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Last week on Married to Medicine, Mariah Huq worked to bring Kari Wells and Quad Webb-Lunceford together, to settle their differences before Aydin and Duncan's birthday party. Turns out, if she wanted a drama-free party, she should have focused her pre-party energy on herself. Oy vey, even for Bravo, the party turns out to be a nightmare. 

This week's show begins and ends with Mariah and Toya Bush-Harris. First, despite the fact that Mariah and Toya merely tolerate one another solely because their husbands work together, Mariah stops by Toya's house with a gift. She brings a white Christening gown for Toya's one-year-old son's upcoming baptism. Toya is like, thanks but no thanks, and Mariah feels offended. 
 
Meanwhile, Dr. Simone Whitmore checks in with Dr. Jackie Walters. Simone knows exactly where to find the "fat police" doc, at the gym. While the other ladies' back and forth jabs come across as hurtful and below the belt, Simone and Jackie's banter always feels playful and lighthearted. Jackie jokes that Simone is more about food than fitness; Simone shares that she has no interest in sweating off her hair. 
 
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Yesterday was part 2 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. This segment was all about Wigs Zolciak. And if I had a dollar for all the Kimscuses she makes, I could buy me one of them foreclosed dream homes everyone is talking about! 

Phaedra Parks is apparently big news this season. We spent a ton of time running down her shenanigans and she seemed relatively composed for all the heat she took. It's clear the only person Phaedra has extreme distaste for is Kenya Moore

Things begin with a spotlight on NeNe Leakes, cause just in case you didn't know, she has AAAA-RIVED! Andy Cohen wonders if NeNe plays favorites and takes sides, case in point she seemed to dislike Phaedra and Kandi Burruss almost instantly. NeNe claims she never does that, Kandi reminds her that actually she does! We all know she does. NeNe likes people she can control and manipulate. And if it's apparent they don't need her or aren't going to bow down to her greatness, she goes all sour on them. So there's no need for her to even bother denying that! 

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This week on The Rachel Zoe Project we saw a Godzilla sized billboard of Rachel Zoe, Barack Obama sent Rachel a letter that outshined King Karl Lagerfeld’s letter, Rodger Berman went on more man dates and decorated the office he is never and we learned that Rachel should not be in charge of teaching baby Skyler his geography skills – mainly anything Hong Kong related.

It wouldn’t be a normal episode if it didn’t start with Rachel and Rodger bickering over money. Rodger is annoyed over Rachel’s incessant spending what’s new and today’s hot button spending topic is Skyler’s wardrobe. This kid’s wardrobe collection is no joke. Is it weird that Skyler dresses better than my boyfriend?

Mandana and Rachel are driving to Sunset Boulevard to see a giant billboard of Rachel. Mandana is excited her boss is going to be fifty feet tall. Rachel is nervous her face will be fat. The two begin to discuss New York gate. Mandana doesn’t want Rachel to move because she has no other friends in L.A which doesn’t surprise me with her facial expressions. Rachel adds that their 15,000 square foot office and 30 employees in situated in L.A along with majority of her styling clients might also be a little bit of a kink in her East Coast dream. You think?!

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As if y'all didn't already know it, Wednesday night is a beacon in my week thanks to the Robertson folks of Duck Dynasty.  I can't wait to see what Si, Willie, Phil and Jase have in store with their silly antics and good, clean fun.  Last night, of course, didn't disappoint.

We begin as the boys are making duck calls, when Si arrives with a taser.  He's armed and dangerous, and Jase is very afraid.  As he should be of course!  Willie arrives to invite the crew to a human resources meeting.  He's bringing in a professional to give a seminar because, as Willie states, "When your employees' standard response to problems is to shoot it, burn it, or blow it up, it pays to cover your butt."  Words to live by, I say.  Willie gets on Si for playing security guard with his taser and handcuffs.  The security kit was purchased after the break-in, although Si reminds Willie that it was Jase who broke into the warehouse. 

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Last night's Dance Moms was a lesson in democracy.  If I had to cast my ballot for most ridiculous dance teacher, Abby Lee Miller would certainly get my vote!

It's pyramid time, and MacKenzie is on the bottom followed by Brooke, who, according to Abby, needs to figure out if she really wants to be a dancer.  Chloe is also on the lowest tier, with Abby blaming her for her trio placing second.  Kendall rounds out the bottom for being part of the second loser trio.  The last place spot in the middle of the pyramid goes to Maddie for—you guessed it!–being part of the trio.  Paige is third on the pyramid because Kelly has gotten good at not sparring with Abby.  Nia is in second place for flying under the radar.  Newbie Asia graces the top of the pyramid.

A crying MacKenzie complains of feeling dizzy when Asia's name is announced, and Abby makes her sit out of the group number.  Asia is MacKenzie's size equal, so with MacKenzie out, Abby is unsure as to whether she'll actually dance in the group dance which has the conservatives facing off against the liberals in a politically themed number.  Both Asia and Maddie get solos.  Abby mixes things up by adding Chloe into the solo competition.  Maddie's solo is called "I'm Trying" while Chloe's is "Am I Here To Stay?"  Nice double meanings there!

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Last night on Dancing with the Stars, the remaining contestants celebrated the best year of their life. Now, hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke-Charvet prepare to make this year suck just a little bit for one contestant. As always, we'll learn who is safe, who is in jeopardy, and who will dance no more. 

The first four couples to learn their fate are Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas, Zendaya Coleman and Val Chmerkovskiy, Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough, and Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson
 
No surprises for these fan favorites – all four couples are safe!  
 
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LISA VANDERPUMP

This week on Dancing with the Stars, the 10 remaining contestants dedicate their song selection and dance to the best year of their life. Cue the water works, cute kids, and temporary fiance, please! Also, the contestants perform a 15-second solo during their routine. 
 
As always, at the top of the show, the stars and pros descend the Dancing with the Stars staircase, which gives us our first glimpse at costumes, dance order, and Mark's weekly make out session with the camera. Oh no! Pro dancer Gleb Savchenko comes down the stars alone. Where is our beloved Lisa Vanderpump
 
Lisa was diagnosed with a "viral infection with fever and swollen glands" after fainting last week. "She sat out rehearsal. She's getting some rest right now," host Tom Bergeron explains. "We'll leave it up to her whether she's going to dance tonight."
 
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Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County bad behavior along with Vicki Gunvalson's swollen face and insane hair continued to haunt us. She got allll that work done on her face and she couldn't throw in a keratin treatment to deep condition that straw weave she had attached to her head? Dyed-N-Fried.

With all the renovations and double-dealing and lies and dastardly deeds and attention seeking manipulation plots she was accused of, Vicki didn't have time to get her nose done AND her hair. To think all this time I thought she was just a neurotic insurance salesperson. No rest for the wicked, eh?

We resume at Heather Dubrow's glambake. Heather instructs Tamra Barney on how to eat a lobster. Of course since Tamra is saltier than lobster brine she has to make a sex joke out of Heather's instructions when she says to bite on the lobster leg until it "comes in your mouth." Tamra brays across the table like a donkey with a bullhorn about how FANCY PANTS MADE A SEX JOKE. Why doesn't she just wear a sign that says: 'I'm desperate for attention and have no manners!'

Discreetly Heather crosses Tamra's name off the future invites list. Vicki may look like a mutant person with the face of Bride of Frankenstein but at least she talks quietly and uses inside voices at Heather's! 

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