On last night’s My Five Wives, the family travels to Seattle to visit the grandparents where we meet the best cast member of this entire series thus far: Brady’s clinically insane father.
Brady Williams gathers the family to discuss their upcoming trip to see his parents in Seattle. The wives have made a quilt for Brady’s mom, who’s been cancer free for 5 years. Brady says the family has been considering moving to Washington State since their current community has shunned them (since they left the faith). Paulie is not a fan of this idea because her grown kids have settled in their current hometown.
I’m going to summarize the past two episodes of Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons because they share the same storylines: Khloe Kardashian is trying to juggle recent guy issues, Kourtney Kardashian’sbitching about Scott Disick’s partying ways and Scott wants Kourt to stop bitching at him. There. I could really stop typing now. However, I’m willing to dig a bit deeper into the Kardashian psyche and all the drama they have to offer. Bear with me people, it’s about to get real (not really).
We begin with Khloe, Kourtney, Scott and the kids pulling up to their gorgeous Hamptons summer house. They’re racing to get into the front door and bam – they are denied by a house lock and no one knowing the code. Can someone say foreshadowing?? They should probs pack up and head back to LA. This is a bad omen. Alas, Scott crawls through an open window to gain entrance.
Last night was part 3 of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion and it was officially the end of an era. Teresa Giudice, headed to prion in a few scant months, told Andy Cohen this was probably it for her – she meant it – she seemed at peace and ready to move on. “I 80% regret doing the show and 20% don’t,” she admitted.
Teresa didn’t go into why she regrets it, but I think we can all surmise that one of those reasons was sitting to her left in a white dress, and the other two were backstage pretending to be pure of motive, while eating cannoli, and the third one was in the green room having his 5th or 6th glass of rotten egg smelling wine; tawking too loud and laughing a bit too convincingly like everything was OK. Now sure, Teresa is mostly sowrry she got caught defrauding banks, but I think she’s mostly mostly sowrry that she’s realized how much she has to lose. Mostly her dawters – she wishes she could take them with her because she’ll miss them so much.
Teresa says her favorite memory on the show was Audriana being born in season 2. And when she gets out of jail she doesn’t think she’ll be back – instead she wants a cooking show. I do not think Teresa will be back. I think she will get a spinoff, of that I am positive. Will she take that spinoff? Who knows. Yes, she’s broke. And I also think this the perfect time for Bravo to wipe the slate clean and completely start afresh with all new women. Sowrry Melis!
Oh Vanderpump Rules never fails to disappoint does it!? And last night Peter Madrigal was allll riled up, which is HOTTT times a million. I digress. The important things were that in the battle of the girly-men, Tom Sandoval got his false eyelashes ripped off and his delicate constitution bruised, and James Kennedy got his size 23 skinny jeans protected by Kristen Doute, who was punching the beglitter out of Tom 1. Pent up rage, anyone?
Tom Schwartz, well he tried in vain (“vain” being the operative word) to break things up, but OMG – his hair! His pearly, flawless skin! His modeling career.
Love & Hip Hop Hollywood gets more and more ridiculous every week…so why do I love it? That’s easy…just ask the former B2Kers! Last night’s episode begins, and the unveiling of the Face of Ace of Diamonds has totally floored Nikki. She can’t believe that Masika thinks her face will grace any inch of property owned by her parents. Hazel is spying from the bar, and Teairra can’t be bothered with her former friend. The fireworks between Nikki and Masika are going to be far more exciting. All four women (for lack of a better word) come together to air their issues. When Hazel tries to talk a big game about Berg and Teairra, Masika then recites the laundry list of rumors that Hazel has been spreading about Teairra. Is this really a club opening because no one seems fazed by these four crazy women screaming in the bar? Plus, there only seem to be about five other people there. The evening is taken over as the girls gang up on Hazel, leaving Nikki a bit disappointed she wasn’t able to go off on Masika as planned.
After her smack down by Moniece, Amanda wants Fizz to put his baby mama in her place. She’s been trying to reach him, but he’s been ignoring her since she stepped out on him again. Amanda glosses over what she and Moniece were saying to each other before the hair pulling occurred, and she basically tells Fizz he needs to check his ex. Fizz reminds Amanda that she shouldn’t have taken it upon herself to meet up with Moniece (especially when they were on a break), and all she hears is that he isn’t on her side.
Last night’s premiere episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was alllll about Apollo Nida. And let’s just get one thing out of the way first: Apollo looks fiiiiiine with that full beard! (I know – there is something wrong with me. I admit that).
It’s sentencing day for Apollo but Phaedra Parks is nowhere to be found. She strapped on her beehive and fled to Augustus, GA with their sons, Ayden and Dylan. Phaedra tells her mother she doesn’t want her sons exposed to the situation and there are paparazzi outside their house. In reality Phaedra is pissed – whole ‘nother level pissed – and rightfully so!
Over at Phaedra’s house, the remodel is looking fabulous, and the paparazzi are… invisible! Only Apollo, that beard, making some eggs when his brother shows up. His brother?! Wha… never would have expected a goofy white kid to be the brother of Apollo. Apollo admits that what he did was wrong, but not that wrong – I mean it can be fixed! Apparently he has been sipping from the Teresa Giudice denial juice, comes in two sparkling flavors: Whaddyagonnado? and At The End Of The Day…
Rhonda talks to Rosemary about waiting for the results of her mammogram, which she’s nervous about. Since she quit her job, Rhonda wants to pursue adopting a child again, although she’s faced obstacles in the past trying to adopt as a polygamist. 1: I can only imagine what the adoption agency’s reaction is when Rhonda calls them up. And 2: Why? Just…WHY?
Last night was the second installment of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion. I don’t want to go into the stupidness that is stupid Teresa Giudice and her stupid financial nonsense and stupid decisions that made her go to jail. I mean damn, read what you sign, ask questions if you don’t understand – hello!
The most laughable comment from the whole reunion was Teresa trying to convince us that she’s usually a very conscientious-y type of person who “always dots her ‘I’s and crosses her ‘T’s.” First of all, she knows two letters in the alphabet? Bet they were both used a lot in the PLEA AGREEMENT Teresa didn’t read, but signed. Second of all, if you were a routine “i” dotter or a “t” crosser you’d not get indicted for bankruptcy fraud or sign fake W-2s because you’d actually make sure the people you hire, like your accountant, are doing their jobs! And finally – I’m frankly surprised Teresa was able to use that expression correctly. I would fully expect her to say something like “I’m the type-a person who crosses eyes and dots my teacup, with you know, fabulicious teas – coming soon!”
Let’s just say this, Denial is the longest river in New Jersey. The river of denial flows right out of Melissa Gorga‘s $3.8 million Montville mansion (where they had the big ol’ plumbing disaster and the leaky pipes and the plastic sink) and it roars down the hill into the chicken coops of Teresa and Joe’s purloined marble encrusted converted trailer, built at the base of Mount Tackiola. Now for sale, delusion included in purchase price!