So we've made it. It's the end of Real Liars Housewives of New Jersey. I don't know about you, but I am so relieved to be done with this show. I don't know where I stand on things other than to say that I can see everyone's points as valid, but I'm tired of hearing about them.
So let's get started. We begin with Juicy Giudice still under interrogation. He's familiar with it by now, I suppose, given all his legal infractions. Caroline Manzo's comments about how Teresa Giudice will leave her husband and write a book about it if he goes to prison are revisited.
Caroline seems to be saying without saying it that editing minced her comment or took it out of context. Or perhaps she just doesn't want to admit that she said and meant it. There's so much backpedaling with these people I never know what to think. Anyway, Caroline dismisses it as a "hypothetical" and Juicy snaps that Caroline is a "know it all" She is – a very unwarranted 'know it all.'
Caroline says since Teresa is discussing her marriage with magazines, it's fair game. Andy Cohen asks about Joe admitting in Napa they got paid by the magazines, but all of the sudden it's denies, denies, denies. 'Huh? I said that? I was drunk? Whaddai say?' Joe and Teresa are masters of obfuscation. That should be their next book!
However, this show seems to have run its course. I am not saying I want it to end, and I still love how much these crazy orange kids care for one another, but seriously? Two hours? Something's got to give, MTV. Something has GOT to give.
Last night's episode begins as Snooki is moving into her own apartment right next door. Jenni and Pauly help her pack up her stuff and head over to her cute "granny shack." Jenni is still floored that the girl who hooked up with everyone (and peed on almost everyone), will be responsible for another human life. Rawn comes over as well to check out Snook's new digs.
Mike chats with his sister on the duck phone and reveals he's going to a check-up and may get a shot to block opiates and alcohol. His sister urges him to get the shot, but he doesn't want to be reminded of such a bad place in his life. The Situation feels like his family and friends don't trust him. His sister corrects him…they are just concerned and want the best for him. Mike decides to get the shot.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, a very careful distinction was made. And that distinction was the differences between a regular, old, run of the mill famewhore, and an uber, professional celeb-stalking, paparazzi courting, namedropping famewhore. And guess who announced themselves a member of the latter category?Karent Sierra, dentist to the stars by day, photobombing pseudo-celeb by night!
Only Bravo could find these people and give them a platform for which to promote their ridiculous endeavors? As Adriana de Moura pointed out – "Doesn't she have teeth to drill?"
But before all that drama, Romain Zago is putting his foot down with Marta Krupa. It would appear that Marta, who has no reliable job to speak of, is seeming like a freeloader to Romain, who wonders just why she doesn't help out around the house? Romain spells it out – you're taking advantage of Joanna Krupa.
Marta's all like, 'Yeah, but I like mopped the floor that one time! I help! I put a new toilet paper roll on the holder. And ummm… I, like, put the clothes away that I borrow from Joanna!' Romain chastises her for not even grocery shopping – which makes sense considering she doesn't have a job so how exactly would she buy food? Anyway, Marta, who's a serious actress, announces she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein. Romain is like don't let the door hit you – and take out the trash on your way out!
Even though I was excited about meeting Jeff Lewis' grandmother on last night's Flipping Out, I have to say this was a very depressing episode. I hate seeing any of my favorite neurotic design team sad or sullen or in a tizzy! However, I will say the Spring Oak finished product looks ah-maz-ing!
Jeff is preparing to move to Spring Oak, so he teases Zoila Chavez about cleaning it before they move. He's ready to be back in a party house where everyone can relax and not be on top of one another. Currently he feels like he and Gage live in an office space with a bedroom. Nancy is taking orders for lunch, and Jeff takes it upon himself to order a salad and direct weight gain digs at the bride-to-be Jenni Pulos. He says it will definitely be Jenni's Big Fat Greek Wedding. Zoila comes to Jenni's defense saying that she herself is fat as well, and Jeff devises a plan to have Zoila stand next to Jenni during the ceremony to make her look thinner. Jenni is so good natured about the teasing…probably because she knows she looks great. Plus, she's hired a trainer.
I braced myself for intense feelings of anger and/or sadness, turned on my TV, and listened as Dr. Drew Pinksy interviewed Amber. Behind bars. Much to my surprise, I actually found Amber to be likable. Possibly for the first time ever. I also came to respect her decision to enter prison.
Dr. Drew began the interview with, "You're not loaded?!" I giggled and cringed at the same time. "Nope, not loaded, but I feel a little bit nervous," Amber said.
To recap: Amber has been in prison for four months now. And in therapeutic community, which is like rehab in prison, for two months. Amber admitted she resisted the move into rehab. But they forced her, because she's in prison and doesn't get to make decisions. Dr. Drew asked, "Why prison?"
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Last night was the first segment of the Real Housewives of New York reunion. There was a definite divide between the demeanor of the veterans and the demeanor of the newbies last night. And by that, I mean the oldies came prepared to fight, get vicious, down and dirty while the newbies obviously didn't do their research and came prepared to recap the season and discuss.
Reunions are both my favorite shows to watch and my least favorite to recap. My favorite to watch because we get an unfiltered glimpse of the ladies, but they're a real beast to recap because the accusations are flying and the screaming is coming at you from all sides. Meanwhile I'm just trying to assess what everyone is wearing and who looks the worst. In the case of RHONY that award always, without fail, goes to Pinot Singer and last night was no exception.
I'm pretty sure the Project Runway "Unconventional Materials" challenge dress Pinot wore was constructed from old plastic bags on the top and my grandmother's living room sheers on the bottom. All dyed Crayola royal blue. Madame, you are in need of an intervention. Please refrain from drinking and dressing for the duration.
Jackie Christie is beyond thrilled that Laura Govan is open to reconciling, and Jackie is telling Laura about her lunch meeting with Draya Michele. She informs Laura that Draya stormed out of their meeting, and Laura is confused as to why Jackie even cares. She feels Jackie is so desperate for friendship when she should just focus on people with whom she won't have issues. Jackie doesn't quite detail the lunch in the way I remember, and she is quick to say that she wants to give Draya another chance. Jackie isn't sure if she should invite Draya to her vow renewal since she didn't come last year. Laura just can't believe that Jackie cares whether Draya comes or not, given the day is essentially about her and Doug.
Malaysia Pargo is styling in some giant glasses in her interview. She meets with Gloria Govan to discuss the relationship with the Sisters Govan. Gloria is sporting some oversize reading glasses as well. Did these women develop vision problems in the last week? It's like LensCrafters just blew up in here! I do love that Malayasia has taken on the role of peacemaker this season. She shares that Gloria has hurt Laura's feelings with her distance. Gloria promises she'll talk to her sister, and she appreciate Malaysia being such a good friend to Laura.
Here's the conclusion I've come to regarding Real Housewives of New Jersey. Before the show, these women were nothing but actual Housewives – and they gossiped and talked about each other, themselves, their friends and family. They've known each other a long time and the past runs deep.
I'm positive they've confessed things to each other and about each other that they never thought would see the light of day on national TV. And even more so I imagine they can't even remember half of what they said to each other and so it's a constant cycle of backtracking, justifying, and irrational behavior.
This makes them all liars. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. Them. Not calculated liars, but circumstantial ones. But because none of them can behave like human beings they all look bad.
I'm positive all the anti- Teresa Giudice people are going to say I'm a biased for saying this, but who cares (to quote Juicy Giudice). I feel bad for her and this show has destroyed her life. Just as Jacqueline Laurita is not cut out for this, neither is Teresa. I recently watched some clips of S1 and S2 and she is a completely different woman. Teresa has lost her light and has become severe and harsh. This show has consumed her – and it's really unflattering.