Vicki Gunvalson is WOOHOOING to her hooha’s content and rolling in the affirmations! Brooks Ayers and his (apparently suspect?) cancer have moved in and Vicki is relishing in the fact that she can play the nagging, over-bearing, mother hen who also holds the bank account and the car insurance. “Brooks eat that carrot or you’re gonna get spanked!” Of course, Brooks is acting the part of the rebellious teen sneaking light ranch dressing and whining that he can’t have Wonderbread with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter like all the other boys.
“Cancer loves white bread!” Vicki lectures, making a little note to up Brooks’ insurance policy and give a rousing speech at the next insurance convention about the benefits of long-term care policies. Now she knows from experiences. WOO HOO! Vicki is having her affirmations for breakfast and selling them too.
With so many “cliffhangers” from last week’s episode, I couldn’t wait to find out what happened when Mimi Faust finally had an exchange with Nikko’s wife Margeaux regarding that now ridiculously played out sex tape. How did Stevie J fare in federal court while facing massive child support claims with Joseline Hernandez by his side? Are Kirk Frost and Rasheeda ever going to get an original story line? Is Mona Scott Young getting the last laugh? I’d have to give a resounding “yes!” to that last one, and yet I am just as enthralled every week. Who’s with me?
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with the Mimi/Margeaux introduction, and Mimi is quick to tell Margeaux that Nikko didn’t have an issue hiding his marriage for two years when he was sleeping with her. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Margeaux and Mimi are back and forth with their words and their hands, each yelling at the other to get fingers out of faces. Ariane tries to pull Mimi off of Margeaux, and she says what everyone else is thinking. Both of these “ladies” need to be focusing their aggression on Nikko, not on each other. The women are accusing each other of being cowards, and Margeaux wonders why Mimi wants to keep it a secret that she was the mastermind behind the sex tape leak. Mimi storms out, and Margeaux tries to explain Mimi’s part in the VIVID revelation. While Ariane has had her doubts about Mimi’s story, she has to believe what her friend tells her…unless proven otherwise.
On last night’sBlood, Sweat, and Heels, Melyssa Ford becomes even more of a drama queen as the self appointed epic sh*t-stirrer between Geneva Thomas and Demetria Lucas, while Daisy Lewellynand Mica Hughes face some trying – and sweet – times with their families. We begin at Mica’s apartment where her new fling, Kevin is coming to play kissy-face. Things are moving fast with him, but they haven’t slept together yet, Mica would like us to know. She tells Kevin she wants both of them to be HIV tested before moving forward with a sexual relationship, and Kevin is in agreement. Since Mica’s sister passed away in 2011 from HIV, this issue is close to her heart. Whoa! She’s got an HIV swab test ON HAND. Didn’t see that coming. Kevin gets his swab on and they are in the clear. Mica jokes, “We can go on ahead and get busy right now!” Not knowing much about Kevin beyond this, I’d venture to say he is either a stand up dude, crazy, or reeeeeeeeeeally in lurv with Mica. (Seriously, who agrees to get HIV tested on camera!?!?)
Daisy is over at her apartment Skyping with her mom. She’s stressed out from the Hamptons trip, so she wants to refocus on her health now. She proposes holding a prayer vigil for herself and wants to include the ladies and her family. The negative energy around her is bringing her down. Daisy’s parents are split up, but she wants them both to come to her vigil, which should be okay because they’re cordial. Daisy is a daddy’s girl, but loves her mom despite their sometimes more distant relationship.
The Real Housewives Of New York traveled to the Berkshires to celebrate Dorinda Medley‘s 50th birthday. After spying all the luxury, wealth, and fabulous splendor around her, Ramona Singer had a change of heart – both about the Berkshires and about Dorinda’s boyfriend John.
Ramona learned that people of the Berkshires are not uncivilized heathens gallivanting around bra-less (well unless they’re Sonja Morgan!) – without air conditioners, wine fridges, and personal valets. Last season the horror of a home without a heliport nearly did Ramona in along with the terrible fright of experiencing trees in their natural habitat. Thankfully Dorinda opened Ramona’s eyes and Ramona recognized being prejudiced and stereotyping is not OK!
Speaking of things being OK, Luann de Lesseps was trapped in a car with Ramona the entire way there as Ramona feverishly searched for the number of the AC company she called last year – just in case. As Luann swanned out of the town car, in a fur-trimmed cape, she paused to look at Dorinda’s massive splendorous spread and she said, “Dahling – we aren’t in Connecticut anymore. And yes, I survived the cruel joke of a car ride with Ramona!”
It’s premiere night for Bravo’s newest experiment with real friends navigating life and love on the North Shore of Long Island: Secrets and Wives. Bravo follows six ladies, Andi Black, Susan Doneson, Cori Goldfarb, Gail Greenberg, Amy Miller, and Liza Sandler, who’ve grown up together, gotten married – and divorced – together, and are living out their pitfalls and triumphs under the microscope of a close-knit community where no one is exempt from criticism. Although my first impression of the promos for this show was “ugh, yet another housewife knockoff!!” I’m kind of revising that thinking now that I’ve seen just how real the ties are among this group of ladies. Many of them went to high school together (the throwback photos alone rival RHONJ in their ‘80s awesomeness!), and more than a few of them have gotten a bit messy-boots with their inter-dating histories.
We first meet Cori Goldfarb, who’s yelling at her dog and complaining to her housekeeper, with the help of a Smartphone Spanish translation app. Cori describes the North Shore of Long Island as one of the “premiere suburbs in the country,” kind of like Beverly Hills. (But kind of…not.) Cori is still married to her first husband, Sandy, which makes her somewhat of an anomaly in her town. Friend Amy Miller says Cori & Sandy were the “It” couple back in the day. Sandy & Cori recently opened a business together, a high-end spa, which they funded by selling off their beloved Hamptons home. Although Cori sometimes wants to smother him with a pillow “until he, like, stops breathing,” she says she still loves Sandy. The couple have four daughters together.
I’ve already done double duty tonight, channeling my inner Mr. Belvedere and presenting myself with some running socks (sadly, I own no shoes with red soles) and a viewing drink so that my kaftan-clad (well, a bathrobe, but it’s fancy) self would be socially primed to watch the Southern Charmreunion the way it should be watched…channeling Patricia Altschul. I’m still upset with Andy Cohen for not stepping up the reunion game and bringing the final round to Charleston and out of the WWHL clubhouse. Next year, right?
The cast is prepping for the big night in New York City, and everyone is already anticipating a great deal of drama. Andy compliments Shepard “Sheppie” Rose on his mature and stylish attire and addresses Thomas Ravenel as “Senator,” although T-Rav claims to have no more future political aspirations. The host notes he stuck in the hot seat (and potentially in the line of physical fire) between Thomas and Kathryn Dennis before high-fiving Craig Conover. Enough with the pleasantries, Andy. This hour is going to fly by as it is!
Speaking of, Scrappy is hosting his mom, her ex-husband Ernest who she sent to the clink a few years back who has returned from jail even more in love, his mother Bessie who isn’t Dee’s biggest fan due to the incarceration, and the prince’s sister Jasmine who can’t fathom why her mom wants to reconcile with Ernest. Oh, and Bambi and Jasmine’s boyfriend Rico are in attendance as well, but they aren’t likely going to bring much drama to this table. Dee blesses the meal, and Scrappy prays for a conflict-free evening. Dee addresses the elephants in the room, and Bessie cries that it was difficult to learn how to forgive Dee for sending her son to jail. Bessie contends there are better ways to punish your drug-dealing, verbally abusive, car-stealing husband than to call the cops on him. Just make him fend for himself on laundry for a week! Jasmine interrupts that Ernest is an opportunist for wanting to get back together with Dee after she put him away for seven years. Dee threatens to whoop Jasmine’s butt up and down Atlanta, but Scrappy does his best to mediate. Can’t everyone behave like adults? Ernest believes they have a long way to go before they’ll be a big, happy family. Ernest…mastering the understatement since 1984.
It’s time to revisit the Hamptons for the ladies of Blood, Sweat, and Heels, and so far it’s not going well. Whodathunkit? This place seems cursed ever since last season’s fiasco at the very same locale. This year, the ladies are making a weekend getaway out of Demetria Lucas‘ upcoming wedding photo shoot, taking place at a castle nearby. Daisy Lewellyn is upset about the laughing and snickering Demetria, Melyssa Ford, and Arzo Anwar were engaging in the night prior as Daisy was updating Geneva Thomas on her cancer news. She feels disrespected and slighted. While Geneva eats breakfast in her shades, she ponders why Demetria is so shady. She didn’t invite Geneva to the wedding photoshoot (and uninvited her to her wedding…sort of), so a hurting Geneva calls her mom for support, then discusses the mess with Mica Hughes(of all people!) and Arzo. Who did Demetria invite along to the shoot? Melyssa. Yes, let’s just let that sink in for a moment.
At her photo shoot, Demetria’s mother Camille meets her for support. Demetria looks up to her mother as the OG feminist who is her greatest role model, although she admits her mother is more proud of Demetria getting married than of all her writing and business accomplishments. Which isn’t very feministy of her. The grounds of the shoot are gorgeous, but back at Casa de Leftovers, the girls are griping about the fact that Melyssa is suddenly Demetria’s BFF. Chantelle Fraser takes Arzo aside to apologize for her perceived “racist” comment, which Arzo accepts, then apologizes in return for her insults against Chantelle. Back at the castle, Demetria’s getting her inner princess on. So, what are the Leftovers to do? The entire group heads to an apple orchard to get their inner Girl Scout on instead. Boom.