It's that special time of the season we've been waiting on for what seems like eons…the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Last night, the girls and their children/parents/boyfriends/users sat down for a two hour chit chat with MTV's resident "therapist" Dr. Drew Pinsky. Wait…what's that you say? It wasn't the season finale? Mid-season finale? What the–? I have never heard of such a thing. You know what this means, right?
Of course, leave it to MTV to make sure the true finale will be total chaos. Next week the insanity of broken relationships, drug abuse, and violence spirals out of control when we are treated to the midseason premiere. I can't keep up, so let's just focus on last night's drama, shall we? Take it away, Dr. Drew!
After a Super Bowl hiatus, last night's Mob Wives was one for the history books. The only fighting that occurred happened between some drunken old men at Big Ang's bar, although Renee Graziano wasn't making and friends in her therapy sessions. Carla Facciolo takes Joe's divorce news in a much more civil manner than one would have expected, Karen Gravano gets into the music biz, and Love Majewski has a cameo. The biggest news? Drita D'Avanzo and Ramona Rizzo call a truce for the sake of their daughters. No lady brawls? That has to be a first!
Ramona is planning a special joint birthday for two of her daughters who were born a year and four days apart. She's meeting Ang and Karen for a shopping spree, and she's filling them in on the details of the bash. Her only issue is that one of her girls wants to invite her nemesis Drita's daughter. I'm glad that the girls can get along even if their mothers can't. Ramona wants to get her friends' advice, but she plans on inviting Drita to attend the party as well. Ang can't believe how mature Ramona is being, but Karen thinks she's just asking for trouble.
Renee is still in rehab, and I'm curious as to why all of these people agreed to have their group sessions filmed for the sake of Renee. She commandeers the therapy session talking about her anger issues and her inability to forgive. When another member starts talking about how high school her mentality is, Renee starts going off on the woman for talking behind her back earlier. At one point during her interview, she yells, "Doesn't this woman know who I am?" Yeah. I'd say this is going to be a really long road to self awareness. The therapist calls Renee's behavior irrational, but a smug Renee doesn't want to hear it.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta things were light on crazy and heavy on confusion, double-speak, and tiaras. The most confusing thing happening was figuring out what languagePorsha Stewartand hubby Kordell are even speaking. I mean Porsha definitely lives in a world of her own vocabulary where meanings and pronunciation are like, kinda, irrelevind – right?!
As for Kordell, he's the king so he do what he wants and decided to tackle a little problem of Housewives diplomacy. There's no use! Is Kordell an otherworldly genius or just… um… well, not?
In other antics Cynthia Bailey decided being the hostess of a pageant also made her the queen of all she sees. Lady Bailey was rocking her little rhinestone tiara all over town in the hopes some fool would take notice of her regality – which also equated with being a biatch. I'm sure Porsha would describe it as bitchgality.
So let's begin… Kordell is turning the big 4-0. Which is like the new 15 or something. To celebrate his bithday Porsha is throwing him a Harlem Renaissance themed party. Since she's also helping Cynthia with the Miss Renaissance pageant, she's busting out a pageant gown-cum-Josephine Baker collection of dresses that are perfect for the twirl and wave. She's been reviewing Kenya Moore's Miss USA footage and practicing in secret.
'Here she comes… Miss America. Oh I mean, Miss WHOOOOOOO-S-AAAAAAAA…. '
Picking up where we left off, Lilly preaches how it's illegal to have a knife at a dinner party. What is she talking about? This skinny bitch obviously never had to cut a steak or a loaf of bread. When Asa Soltan Rahmati says she's leaving because the dinner party is "so wack. literally," Reza pushes Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi to start apologizing. A smug-faced Asa sits on her imaginary throne, waiting, and GG says, "I personally didn't want to violate you in a physical form, and I am sorry for that. I can't say that I'm sorry for the source of my anger, but I am sorry that I had to react to my anger in that way." Asa busts out the air quotes to mock GG's "apology" and says GG is crazy and doesn't deserve her friendship.
Will someone please shove a diamond down Asa's throat so she shuts up? She just goes on and on, talking over GG, which makes GG lose her patience. Asa says, "You've been nothing but whack. For one year, you've been nothing but whack." GG mocks Asa right back, saying, "wha-wha-wha-whack!!!" Do adults seriously use the word whack so much?
There is nothing like the Shannon Thompson crew sporting tacky Christmas sweaters for yet another Here Comes Honey Boo Boo holiday special. It's a tad depressing to be watching all the Christmas preparations almost two months after the fact, but I am sure I will soon be thanking my lucky stars that I didn't spend my Christmas being sneezed on by any member of this family!
The episode begins with the June, Sugar Bear, Uncle Poodle and the girls decorating for Christmas and preparing for the crew's annual canned food and toy drive. I must commend them for their charity work. Last year, they were able to help 108 families in need, and this year June's goal is to raise $10,000 in donations. Sugar Bear is in charge of decorating the yard with countless light up plastic candy canes and nativity scenes, and I'm sure there will be some giant inflatable snow globes in the mix…a girl can dream at least. In the days leading up until Christmas, the family will spend their evenings standing in the overly decorated yard with Sugar Bear dressed up as Santa. Folks will come from miles around to see the debacle and donate items to the charity. They locate the plastic baby Jesus in the shed, but alas, his toes have been chewed off by some animal. I can barely get the phrase "forklift foot" out of my mouth before Chubbs steals my thunder.
Some of the decorations have seen better days, but June refuses to throw anything away. She attempts to fix a light-up white tree to no avail, declaring it the "Leaning Tree of Pisa." Alana shares that her mother is a hoarder and is also "bat poop crazy" when it comes to Christmas decorations. Hey, at least she said "poop," right? June is quite the handy woman with a roll of duct tape. Alana stays out of the way…singing a lullaby to the plastic baby Jesus before sneezing on him. I knew it was coming! I have to give it to June, she goes all out with the decorations, and she takes a lot of pride in their yard as it shows their Christmas spirit.
Do you see that look on Marcia Marchman's face? I imagine that's how I look while I'm watching Big Rich Atlanta. This show is honestly a nightmare to recap. The scenes do not flow, the editing is choppy, the personalities haven't been developed, the drama feels too forced, and the eye shadow gives me ulcers.
Don't get me wrong, I think Big Rich Atlanta is a lot of fun to watch, but it doesn't even compare toBig Rich Texas (yet) for me. Obviously, I find the issues I listed above to be annoying; however, I also cannot relate to the socialite way of life and Ashlee Wilson-Hawn makes me want to vomit. The physical feeling that I get when Ashlee is on my TV is super serious.
Oh, speaking of things that are super serious, Marcia wants daughter Meagan McBrayer to treat their new business venture a little more seriously. Meagan tells Marcia that she is seriously sick of hearing about how serious creating a traveling fashion boutique is because she's a serious shopper and that makes her a serious business woman. I can't even begin to makes sense of that. I love them nonetheless.
While Tweedlemom and Tweedledum are truck shopping, we learn Meagan seriously doesn't have any serious money to buy a truck. When Meagan asks her estranged dad to invest in her fashion truck business, he says no. I hope Meagan finds a way to make it happen. I want to see her further terrorize the streets and trees of Atlanta with her big truck.
It's day two of the special two day Bachelor event, and Sean Lowe and his nine bachelorettes – AshLee, Selma, Catherine, Desiree, Daniella, Lesley, Lindsay, Sarah, and Tierra – are in Canada. Day one of the special two day Bachelor event was a complete disaster – mostly thanks to Tierrable Tierra.
While the catty girl drama in Montana left Sean feeling uneasy about this amazing journey to find love, he's hoping to get back on track this week. You keep telling yourself that, Sean, and I'll keep admiring the stunning backdrop that is Canada. Lesley thinks Lake Louise screams romance. I'm pretty sure Lake Louise is actually screaming, "What did I do to deserve this mockery?"
Chris Harrison announces that there will be one group date, two one-on-one dates, and a rose up for grabs on each date. When the first date card arrives, the girls recap the season thus far, realizing that Catherine, Daniella, and Tierra have yet to have their own dates with Sean. The first date card is addressed to Catherine and reads "let's find our fairy tale ending."
On last night's Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller was even more psychotic than ever in light of the return of Cathy and her Candy Apples. Cathy brought some breakdancers, Jill took Melissa's place as Abby's do-girl, and Christi…well, Christi reaches her boiling point in a way I would have never imagined.
Melissa is very nervous about the pyramid because she knows Abby is mad at her and livid over the fourth place finish. In fact, Abby swoops in and stares down the dancers, telling them she wants to take a long hard look at what fourth place looks like. ALDC hasn't seen fourth place in two decades. Someone start the violins, please. She is the one who is choreographing and teaching the dances. The entirety of the blame doesn't lie on a bunch of girls in elementary school. Or am I just crazy? Sometimes it's hard to tell…
The girls will be traveling to New Jersey for this week's competition. MacKenzie is at the bottom of the pyramid, and Abby yanks her from the group dance. A tearful Maddie joins her sister, and that has to be a blow given how she's used to being on top. I really wish Abby would stop punishing these girls for their mother's bad behavior. She rubs Maddie's nose in the fact that Chloe won at Nationals. Paige's alleged "laziness" puts her on the lowest rung as well along with Nia for just being "fine." Jill is estatic to see Kendall finally off the bottom, and Abby warns Kendall that she only needs to be worried when Abby no longer cares enough to criticize her dancing abilities. How sweet. Chloe is also in the middle for not following Abby's choreography in the way Abby envisioned it should be. Poor Brooke is the only one left, and Abby laughs at the thought that she's at the top of the pyramid. Just kidding! No one takes the top spot. Brooke will be in the group routine, and Kendall gets a solo called "Owe You Nothing." Abby reminds her and her mother that she owes them nada. Nia also gets a solo. Chloe is thrilled to get the final solo, and Maddie's face drops. The group number will have hats as props, and Abby warns that if anyone drops a hat, they will be off the team.