Recaps

reza-mike

I have to admit, when I saw that tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset was titled “A Tale of Two Turkeys” I was worried we would spend the episode rehashing the two different versions of events that Mike Shouhed and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi presented from their fateful cast trip to Turkey a few years ago. I guess I have spent too long following the Shahs but either way, I was relieve to find out that the turkey the title is referring to is just good old fashioned Turkey Day because it’s Thanksgiving on the Sunset. Time to give thanks, right? If by “thanks” I mean gossip, backstabbing and meddling in each other’s business! God, I love the holidays.

We open with Mike and buddy once more Reza Farahan walking their dogs and talking crudely about Mike’s dating life. Who really belongs on the leash here? Anyway, Reza thinks that it’s time that Mike gets back into the dating game and while Mike assures everyone that it’s not for lack of options, he feels like when you have been cheating with someone for 5 years, it’s hard to get back into dating mode. Plus, he’s not technically divorced yet, although that didn’t seem to stop him from dating when he was actually married. Reza is shocked to hear this news, especially since he took the liberty of circling the divorce finalization date in a red sharpie marker on his calendar, signaling that it’s FINAL. I guess because if Reza uses a red sharpie, then all of the mediation, negotiation and litigation that it takes to finalize a divorce gets trumped by a red marker? I can’t understand why Reza is so shocked to hear this but since he has to turn everything into an ulterior motive, he asks Mike if he’s dragging his feet on the divorce because he’s still emotionally invested. Mike maintains that he’s just not ready and who knows, he probably has a full plate with all the baby shoes he selling (or something).

Flipping Out Recap: Baby Brain

Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward are new parents, thus they are a little insane at the moment. And this week’s Flipping Out highlights how each father’s insanity manifests differently. For Gage, it’s all about micro-managing the baby, and for Jeff, it’s more about micro-managing his business – and his imaginary divorce from Gage. Yikes. Good times at Valley Vista!

Jeff doesn’t plan on being at Valley Vista much longer though, because he’s New Hollywood bound, come hell or high water damage. Since no one apparently predicted a baby would be uncomfortable living in a construction zone, everyone is scrambling to get the hell out of VV before little Monroe levels the place with her screams. But Jeff doesn’t see himself as the center of all of this chaos – no, no. He’s the glue that holds this family together! At least that’s what his pediatrician told him. Gage now wants to murder this pediatrician.

Below Deck Recap - It Ain't Easy Being Green

It’s episode two for the greenest crew Below Deck has ever had. As a result, Nico Scholly, Captain Lee Rosbach, and Kate Chastain are barely clinging on to their wits or the task of keeping Valor afloat.

Kate finally decides to turn things over to God. “Yes, I have a moronic crew,” she declares, “but he gave me easy guests.” With the guests safely ensconced on their beach picnic, she uses the time to complain to Captain Lee that she can’t continue doing all the stewarding single-handled and requests additional crew.

Stephanie-Hollman-Cary-Deuber-and-Brandi-Redmond-go-catfishing

This episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas was all about family. From LeeAnne Locken looking to form a new one with boyfriend Rich, to Brandi Redmond reaching out to her grandmother, and Keatin running away from his step mom D’Andra Simmons. This show has proven it’s more than poop jokes and charity events. Cary Deuber, Stephanie Hollman and Brandi pack for the big Memphis trip. Brandi plans to visit her grandfather who suffered from a recent stroke.

D’Andra enters her ornate house and catches up with her husband, Jeremy. They discuss his photo journalism lectures and appear to have a good partnership. Jeremy breaks the news to his wife that his son Keatin feels he doesn’t fit in and wants to move out less than two months of living there. D’Andra is upset by this. She thought he’d pick up on their ambition and shake the feeling of entitlement. D’Andra wants to hold her step son to the year he committed to, she gets fired up. The two may be newlyweds (don’t forget LeeAnne stood at the Simmons wedding!) but he knows how she is, asking her to be levelheaded.

teen-mom-2-kail-school

Tonight’s episode of Teen Mom 2 left me with more questions than answers when it comes to the state of affairs for Kailyn Lowry, Briana DeJesus and Jenelle Evans. It seems like everything is always up in the air and nothing is ever resolved in their lives.

Starting with Kail, the ups and downs with ex-husband Javi Marroquin continue and ever since he filed for child support, they have been down. Despite the tension, Kail claims she is doing her best to make sure he sees the boys but when he can’t pick them up at the spot she designated, that quickly goes out the window. She decides to meet him in a parking lot that’s convenient for her but after a few texts from him, pulls off angrily and explains in detail to the boys that “Javi” (not Dad) doesn’t have the right car with car seats to pick them up so they have to come to school with her.

Vicki Hears a Rumor about Tamra

Someone once told me if you have nothing nice to say; say nothing at all. Well, unfortunately I’m not at liberty to do that – sorry Real Housewives Of Orange County. I have nothing nice to say about any of you, and the thought of holding it all in makes me want to cry like I’m Meghan Edmonds fake-sobbing in a canyon. Maybe Meghan’s tears were instal-dried by the wind or evaporated. Or plastic people make plastic tears which just clog in their tear ducts and until they’re plucked out and thrown away.

Meghan and Vicki Gunvalson aren’t so different, are they? It’s ME ME ME all the TIME TIME TIME. No one understands and blah, blah, blah…

asa-gg

Does anyone else forget all about where we left off when there is a break in episodes on a show? I certainly do! I’m assuming it’s a survival technique so that I can sustain watching copious amounts of horrible reality TV and keep coming back for more, but regardless of the brain science behind it, that’s exactly what happened when I went to watch tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset. I forgot all about the 80s costume party/unofficial day of reckoning for Shervin Roohparvar and his playboy ways. Not that it matters because in tonight’s episode, the Shahs have already moved on to skewer someone else and the lucky winner is pregnant-and-don’t-you-forget-it Asa Soltan Rahmati.

Anfisa-Shaun-Robinson-Jorge-Reunion-Couch-90-Day-Fiance

It’s the final episode of 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, and I feel like I just got off a carnival ride that was left spinning a tad too long. You know the feeling – a little bit sick, a touch disoriented, but mostly just grateful to be alive! Yes, we made it to the end, people. But the couples on these reunion couches might not even make it out of their hotels, let alone to their golden anniversaries.

Last night, Anfisa and Jorge were isolated for a “private” chat with host Shaun Robinson, in which Jorge slung accusations and Anfisa ultimately walked off stage. Interesting points included Jorge looking totally stoned from beginning to end of this entire “Tell All” and Anfisa not lashing out at him with her characteristic rage. (But we haven’t seen his car/home/pet bunny as evidence yet, so truthfully, we have no idea what form her revenge will take.) Also, TLC decided to throw one more tent into this circus by showing us the rest of the dysfunctional couples’ reactions to Jorge and Anfisa while their segment rolled along. To which I say, well played, TLC. Embrace your crazy! Except, let’s get Loren and Paola muzzled next time, mmkay?