So, do we think Brittany Cartwright‘s mama is going to be successful in her quest to get Jax Taylor into a church?! If so, will the holy water turn him into liquefied jelly – or will he start speaking in tongues?! Oh wait, he already does… Yes, an exorcism must be done on Vanderpump Rules, but shockingly, Jax isn’t the one who needs it. OK, maybe he does, but not as bad as some people…
So let me tell you a little story about a Three-Headed SheBeast named KriStasstie – if that sounds like a very weird food served in an eastern European prison, or a disease you probably do not want to contract from a monkey, well, it’s not far off.
This is the story about three women who have absolutely NO IDEA how unimportant their opinions are, and their self-aggrandized delusions about their amazing friendships are, well, sad. Really sad. Thank goodness we have the ‘boyfriend stealing’ Ariana Madix, of the dewy mermaid skin and evil eye to put them in their place. And their place is out by the dumpsters at SUR. Who knows…they may even be puking in them.
Kenya Moore returns home from Charlotte, to find her house vandalized. It seems MattJordan is made of magic carpets, because after driving ALL night to Charlotte where he harassed Kenya at Club One, he turned right around and drove all night back to ATL to smash in Kenya’s garage windows, sprinkle (was that juice? blood? droplets of rage?), break her car window and her back door, and spray paint over her security cameras. Dang – hell hath no fury like a man scorned.
I’ve come out of sulking long enough to do this Celebrity Big Brother recap then I shall go back to drowning myself in a jar of Nutella. And I mean Straight Nutella. No bread, or toast or any of that soft stuff. A hit, straight up from the jar. I only use a spoon so I don’t look animal. Anyways, I digress…
We first recap on the day of the eviction. Jasmine Waltz starts the day apologizing to Big Brother for being a brat. She actually does it in quite an amusing way and recognizes that she was being petulant. Fair Play.
We start this recap with an apology. I have soooooo fallen out with Celebrity Big Brother. I’m not saying its ruined my life, or even my week, but my night took a definite turn for the worst. But I have a job to do, and will try to do it. #takingonefortheteam
We open the show with the promise of an eviction, then 3 brand new housemates, and then another eviction. If that wasn’t enough, we then have a vote to put a selection of housemates in the house from hell. Busy night then….
It’s Day 9 in the Celebrity Big Brother house and the second day of the Land of Nod Task. Celebs have pulled an all-nighter with the egg timers and dream cloud jumping.
Brandon Block is struggling in the house and James Jourdan is feeling guilty. Neither of which I saw coming. James feels that they should have been more sensitive to the fact that she is nominated for eviction and has been dealt a tough journey so far. Angie takes the tough stance and says that they can’t have regrets and that she was up for eviction too, so by the same thinking, she should have been invited too. However Nicola and James talk to Stacy. Somehow it turns in to Nicola walking off in tears. #itsallaboutme.
Day 8 in the Celebrity Big Brother house begins with a Ray J-less house. Media coverage says he left the house due to a dental problem, but other than a small announcement at the beginning of the episode, and a clip in the middle, there is no other detail.
It’s shopping task day and housemates are a-waking in the land of nod. Leaders of the task are the “Dream Team,” comprising of James Jordan and Nicola McLean, whose job it is to ensure the housemates follow the rules. James reluctantly takes up the role – I lie – he’s loving it. The rules: no make up or appliances, no lying down during the day, no sleeping during the day, and no yawning. No wonder Ray J left – that was 80% of his daily activity. James J and Nicola get a free pass and are allowed to do what they like.
Double Teen Mom 2, double the fun. That’s right, fans, we got a bonus episode this week and I’m ready to bring you the highlights.
Leah Messer is moving on to bigger and better things in the form of a $110K house. She brings the girls and her friend along to see it because apparently, the owners don’t mind if she creeps around the property with the camera crew whenever she wants. Motivated to sell, I guess! There are still numbers to crunch and a wheelchair ramp to put in, but she’s optimistic. She also remains optimistic about Ali’s determination to do normal kid things, even though she’s falling a lot. Leah says as much to Corey Simms at one of their drop offs and Corey agrees for some reason. Ultimately, Leah does end up getting the house and it’s only eight miles from the girls’ school, which she is thrilled about because that means it will only take her 15 minutes max to get there. It also means she will only be 45 minutes late instead of over an hour. It’s a win for all.
It’s day 7 on Celebrity Big Brother and we’re waking up to a night of regrets and headaches. Nicola McLean wonders if her husband will be annoyed, and when told she’ll have some explaining to do, she retorts that she gets a free pass due to his indiscretions anyway. Angie Best tells son Calum Bestoff for drinking so much and tells him his liver can’t deal with it. I really wish he would let this side of his character out more; the relationship with his mum is so cute.
And it is this that leads us on to the task of the day. Angie, who has been personal trainer to the likes of Priscilla Presley and Cher, is asked to choose the unhealthiest housemates and run a detox program with them. Her choices (victims) are James C, Coleen, Ray J, Brandon, and Calum. Housemates will not be able to smoke, drink alcohol, or eat unless Angie tells them they can. Obviously they’re thrilled. Helped by Angie saying Ray J has put notable weight on since being in the house.