Well, Real Housewives Of Atlanta started out nicely, didn’t it? Of course, after Jesus fixed things up nice, it went straight down to hell in a hand basket over dinner! Get your prayer cloths and holy water to the fires, y’all!
I, for one, loved seeing Phaedra Parks and Kenya Moore get their glamour and their good intentions on to drive to Detroit in a vintage convertible, letting the shade fly out the window like one of Kenya’s alleged weaves. Phaedra and Kenya are about to spend a week roughing it with children affected by the Flint water crisis at summer camp.
It’s Day 16 on Celebrity Big Brother – the morning after the fight and Kim still shows no remorse in the diary room. She has decided it’s all Nicola’s fault (or Nicole, ‘cos she refuses to use her proper name) and hasn’t quite clicked that if everyone else is saying one thing, and she’s saying the other, they may have a point. As one of my fave housewives once said “Take this as a moment to look inside yourself and see that if everyone says your dead, it’s time to lie down”. But no, it’s a conspiracy, orchestrated by ‘Nicole’. I give up. Even the fact that Jessica is the only person to greet her when she comes back in the house, it’s not enough to make Kim even doubt herself.
It’s the day of James Jordan’s eviction from Celebrity Big Brother, and the recap takes us from the morning before he goes, through the eviction, and to the after-math. Tad confusing but do-able.
We start with Spencer Pratt being uber polite to Kim Woodburn and she just point blank ignores him like a buzzing gnat. I am actually liking Spencer and Heidi Pratt this season – something I never thought I’d say, but it does appear they are a lot quieter, or maybe the house in general is a lot louder. Same with Jedward, apart from the occasional featuring of them in some ‘let’s pretend’ game, the airtime they get is minimal. So perhaps we do have something to be grateful to Kim for…
Day 13 on Celebrity Big Brother starts with Kim Woodburn “apologizing” to Chloe Ferry. This “apology” involves Kim implying Chloe’s a prostitute and telling her to go to a high class escort agency, rather than standing on a street corner asking for £20 for a bl*w job. I have heard better apologies. Somehow, Chloe takes it all within her stride and gives Kim a hug. I am not convinced she understood most of the words. Maybe someone will explain later.
Hell Housemates are back in purgatory for one final chance to win their place back in the house. It involves a quiz about non hell housemates. The person that gets the question right, gets to nominate another hell housemate to lose a life. If someone loses both lives, they will be banished back to hell and face an eviction later.
I regret to inform you that last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was, once again, all about Kim Richards‘ sobriety. At least we got to see some Erika Jayne side-boob this time though – to cover all the bases of Housewives anatomy. Honestly I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than pantygate.
The story of Kim is a sad one indeed. In fact, Kim and Kyle Richards‘ life reminds me of a book I read – a memoir written by Jack Kerouac’s daughter about her adolescence and early adulthood. I initially read it in high school and was jealous of her free-spirited life and her mother who let her do whatever she wanted; she could party, stay out all night, etc. I re-read the book in college and that time I was sad that she had zero guidance or stability.
On last night’s Ladies Of London, there were actually laughs to be had! Real belly laughs! So what if these laughs involved dry humping balloons in cocktail attire? It takes what it takes, people. And I, for one, am ready for my Ladies to return to the sillier, lighter tones of seasons past, where petty dramas just blew away like the wispy smoke of a contraband cig on the front lawn of Mapperton.
But first, in Edinburgh, we return to the breakfast at which Sophie Stanbury tells everyone she loves them – except Juliet Angus, who’s about to unleash the bad juju with statements like “You don’t know negativity! I’m going to SHOW you the NEGATIVITY!” After Sophie quickly attempts a wimpy backtrack, Juliet storms out of breakfast. Upstairs, Caroline Fleming is making her bed to within an inch of its castle-dwelling life. Sophie seems to effectively calm Juliet down in the car later with a kiss and an apology. So, all is not lost!
On last night’s Summer House, Fourth Of July fell on a Monday, which meant the party continued for one more lovely day!
Despite having to venture back to the city to begin a hellacious 3-day work week, the housemates threw a ‘casual’ BBQ brunch, where they frolicked in flag-adorned wardrobes, then strapped on their respectable fisherman’s sweaters and chinos to jettison back to reality later that evening, or in some cases, 4 am the following morning.
Yes, in Montauk every minute is a minute you could be consuming a cocktail, or dealing with a c–k! (or is it dick – I’m conflating the two with good reason here). The rules of Summer House are governed by Kyle Cooke and his roving eye.
We start the Celebrity Big Brother recap with half the housemates in hell with Jedward and the other half in hell with Chloe Ferry and Kim Woodburn. Not entirely sure there’s that much difference to be fair. Apart from the real hell, ironically looks colder. Chloe is making herself known – not a good thing. She gets a bit possessive over Calum Best and then asks to see Jamie O’Hara’s winkie. Classy.
Jasmine Waltz is in hell and struggling, mainly with Jedward, and hey, who wouldn’t? She is upset after going into the diary room. Stacy Francis goes to comfort her, but Jasmine really doesn’t want Stacy to see her upset and pushes her away. Stacy tries to break through but Jasmine gets even more upset that she has shown weakness. I think it’s one of the most honest moments we have seen of Jasmine, and a definite chink in her armour. I think she also feels a little guilty about things she said to Stacy, but feels she has a character to live up to. I’ve actually quite liked Jasmine this time round for the most part, so I think her objective of re-hashing her image has worked. To me, she actually seems quite vulnerable at that moment in time.