Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was everything you hoped it would be…if you hoped it would scripted and ridiculous.
We rejoin Joseline and Stevie J hashing out baby-gate. He thinks there is no way the baby can be his…it would be bigger. Oh please. Joseline threatens to take him for half of what he has, to which Stevie grabs his crotch and tell her she can have half of it. Otherwise, she can go back to where he found her. Wow. I am surprised more women aren’t falling over themselves to have a chance with this winner.
K. Michelle is working with producer B. Cox to do a showcase to introduce her to local record labels. She admits to going slightly crazy at Jive, so B. Cox tells her she needs to be shaking hands and kissing babies…not screaming in the lobby of labels.
Hollywood Exes follows the lives of five beautiful and talented women who once lived the high life, married to elite stars. Now, such a pity, they have to drive themselves and work to pay their mortgages. Surprisingly, the women are all down to earth and likable. For now. Only time will tell if they turn this nice refreshing show into a catty nightmare. Refreshing is nice, but I’m finding the show somewhat boring. Hopefully the story line finds a nice middle ground.
It’s official. Jessica Canseco is planning on moving her ex, Jose Canseco, back into her house. Because it worked so well for her the first time. And, in the many years since, he’s proven himself a changed man. Jessica is a hopeless romantic, idiot, all of the above…
She has very high expectations for this arrangement. Jessica plans on making Jose clean, cook, drive, and parent Josie. Basically, Jessica wants Jose to make up for the seven years he’s been MIA. Oh, Jessica. She’s delusional if she thinks Jose is looking for anything but a free ride and some action on the side. Even Jessica’s friends see Jose for what he is, a freeloading creep. Nicole Murphy thinks Jessica would be better off hiring help. Nicole is a wise woman.
This week on the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard visits the hometowns of the final four suckers for a pretty blonde – Chris Bukowski, Jef Holm, Arie Luyendyk, Jr., and Sean Lowe. Matching the rest of the season, it’s one of the most uneventful hometown episodes ever. There are the standard meets and greets, uneaten dinners, one-on-one grilling sessions, and claims of love. Emily’s conversations mostly fall flat, as she’s seriously lacking personality. Yet, as always, the families are completely willing to accept Emily into their lives after spending just two hours with her.
Before she begins the visits, Emily heads home to Charlotte to see Ricki. While she’s there, she thinks about the final four men. According to Emily:
Chris is sweet and open. Jef has the edge that Emily looks for in a guy, and she feels comfortable with him. Emily felt an immediate connection with Arie. He brings fun and excitement into her life. (And he’s a really good kisser.) Sean makes Emily feel safe. Sean is “perfect.”
Therapy Schmerapy, eh. Teresa Giudice and Joe G-to-the-Orga are clearly beyond help. Existing in a world where all versions of rationale just slip in one ear and right out the other. As Teresa so aptly put it, “I don’t store things in my brain.” Clearly.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the siblings from hell attempted to see a therapist to mend their fractured relationship. I guess they don’t understand that it takes way more than one hour-long appointment to patch things up, but Bravo doesn’t have the time to be airing all that. We would be watching RHONJ season 35 if that be the case.
Now I’m no Teresa hater, I find her tolerable and she has redeeming qualities; one of which is her eternal optimism and goofball nature. I don’t know how the Gorgadice families got into this mess that has come to dominate my television and yours for the last two years, and frankly I think both Teresa and Joe, of the salmon colored button-down, told versions of the truth that make sense.
Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago solidified my theory of VH1 shows. From here on out, we’ll have a violent show, then a lovey-dovey episode, then more hair-pulling smack downs. Such is life, right y’all?
Renee Fecarotta Russo is meeting Nora Schweihs and her friend Julie for lunch. Renee isn’t chomping at the bit to hang with Nora, but she’s willing to put on a happy face since Julie is in town. Nora is clearly still miffed about Renee flaking out early at her father’s memorial luncheon. Nora goes into a diatribe about what a loyal friend Julie has been to her. Renee wishes that Nora would stop being so passive aggressive and calls Nora a “moron.” Nora reveals that she’s angry at Renee for being late to brunch, and Renee comes at her with guns blazing. Renee loves to rock a fedora, doesn’t she? She can’t believe that Nora is keeping a tally on who was there for what. The conversation–and the lunch–is donezo.
Hollywood Exes on VH1 features Jessica Canseco (ex to Jose Conseco), Nicole Murphy (ex to Eddie Murphy), Andrea Kelly (ex to R. Kelly), Sheree Fletcher (ex to Will Smith), and Mayte Garcia (ex to Prince). They all have famous exes, but the show is about the these women living their lives as friends, moms, and business women.
Sheree Fletcher shows Andrea Kelly around LA. LA is a completely different world for Andrea, who recently moved there from Chicago. They start at the Sprinkles Cupcakes “ATM” machine. Andrea says, “Shut the door and check your email!” Andrea brings a ton of personality to this show. But I might have to start watching it with closed captioning, because 54% of the time I have no idea what she’s saying.
Not many people realize that R. Kelly was married to Andrea. Being a “phantom” took its toll on Andrea, she says.
Deep in the middle of Real Housewives of Orange County, it was a beautiful clear night overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It could have been the setting from a movie, but instead it was real-ish life. And from Heather Dubrow‘s palatial lawn stars dotted the sky of what should have been a perfect evening. Sadly, an evil eye had befallen the enchanted party and instead of an evening of friendship, love and celebration – it was one recriminations, accusations, and petty slights.
‘Perhaps the drinks flowed too abundantly?’ Heather thought to herself. ‘Perhaps I was too liberal with the invitations?’ she pondered. But then she remembered, she had sold her soul; let it all slip away and now Bravo owned her – they owned her home, her celebrations, and even her name. Well, at least for next couple years. Oh, well might as well make the best of it. Champs for all!
Last week there were issues over a bow. Some loose ends were left untied and Sarah Winterchester, the faux-heiress (who left her holler for the wilds of Orange County), was being shown the door at this exclusive party. Sarah began to realize the Xanax in her purse was a bad idea (OK, I made that part up). Also a bad idea – letting herself be talked into attending a party where she was out of her element, nervous as hell, and wearing the dress she bought at the adult superstore on Sunset. All in all, mistakes were made and she would suffer for them. One can escape the trailer park, but never really escape the trailer park. Just ask Tamra!