Recaps

Eden gets warned by LVP

Look Bravo, I’m tired of Kim Richards. I think I may have said this before, no? In fact, if I could get through an entire season or recap of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills without saying her name it would be wonderful. I’m sure Kyle Richards feels likewise.

Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.*  Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.

LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!

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Ladies Of London Recap: Loose Lips Sink Friendships

It’s Caroline Stanbury’s final week in London before moving to Dubai, and last night she attempted to circle the wagons of her “real” friends – Sophie Stanbury and Adela King (what!? No Juliet Angus!?) by bonding, slumber party style. Alas, a peaceful departure is not in the cards for the Ladies Of London queen bee, as Caroline Fleming’s explosive Midsummer’s Eve party displayed. In other news, Juliet tries to create a storyline explores her Polish roots, Marissa Hermer continues to be smugly annoying, and Julie Montagu hangs on by the thinnest wisp of an emotional thread. Thus, all is normal!

With Cem and the children already in Dubai, Caroline S is holing up in the Westbury Hotel for her last week in London. Sophie joins her for a massage, telling Caroline that she’s relieved they’re back to being buds again. Caroline thinks that says a lot about her. Something tells me she isn’t all in with the rebirth of the Stanbury Sisters just yet.

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Lindsay Hubbard

On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.

After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.

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James

Today I come to tell a tale about the World’s Greatest DJ, who was persecuted and stalked, mercilessly harassed, and run out of clubs, all because the world wanted to possess his art and his talent. Naturally, I speak of James Kennedy, The White Kanye, and the rapper on the run from his tormentor Jax Taylor. Such are songs of sorrow played out on Vanderpump Rules.

Oh, last night was a doozy, filled with Ariana Madix‘s infamous sulk and the slow emancipation of Scheana Marie as she suddenly blinked into the light as it dawned on her that Stassi Schroeder‘s power and possession was an elaborate ruse. If only Katie Maloney would see such signs, but alas she’s too busy painting squiggly black lines over the sunrise of truth.

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Teen Mom 2 recap

With so much deception going on with the moms of Teen Mom 2, it would be hard to keep up if they weren’t all so obvious. Now I know since filming has wrapped months ago and the moms are active on social media, what’s going down on this season isn’t exactly a surprise to anyone. We are just seeing HOW it goes down, which unfortunately, still doesn’t offer a whole lot of clarity for the viewer.

Jenelle Evans finally admits on camera that she’s 13 weeks pregnant and David Eason says his stomach is still full of butterflies (again). She reveals that the real reason behind her lying to the producers about being pregnant is because they wanted to wait until she knew the gender and was past 12 weeks. Instead, everyone found out via police report, which Jenelle deems “the trashiest way possible.” I get that Jenelle wanted to control how and when she announced her pregnancy but I doubt the reaction to her announcement would have been any different, given her history on the show and how many haters she has. Regardless, Jenelle is legitimately baffled as to why everyone can’t be happy for her when they are so happy for fellow cast mate, Chelsea Houska.

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Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s Day 26 on Celebrity Big Brother, and we’re promised housemates in the dock. This should be good, but dish out the ear plugs now.

Yet again, Jedward are subject of conversation in the house. And the garden. And pretty much everywhere. Well, not in the store room, where Kim has been staring at the washing machine for five minutes. I was wrong about the label on the tumble dryer; clearly, it is needed. Jedward are in the garden, with John pretending to be a gymnast representing Ireland in the Olympic Games. One’s commentating and ones dancing. I re-iterate once more, these boys are 25.

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sister wives kody and wives

Andrea Canning took the reigns once again for the final installment of this season’s Sister Wives Tell All. As one would expect, there was a lot of focus on Meri and Kody Brown’s flailing relationship as well as Mariah’s recent announcement. To be fair, it was one of the more honest tell alls from this crew, but is that really saying much? As always, the older Brown children (and Christine’s newfound euphoria) made the rest of the gang much more bearable.

Kody and Meri discuss the pitfalls in their relationship and how Meri had told Kody to quit coming around her house. However, she still wanted him to be available to help her with household chores (that wet bar isn’t going to stock itself!) and engage in small talk. Andrea questions whether Meri banished Kody with the hopes that he would fight for her, but Kody counters that for months she would tell Kody to leave when he’d come around. Andrea attempts to remind them both of why they fell in love in the first place. Meri found Kody to be handsome (of course, those locks!) and dynamic, and he loved how she looked at him with respect and adoration. Christine reminds Andrea that Kody’s main focus is the family, and sometimes it is hard for the wives when they desire their husband’s undivided attention.

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Porsha

So many confusing things about last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Like does Kenya Moore truly not see that she constantly provokes Porsha Williams? And is guilty of most of the same things she accuses Porsha of doing? Like does Sheree Whitfield realize that her messiness is as see through as Marlo Hampton‘s entire wardrobe? And also what is with Cynthia Bailey telling Matt Jordan that his issues with Kenya aren’t that big of a deal?! Cynthia, little tip – psychology 101 at the local community college, please!

It doesn’t matter that the very thought of latrines and paper plates nearly drove everyone to blows over dinner, Phaedra Parks has decided “roughing it” on a glamping trip is just what the group needs to work through their issues. And if not, she’ll put them on toilet digging duty or have them get lost in the woods. Unfortunately, Porsha has been avoiding Phaedra since dinner, over her possible allegiance to Kenya. So, Phaedra decides the thing to do is meet Kenya on mutual territory to discuss how an anger management conversation got so, well, angry.

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