So last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills we all got to play amateur psychologist as we tried to figure out what the heck is wrong with Kim Richards. Leading the charge were our bright-eyed and intrepid newbies Eileen Davidson and Lisa Rinna, eager to make a change, eager to help where help is not wanted. As they are about to learn the Richards Sisters are content and complicit in their dysfunction!
Brandi Glanville is on a 21-day cleanse under the tutelage of Yolanda Foster. That means no alcohol, no sugar, but totally Xanax! A girl can’t give up allll her vices. Yolanda is apparently captaining the Beverly Hills chapter of the Save-A-Hoe Foundation and she thinks yoga is gonna teach an old bitch new tricks. Nice try, but dangling a hot yoga instructor in front of a gal’s face is no way to reshape a behavior – but it’s not like it says NO MEN on this cleanse. Like I said, a girl can’t give up allll her vices! Xanax & Dating?
For everyday Brandi doesn’t drink is Yolanda is gonna give her one almond chip? BTW: Brandi is only doing this cleanse to prove to the other girls she’s not an alcoholic.
It’s safe to say that Dance Moms has hit an iceberg with Abby Lee Miller at the helm. It’s the girls final week in Los Angeles, and Abby’s eye make-up is shiny and overdone and her hair is sprayed sky high, so some may say she’s back to normal. Abby announces that Maddie is absent as she’s guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. She’s brought in two girls to hopefully fill her void. Well, looky, here…it’s Tracey’s daughter Sarah and Brynn and her mom Ashley. Both ladies are Kira’s nemeses from her former studio.
In the pyramid, Nia is on the bottom since she wasn’t allowed to compete. JoJo is fifth since she placed fifth in the competition and sometimes acts like a five-year-old. Ouch. Jessalyn interrupts to talk about how good her daughter performed. Abby remind them both that JoJo failed to watch the movie Carrie as instructed. Um, if I didn’t say it last week, I’m saying it now…that movie is far too scary for someone that age. When JoJo retorts that she didn’t want to be scared in her hotel room, Abby rips her picture of the pyramid. Jessalyn yells that her daughter deserves to be on the pyramid. Wrong word choice! Abby shrieks that JoJo deserves nothing, and JoJo fights back tears. Abby screams that she will not have crying children in her studio, and JoJo responds that if Abby is going to yell at her, she’s probably going to cry. Of course, this gets poor JoJo banished. Melissa notes that none of the other ALDC girls would be crying like that. I think they should be more concerned that their girls are belittled and treated so badly that they no longer have tears left!
Last night on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, the blustering balloon of buffoonery that is Geraldo Rivera was deflated. And for that, we are eternally thankful. Meanwhile, a new winner was crowned – one deserving, classy, and hard-working – without shenanigans or drama. Sorry I-an ZierLING, it wasn’t you, it was Leeza Gibbons! Congrats lady.
I, personally, think Leeza should been awarded with a rhinestoned crown, bedecked with dollars, and coins, and a sash that read THE Celebrity Apprentice. It would perfectly tie-in with Donald Trump‘s Miss Universe Pageant – that opportunity for cross-marketing was woefully overlooked! If nothing else than for Kenya Moore‘s eyes to turn into lasers at someone else’s pageantry, and for her arguably, possibly, silicone butt to melt into a puddle of wasted dreams and toxic antics. I’m sure we’d also find the charred remains of Vivica A. Fox‘s cellphone in that mess!
It was a live season finale, which meant plenty of opportunity for Donald to slaughter the contestants names ( Ke$HIA Knight Pull-HIM – which sounds like a porn star alter-ego) and for Geraldo to refer to Leeza as “high functioning” – apparently likening her with one of the lovely developmentally disabled individuals his charity supports. He meant it to be complimentary.
Last night was part 2 of Scheana Marie‘s wedding on Vanderpump Rules. And outside of Bridezilla meltdowns and parking lot brawls it was a beautiful event. It appears that it’s not a Scheana Marie party without somebody gettin’ punched…
Kristen Doute wipes away tears as she congratulates Scheana. The faraway look in her eye is focused on Tom Sandoval, nuzzling Ariana Madix‘s neck as they giggle at an inside joke. Kristen remembers those days, etched deeply into her fabricated memories. Kristen so wanted to rip Scheana’s wedding gown off of her, tackle Tom 1 with it – muzzling him with the 15 pound pearl-beaded crop-top, wrap him up in the table cloth skirt, and drag him to the altar!
Ahh, all is right with the world. Last night’s Love & Hip Hop episode returned to its regularly scheduled antics which always end in a massive beat down. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…after the blow-up in the studio, Rich Dollaz is all aflutter about the drama. Rich is concerned about Jhonni flying off the handle, and Precious Paris reminds him that he isn’t helping further her career. He admits to being at partially at fault and promises to get working on her music, but first Rich needs to regulate Jhonni’s behavior.
Chink has planned a romantic getaway with Chrissy who is sporting an other horrible wig and dressed like a disco ball. She apologizes for being insensitive towards Chink’s struggle with his father’s ailing health. Chrissy wants to meet his family so that she can get to know the people who are so important to Chink. Of course, Chink takes this opportunity to tell Chrissy that his cousin relayed the fact that the family is fiercely loyal to Chink’s estranged wife and they’re not going to welcome any new girl. Faster than she can change her wig, Chrissy has changed her mind. Screw Chink’s family…she doesn’t want to meet them either!
Yandy Smith and Tara Wallace are shopping for Yandy’s baby girl. Tara shares that she allowed her boys to meet their half-sister. She admits that she’s been so angry at Amina Buddafly for so long, but Tara needs to move on from Peter Gunz. We’ll see how that goes. Speaking of side chicks and side eye, Yandy tells Tara that Mendeecees booked a party through a woman she doesn’t entirely trust. She feels like her fiance needs to be asking for her to assist his career, not Remy.
Can we make the anthropologists regulars on Sister Wives? Finally they are asking the questions I want answered…except for the big one–why does Kody Brown own so much denim?
Kody and Janelle are still trying to get to the bottom of the movie theater brawl between Garrison and Gabriel. Before punishing Garrison for smacking Gabriel by not allowing him to go on his ROTC trip to Hawaii, Kody calls in Paedon as a witness. Gabriel has been swearing up and down that he didn’t touch his brother, but Paedon confirms Garrison’s story. Yes, Garrison smacked Gabe, but only after Gabe slapped him. Knowing he’s been caught in a lie, Gabriel’s cheeks turn red and he’s on the verge of tears. Kody questions why he was so afraid to tell the truth…it’s not like he’s ever been spanked. I just wish this poor kid was being disciplined off camera. He is totally embarrassed. They take away a privilege, but Janelle knows the shame of being caught is the bigger punishment. Christine wonders if she can now trust Gabe, and Meri has decided that she and Kody are going to dress as the denim twins.
Claudia Jordan has hit-up Rent-A-Center and finally got some furniture, but that’s still not enough to make this girl happy! She cries to Kenya Mooreand Cynthia Bailey that she feels like it’s high school all over again where she is being bullied for being biracial and everyone expects her to just laugh it off.
Clawdia is so sad and blue because Porsha Williams won’t let her sit at the popular lunch table! Man – Porsha has some power, she’s ruining an African’s marriage with her cooch and she’s ruining Claudia’s job because she won’t do happy hours.
Claudia says she’s tried her hardest to be civil and supportive of Porsha, except for that time she called her a prostitute and that time she showed up at her work party to start an argument with her. Kenya tut-tuts about how shameful it is that women can’t support each other. I mean, it is soooo hard to work all day, get up at 5:30 am, and not have a married African pay your bills!
On last night’s Little Women LA, the aftermath of Todd’s rampage unsettles the group, the ladies run a 5K for charity, Lila attempts to make amends with Terra Jole in hopes of joining the friendship circle, and Elena Gant undergoes some sketchy plastic surgery.
We pick up at Terra’s “Used Date” party which she’s throwing for Tonya Banks. The women have all brought guys they used to date and are now offering up to Tonya, but the night is overshadowed by another ex altogether. Lila, Joe’s ex girlfriend, who Terra claims is still obsessed with Joe, somehow provokes Joe to start talking enough smack to instigate Christy McGinty’s husband, Todd. Before Todd can take a swing at Joe, Traci Harrison’s husband Erik jumps on him, knocking him to the ground as the cowardly Joe backs off. Elena’s husband Preston pulls Erik off of Todd, while Joe yells at Todd about verbally attacking “a pregnant lady” (Terra) last week and now trying to attack him. Erik is going ballistic in the corner. Christy blames the entire situation on Joe being immature (yes) and little people drinking too much alcohol (maybe). Christy and Erik start screaming at each other while Joe – who’s still wearing his douchey sunglasses – calls Christy and Todd pigs, complete with “oink oink” sound effects. Wow.