Growing up is sooooo hard to do. Especially when you're a 32-year-old male model perfecting the dilettante lifestyle. Such is the case of Jax Taylor, who everyday listens to Rod Stewart's anthem "Forever Young" on his iPod while slicing lime twists for the perfect cocktail. But alas fair Jax – everyone has a moment when they wake up Maggie Mae.
Worst of all is that Jax let his people down. His followers, ready to decamp in the jungle without their eyeliner for him, were crestfallen.
In the tangled web of Vanderpump Rules, Jax is trying to rekindle his relationship with Stassi Schroeder and to do that he's taking their dog shopping. Stassi wants all remnants of that flea Laura-Leigh exterminated. Over talk of new leashes, Stassi then turns her laser devil eyes on Jax and he is forced to beg and plead with her not to exterminate him as well.
Stassi and Jax, the endless tale of emotional f**kwittism. Is buying a new dog accessory some sort of break-up rite of passage now?
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there was an intervention, the reveal of Ken Todd's secret life, and one incredibly boring trip to Paris which consisted of standing on a balcony in bad cocktail dresses speculating over whether or not Kim Richards was jet-lagged or relapsing.
Things begin at Kyle Richards' house where we are treated to the full scope of her sitting room. I certainly hope she isn't paying Faye Resnick for her design services because tacked onto the white walls are dead turtle shells. In other accents Kyle had American flag pillows strewn around her sectional. #Refund. Anyway, Kim loves this room. She just loves this room. Apparently in her house there is no place to sit down. She should hire Faye. Or you know, buy a couch! Craigslist, baby.
Segue: can you imagine how awesome the BH Craigslist offerings must be?
Anyway, one thing Kim isn't happy about, besides her lack of seating space, is Taylor Armstrong's behavior. After Taylor got drunk and took off with a married man whose private jet she's in love with and ditched her daughter with the nanny and Kyle, Kim is convinced Taylor has a little problem with the old Chardonnay. Something about Taylor slurring 'Keeedeeeee's with youse, Kow. I thought eye left er at ome with the burlr larm?' tipped her off to the problem.
Is it just me or has Love & Hip Hop over extended itself on cast members and bad story lines? Some nights we see everyone, some nights we don't see some of the more "popular" characters. Heck, there are some women in the opening credits who have had maybe five minutes of screen time all season. It's nothing short of terribly confusing, but I guess it's one of the reasons I watch! You never know what–or who–you're going to get!
Last night commenced with Yandy Smith fighting mad after learning that her boyfriend Mendeecees jumped her personal trainer/cousin. He is all in her face about not caring that her cousin is in the NFL, and she's upset that he doesn't respect her family members. After lots of cussing, Yandy storms off into the night. Props to Mendeecees for being super mature about the situation. Oh wait…
Lore'l and Winter Amos are having drinks and discussing Lore'l's new record and their dating lives. Lore'l thinks they have different priorities in relationships…she is looking for love while her friend Winter is looking for cash. Classy. Winter is thrilled to hear that Lore'l has let her manager-friend go, and she's even more excited about her upcoming tell-all. She plans on exposing lots of past relationships, and Lore'l is a bit concerned to find out she's mentioned in the book.
Another day in the life of the girls of Teen Mom 2's craziness. I feel like the girls are starting to morph into one another. Leah Messer Simms Calvert is starting to act a lot like Chelsea Houska when it comes to getting over old boyfriends, and Kailyn Lowry is getting to know the inside of courtroom almost as familiarly as Jenelle Evans. What is going on with these girls? Let's get on with it, shall we?
It's been nearly two weeks since Kailyn or Isaac has seen Jo. The hearing for her Protection From Abuse Order is coming up, and Kailyn is going to see her lawyer to prevent Jo from harassing her. However, she admits to her friend that she really just filed it to prove her point. Once at the attorney's office, her lawyer asks that her friend remove Isaac from the meeting so they aren't talking about his dad in front of him. Kailyn suggests that the pair take anger management classes, and her attorney recommends a co-parenting class the two could take together. Kailyn's eyes light up at the thought of it…more time with Jo!
At her new digs, Chelsea is caking on the make-up and trying not to think about the fact that Aunt Flo still hasn't made her monthly visit. She hasn't talked to Adam since they hooked up, but Chelsea can't worry about him as it's her first day of beauty school and Aubree's first day of daycare. She is such a cute little girl, and I only hope that her mother's whining won't screw her up for years to come. You can practically see the excitement in Aubree's eyes as she's passed off to the daycare administrator. "Freedom!"
It's hard for Jenelle to focus on schoolwork now that Kieffer's out of jail. She explains to a friend that she would probably be with Kieffer if Gary wasn't in the picture, but Kieffer isn't what is best for her. Gary has a job and a car, so he's clearly the mature choice.
I'll be honest, it's still a little weird for me to see the majority of the ladies on Mob Wives actually being nice to one another. It's almost got me wondering when the other shoe is going to drop! Case in point? Drita D'avanzo and Karen Gravano not only went out for drinks, but they shared a spa day instead of a smackdown! Big Ang is typically drama-free, but Ramona Rizzo showed her softer side, and Renee Graziano is working on a more positive life. Carla Facciolo did get a bit confrontational with her ex while meeting his new girlfriend, andLove Majewskitalked a lot about stabbing people, so I guess some old habits do die hard.
Last night's episode begins as a shocked Drita is telling Big Ang and Carla that Lee is now out of jail. She is giddy like a school girl talking about what she fed Lee when she first saw him. Gag. Drita wants advice from Carla and Ang about what she should do when Lee is finished with the halfway house.
Karen, Love, and Ramona are hitting up a charity art event, and Ramona shares with Karen that Lee is free. Karen wishes him the best and is glad that his girls will have their father back, but as far as she's concerned, she wants nothing to do with him. She's finally at a good place with Drita, and the women wonder if Drita will take him back after his stint in the halfway house.
Renee has returned from rehab, and she's excited to talk to Drita and learn that Lee is home. She wants to get all of the ladies together to celebrate her new lease on life.
Ever since Big Rich Atlanta premiered, an annoying little gnat has been flying around my face, buzzing in my ear, and burning up my eye balls. Well, it gives me much joy to report that Ashlee Wilson-Hawn has left Atlanta. And my TV. While I'm sure this will be a short-lived triumph, I welcome the chance to spend more drama-free time with the other ladies of Big Rich Atlanta.
To kick off this glorious Gnatlee-free episode, family friend Queen Evelyn helps Virginia Kolb, Harvin Eadon, andMeyer Eadon prep for the Gay Pride parade. Costumes are involved. Of course. "Costumes are everything to us," Meyer announces. "We would never go anywhere without costumes."
New addition to my bucket list: rock a costume and party with Virginia, Harvin, and Meyer at least once before I die. And, if I dare to be greedy, Bonnie Blossman and Whitney Whatley will be there as well. #diehappy
Last night's Dance Moms was a lesson in opposites. For once, Abby Lee Miller was in a (dare I say?) nice mood. She kept her criticism to a minimum and was full of compliments for the girls. However, former besties Kelly and Christi caused tension wherever they went and end up at each other's throats. Was it a full moon?
The episode begins as the dancers and moms convene at the studio, and the women are all wondering about Christi and Chloe's status with ALDS. Kelly still hasn't heard from her friend, although Christi has briefly spoken to Holly. The mother-daughter duo arrive, and the girls are elated to see their friend. Abby refuses to speak to Christi, but Christi still manages an apology and admits that she's made peace with the competition's director to smooth things over on Abby's behalf.
Abby is very disappointed in the girls' showing at the recent competition, and she rips Cathy to shreds. Holly maintains that Abby was insensitive to Nia's health issues, but Abby doesn't want to hear it. Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid, as is Paige for not getting to dance thanks to Holly's outburst. Kendall joins her friends because she didn't place in her solo. MacKenzie and Brooke are on the middle rung, and both gain Abby's praise. Maddie is back on top again for winning with her solo. This week, the girls will be dancing in Florida. Everyone is permitted to dance in the group routine entitled "Money is the Root of All Evil." The costumes will be green and made out of real money. What? Maddie and Brooke both receive solos.
Oh good lord with this show. I really think the cast of Vanderpump Rules should just bottle their tears and sell them as a cocktail at SUR. I mean someone is always crying! In every scene: sob, sob, sob, sob… If Diamond Water can become a thing, Teary Vodka can.
So last night Jax Taylor proved that he is just as self-absorbed as Stassi Schroeder (what did we expect from a male model!) when he dumped rebound girlfriend Laura-Leigh of the Minnie Mouse helium voice and meth addiction after her AA meeting. Yep, that happened – although he told her they could keep having sex.
And in the same episode Stassi showed why she has no friends and is always getting shizzed upon by boyfriends; because she treats people like CRAP! And we all know you treat people how you expect to be treated. Stassi, Princess of Low Self-Esteem. She wears transparent well, doesn't she?