Kenya Moore set her inner-Krayonce aside to find love on the Millionaire Matchmaker. Seriously – there were no Kenyanigans. I was strangely disappointed. As much as I snark on Kenya, I rely on her insanity to keep me indentured to Bravo. I do not need to see her behaving normally. But alas, we all must make sacrifices for love!
There were shocking developments however – Patti Stanger actually made two love connections (!) as she established herself the champion of under-appreciated women in their 40’s and 50’s! Or something like that – I tuned out around the time she described Cynthia Bailey as one of the top supermodels in the world and Kenya’s best friend.
Kim’s in San Francisco meeting with the Glu team that was behind her video game to enhance her brand even more. She wants to include a Hollywood app and involve her family to increase her fan base. I’ve gotta hand it to Kim to strike while the iron is hot and literally plaster her image on all products that could possibly have her face on it. It’s quite remarkable when you think about it. She takes the time to thank essentially the entire team at Glu that is behind the success of her game and apps which was a decent move on her part.
NeNe Leakes has left the building! And some real-ish therapy happened on Real Housewives Of Atlanta! Well, as real as you’re gonna get from 4 broads whose occupations are Shadeologists (degree available online at Shade U, an akkredited university), and one broad whose occupation is Denialologist, degree available at MamaJoyce Be Your Guide.com. Oh, and NeNe, well she kept it real NeNe – all the problems aren’t her fault, and Dr. Jeff shouldn’t be allowing everyone to “dump” them in her lap on a plate from the buffet. Well Kandi Burruss would still eat it!
Therapy is in progress when NeNe up and flees, toting two Birkins filled with her emotional baggage. Dr. Jeff, the yappy Pomeranian on her heels, begs her to return. NeNe’s glowing red transformer eyes accuse him of allowing everyone to blame her for all the issues. It was a conspiracy! The entire first part of the session, was all NeNe, all times. Usually she likes that sort of thing but not when she’s being told what she doesn’t want to hear!
Dr. Jeff tries to appease NeNe by reminding her that she has so much to contribute. In response NeNe snaps, “You should lose your license!” Dr. Jeff follows NeNe out to her car, counseling her about anger taking her to dark places… She uses all of her self-restraint not to poke his eyes out, then commands the guards to haul him away and throw him in the viper pit.
This week we open this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne with Lydia Schiavello and Chyka Keebaugh catching up and having a midday cocktail. Lydia is flying to Florence for her son’s wedding. Her son is 24 and Lydia is 45 and she can’t believe he’s getting married but nonetheless she is incredibly excited for him. Lydia really does look great for 45.
Chyka wastes no time and spills the beans (very un-Chyka like! But somehow, I still love her even when she is gossiping) about her lunch the other day with Gamble and Janet Roach. She gives her the lowdown. Chyka just asked Gamble Breauxabout what the entire city of Melbourne has read in the press regarding her last relationship. However, Janet comes out of left field with asking her about the “rumors” that Gamble was a stripper and likes to throw sex parties. Chyka tells Lydia she has no idea where that came from and Lydia is so peeved she wasn’t a fly on the wall during that lunch.
It’s the end of the baby race! (Please let it be the end. Please.) On last night’s Little Women: LA, Briana Manson faces big decisions in her questionable relationship with Matt, Terra Jole and Joe Gnoffo get news about their baby, and Todd and Christy McGinity Gibel bicker about losing weight. Elena Gant launches her fashion line for little and average sized people, despite the advice of her designer mentor. And the season ends with Traci Harrison Tsou and Tonya Banks throwing a baby shower for Terra, during which the gender of the baby is revealed and fences are mended (for now) among the ladies.
Are y’all as glad as I am that the circus we watched in the form of the finale of the Mob Wives reunion is finished? Get it together, Vivica Fox! You’re not part of the cast (although, check her out in that action shot–gotta love Viv!)! After her Twitter war last week where she joined forces with the veteran ladies against Natalie Guercio, I was a tad curious to see what would unfold…until my very exhausted brain realized that the entire reunion was actually filmed before that happened. Oops. Oh well! I was still anxious to see what would unfold after the insanity of part one. At least it opened with a bleeping, bleepity, bleep montage the the dicks and dildos (the things you can now say on television!) that came out of Drita D’avanzo’s mouth throughout the season. It didn’t feel right typing that, I’ll be honest. A blushing Drita is mortified by her mouth, and she admits that “pickles” is her safe word when her oldest daughter catches her cursing like a $%*&$% fool.
Getting into the meat of the series, Renee Graziano’s early season rocky relationships with Big Ang and Drita are highlighted, followed by forgiving Delicious Natalie and her decision to let go and let God. A tearful Renee is upset that she harbored so much hatefulness in her heart, and she apologizes for hurting her friends. Drita admits that she still likes Renee, but she didn’t how she was behaving for the first part of the season. Natalie wishes they had buried their issues earlier but knows they both are too stubborn for that to have happened. Now, Renee is in a good place. One “you go, girl” from Vivica, and we’re treated to an video introduction of Natalie DiDonato, aka, New Natalie, aka Nat D, aka Natalie 2.0, aka Fraudalie (not to be confused with Ratalie, of course!).
The ladies start off the last leg of their Tour de Denial at the flower market. Earlier, while they were biking through the city Lisa Vanderpump saw a friend of her son Max. Brandi got to chatting… and other things… with said 23-year-old – lo and behold he asked her on a date, after spending the night with her. Are we sure they weren’t biking through the Red Light district? Isn’t dating your former bestie-turned-enemy-turned-stalking/slapping-recipient’s son’s friend a little, I dunno… Lifetime Movie creepy? I mean I can just picture Sela Ward playing the role of LVP.
Brandi, wearing a Fred Flintstone costume, recounts to Kim about “play slapping” Lisa. Kim laughs that uptight Lisa can’t take a joke – like that one time super sober champion soberling Kim joked about Harry doing evil, awful things and Lisa Rinna having evil, awful secrets… does Harry keep a people-eating troll in the basement?!
Is there an end in sight to this season of Dance Moms? I don’t know about y’all, but I’m Abby Lee Millered out! After a victory over the Candy Apples, the girls are actually looking forward to pyramid. Holly stills feels tension with the other friends, and JoJo laughs that Kathy exceeded her expectations when it came to crazy antics. The team is excited to have scored a win with a tried-and-true lyrical number, but Holly wants Abby to push the girls like she was doing before they went to Los Angeles. Lyrical is easy for them. Not for Nia, Abby snaps. Holly, I’m with you on how unfair all of this is, but it’s not going to change, and you’re just making it worse by expressing your opinion. It’s tragic all around. Jill speaks up to back Holly by saying that the girls are up to the task to do more challenging numbers. Well, Jill, those dances don’t win, and what’s more important in competition than winning?
Abby has come up with a great project for the girls. She’s asked all of the dancers to make a pros and cons list as to whether JoJo should be allowed a permanent spot on the team. Hearing it from her peers will make it more real for her. According to MacKenzie, JoJo is loud and crazy, but kind and hard-working. Jessalyn looks on proudly at her daughter’s resolve, but I think we’re one teammate down and JoJo’s already about to burst into tears. Maddie cites her ability to take direction but notes her timing issues. Nia claims she takes opportunities away from other girls who have been with the ALDC longer, and Kendall calls her respectful. Everyone says she’s either too loud or two crazy. Poor JoJo stares stone-faced only moving to wipe the tears before they can roll down her cheeks. Holly is proud of how JoJo is handling herself. In the end, JoJo earns an ALDC jacket and a spot on the team. Because the group routine was so strong, all of the girls are on the same pyramid level…except Maddie. She’s on top for her highest scoring solo. Maddie looks slightly uncomfortable for being singled out from the team, but Melissa beams.