Last night was the series premiere of Million Dollar Listing Miami. Which means new sharks, new million dollar high stakes deals, and lots more drool-worthy properties. All of that, plus the beach! SOLD! I wonder if any of our former Real Housewives of Miami ladies will be making an appearance?
We start out by meeting Chris Leavitt, whose motto is work smart, not hard. Chris prefers to conduct his phone meetings from his office, the bath tub, which he says is also his therapist. Among his most important strategies for being a top dollar agent is looking good, and being the type of person his clients want to hang out with. I mean clearly it's working because 2 minutes into the show Chris and his Oscar the Grouch eyebrows are my favorite. #CallMe
Chris, who grew up on the east coast, strives to bring "Northeast class" to the Miami new money market. He does most of his business in the exclusive enclave of Bar Harbor, which is old money and new money home of Miami's most fabulous – and wealthy.
All I can say is that I am SO RELIEVED that the names of our subjects this week are a bit easier to spell than last week… why do people like to make up names/ spell normal names oddly just to make them different? Is the world so inundated with names that people feel the need to change the spelling just to be hipster?
The synopsis of tonight’s show reads as follows: “A woman searches for answers about a man she met online”. At this point, I feel as if the plot summaries should say something like “tonight, you’ll find the same plot that happened last week magically happens again this week”. Folks, I love this show, but that’s the basic gist of it.
This week's episode had of Little Women LA covered all the bases: romance, fighting, dieting, flirting, and so much more!
Christy McGinty and Todd kick off this episode in the produce section of the grocery store. Their wedding is approaching and they’ve both decided they need to drop a few pounds. Christy is choosing her healthy fruits and veggies for her juicing diet when she comes across some blood oranges that remind her… oh yeah!.. she’s not pregnant. How lovely. Christy and Todd are both relieved that the Rhythm Method phone app is still working for them, especially as one of Christy’s big factors for her last marriage failing was an early unexpected pregnancy… and the fact that it was a shotgun wedding, and he cheated, and she didn’t really love him, and so on. Before leaving the store, Todd and Christy pinky-promise to stick to the juicing diet and dance classes to help their quality and quantity of life. It’s nice they can work on it together!
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies continued to terrorize Montana like a plague. The beautiful surroundings of wild Montana shrank beneath the force of their bickering, bad behavior, and crying orgasms. And Cowboy Paul stroked his gun lovingly and thought, thank goodness I've got this to protect me in the apocalypse.
In the luxury accommodations, Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle Do Me are bored and suffering from cabin fever. Carole Radziwill is suffering from being too long in the asylum – serves her right for trying to observe crazies in their native environment. To assuage her boredom Sonja Morgan invites the sexy (and very young) ranch hand over to clean out the kitchen while she swans around in a negligee swatting at him with a toilet brush. I am positive she molested him by the seductive light of the fridge. Carole lost her breakfast.
Sonja is bitter that they'll be spending another night at the ranch instead of out in the town sizing up the locals – there could be hot and swarthy cowboys ready for a Mrs. Robinson adventure with a big city gal. Sonja apparently thinks Reese Weather-spoon is out there, just waiting to have fun. Instead Kristen Taekman has planned a chef to come and make dinner for the girls. Sonja is over personal chefs – she does this everyday! With what budget? I wasn't aware that Groupon offered this?
Last night on Ladies of London, there were hats and fashion shows and horse races – and Noelle Reno whining about Scot's misfortune and how sad it is that the press doesn't love her like she's Caprice. A girls gotta have goals, right?!
Juliet Angusthrows a hat party to feature a milliner and because British girls like hats. And according to Caroline Stanbury, they also crave borrowing British traditions as Americans have so few. We do? Juliet's other reason for hosting this party is to reunite all the girls after the disastrous Fourth of July party which featured Annabelle Neilson and Juliet arguing on the street "like fish harpies" and Caprice trying to do everything in her power to insert herself into the situation for camera time.
Speaking of Annabelle and Juliet – there is still unresolved drama, which means everyone has to talk about it and talk about who needs to apologize to whom, who is at fault, and how they're all going to resolve this for the sake of the group. There's many more horse-centric events to attend, y'all – we can't have acrimony! It might displace our hats.
I don't even know what to say about last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. It was surprising – to say the least – surprising in that it featured real emotions and a storyline that did not seem entirely crafted by producers. Sure, there were moments that seemed 'encouraged' but the reactions of the women to the circumstances seemed deliciously authentic – which makes the episode both incredibly sad, and incredibly engaging to watch. In short, this is one of the most interesting episodes of RHOC I've seen in a while, except for the revolting Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks Ayers scenes.
Let's dive in!
Shannon Beador is at Tamra Barney's house looking for a confidante in a former kindred spirit. See Tamra has been down that divorce road again and again (and if this season's Eddie has any indication… again!). Shannon confesses that since their children were born – pretty much the beginning of their marriage – things have been very strained and distant; that David does not look at her with love in his eyes, and after a bout with allergies David pretty much permanently switched his sleeping accommodations to a guest room (which explains why the master bedroom looked so itty-bitty last episode!)
On last night's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, I truly started to wonder just how orchestrated this craziness is. Based on the preview I was wondering if cameras were actually around when Benzino got shot on the way to his mom's funeral. At this point, nothing would surprise. I feel like the scene with Stevie J. telling Joseline Hernandez about the entire situation was filmed so long after the fact. I just can't handle the scriptedness!
Anyhoo, the episode begins with Althea, or Ho-thea as Joseline has coined her, in the studio, and the Puerto Rican princess heads to the studio to see if she's the real deal. Althea brags that it only took her one night to record her latest single and she suggests that she and Joseline should cut a track together. Please! Joseline only sings ho-lo, I mean solo. She isn't impressed with Althea, and Joseline is throwing a ton of shade regarding Althea sleeping with the entire cast. She hopes that Althea isn't playing Benzino. He's finally found the love of his life, or at least the love of this season.
Last night’s episode starts with Kris stepping in dog sh*t, and with that intro I knew tonight’s episode would be a good one. Apparently Kendall has left her dog at home with Kris while her modeling career has taken off. Unfortunately for Kris, Blue is not house trained just yet and she has left her a special present. Kris screams bloody murder and Kim runs to her aid. Kim chastises her mother for being so loud when baby North is asleep and the two proceed to bicker about who should be cleaning the mess up. I’m sorry but as if these two princesses don’t have a team of cleaners at their beck and call. #NiceTryLadies