Last night was the season finale of Dance Moms with an explosive competition. Abby Lee Miller was meaner than normal, Candy Apple Cathy's laugh grated on my last nerve, and Kelly contemplated pulling her girls from the Abby Lee Dance Company for good.
The girls are headed to Beverly Hills 90210 for Nationals. I think the moms are more excited than the kids. Melissa clearly wants some Brandon Walsh action! The bottom of the pyramid is Paige, thanks to her injury and forgetfulness, Nia for not being sharp enough, Chloe for coming in sixth overall, and Kendall for being good, but not good enough. Jill is livid. Brooke is on the second level. Abby touts her amazing job but calls her lazy. MacKenzie joins Brooke for forgetting part of her dance. Maddie makes her way back to the top of the pyramid.
Last night on MTV Real World Spring Break, oh… errrr…Oops! I mean Middle-Aged (Wannabe) Girls Gone Wild. Oh… danggit – I mean Real Housewives of New York! There we go, that's the right show. Anyway, last night on RHONY the battle between Turtletime and Hurricane Aviva continued to rage. I think we're going to have to declare this one a draw because both these crazies went in circles like a typhoon and I don't think anything was resolved!
So things begin with a little bitching and arguing over what else – girls trip vs. couple's retreat. What about therapeutic retreat? Why didn't Bravo call in some therapists to assist with the lunacy and sit everyone down for a good ol' " I feel" session followed by some team building exercises?
Over breakfast, Reid and Russ are present and this is not acceptable. A clearly hung-over Sonja Morgan is shoveling in the food at warp speed and complaining about being called white trash. Pinot Singer and Sonja try to "pretend" they have no idea what that even means and hop on Google for a little investigative research. They get on dictionary.com and are most surprised to find a photo of themselves right next to the description. Oh, that can't be because White Trash means "poor" and they are not poor. They are just bankrupt and married to (or divorced from) money. Then someone distracts them by yelling wine and they decide oh, well at least White Trash means you're nice and it doesn't have anything to do with being inhospitable anyway.
Chris Harrisonwelcomes back the Bachelor Pad losers… Ryan "not gettin' any" Hoag, Kalon McMahonandLindzi Cox(cheers), Reid Rosenthal (lukewarm cheer), Jaclyn and Ed, Erica Rose, Jamie Otis (ready for a costume party, absolute silence), Tony Pieper and Blakeley Jones (cheers), and Michael Stagliano (huge cheer). Also, the super fans – SWAT, David, Donna, Paige, Brittany, and Erica.
The losers vote for the winning couple of Bachelor Pad 3. Who will it be – Nick and Rachel or Chris and Sarah? And, as always, there's only one prize in Bachelor Pad. <wink, wink>
The women of Basketball Wives L.A. are back and are as unhinged as ever. At least a few of them are actual wives though, so it is an easier premise to swallow than its original counterpart…sort of. All of the original players are back it appears, although Imani Showalter is missing from the credits and she is replaced by Brooke Bailey.
The show begins with a discussion between Wacky Jackie Christie and her long suffering time spouse and confidante Doug. Jackie is worried about her daughter. After the death of mother, she allowed her daughter to stay in Washington. Jackie isn't sure how well she'll handle this whole "being independent" thing. Doug reveals that Jackie's daughter has texted him a few times, and he thinks she's doing just fine. Jackie starts rationalizing in a way that only Jackie can, blabbering on about sisterhoods and bonds and how easy it is for her to admit when she's wrong. Jackie is ready to apologize to her co-stars, and she has come to the conclusion that she just can't help people who don't want to be helped…and that is all she was trying to do. Again, sort of.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey there was a lot build up for it to go splat! But there were a lot of nice moments too. All in all, it was a great simmer episode to sandwich between two extreme crazy ones. And I guess next week we'll see just how much Teresa Giudice is to blame for all the stripper rumors.
Anyway, it's the first day of school and while it would appear that none of the adults have attended that archaic institution for, like, learning, the actual children are all off. Milania is going into kindergarten and Antonia starts first grade.
Poison Gorga is making pancakes and I think the only ingredientzes is Country Crock margarine because they must have showed us about 60 close-up shots of the tub. I wonder if this means the Gorgas are going to be busting out a cookbook and stepping on Chef Tre's toes? Uh-oh! Oh no, wait that's just Kathy Wakile! Because in the whole world only one person at a time can write a cookbook…
In the Giudice house Teresa is rushing around waking up all the girls. She gets out their tutus while Juicy makes lunches – he packed red wine, sausages, salami, and some uncooked pasta noodles – oh, and provolone. I love Milania's tutu! Milania is my homegirl and she's off to terrorize some far less wily 5-year-olds.
Last night onProject Runway, I don't know what the heck happened. There were bake sales and sign waving, begging on street corners, and tye-dying t-shirts, and hawking things, and ring-around the teams. And lots of bickering. That happened too. Ugh… please, too much going on – just sew already!
It was all around cuckoo. Everyone was divided into three teams of three. Can we please get this Elena on some anti-anxiety drugs. Or at least some Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio or something.
Team One was Team Maximum Manic Pixie Drama, aka Christopher, Sonjia, and Gunnar. Team Two was Team Maximum Former Soviet Bloc Face-Off, aka Elena, Alicia, and my poor besieged Dmitry. Team Three was Team Delusions of Grandeur, aka Ven. And Melissa Ven. And Fabio Ven.
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE – AND THE FASHION TRASHIN’!
Ian Terry, Britney's closest ally, won Head of Household. The Quack Pack (Dan, Danielle, Murphree, Ian, and Shane Meaney) promptly reunited and targeted Frank. Ian nominated Frank Eudy and Jenn Arroyo. Dan won Power of Veto and removed Jenn from the block. (Ugh! I'm totally going to be singing "Jenny from the Block" for the rest of the day. And so are you now. You're welcome.) Ian nominated Joe Arvin.
Who will be evicted – Frank or Joe? Also, it's a double elimination night!
On last night's episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo the family celebrated Fourth of July southern redneck style. It included parties on the lake, gourmet meals, cabanas on the lawn, luxury shopping, chauffeured cars, and sunbathing and swimming. So relaxing. But before all that they had to get to pamperin'. Shhhh… It's A Wig!
Honey needs a new pageant "wiglet" or a semi-full piece to add accent to her hair so they go to some place called Shhh… It's A Wig. Which may just be the best thing any of these Boo Boos have ever heard. Well, except Chubs. She lays down on the floor for a nap. Snore… It's A Wig!
Although the wig they put on Honey looks a lot like a Dolly Parton gone electrocuted, the family decides to have fun with it and do a wig fashion show. The store clerk deems them very interesting while she hopes they leave before breaking anything and that her establishment gets plenty of business courtesy of TLC.