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Oh the Biermanns!

Last night was the season finale of Don't Be Tardy and guess what?! Kim Zolciak is pregnant again. As if we didn't know it already, Wigs n Cigs!

Before the big pregnancy reveal, Kim toted her existing kids to Turks and Caicos to celebrate Brielle's 16th birthday. Proving she is so the daughter of Wigs Delightful, Brielle complained, "It's not the Bahamas, but I'll take it."

Apparently it's not that Brielle has anything against Turks and Caicos, she has something against Kroy Biermann coming along on the vacation, screwing up yet another Wig family tradition. Oh and she really wants a car. 

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vicki-gunvalson-woohoo

Woo Hoo! We're 100! And we look every day of it. 

My, my – how things have changed on Real Housewives of Orange County since the beginning! And I can't say all the changes have been good things. 

Last night the show celebrated its 100th episode with a 2-hour flashback/recap of some of the show's most iconic moments. Among the milestones was catching up with some of the memorable cast mates throughout the 8-season run and discussing current cast member's reflections to how the show has evolved.

Tamra Barney, you will be relieved to know, hasn't changed one single iota except her hair has gotten less frizzy and her boobs smaller. Thank God for small mercies… #sarcasm In her casting video Tamra is a grade-A bitch and says when producers told her they were deciding between her and one other woman for the spot she turned up the ruthlessness. 

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What a difference a year season makes!  After watching Kim and Alaska Gedeon, Tina Sugandh and Tarz Ludwigsen, Blair Late and Jeff Pedersen, and Kathryn Bougadis and John Lagoudes navigate the first year of marriage, we were treated to the finale of Newlyweds: The First Year last night!

Kim and Alaska are finally taking their much needed honeymoon, and while they arrived from opposite coasts, Kim is hoping that the trip is just what the couple needs to fix their emotional distance.  While they take things into the bedroom, Blair and Jeff are taking it to the therapist's office…to talk about the bedroom.  Blair reveals that they had a passionate sex life in the beginning, but now Jeff is just having a relationship with Palm-ela and her five sisters.  Blair's feelings are hurt to hear that Jeff tries to hold off on masturbating for days at a time so he's up for sex.  Jeff is fine with sex once a week.  While he'd love extra affection, he doesn't like how Blair always manipulates those innocent moments into sex.

Kathryn has been in labor for thirteen hours, and her doctor decides she should have a C-section.  After grueling time at the hospital, John is ecstatic to meet his son.  Precious.

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Last night's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was a hair-raising event.  There were pee tests gone wrong, break-ups gone terribly wrong, and the worst weave and bubbly cocktail establishment opening to date in the history of reality television.  Of course, it may have been the first weave and cocktail store ever, but still….

Karlie Redd calls Mimi Faust to give her some intel about Nikko.  The women head out shopping, and while Mimi finds Karlie to be super messy, she wants to hear what Karlie has to say.  Karlie reveals that Nikko has been trying to hook up with her, and she has text messages from friends of friends to prove it.  Mimi sees the proof, and it's almost as if she's gotten the excuse she wanted to kick Nikko to the curb.

After Joseline Hernandez and Stevie's J.'s blow-up, he feels like he was too harsh on her.  Translation:  Now that he's got Mimi in his back pocket thanks to the BMW purchase, he needs to straighten things out with the one groupie who will do anything for him.  Joseline admits that she has a tough exterior, but she's missed her Stevie.  She wants to work on her music with him, and he thinks that they need to go the independent route to promote her new songs.  The pair share a pinky swear and all is right with the world.

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Princesses: Long Island tells the same story every week. This week's Jewish husband finding adventure – with a side dish of Erica Gimbel was too hot to handle in high school – begins with Amanda Bertoncini and Chanel "Coco" Omari shopping for dresses for Ashlee White's upcoming 30th birthday bash. 

First, Chanel tells Amanda that ex-boyfriend Michael, who dumped her twice to hook up with his 19-year-old ex-girlfriend, is trying to weasel his way back into her life. Chanel vows to never let that happen again. Amanda tries on a tank top and pretends that is a "super hot" dress. Oy. She best not show too much vagina or her boyfriend will run away. Finally, the princesses try on a few more dresses and get "Coco Bootylicious" in the store.

While having her hair done for the party, Ashlee jokes about turning 30 while looking 4. HAHA. Can someone please explain to Ashlee that "too little to ride alone at Disney" does not equate "looks 4 years old"? She looks like she's pushing 40. Ashlee goes on to to brag about her "huge" party because she's annoying like that.

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rhonj-recap

Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey it was another round of tit-for-tat over the most mundane crap imaginable. I mean, maybe it's not mundane if it's your family, but after 2.5 seasons of the storyline that never ends, I think we're all a bit tired of the Gorgadice family feud. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results, I think we can all officially declare the Gorgadices "insane". Right, Dr. Jacqueline Laurita, wino-behavioral specialist! 

Things begin – oh who really cares where they begin because this show is like a loop everything ends and begins in the same exact spot so that you never know which episode is which and what exactly happened. Let's start with Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga rehashing birthday party-gate to their respective spouses while their kids all listen nearby. 

Melissa is flipping some pancakes and Poison is deciding if they'll liquefy in his intestines so we all have to hear about his explosive diarrhea again, then she tells him something else vomit-inducing; that Teresa and Kim D (Teresa's soldier in the hideous hair extension army) like attacked her at Gia's party. And it was like sooooo terrible, and now she has to go into witness protection, and she did so visit her FIL in the hospital for like hours and hours and hours except she was in the lobby on twitter and reading magazines so he didn't actually see her. Meanwhile Antonia's just hanging out in the background. 

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Gahhh!  I hate, hate, HATE to admit it, but I missed the craziness that only Abby Lee Miller and her nemesis mothers can bring to Dance Moms.  As much as I usually deplore their awful behavior, it's ten times better than watching a show centered around the snooze-worthy Candy Apples.  Who's with me?  I know, I know.  I'm a total hypocrite.

Abby is in Los Angeles looking for property for a new studio space.  She plans to install silks (the mounted scarf like apparatus for lyrical dancers…think Cirque) so that her new dancers can have a leg up on competitors.  Abby is really thinking of a permanent move, and she's convinced that Melissa would make sure that Maddie and MacKenzie followed her West.  As for her other dancers…who needs 'em?  She's already setting the stage for next season's Dance Moms: L.A.  Help us!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County maturity was out in full force! Lydia McLaughlin attempted to throw a drama-free salsa dancing party which brought out as much cattiness in the ladies as penises in paradise did! Can Gretchen Rossi get along with anyone? #RhetoricalQuestion

​Things begin with Heather Dubrow being ridiculous. Apparently Heather just cannot possibly attend Lydia's salsa party if Alexis Bellino is there given that Alexis is like soooo fake and phony and faux and everything horrible. Lydia encourages Heather to try and make amends with Alexis and call her so they can put their differences aside. Lydia calls herself the "Friendship Whisperer." If this woman starts teaching classes and writing how-to books about training people to curb their aggression using treats I think I might explode. 

After much twisting of the Chanel pearls ('cause costume jewelry is only acceptable if it's Chanel) Heather concedes she will be the bigger person and call Alexis. Lydia lets out a squee. 

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