convenience with co-workers you don't really like!

Before any of that happens we are treated to the tragic sighting of Stassi Schroeder's a$$. No, no I didn't write "Stassi being an a$$" or "Stassi is an a$$", but literally Stassi's a$$. She spread her cheeks for a bikini waxing. Decency is dead, folks! Apparently the best way to cleanse yourself of the ex you don't really want back but want to keep manipulating is to go hairless!

Stassi makes Katie Maloney go with her but Katie has never waxed. Katie never will again. It's taken me forever to figure out why Katie, whom I refer to as Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, would dye her hair that unflattering color – and then it hit me. She's literally trying to be Stassi. Same hair style (but shorter), same side part, same color-ish, same mean girl antics. #FalseIdol

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rhobh-recap-brandi

I don't even know what to say about last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Things begin with Dinner Party From Hell 8.0. Kyle Richards and Yolanda Foster are agreeing to disagree by disagreeing when Brandi Glanville stares Kyle down with an unfocused glare and some threatening, slurry words about how she could say a lot of bad things about Kyle. Bad, bad things. Like for real mean stuff.

Lisa Vanderpump warns her to knock it off, but "know this" Brandi sees things. Weren't you just waiting for her to whip out that electronic cigarette?! Brandi was a wreck and needs: blotting papers, powder, detox, a nap, water, psych drugs, to get off my TV.

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