It’s dark and scary days as Lipsa is among them. Dorit Kemsley is afraid. What will Lipsa’s evil, vicious, devil’s tongue say next?! Will she be hiding a Blue Bunny in Kyle Richards‘ Blue Birkin? Or will she come in peace?
It’s an enormous bummer that this season of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey has been derailed into bitter accusations of anti-Semitism, especially after we hearty souls weathered the petty nonsense of cake-gate for so damn long! Can’t we just watch these broads make pasta in Milan, get confused about cathedrals, mispronounce some sh*t, and call it a day? Unfortunately, there’s unfinished business between the ladies to belabor…for ages.
Siggy Flicker continues her anti-Margaret Josephs campaign this week, initially refusing to accept Marge’s apology. But at least she and Teresa Giuidice share a tender moment while bonding over the loss of Tre’s mom, Antonia. Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub also try to walk the line of frenemy-ship so as to avoid lockup in Italy. While the women try not to get kicked out of eating establishments abroad, Joe Gorga has a heart to heart with his nieces back in Jersey. His message to them: Stop being Satan!
I’m not ashamed to admit that I still get the tingles watching the Survivor Finale each and every season. Watching the Finale is an event in my home, in that it is the rare occasion that my wife and I watch live TV that isn’t news or sports, and isn’t a show that has been DVR’ed or downloaded. It’s a ritual that all of us share, feeling that excitement of not knowing what outcome we’re about to see play out before our very eyes. There is no need to avoid spoilers or to stay off of Twitter, because whatever is about to happen hasn’t happened yet. There is a weird feeling of impatience that washes over me when I’m not able to fast-forward through a commercial break.
Yes even at its worst, Survivor is better than most shows on TV. I’ll take a mediocre season of Survivor over any other season of any other Reality Competition Show out there. As this season drew to a close, I had to give myself a small pat on the back though, because my predictions rarely – if ever – come true. Just after the merge, when this season looked like it was just going to be one of those average, ho-hum seasons of Survivor, and people started to leave the show, I pleaded with my followers to stick this season out. I had a feeling that there were some strong players left in the game, and that once we had whittled it down, that this season could still have potential to be great. My eyes and ears began to perk up over the last few weeks when Survivor: HHH gave us several strong, dramatic episodes in a row, and this two-hour Finale did not disappoint (even if the Live Reunion Show that followed did). Not in the least. In fact, not only did I get the tingles, I felt myself on an emotional roller coaster that carried all the way through the final vote reading. By my measure, this was not a good end to to a mediocre season…this was a GREAT end to what became a pretty strong season.
The Finale was not without controversy (Twitter was all up in arms about a few specifics, which we’ll get to). But before we get ahead of ourselves, the normal disclaimer: Please remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Finale Episode of Survivor: HHH, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!
One thing I love about this show is that I can always expect Kyle Richards to be not only badly and unfortunately dressed (what is she thinking with all these muumuu-sized sleeves – just wear a kaftan already!), but also grasping for acceptance. Only Kyle would get excited about swinging a Birkin around years after everyone has gotten over them. And yes, it’s a lovely color, and it’s still obviously an extremely expensive bag, but girl, just like we have MOVED ON from Kim Richards drama, we have moved on from Birkin worship. Except Kyle has done neither. We do not need an opening episode that drags Rambles up from the dregs, but apparently Kyle thinks we do.
Jax Taylor is the least surprising person on Vanderpump Rules? Possibly in the whole species universe. His life cycle is drink, cheat, lie, repeat. Dude, even freaking amoebas evolve. You know what else doesn’t evolve: Lala Kent‘s makeup. Yep, she reappears this episode with the same crazy over-lined lips but also a promise not to ‘Jax’ Lisa Vanderpump over ever again. Maybe change does happen on Vanderpump Rules?
So Jax cheated on Brittany Cartwright with her friend Faith Stowers, possibly impregnating her, and after posturing like she might actually leave reality TV him, they’re having more sex than EVER! Brittany just wants to feel something with Jax; she wants to know he loves her more than all the other girls. That logic is, well, that’s the reason she’s in a relationship with Jax! But doesn’t Brittany’s relationship with Jesus remind her that she should have some moral standing, or standards? I don’t understand reality TV religion.
Not gonna lie, I shed a wee tear last night after the madness of 90 Day Fiance season five drew to a close. What are we going to do with our lives until the next crop of morons is rustled up for season six?!? My husband asked me last night during the three-hour marathon if I “sometimes felt like a bad person?” for watching this train wreck. Um….NO. No I do not, sir! TLC has accomplished the impossible, has it not? It has literally made me feel better about every life choice I have ever made, and for that I am forever indebted.
As mentioned in the previous recap, I’ll only be covering the one-hour finale in short order, but oh boy – is there lots o’ drama in last night’s Tell All to snark on too! Feel free to do so in the comments section, where all snark is embraced and cherished equally. Now, on to the show. In the interest of getting to the good stuff, let’s run down the highlights of each couples’ final moments with us. We laughed, we cried, we cringed with embarrassment at the bras hanging out of people’s backless shirts. It was a journey, people.
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was all about love. Sweet, blessed, shady, soul mate from another realm love. Lord these ladies need a therapist. Call Dr. Jeff back in!
It was another NeNe Leakes-free episode because apparently she is in LA and Bravo cameras are only permitted there if they’re filming Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres tomorrow night). What are our thoughts on NeNe getting to participate like every other episode? Like, she misses half the practices but she still gets to play in the all-star games? Hmm. Well, I guess she did start the team!
First up, Sheree Whitfield meets Porsha Williams at an extremely expensive housing fixtures store run by Prince William’s long-lost brother. Sheree pretends she’s buying $8,000 doors for the “spa” she is installing in her basement, but we all know that’s some BS. When life gives you plumbing leaks, make a sauna! Porsha, to her credit, played along nicely that Sheree could actually afford any of this stuff since she was there for the gossip about Sheree’s bae and the mess that happened in San Fran when Cynthia Baileyfled the winery.
I have a million and one holiday tasks to do, but damn if I can tear myself away from the drama of 90 Day Fiance – both on the show and on the internet – for even five consecutive minutes to slap a bow on a present. And really, who needs presents when we’ve got the supreme gift of these psychotic lovebirds in our lives for TWO STRAIGHT NIGHTS? Just to clarify, here’s what TLC is doing to us this week: Sunday night was a regular 2-hour installment of 90DF, followed by tonight’s 1-hour finale, followed immediately by 90 Day Fiance: Couples Tell All! You guys – my heart can hardly take it. I’m gonna need to dress up in one of Kentucky-David’s lady mumus and plant myself on the couch for a nice, long cookie coma after this whole mess is over.
In an effort to bring you all of this week’s highlights without having to admit myself into a psych ward, we’ll post a recap tomorrow of tonight’s finale, but not the Tell All. Of course, feel free to snark on ALL of the drama in the comments section in tomorrow’s recap. As we know, there’s no shortage of catastrophic content to discuss! But let’s get through Sunday night’s pile o’ sh*t first. And by that, I mean (in stank order):Molly & Luis,Annie & David, Nicole & Azan, Evelyn & David, Elizabeth & Andrei, andAika & Josh.