Recaps

Teresa

In honor of Halloween, last night’s finale of Real Housewives Of New Jersey was like a twisted fairy tale of modern evil, the moral being that sometimes the wrong witch gets pushed into an oven, while the other escapes on foot through the forest hoping the evil doesn’t catch up with her.

Siggy Flicker tried to reunify the group, but lunch didn’t even get served before the ladies were fleeing the coop in various states of undress. Only on Bravo do ‘ladies who lunch’ turn into ladies of the night who run Louboutin-less through a parking lot, stalking like zombies after the brainless one who got away. And over the railroad tracks to Jacqueline Laurita‘s asylum they go!

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“You can’t fix stupid.” No, that’s not the official slogan of 90 Day Fiance (even though it should be). It’s what Anfisa tells Jorge this week when he begs her to stay in the country after she kicks him out of their apartment and packs her bags for home. But is she bluffing? At the end of her five-week trip to Morocco, Nicole also faces a crossroads with Azan. Will he come to the U.S. on a K1 visa, or will he breathe a deep sigh of relief, waving goodbye forever to Nicole and her giant bag of bullsh*t from the airport window?

Lowo and Narkyia are also trudging down their own disillusioned path, as Narkyia actually flies to Vietnam to check out Lowo’s sketchy story for herself! Chantel and Pedro face the wrath of her parents, while Matt decides to make some very bad choices at a bachelor party before his wedding to Alla. As a reminder, this is Matt’s FOURTH marriage, thus his fourth bachelor party. You know – Danielle and Mohammed aside – TLC has really outdone themselves this season with this motley crew! If these people were not literally filmed on camera for all to see, no one would believe their level of idiocy actually exists.

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Little Women: Atlanta reunion

In case you missed part one of the Little Women: Atlanta last week, we ended with a wild accusation: Tammie, the chicken wing-throwing, overzealous daughter-defending mother of Minnie Ross, claims she thought Ms Juicy had romantic feelings for Minnie because why else would Juicy take such an interest in Minnie’s life?

Forget the fact that Minnie has lied to her friends over and over and over again, obviously sexual attraction could be the only reason, right? I suppose if you live in an alternate universe where you’re the grown mother of a cast member on a reality show and can’t manage to keep out of the drama yourself. But I think even those who don’t care for Juicy can see what a stretch this is.

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Don't Be Tardy recap - Kim Zolciak

On tonight’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, the Biermanns are home from vacationing in the Starbucks-less land of Montana and Kim Zolciak Biermann is back to being well caffeinated.

But alas, vacationing is really hard on Kim so she needs a break and tells husband Kroy Biermann he needs to take her to the new casino in their area so she can blow off some steam. I’m guessing this is all part of the bargain she made for agreeing to go to Montana in the first place.

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Little Women: LA recap - Christy

Is it just me, or has this been the most exhausting season of Little Women: LA yet? We are on episode sixteen, for fudge’s sake! Thank goodness, next week is the season 5 finale, after which Kevin Frazier will return to lay down the smack on certain cast members (Christy McGinity and Terra Jole) during the 2-part reunion.

After last week’s Casino Night exploded like a dirty bomb in everyone’s faces, Christy is hell bent on getting back “in” with the group. But it’s too little, too late for Briana Renee and Terra, who can’t even stomach the sight of their former friend on a “survivalist retreat” that Tonya Banks delusionally organizes. Terra is more concerned about meeting her partner for Dancing With The Stars, who she suddenly laments will be taller than her. Ya think!?

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Wooohoo! Something tells me a lot of this fan base is going to be quite happy following the events of tonight’s Episode 6 of Survivor. The overall feel of this season definitely seems to have cooled off a bit over the past two weeks, but at least we got another solid episode that ended with some surprising results.

Before we get lost in this episode like David wandering through a blindfolded challenge, let me remind you that spoilers are abound if you read on past this paragraph.

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Below Deck recap

After last week’s love fest, hearts are bound to break on this week’s Below Deck. And break they do, when Kelley Johnson discovers Ben Robinson has wooed Emily Warburton-Adam away from his shirtless shenanigans with a mere bouquet of blue roses and a dinner date. Kelley weirdly directs his pent up hormonal rage at the perpetually confused Sierra Storm, though, who also has to weather her own ill-fated date with the very persistent Kyle Dixon.

As Emily and Ben lightly flirt their way through the workday, Kate Chastain still can’t believe how goofy/nervous Ben has been with his newest love interest. So, she decides to humiliate him by asking him to dress as Elvis for a Vegas themed party she’s planning! His grouchy days may be largely behind him, but he’s not about to bow to this wish. Even if Kate did score him a date with Emily. Meanwhile, Sierra is dreading her fishing date with Kyle, and doesn’t have the heart to tell her suitor that she’s kinda-sorta-maybe got a dude back home. Or at least the prospect of a dude!

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Dance Moms recap

Sheesh! Drama much? What a silly question. After all, we’re talking about Abby Lee Miller and Dance Moms! Last night was certainly no picnic in the park (ahem) amid the studio owner’s mounting legal issues. Abby’s bankruptcy is once again in the news, and she’s favoring the minis, so you can imagine how well that goes over with Jill and her cackling hens. But hey, we’re spared the monotony of a pyramid, so that’s a silver lining, right?

Last night’s episode begins with the mothers speculating about Abby’s bankruptcy woes and what it could mean for their daughters’ careers. On cue, Abby comes dramatically sweeping into the studio. Refusing to acknowledge anyone, she quickly locks herself in her office. She doesn’t have time for such frivolous activities as teaching her students. Can you blame her? And, as I just said, there is no pyramid to endure. There is also no sign of Jessalyn and JoJo Siwa. Jill reveals she’s tried calling several times with no response.

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