As if y'all didn't already know it, Wednesday night is a beacon in my week thanks to the Robertson folks of Duck Dynasty. I can't wait to see what Si, Willie, Phil and Jase have in store with their silly antics and good, clean fun. Last night, of course, didn't disappoint.
We begin as the boys are making duck calls, when Si arrives with a taser. He's armed and dangerous, and Jase is very afraid. As he should be of course! Willie arrives to invite the crew to a human resources meeting. He's bringing in a professional to give a seminar because, as Willie states, "When your employees' standard response to problems is to shoot it, burn it, or blow it up, it pays to cover your butt." Words to live by, I say. Willie gets on Si for playing security guard with his taser and handcuffs. The security kit was purchased after the break-in, although Si reminds Willie that it was Jase who broke into the warehouse.
Last night's Dance Moms was a lesson in democracy. If I had to cast my ballot for most ridiculous dance teacher, Abby Lee Miller would certainly get my vote!
It's pyramid time, and MacKenzie is on the bottom followed by Brooke, who, according to Abby, needs to figure out if she really wants to be a dancer. Chloe is also on the lowest tier, with Abby blaming her for her trio placing second. Kendall rounds out the bottom for being part of the second loser trio. The last place spot in the middle of the pyramid goes to Maddie for—you guessed it!–being part of the trio. Paige is third on the pyramid because Kelly has gotten good at not sparring with Abby. Nia is in second place for flying under the radar. Newbie Asia graces the top of the pyramid.
A crying MacKenzie complains of feeling dizzy when Asia's name is announced, and Abby makes her sit out of the group number. Asia is MacKenzie's size equal, so with MacKenzie out, Abby is unsure as to whether she'll actually dance in the group dance which has the conservatives facing off against the liberals in a politically themed number. Both Asia and Maddie get solos. Abby mixes things up by adding Chloe into the solo competition. Maddie's solo is called "I'm Trying" while Chloe's is "Am I Here To Stay?" Nice double meanings there!
This week on Dancing with the Stars, the 10 remaining contestants dedicate their song selection and dance to the best year of their life. Cue the water works, cute kids, and temporary fiance, please! Also, the contestants perform a 15-second solo during their routine.
As always, at the top of the show, the stars and pros descend the Dancing with the Stars staircase, which gives us our first glimpse at costumes, dance order, and Mark's weekly make out session with the camera. Oh no! Pro dancer Gleb Savchenko comes down the stars alone. Where is our belovedLisa Vanderpump?
Lisa was diagnosed with a "viral infection with fever and swollen glands" after fainting last week. "She sat out rehearsal. She's getting some rest right now," host Tom Bergeron explains. "We'll leave it up to her whether she's going to dance tonight."
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County bad behavior along with Vicki Gunvalson's swollen face and insane hair continued to haunt us. She got allll that work done on her face and she couldn't throw in a keratin treatment to deep condition that straw weave she had attached to her head? Dyed-N-Fried.
With all the renovations and double-dealing and lies and dastardly deeds and attention seeking manipulation plots she was accused of, Vicki didn't have time to get her nose done AND her hair. To think all this time I thought she was just a neurotic insurance salesperson. No rest for the wicked, eh?
We resume at Heather Dubrow's glambake. Heather instructs Tamra Barney on how to eat a lobster. Of course since Tamra is saltier than lobster brine she has to make a sex joke out of Heather's instructions when she says to bite on the lobster leg until it "comes in your mouth." Tamra brays across the table like a donkey with a bullhorn about how FANCY PANTS MADE A SEX JOKE. Why doesn't she just wear a sign that says: 'I'm desperate for attention and have no manners!'
Discreetly Heather crosses Tamra's name off the future invites list. Vicki may look like a mutant person with the face of Bride of Frankenstein but at least she talks quietly and uses inside voices at Heather's!
It was another big night on the longest running season of Teen Mom 2 EVER. Kailyn Lowry contemplated marriage, while Leah Messer Sims Calvert considered letting her biological dad be a part of wedding number two. Jenelle Evans had a hearing for her domestic abuse charges, and Chelsea Houska (surprise, surprise) dropped out of school took a leave of absence from beauty school.
Kailyn and Javi decided not to get married in Las Vegas. Instead, they plan to wait until after he's been accepted into the Air Force. She calls to wish him luck on his entrance exam, and he immediately calls back to tell her that he's passed. Kailyn offers to take him to a nice dinner to celebrate.
Jenelle and Kieffer are back nesting, but she's worried about the assault charges which have been pressed against both of them. She meets her friend for lunch and explains the situation. She's done with Gary…he even took her engagement ring off her finger before the cops arrested them. Jenelle is happy to have moved on with a more stable Kieffer. What? More stable than he was three episodes ago? Get it together, Jenelle!
Chelsea is missing classes because she has mono, but she's hanging out with a friend who has two children…one is Aubree's age. They discuss what is going on with Adam and custody, and Chelsea is getting less whiny with each passing week. Plus, her hair looks so much better dark–it seems she's finally getting herself together!
Dear Mona Scott-Young, You will never be Andy Cohen, and VH1 will never be Bravo. You don't need to draw out your reality show seasons with multiple reunions. One is sufficient. Heck, most of the time with Andy's ladies, one is enough. Sincerely, Lauren. P.S. Please give Andy some tricks on how to stay in control of the reunion. Kthanksbubye!
On last night's Love & Hip Hop reunion, Mona introduces the ladies, and it's actually the only time they have all been in the same place at the same time. Poor Winter didn't make the stage, but she barely made any scenes either, so I'd say she's lucky to be on the front row with Professor Budden, Olivia Longott, Rich Dollaz, and Consequence. Mona can't wait to play Joe's favorite game of Truth or Truth after reminding us about the serious topics the show tackled like screaming, throwing drinks, being hos, and ripping out weave drug addiction, jail time, race, and religion.
We're treated to quite the violent montage, and then Mona asks Rashidah Ali why she called Mendeecees Harris a clown. Mona is clearly sticking up for her protege Yandy Smith, and Rashidah starts going off on how she used to sleep with Mendeecees, and he used to talk about Yandy behind her back. The always classy Yandy requests that Rashidah keep Mendeecees out of her accusations since he isn't around to defend himself. Rashidah agrees to stick with facts…Mendeecees has the smallest penis she's ever seen. Yandy doesn't justify her comments. Instead, Yandy blames Winter for going back and stirring the pot with Rashidah.
Last week on Married to Medicine, a lot of feathers were ruffled when Quad Webb-Lunceford and Kari Wells repeatedly circled the cuckoo's nest verbally attacked one another. Taking the feud to the next level, Kari uninvited Quad from an upcoming party that she's throwing with Quad's BFF Mariah Huq. Needless to say, Mariah takes issue with Kari's sneaky move, and we get to see the fall out from that this week.
Tension runs thick while Mariah and Kari shop for wine for the party. The issue with Quad aside, Mariah slowly loses her patience with Kari, who she thinks is acting like a know-it-all wine snob. When Mariah dislikes one of the heavier wines, Kari jokes that Mariah only likes Château Le Douche from the Massengill Valley. Mariah fails to find the humor in Kari's wisecrack, adding, "She thinks I'm a fool!"
Mariah finally confronts Kari about uninviting Quad from the party when there's a mention of the party's guest list. Kari stands her ground; she doesn't want Quad's drama in her home. When Mariah asks Kari why she's so upset, Kari reminds her that Quad ridiculed and slandered her in front an entire group of doctors and doctor's wives. To the camera, Mariah admits, she feels as if Kari deserved what she got because she never gave Quad a chance. But, at the same time, Quad needs to reign in the over-the-top drama.