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What happened on last night's Dance Moms should have stayed on last night's Dance Moms…okay, so that didn't really work, but you get the Vegas reference, right?  Abby Lee Miller is probably upset that her behavior didn't stay in Vegas, because, dare I say, she actually showed a glimmer of humanity and emotion about her fallout with Kelly.

I can't say I'm excited to see the pyramid back in action after such a nice hiatus.  The moms aren't satisfied with Abby's nonexistent reason for her past absences, but Abby doesn't care.  She didn't want to be around people who treat her negatively.  Kelly and Abby get into it over who did or didn't make a spectacle in Orlando when someone should have (or shouldn't have) moved seats.  When Kelly calls her out for acting like Kathy, Abby says that it wasn't Kathy's behavior that always rattled her, it was her reaction to Kathy's behavior that rattled her.  Has someone been doing some self-reflection?

Before Abby unveils the girls' ranking in the pyramid, Holly questions how she made her decision given that she's skipped the last two competitions.  Duh, score cards!  Paige is at the bottom because she's Kelly's daughter, but also because she needs to be a more technical dancer.  Brooke follows her sister for her recent fourth place solo.  Nia is third from the bottom…not because she doesn't try, but because it's just not clicking for her.  Kendall rounds out the bottom for being inconsistent and performing better in rehearsal than competition.  MacKenzie is on the tail end of the second tier for careless mistakes, followed by Asia who is improving each week.  Maddie takes the second spot because Abby thinks she needs to setting her goals higher.  Chloe has finally made it back to the top of the pyramid.

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teen-mom-3-molli

During the first hour of the Teen Mom 3 premiere, Briana DeJesus took legal action against  Devoin Austin,  Mackenzie Douthit and Josh McKee struggled with mature communication,  Katie Yeager and Joey Maes argued non-stop, and Matt McCann's return from rehab stressed out Alex Sekella.

Believe it or not hour number two ends with one of these awe-inspiring couples becoming engaged to be married. All together now – seriously?!?

Mackenzie talks to a friend about her relationship woes. She briefly wonders if Josh resents her for pursuing cheer after she demanded he quit rodeo he put bull riding on hold. Crazy talk! Mackenzie comes to the conclusion that she and Josh fight too much because they don't spend enough time together. She plans to ask him to move in with her.

Cayla wisely questions Mackenzie's thought process. She reasons, "I know moving in is risky, but it's got to be better than living apart."

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teen-mom-3-nova-briana-dejesus

MTV's Teen Mom series lives on with a new group of young moms.  Teen Mom 3  follows the lives of  Briana DeJesus, Katie Yeager, Mackenzie Douthit, and Alex Sekella as they tackle their first year of motherhood. 

The very long and emotional premiere begins with Briana. As you'll recall from 16 and Pregnant, Briana and her sister became pregnant at the same time. Brittany opted to have an abortion; Briana chose motherhood. Sadly, Devoin Austin checked out long before his daughter was born, causing Briana to keep his name off of Nova's birth certificate. 

Now Briana leans on Brittany and Mom for help with Nova.  Over lunch, the girls school Mom on what happens in relationships (Hint: not innocent walks on the beach. Evidence: see Nova.), and Mom sternly tells them NO MORE BOYS!

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rhom-adriana-lea

Well, another Real Housewives friendship bit the dust! Last night on Real Housewives of Miami two long-time friends fell apart over one massive lie and a whole buncha excuses. 

Adriana de Moura and Lea Black are continuing their argument from last week. Attempting a Breakfast At Tiffany's drama queen moment Adriana goes to stand out in the rain while she desperately calls a taxi. Did she pawn her car to pay for Chanel? I mean the Bank of Lea is now officially closed… 

Lea comes out to woo Adriana back inside where they continue bickering about how Ana attacked Lea at least season's reunion and how Lea decided to be friends with Joanna Krupa even though she's Adriana's mortal enemy. Adriana doesn't believe Lea should have any sort of relationship with "Ho-anna". And then Lea hits Adriana where it really hurts: "Why are you so jealous of Joanna?"

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bbw1

I had no clue what to expect after last week's premiere of the Feel Sorry for the Mean Girls.  Evelyn Lozada can only cry so much, right?  Tami Roman quickly shed her sweet ways on last night's Basketball Wives, and I was surprised at how easy it was for her to manipulate Suzie Ketcham into being her puppet.  Speaking of puppets, the puppet master Shaunie O'Neal just sat back and watched smugly as things began to unravel, nostrils flaring and all!

Evelyn is meeting up with Tasha Marbury, Evelyn's longtime friend and wife of Stephon Marbury.  The women are grabbing cocktails in Los Angeles.  Evelyn's fingernail polish makes her look like she just got slimed by some ectoplasm.  She ain't afraid of no ghosts!  Seriously, it's so distracting.  I can barely keep up with Tasha dishing about her husband's new life playing basketball in China while Evelyn moans about her still strong spiritual connection with Chad.

Tami is bonding with her daughters over basketball and driving skills.  Her youngest is concerned when her mom offers to give her lessons…after all, both girls know just how "impatient" their mother is if things don't go exactly her way.  Just how did all these crazed women wind up with such sweet, grounded children?  Does the hateful, hair-pulling gene skip a generation?

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rhoc-vicki-brooks

It's always odd to refer to reality TV as too much reality but last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was like watching a high-gloss, ultraglam version of Intervention.

Vicki Gunvalson needs a serious wake-up call and unfortunately being called out on national television by her daughter and close friends wasn't enough to do it. 

Here let me try to help: VickiBROOKS AYERS is a loser. He's using you. He's gross. No one likes him for a reason. Please dump him, get a restraining order, and then get thoroughly STD tested. Hey that's just my advice, but I think you should take it! I'm starting to think Brooks has some serious mega dirt on Vicki – is this a case of blackmail gone Stockholm Syndrome?

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rhonj-recap

I don't know what else to say about last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey except YAAAAAWN! I am so over this "reconciliation" storyline (and apparently I'm not the only one if ratings are any indication!). Let's move on and stir up a fresh new pot of drama! 

So everyone is pretending they like each other to head out to Arizona and celebrate Melissa Gorga's birthday at some spa retreat. Melissa isn't feeling too good - I think what Melissa is coming down with is a bad feeling of impending drama… 

Before everyone packs up their sequin-sucking chuckalina bathing suits, Teresa Giudice is doing a cooking demo at the mall for the 85 & Older Club. I mean seriously, yeah spinach will probably save your life but you likely have to start eating it before you're eligible for AARP. 

Kathy Wakile shows up to support whatever it is Teresa is doing with olive oil, bread, and loud rambling. I remain focused on her hair. It's literally a hair helmet (hairmet?) at this point, all plasticy and just perched there. I'm perplexed. So is Wallpaper; she's confused about how all of the sudden Teresa is absolved of her sins? Kathy tells her, 'It's not like a sponge, Tre, you can't just wipe it over the mess with some kitchen cleaner and have it be gone. This is like a big mess - like you need a hazmat team, but hey – let's go heal on another Vacations By Bravo. Free shit is free shit, right?!' Cannoli and Wine for the Jersey Woman's Soul by Kathy

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Sister-wives-kody-and-robyn

Sometimes I just want to see Kody Brown's hair blowing in the breeze when I watch Sister Wives.  I don't want to hear Meri whining or Christine jabbering on about the family's mission statement while Janelle quietly plans her mistake.  I certainly don't want to be treated to a little ditty about Robyn's first sexual experience!

The cul-de-sac compound is in full swing, and all of the children are excited to be in such close proximity.  Kody's hair is more feathered than normal, and he's looking forward to the first family church service in the new homes.  While Kody leads his family in a lesson and has asked his wives to contribute.  This week, Robyn will be dishing on chastity and sexual purity.  Perhaps that will wake up the teens who are nodding off during Kody's service.

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