Close your eyes with me for a moment and imagine this: A Little Women: LA episode not prominently featuring the abysmal hellfire of Briana Renee and her dirtball husband, Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer). Like, at all. Now open your eyes! Because our prayers have been answered – at least for this week.
Yes, my friends, we have been spared one full hour of nonstop Briana drama to focus on, well, totally unrelated drama between Terra Jole and Tonya Banks. So, okay, it is not a perfect world. It is kind of like we’ve been pulled up from the 7th circle of Dante’s Inferno to…I don’t know, the 5th circle? But I’ll take it!
Jeff Lewis is in over his head with his house, his clients, and his march toward fatherhood (which is approaching quickly). Meanwhile, Jenni Pulos is busy trying to make a buck by sitting on toilets. That, my friends, is the nutshell version of this week’s Flipping Out. But it takes a while to get there…so, let’s get started!
At Valley Vista, Jeff and Gage Edwards are led through the money pit they’ve regretfully purchased. Frank the contractor briefs them on structural, electrical, and – worst of all – water issues as the cha-ching, cha-ching sound rings endlessly in Jeff’s brain. This place is more than he bargained for and could possibly be, in his own words, the worst house he’s ever bought. Gage agrees.
Even though I have to, I don’t really want to discuss the ruminating super drama between Bethenny Frankel and Luann de Lesseps. Instead I’d like to focus on the positive and give a prodigious shout-out to Sonja Tremont Morgan, a lady who has turned over a new leaf and out flew a butterfly. Hats off – designer hats with no repairs, that is – to Sonja for being Real Housewives Of New York‘s class-act last night!
The ladies are all yachting around while talking in circles about Tom. Tom-T-Tom-Tom-TOOOM. Poor Sonja has a harness on her dress to holster in her heart nice and tight. But that thing looks uncomfortable and like her boobs were begging for as much mercy as her poor little broken pitter-patter. Sonja admits to Carole Radziwill and Ramona Singer that, well, maybe she’s a little nervous about seeing Tom because well, maybe, she had deeper feelings for him than she let on, and well, Luann is just not really interested in addressing this. Furthermore, Sonja had no idea that Lu knew she and Tom were a thing.
Back to back nights of reunion specials are always a little much and that couldn’t be truer than with the Shahs of Sunset. It’s just a lot to handle and I think most of us can agree that we need the Shahs in small, weekly doses. But if part one of the reunion could be summed up as evil eyes, extra marital affairs, and extensions, part two’s theme should be business schemes, standup routines, and sex tapes that no one has seen.
We pick up from last night with Vida sitting back and watching the destruction she caused after throwing her patented Criticism Grenade into the heart of the crew. Mercedes “MJ” Javid and Asa Soltan Rahmati are still going at it and MJ really has an axe to grind here. Tommy Feight, drinks his free champagne and is happy as a clam, completely unaffected by the drama going on around him. If anyone can handle dating someone on a reality show, I’m starting to think it is Tommy.
It’s time for more baby showers that no one wants to attend and friendships that no one wants to mend on this week’s Little Women: LA!
Last night we learned that Jasmine Sorge is a glutton for punishment as she throws Briana Renee another awkwardly attended shower, despite Briana’s horrid treatment of her. Did Jasmine learn nothing from that el depresso bridal shower last season? This will not be a gathering of happy campers. (Literally, the RSVP boxes on these shower invites should read: “Yes,” “Regretfully, no” and “What the f*ck dude!?”)
It’s that time again, where the Shahs of Sunset gather around a large spread of food and rip each other to shreds. If I were to sum up part one of this reunion, in a few words, it would be: evil eyes, extramarital affairs, and hair extensions. So. Many. Extensions. Asa Soltan Rahmati isn’t wearing them but she made up for her lack of fake hair in about sixty pounds of tacky jewelry.
Well, we have made it to the season finale of Famously Single and this might have been the longest/shortest season of a reality show in recent memory. What I mean is that we have only sat through eight episodes, but this seems like more than enough. I guess these “celebrities” can’t stay in a loft banging each other forever though; they all have to get back to errr… uhhhh… what do they all do again?
One person that I do know is gainfully employed again (at least for an episode or two) is resident snooze-fest Josh Murray, who appeared in a promo for an upcoming episode of Bachelor in Paradise. Will Josh bring anything to the table there? Doubtful but hey, a guy’s gotta get paid, right? As for the rest of the cast, I guess they will just fade back into the complete obscurity from which they came. Oh, and Dr. Darcy Sterling has to go back to Vanderpump Rules to fulfill her obligations asKatie Maloney’s stunt double.
Yeah, I don’t care how much Kelly Dodd annoys the bejesus out of me (and probably Tamra Judge‘s sculpted patootie), Shannon Beador set her up at her 70’s partaaay. Which was not necessarily OK. And it was, well, ugly. Honestly, I think most of us, the Real Housewives Of Orange County ladies included, are gonna pretend Shannon is innocent on the principal of their dislike for Kelly, but the double-teaming of Jaci and Nina, three boobs, and a bull dozer, are all too coincidental.
And you know what they say: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck – it’s probably a Real Housewife training for a fitness competition and practicing in her lucite stripper heels!