So much drama to discuss from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York reunion; or at least what can be deciphered through the 7-layers of screaming. Housewives reunions are not unlike 7-layer taco dip – and one really has to slough through layers of green onions and refried beans to get to the good stuff.
Unfortunately a lot of chips get lost in the rubble. Reunions are minefields of undiscovered gold which are always cloaked in secrecy with expressions like, “Let’s talk about what we saw when we barged into your room!? [with a wannabe pirate circa 2013]” WHAT?! TELL US. Or, “I’ve covered for you plenty!” Meaning?!? All these inferences, insinuations, and teasers of people’s ghostwriters being exposed or countesses who lunge at princesses (or at least the previews showed Luann de Lesseps standing up and yelling – is that what Carole Radziwill meant when she said a ‘lunge’?).
On last night’s Little Women: LA, the group tried to mend fences. But this group of women needs more than a night of toasting marshmallows by the fire to snuff out the ratchet behavior of Tonya Banks and the ultimate pot-stirring that newbie Brittney Guzman is bringing to the this season’s fire pit.
We begin at the batting cages where Brittney is on a date with an old friend, Jordan, she used to date four years or so ago. She’s just been through a bad breakup, so wants to get back on the horse. Her ex-boyfriend Max cheated on her while she was on tour with Miley Cyrus. Since Jordan has been recently cheated on too, Brittney wonders if they’d be a good match. They confess they’ve missed each other, but Brittney plays it coy about seeing him again.
Drama, exciting and new…come aboard, we’re expecting you! Where y’all as excited as I was for the season premiere of Below Deck? Those Captain Lee, Stud of the Sea ads on Bravo have been quite a tease. Thankfully, our wait is over. Bring on crystal blue water, Captain Lee lectures, millionaire antics, and sunny insanity!
Before we get into the recap let’s meet the crew, shall we? Returning this season are a few fan favorites. Adorable bosun Eddie Lucas is back, as is Kate Chastain and her bitchy resting face. Kate’s least favorite stew Amy Johnson returns as well. Of course, it wouldn’t be the show without everyone’s favorite captain! Joining the group are some folks who are sure to bring the crazy. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota is a former competitive diver and surfer who went to culinary school in the hopes of being a yacht chef. Unfortunately, this summer she’s just second stew. She’s also likely to be in a 5150 hold at some point in the near future.
Last night the ladies covered what I refer to as administrative details, but Andy Cohen was utterly superfluous as Bethenny Frankel stepped in to truly host the reunion, which is an excellent way to take heat off your own misdeeds. Like when Bethenny repeatedly accused Ramon Singer of being nasty and having a nasty side and saying truly awful things. I was like for every finger Bethenny is pointing at Pinot Pologies of The Ramacrame Delusions of Turtle Time Island, there are four Singer Stingers pointing back at Bethenny. Honestly, is Bethenny cognizant that she is the queen of the cutting and nasty comment? Back to Dr. Amador‘s couch you go! She should just move the good doc into her Skinnygirl subsidized apartment, paint him red, and make him part of the zillions of products she hawks under the guise of healthy living.
There is so much to cover in this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County. The drama was as fast-paced as a NASCAR race and just as laden with fiery crashes. It was hard to know where to look with all the insults speeding past. I think Heather Dubrow‘s wide-eyed, defied the effects of Botox, shocked face said it best. You know something’s big when it supersedes the glamour of a 22,000 square-foot house with its own luggage room, and a lunch menu that features “sparkle cauliflower!” (That sounds like something from the Gretchen Christine Bootay Collection).
Before all the hate comes love-ish. Vicki Gunvalson is getting into the business-side of filling love tanks and renting out her backyard for weddings, specifically the wedding of Tamra Judge‘s son Ryan. It also emerges that Vicki and Tamra attend the same church. Tamra is in chapter 2 of Bible For Dummies and is therefore ready to be baptized at the big church party. Dunking your head in a vat of wine does not count as accepting Jesus, Tamra.
Nina Parker, formerly of TMZ and the Insider, is at the helm of this season’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Reunion. She can’t do any worse than hosts of the past, can she? In my opinion, she did a good job wrangling Stevie J., Joseline Hernandez, Mimi Faust, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost and crew, but we’ve got another hour next week to draw final conclusions! Off that bat, she begins last night’s first installment by introducing the major players. Thankfully the extras are “holding it down on the couches,” although there are several minor characters missing at this point.
In the finale episode, Stevie takes off to Los Angeles without his bride, but he and Joseline explain that they are “working through things” and happy. Stevie feels proud and healthy due to his sobriety and Joseline doesn’t see the need to accommodate him by curbing her intake…as she states, she’s not going to court. Joseline then turns on her co-stars, saying that if they are nice, she’ll be nice, if they act a fool, well…Nina highlights Joseline’s journey after her last reunion antics from reconciling with Stevie to NOT apologizing to Mimi. Joseline tells Nina that she was in the wrong for wiling out the last time they were in this situation, but everyone was ganging up on her. As for apologizing to Mimi, Joseline doesn’t think her husband’s ex needs to hold her breath. Stevie feels badly for pushing Joseline’s buttons when it came to her working without him, and Karlie Redd expresses her surprise at the bouquet that met the side of her face. Joseline instructs her to speak more loudly like when she bleeps bleep. Geez. Ariane challenges Karlie’s loyalty, and the two have a war of words. Oddly enough, the Karlie and Joseline agree that they could be friends going forward.
Y’all, I’m torn. On one hand, I enjoy watching a show on Bravo that doesn’t revolve around incessant bickering and pettiness, but on the other hand…that chef, the language, Kim Zolciak Biermann’s new face that she’s denying! What’s up with all of that? Don’t Be Tardy is certainly mindless entertainment, but I feel like it’s also killing my brain cells…but what reality show isn’t these days? 🙂
Last night’s installment begins with Kroy and the obnoxious chef playing pool as Gloria the assistant brings downstairs the overly excited tiny pups with their red rockets glaring in Kim’s face. As Kim complains about the puppies x-rated doggie parts, one creature pees on Brielle’s bum and everyone gets into an overly ridiculous conversation about how many sacs hold the testicles in both canines and men. Kim has felt the balls and sacs with her pooches and her husband. That’s a tad too much information for this blogger!
Last night on Manzo’d With Children Mother’s Day was celebrated with a throwback photoshoot, Albie and Chris still pretended they don’t have jobs, and Lauren decided to never leave home again. Actually they barely leave the kitchen… what is happening in the rest of that house!?
Caroline Manzo is stressed. First Chrissofart left mommy and is now debauched in Hoboken. Now Lauren, about to be married to Vito the living incandescence of an Al-flavored mozzarella ball, wants to MOVE. OUT. Caroline cannot have this.
Caroline tries to convince Lauren that she and Vito should just stay at home to save their money, because Caroline is not giving them a downpayment on a house – only utilities in her house! This is what passes for responsibility in Manzo-land? Shouldn’t Lauren already have savings given that she’s been living with her mother her entire life? Caroline would prefer they make the ‘smart choice’ to live with her until they can afford to buy a nice (re: luxury) instead of living someplace dumpy (see: Crissofart’s apartment).
But Vito doesn’t want to live with Ma and Pa Smothers, he wants the freedom to show his love to Lauren and admits to his fiancé that he wouldn’t feel comfortable “in the bedroom” living at her mother’s. Does Lauren care what Vito thinks or wants? #RhetoricalQuestion.