You guys, it’s Katie Maloney‘s life, she can ruin it if she wants to, but everyone else better cheer, clap, and act happy! Frankly I’m confused about what’s even going on with Vanderpump Rules. It is all over the place – like we went from church toJax Taylor and Tom Sandoval trying on Lisa Vanderpump‘s bras to dress in drag for Tom Schwartz‘s bachelor party. Read that sentence back to yourself and tell me this show isn’t perplexing?
On this episode of Teen Mom 2, Leah Messer finally takes the girls on the vacation she’s been talking about (to everyone but her exes), Chelsea Houska sends Aubree off to her first day of first grade, Kailyn Lowry officially files for divorce from Javi Marroquin, and Jenelle Evans decides to announce her pregnancy to the world that is already fully aware, thanks to a police report.
Not surprising to anyone, Leah couldn’t get the kids’ passports back on time so her plans to go to Mexico are out of the question. Ex Jeremy Calvert is relieved to hear this, as he’s been worried from the jump about what a dangerous place a family-friendly resort on the coast of Mexico could be. So California it is!
A short recap to it, as the majority of the program was taken up with ejecting housemates, and their interviews. We see the finalists spend part of their final day with Popcorn and Recaps of their own, whilst they wait their fate.
It’s Day 30 on Celebrity Big Brother – nearly there! – and Big Brother is up to his normal tricks of causing issues galore.
Jedward are in the bath together. One is covering the other’s “mid-section” in bubbles. Odd. Kim Woodburn is in the diary room, slating – guess who?! – yup, that’s it, Nicola McLean. And James Cosmo. And the “gang.” #deluded When Jedward saw their argument on screen the night before, they did look suitably awkward. Kim, saw nothing wrong. Scary.
It’s Day 29 in the Celebrity Big Brother house. The housemates are woken up by rock music from the 1980s – it feels like this series started around then, not just 29 days ago.
The day’s task is Rockstars and Roadies. ‘The Housemate Mayhem’ band – consisting of Jedward and Nicola McLean – get all the power as the rest of the housemates are roadies that have to do whatever the rockstars order.
It is Day 28 on Celebrity Big Brother, and we are bracing ourselves for another live eviction. The vote is for the winner, so the person with the least votes will be out, just before the final.
Calum Best is in the diary room venting about Jedward. Apparently, Edward tends to do the one liners, where John gets really angry and disrespectful. To be fair, that is the only way I can tell them apart; I have slightly more toleration to Edward – he can speak a couple of words more than his brother before my stomach goes. Only a couple mind you.
It’s Day 27 and Day 2 of Final Judgment in the Celebrity Big Brother house, and one of the nominated housemates will be leaving. We start the program with Kim Woodburn in the diary room talking about lust. Really? Far too early for that, and this show airs at 9 PM.
Jedward are in the bathroom singing the Going Commando song. Like you do when you’re teaching a child to pee in the potty. Personally, I can’t wait for the “we are leaving the house and vanishing into obscurity again” song. I’d actually pay for that one.
Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.* Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.
LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!