VH1 follows the lives of five women who were once married to Hollywood A-listers on Hollywood Exes. VH1 sets up the show – “Simply put, these girls are starting over. They all divorced young and got married even younger, so now is when they need each other’s back the most. From raising kids to starting new businesses… these exes are ready to tackle a very busy year.” And they’re going to let us watch! Tonight’s premiere is mostly meet and greet.
Andrea Kelly was married to R. Kelly for 12 years. Unfortunate for all involved, R. Kelly was busted for peeing on a teenager during that time. They divorced in 2009. Andrea started as “Robert’s” (R. Kelly) choreographer. They no longer keep in touch. Andrea is moving to LA to spread her wings and open a dance studio. Andrea is wearing earrings as big as dessert plates. They’re making me hungry for cheesecake.
Andrea introduces us to Tony, her assistant, friend, and partner in crime. The name on his shirts suggests he also answer to “Slick.” Andrea is moving to LA ahead of her family. She’s very emotional. Andrea is best friends with Nicole Murphy.
Last week on the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard said goodbye to Travis Pope (egg guy) and Ryan Bowers (sweet talker) in Croatia. This week, Emily wants us to believe she handles her own luggage as she and the remaining suckers suitors head to Prague. Chris Harrison meets the men in Prague to remind them this is the the last set of dates before the hometown dates. Also, he explains how this week is going to go down. There will be three one-on-one dates and one group date. There will be a rose up for grabs on the group date but not on the one-on-one dates.
The six remaining bachelors are Arie Luyendyk Jr., John Wolfner, Chris Bukowski, Doug Clerget, Jef Holm, and Sean Lowe. The first date goes to Arie. The date card reads, “Let’s Czech out Prague together.” Emily’s date outfit is interesting – knee-high boots, Ricki’s bedazzled shorts, button up shirt that she forgot to finish buttoning, and a suit jacket. Out of the blue, Emily lets us know she knows something about Arie but he doesn’t know she knows. Very soon after this revelation it’s painfully obvious that Emily is going to resort to passive aggressive hints for most of the date rather than talking to Arie about what she knows. Very mature, Emily.
After last week’s drama, Mimi Faust is recapping her feelings about K. Michelle’s birthday party with her good friend Ariane. Ariane tries to talk some sense into her friend, but Mimi is just upset because Stevie tells her that she is his world. Um, well, someone else was his world last night! Ariane questions Mimi’s next step, but Mimi just can’t make such a big decision right now. Gracious.
Rasheeda talks about her family with Kirk Frost. After working with some major labels, she is much happier being a part of an independent label with her husband as her manager. Together, they try to figure out her next single. Kirk knows that she has the talent to go far, even if he’s more her sucker than her husband or business partner. He wants the pair to be able to balance work and marriage. Kirk is tired of having Rasheeda bring work issues into the bedroom.
Last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey focused on the important things in life: Rosie’s jaunty cap collection, the remix of “On Display,” and friends doing everything in their power to maintain a strong bond through mutual respect, listening, and give-and-take. Oh wait, maybe not that last thing…
Caroline Manzo? More like Caroline Done-zo! She is way over Teresa Giudice’s behavior. I mean she only wanted to return some swimsuits in the least set-up and manipulated scene ever and she ends up in the midst of World War Tre? Uh uh. No way. Caroline is fed up…and you don’t want to see Caroline fed up because fed up Caroline looks like Caroline always looks scary. The Manzo brood,Greg Bennett, and Uncle Chris Laurita are drinking some sucky read wine in the yard. Laurenis worried about Jacqueline after hearing stories of tabloid-gate twenty-twelve. Chris regales the children with stories of a Jacqueline once so loony, she threw all her ex-husband’s belongings into their front yard. Basically, he opines, she is now throwing all of Teresa’s metaphorical crap onto their manicured lawn. Chris wonders why women can’t handle fights with a quick discussion and then forgive and forget like he and his fellow brawn practice. Oh yeah, emotionally emoted emotions.
Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives. There were college visits, big decisions, and a lot of running around the desert. When you think about it, that would be the best way to best capture the flowiness of Kody’s mane, which, let’s face it, is the true star of this show.
Logan is graduating from high school, and he has narrowed his college search down to Southern Utah University and UNLV. Mariah wants him to go to SUU, but Madison hopes he’ll stick close by as he’s her best friend. Logan reveals that while his dad, moms, and siblings want him to stick around to be close to the family, but Logan isn’t planning on sticking around till he’s forty to see his brothers and sisters grow up. Can you blame him? His mom Janelle thinks he’ll have more ties to his religion if he goes to SUU. Logan isn’t dead set on whether he’ll be a polygamist. He sounds JUST LIKE Kody when he talks.
Oh Real Housewives of Orange County – it’s almost time for us to part ways, but not before some magnificent drama. Oh, yes last night’s episode. Oh it was a silly bit of fun. Princess Thespian of All Times Heather Dubrow had a re-naming party which is not at all like a wedding, except it took the same precedence as a wedding in her mind.
And because it was the all-important end of the season cast party when Bravo makes everyone put on their mankiest fur coats and truck out to some godforsaken themed event, everyone was there. Like even the ones that aren’t really there, if you catch my drift.
But before we get to that little shin-dig, we have to wade through the rest of this episode. Things start out with Tamra Barney meeting Heather andGretchen Rossi for drinks cause she has a very special announcement. Tammie Sue is gettin’ married for the very third time.
Oh, Tammie – I love your optimism. This ones really gonna work isn’t it? This is like a Lifetime movie. Did I mention that I am totally obsessed in a big huge way with Lifetime – cause I am. And before you ask – yes, I watched Blue Lagoon.
Thankfully, Teen Mom wasn’t nearly as depressing this week. Last week’s premiere of Teen Mom was a train wreck. This week, instead of weeping like a fool, I sat completely dumbfounded. These girls have come so far yet have gone nowhere. How is that possible? I spent the bulk of the hour resisting the urge to bang my own head against a wall.
At least the super adorable and maturing (someone has to, right?) toddlers bring a new aspect to the show. Too bad we can’t just watch them and skip their parents. Let’s pitch ‘Dr. Drew’s Daycare’ to MTV.
Once upon a time there was a woman named Pinot Singer who thought she knew a lot about everything and thought no one could see through her. Pinot believed her life was like one of those double-sided mirrors where from one side it looked like a window and from the other side it looked like a mirror. She assumed she could clearly see people and they could see only goodness through her eyes.
Pinot believed she reflected goodness, honesty, truthfulness, and pleasant goodwill. Pinot was wrong. Pinot is delusional, but delusion is a powerful drug – more powerful than pinot grigio, that’s for sure!
Last night on Real Housewives of New Yorkthe ladies assembled for a mid-day brunch, everyone but Pinot and LuAnn de Lesseps. Thank goodness. I’m not sure what time it was, but there they all were; this gaggle of desperate famewhores (and Carole Radziwill) all dressed up as if they were going to a nightclub when it was 1 in the afternoon, outside, in a dowtown restaurant.