I still don’t know what the hell happened on Real Housewives Of New York! One minute Bethenny Frankel was crying, the next she was hugging, the next she was building flimsy walls, the next she was eviscerating, the next she was arguing, the next she was conducting a high-powered business summit, the next she was running away, then she was apologizing. Dare I say – with all her emotional turmoil – she was acting like Kelly from Scary Island. I feel like everyone needs an instruction manual for how to operate Bethenny.
Back in the Berkshires at Dorinda Medley‘s birthday dinner, Bethenny is having a sobbing meltdown because Heather Thomson tried to smother her with a meatball like some sort of depraved Upper East Side momogul version of Aqua-Teen Hunger Force. Get the memo, Heather: Bethenny doesn’t eat! Bethenny is allergic to fish – and, also Xanax!
Then Bethenny is running around to Heather’s side of the table, eyes shining with tears (or maybe it was Skinnygirl Sparklers; who knows) hugging Heather and apologizing for the walls she’s has because everyone is trying to put her in a Skinnygirl box. “I’m over myself!” Bethenny snaps. “I just don’t want attention!” Except for the times I’ve talked to the media and put myself on reality shows!
So, it’s the second installment of Bravo’s experiment with the “real” Long Island friends ofSecrets and Wives, and this time we’re going to be able to tell these dern ladies apart if it kills us! (Or maybe just me.) We start at Liza Sandler’s house where she is waking up in bed with bestie Andi Black, both of whom are in full drag queen makeup. Speaking of queens, Liza’s mother enters the room to compare hair heights with her daughter before Liza and Andi start chatting about Susan Doneson’s sideways remarks about Liza at her party the previous night. Susan basically thinks Liza is a whiner for complaining about moving out of her North Shore palace, as she doesn’t have a job, but does have a hefty divorce settlement coming her way. Liza is not happy with the smack talking, that happened at HER party, in HER yard, at her soon-to-be-surrendered McMansion!
Meanwhile Susan, the only career woman in this circle, is heading to the gym with Amy Miller for a Soul Cycle spin class. They run into Cori Goldfarb at her spa before entering the gym. The concept of “Truth + Beauty,” Cori and husband Sandy’s business, is a “one stop shop” for all your health and beauty needs. It looks like a spa with a poor-man’s gym and Chico’s costume jewelry, but what do I know? Andi joins the ladies at spin class and gets an earful from Amy about her upcoming trip to the Bahamas with her much-derided boyfriend, Arthur. Back at the front desk, Cori is needling Sandy about his “involvement” in the business, which she doesn’t really want much of. After he pretends to know what’s going on for a while, Cori shuts him down with an “I am going to stab you” threat. In the gym, Gail Greenberg shows up in dueling rat-tails and Andi immediately asks her if they can all go for a ladies’ weekend to Gail’s Hamptons home. Gail evades, then sort of nods yes while Susan interviews that Gail goes nowhere without her plastic surgeon husband, Dr. G, who Gail carries around “like one of her Birkin Hermes handbags.” Susan complains that Gail looks down on her. Why? “Because I’m a working girl?” asks Susan, with no irony.
Vicki Gunvalson is WOOHOOING to her hooha’s content and rolling in the affirmations! Brooks Ayers and his (apparently suspect?) cancer have moved in and Vicki is relishing in the fact that she can play the nagging, over-bearing, mother hen who also holds the bank account and the car insurance. “Brooks eat that carrot or you’re gonna get spanked!” Of course, Brooks is acting the part of the rebellious teen sneaking light ranch dressing and whining that he can’t have Wonderbread with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter like all the other boys.
“Cancer loves white bread!” Vicki lectures, making a little note to up Brooks’ insurance policy and give a rousing speech at the next insurance convention about the benefits of long-term care policies. Now she knows from experiences. WOO HOO! Vicki is having her affirmations for breakfast and selling them too.
With so many “cliffhangers” from last week’s episode, I couldn’t wait to find out what happened when Mimi Faust finally had an exchange with Nikko’s wife Margeaux regarding that now ridiculously played out sex tape. How did Stevie J fare in federal court while facing massive child support claims with Joseline Hernandez by his side? Are Kirk Frost and Rasheeda ever going to get an original story line? Is Mona Scott Young getting the last laugh? I’d have to give a resounding “yes!” to that last one, and yet I am just as enthralled every week. Who’s with me?
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with the Mimi/Margeaux introduction, and Mimi is quick to tell Margeaux that Nikko didn’t have an issue hiding his marriage for two years when he was sleeping with her. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Margeaux and Mimi are back and forth with their words and their hands, each yelling at the other to get fingers out of faces. Ariane tries to pull Mimi off of Margeaux, and she says what everyone else is thinking. Both of these “ladies” need to be focusing their aggression on Nikko, not on each other. The women are accusing each other of being cowards, and Margeaux wonders why Mimi wants to keep it a secret that she was the mastermind behind the sex tape leak. Mimi storms out, and Margeaux tries to explain Mimi’s part in the VIVID revelation. While Ariane has had her doubts about Mimi’s story, she has to believe what her friend tells her…unless proven otherwise.
On last night’sBlood, Sweat, and Heels, Melyssa Ford becomes even more of a drama queen as the self appointed epic sh*t-stirrer between Geneva Thomas and Demetria Lucas, while Daisy Lewellynand Mica Hughes face some trying – and sweet – times with their families. We begin at Mica’s apartment where her new fling, Kevin is coming to play kissy-face. Things are moving fast with him, but they haven’t slept together yet, Mica would like us to know. She tells Kevin she wants both of them to be HIV tested before moving forward with a sexual relationship, and Kevin is in agreement. Since Mica’s sister passed away in 2011 from HIV, this issue is close to her heart. Whoa! She’s got an HIV swab test ON HAND. Didn’t see that coming. Kevin gets his swab on and they are in the clear. Mica jokes, “We can go on ahead and get busy right now!” Not knowing much about Kevin beyond this, I’d venture to say he is either a stand up dude, crazy, or reeeeeeeeeeally in lurv with Mica. (Seriously, who agrees to get HIV tested on camera!?!?)
Daisy is over at her apartment Skyping with her mom. She’s stressed out from the Hamptons trip, so she wants to refocus on her health now. She proposes holding a prayer vigil for herself and wants to include the ladies and her family. The negative energy around her is bringing her down. Daisy’s parents are split up, but she wants them both to come to her vigil, which should be okay because they’re cordial. Daisy is a daddy’s girl, but loves her mom despite their sometimes more distant relationship.
The Real Housewives Of New York traveled to the Berkshires to celebrate Dorinda Medley‘s 50th birthday. After spying all the luxury, wealth, and fabulous splendor around her, Ramona Singer had a change of heart – both about the Berkshires and about Dorinda’s boyfriend John.
Ramona learned that people of the Berkshires are not uncivilized heathens gallivanting around bra-less (well unless they’re Sonja Morgan!) – without air conditioners, wine fridges, and personal valets. Last season the horror of a home without a heliport nearly did Ramona in along with the terrible fright of experiencing trees in their natural habitat. Thankfully Dorinda opened Ramona’s eyes and Ramona recognized being prejudiced and stereotyping is not OK!
Speaking of things being OK, Luann de Lesseps was trapped in a car with Ramona the entire way there as Ramona feverishly searched for the number of the AC company she called last year – just in case. As Luann swanned out of the town car, in a fur-trimmed cape, she paused to look at Dorinda’s massive splendorous spread and she said, “Dahling – we aren’t in Connecticut anymore. And yes, I survived the cruel joke of a car ride with Ramona!”
It’s premiere night for Bravo’s newest experiment with real friends navigating life and love on the North Shore of Long Island: Secrets and Wives. Bravo follows six ladies, Andi Black, Susan Doneson, Cori Goldfarb, Gail Greenberg, Amy Miller, and Liza Sandler, who’ve grown up together, gotten married – and divorced – together, and are living out their pitfalls and triumphs under the microscope of a close-knit community where no one is exempt from criticism. Although my first impression of the promos for this show was “ugh, yet another housewife knockoff!!” I’m kind of revising that thinking now that I’ve seen just how real the ties are among this group of ladies. Many of them went to high school together (the throwback photos alone rival RHONJ in their ‘80s awesomeness!), and more than a few of them have gotten a bit messy-boots with their inter-dating histories.
We first meet Cori Goldfarb, who’s yelling at her dog and complaining to her housekeeper, with the help of a Smartphone Spanish translation app. Cori describes the North Shore of Long Island as one of the “premiere suburbs in the country,” kind of like Beverly Hills. (But kind of…not.) Cori is still married to her first husband, Sandy, which makes her somewhat of an anomaly in her town. Friend Amy Miller says Cori & Sandy were the “It” couple back in the day. Sandy & Cori recently opened a business together, a high-end spa, which they funded by selling off their beloved Hamptons home. Although Cori sometimes wants to smother him with a pillow “until he, like, stops breathing,” she says she still loves Sandy. The couple have four daughters together.
I’ve already done double duty tonight, channeling my inner Mr. Belvedere and presenting myself with some running socks (sadly, I own no shoes with red soles) and a viewing drink so that my kaftan-clad (well, a bathrobe, but it’s fancy) self would be socially primed to watch the Southern Charmreunion the way it should be watched…channeling Patricia Altschul. I’m still upset with Andy Cohen for not stepping up the reunion game and bringing the final round to Charleston and out of the WWHL clubhouse. Next year, right?
The cast is prepping for the big night in New York City, and everyone is already anticipating a great deal of drama. Andy compliments Shepard “Sheppie” Rose on his mature and stylish attire and addresses Thomas Ravenel as “Senator,” although T-Rav claims to have no more future political aspirations. The host notes he stuck in the hot seat (and potentially in the line of physical fire) between Thomas and Kathryn Dennis before high-fiving Craig Conover. Enough with the pleasantries, Andy. This hour is going to fly by as it is!