It’s Day 27 and Day 2 of Final Judgment in the Celebrity Big Brother house, and one of the nominated housemates will be leaving. We start the program with Kim Woodburn in the diary room talking about lust. Really? Far too early for that, and this show airs at 9 PM.
Jedward are in the bathroom singing the Going Commando song. Like you do when you’re teaching a child to pee in the potty. Personally, I can’t wait for the “we are leaving the house and vanishing into obscurity again” song. I’d actually pay for that one.
Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.* Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.
LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!
With Cem and the children already in Dubai, Caroline S is holing up in the Westbury Hotel for her last week in London. Sophie joins her for a massage, telling Caroline that she’s relieved they’re back to being buds again. Caroline thinks that says a lot about her. Something tells me she isn’t all in with the rebirth of the Stanbury Sisters just yet.
On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.
After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.
Today I come to tell a tale about the World’s Greatest DJ, who was persecuted and stalked, mercilessly harassed, and run out of clubs, all because the world wanted to possess his art and his talent. Naturally, I speak of James Kennedy, The White Kanye, and the rapper on the run from his tormentor Jax Taylor. Such are songs of sorrow played out on Vanderpump Rules.
Oh, last night was a doozy, filled with Ariana Madix‘s infamous sulk and the slow emancipation of Scheana Marie as she suddenly blinked into the light as it dawned on her that Stassi Schroeder‘s power and possession was an elaborate ruse. If only Katie Maloney would see such signs, but alas she’s too busy painting squiggly black lines over the sunrise of truth.
With so much deception going on with the moms of Teen Mom 2, it would be hard to keep up if they weren’t all so obvious. Now I know since filming has wrapped months ago and the moms are active on social media, what’s going down on this season isn’t exactly a surprise to anyone. We are just seeing HOW it goes down, which unfortunately, still doesn’t offer a whole lot of clarity for the viewer.
Jenelle Evans finally admits on camera that she’s 13 weeks pregnant and David Eason says his stomach is still full of butterflies (again). She reveals that the real reason behind her lying to the producers about being pregnant is because they wanted to wait until she knew the gender and was past 12 weeks. Instead, everyone found out via police report, which Jenelle deems “the trashiest way possible.” I get that Jenelle wanted to control how and when she announced her pregnancy but I doubt the reaction to her announcement would have been any different, given her history on the show and how many haters she has. Regardless, Jenelle is legitimately baffled as to why everyone can’t be happy for her when they are so happy for fellow cast mate, Chelsea Houska.
It’s Day 26 on Celebrity Big Brother, and we’re promised housemates in the dock. This should be good, but dish out the ear plugs now.
Yet again, Jedward are subject of conversation in the house. And the garden. And pretty much everywhere. Well, not in the store room, where Kim has been staring at the washing machine for five minutes. I was wrong about the label on the tumble dryer; clearly, it is needed. Jedward are in the garden, with John pretending to be a gymnast representing Ireland in the Olympic Games. One’s commentating and ones dancing. I re-iterate once more, these boys are 25.
Andrea Canning took the reigns once again for the final installment of this season’s Sister Wives Tell All. As one would expect, there was a lot of focus on Meri and Kody Brown’s flailing relationship as well as Mariah’s recent announcement. To be fair, it was one of the more honest tell alls from this crew, but is that really saying much? As always, the older Brown children (and Christine’s newfound euphoria) made the rest of the gang much more bearable.
Kody and Meri discuss the pitfalls in their relationship and how Meri had told Kody to quit coming around her house. However, she still wanted him to be available to help her with household chores (that wet bar isn’t going to stock itself!) and engage in small talk. Andrea questions whether Meri banished Kody with the hopes that he would fight for her, but Kody counters that for months she would tell Kody to leave when he’d come around. Andrea attempts to remind them both of why they fell in love in the first place. Meri found Kody to be handsome (of course, those locks!) and dynamic, and he loved how she looked at him with respect and adoration. Christine reminds Andrea that Kody’s main focus is the family, and sometimes it is hard for the wives when they desire their husband’s undivided attention.