Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was um… well, lemme just say this: they need to get a psychiatrist on that show to deal with all the crazies cause they are multiplying faster than we can keep up. Screw a reunion, let's just call Dr. Phil!
Things begin with Kandi Burruss discussing Mama Joyce drama with her assistant/BFF Carmon. They're looking at wedding magazines, but they should have been looking at catalogs for mental hospitals!
Carmon is not happy that Joyce is slandering her all over town by spreading completely baseless rumors that Carmon is sleeping with Todd. All because Todd is hanging in some photos in Kandi's hallway. If I were Todd I would hang the photos of Mama Joyce in the basement – behind the water heater.
I believe Reza had issues with Sasha, but I definitely do not believe this was their first ever encounter. I think Reza is a very mean-spirited and disrespectful person, and the producers used it to their advantage this week.
First up, Mike Shouhed visits a dermatology and hair restoration clinic to find out if his hair needs professional help, as his asshat of a friend Reza has suggested. Then Mike bring Reza for moral support – Mike doesn't need hair help, he needs brain help. Reza never stops making fun of Mike. Mike puffs out his chest and says he's going to shave Reza's head and mustache ("that Burt Reynolds looking mother f–ker") while he's sleeping. Yeah, sure.
So, a doctor examines Mike's full head of thick black hair, then determines he's not balding. What. A. Nail. Biter. But the scene wasn't all for naught – we learn Mike suffers from ear dandruff. As well as poor taste in best friends.
Here's an odd combination: men with breast cancer and burlesque parties for your boss. Or if you are a cast member on Vanderpump Rules it's all in a day's work!
Last night Lisa Vanderpump's business partner Nathalie decided to throw a surprise burlesque party for her husband Guillermo. Naturally they decided it was wholly appropriate for Stassi Schroeder and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, Katie Maloney to do a burlesque performance for their boss. Apparently those two loons took burlesque lessons a couple years ago, but they actually suck at burlesque and only took the classes so when they get drunk at the bar they can grind on each other to attract boys.
Stassi suggests that she just shake her fake boobies and call it day. Luckily Nathalie has the foresight to hire real burlesque dancers and they will happily wear nipple tassels. Stassi looks down at her own boobies, realizes they're not nearly as perky and 3… 2… 1… begins stabbing Lari, Kari, and Scari (or whatever their names were) with a feathered headdress.
Last night's Love & Hip Hop episode was as ratchet as ever. I love that each show ends with a mini-brawl. It's by far the most high brow show I'm watching these days…um. Of course, last night made me fall in love with Peter Gunz all over again. Swoon. Damn. I couldn't even type that without gagging a bit.
Peter is trying to figure out which lady in his life deserves more attention. He decides that he needs to focus on Amina Buddafly…after all, she is the potential breadwinner. Peter admits to her that Yandy Smith won't let Rich Dollaz sign her to their label because of her and Petey's messy situation. While she understands, she isn't happy about it. She is his wife now, not his side chick! Keep telling yourself that, hon. She's ready to live as husband and wife now that Tara Wallace knows the truth, but Peter is still spending the night as his kids' house and "working late." Here's a tip, sweetheart. He's not spending the night with his kids, but rather with their mother who may be as stupid as you are. Oh, and that working late thing? Remember when he used to "work late" with you? He's doing that with someone else. However, it's super sweet that Amina believes Peter when he tells her they can't wear wedding rings until he can afford a ring worthy for her. That will happen in about three weeks to never!
Ahhh… Real Housewives of Bevelry Hills: where totally untrue in every way cheating rumors never die. Oh! And famous people get to block traffic and redecorate the sidewalk just for being famous.
Over at Kyle Richards' Faye Resnick-fied castle of tchotchke, she's upset because she has to clean up alllllll the dog poop like every day, despite a plethora of brightly colored postage notes decorating the cabinetry advising people otherwise. Poor Kyle – nobody listens to her! Nobody cares! Nobody cares what Kyle wants!
And what does Kyle want? Attention and caftans. Preferably together. Since Kyle presumably has nothing else to talk about but cheating rumors that are totally NOT TRUE and that she totally wants to DISAPPEAR, she and Mauricio sit down to discuss said cheating rumors and how untrue and absolutely ludicrous they are.
The ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta are having serious family problems this year. Luckily for us they still manage to throw shade and keep up the witty commentary.
Phaedra Parks and Apollo are still having married people problems. Problems that come when one of said married persons chooses to possibly allegedly perhaps send illicit texts to a person whom they are not married to. Made even worse when the sext recipient is said wife's booticious enemy!
Phaedra and her entourage are headed to Alabama where she attends mortuary school and is studying for exams. Speaking of the dead, Phaedra leaves Apollo with dead silence since they are not speaking. In Phaedra's study group she talks all things Phunerals by Phaedra including that a good week for Willie Watkins has 15 funerals and she assists.
Phaedra is considerably more real this season; like she seems to be less of the contrived Miz Parks, Southern Belle-nonsense and more like, 'I'm about to bury my husband and forget to embalm his manbits!'
The episode begins with Noel dining with Loretta at her restaurant, and she is all dolled up for the occasion. They reminisce about how they met sixteen years ago and how their relationship has grown along the way. Loretta shares the story of the sex toys on fire at Dominique's bridal shower. Noel isn't surprised that the "dil-daws" went up in flames. God isn't a fan of kinky.
Deitrick and his family are singing in anticipation of his upcoming nuptials. His father interrupts the choir practice to discuss how proud he is of his son and the ob-stickles he's faced. Deitrick's dad is a man of few words, but he likes Dominique and blesses their relationship. Deitrick apologizes to his father for asking Noel to officiate the ceremony. His dad did his first wedding, and he doesn't want a repeat of that situation. His father totally understands.