Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger.
Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine.
Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information.
Last week on Bachelor Pad, Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon campaigned to survive the elimination and Jaclyn Swartz and Ed Swiderskistrived to not be seen as a whore and an a**hole, respectively. Both couples failed.
Immediately following last week's rose ceremony, the remaining couples celebrate their final four status. Chris Bukowski toasts, "This is going to be an unbelievable experience that only very lucky desperate and privileged fame seeking people get to experience." His delusions of grandeur have no upper limit.
Rachel Trueheart is completely over Michael Stagliano's elimination. Ha. Just kidding. Rachel continues to cry because her life has no purpose without Michael playing this game beside her. Nick who? seems to be a common confusion in the house.
Blakeley Jones stresses just how much she and Tony Pieper need to win the next challenge. This hardcore "win to survive" edit combined with ABC showing previews of Rachel/Nick Peterson, Jaclyn/Ed, and Sarah Newlon/Chris preparing for the next challenge, lead me to believe Blakeley and Tony are most definitely going home broke losers. ABC sucks at building suspense.
Chris Harrison pops in to remind us how dreamy his eyes are when he wears blue. Chris also comes with bad news for the Pad people – one couple will not survive the morning in Bachelor Pad. Once again, ABC, I can hardly stand the wait. Tony reminds us that he's making out with Blakeley on Bachelor Pad for his son.
Last night was the finale of everyone's favorite Big Ang. Ang opened her tanning salon and she bought her own engagement ring (courtesy of Neil), and it was fabulous! Thanks for not disappointing, VH1, and happy Labor Day weekend to all of our fabulous readers!
Ang and her chest go jewelry shopping. It's like her therapy. Ang has a giant gem stone she wants to have set. She tells Linda that she really wants an engagement ring…she and Neil got married so quickly that they had to forgo the rock. Of course, now Ang is all about trying on the most gigantic diamonds she can find. She finds a 15 karat canary diamond for a mere $750K. Since Neil is only a sanitation worker, she wonders how he'll ever afford it.
On last night's Project Runway the designers took a field trip to Lord & Taylor where they were confronted by the ghosts of season's past. Before them sat 9 mannequins from previous seasons' designers and a daunting task: make a cocktail dress inspired by a previous designer's work.
Sadly, the mannequins did not bear masks with the previous designers' faces. I have to say I was sort of giggling thinking of the variations in past winners. I noticed The Sleeveless One Who Shall Not Be Named did not have a mannequin. Is it because Lord & Taylor costumers don't wear schmattas or mumus?
The winning look will be sold at the NYC Flagship Lord & Taylor and online. The winning dress will also be featured in their 5th Avenue window. Here's all the Project Runway for Lord & Taylor looks.
It's important to keep in mind the Lord & Taylor costumer who is sophisticated (matronly), loves fashion (wealthy), and timeless (my mom's age). The retail price must be between $200-$300. And – NO Moods! The Lord & Taylor manufactures will provide notions and materials.
Last week on Big Brother, Shane Meaney nominated Mike Boogie Malin and Frank Eudy for eviction. Frank won the Power of Veto, removed himself from the block, and Jenn Arroyo took his place. Immediately after Boogie, aka Frank's best buddy, was evicted, Julie Chen surprised the house guests (not really) with a double eviction. Ian Terry won HoH and nominated Frank and Ashley Iocco. Frank saved himself by winning his third PoV in a row. The house guests are going to have to set the house on fire to get Frank out of there. Ashley, aka Frank's only other ally, was evicted.
After losing both Boogie and Ashley in the same night, Frank won HoH. He nominated Dan Gheesling and Danielle Murphree. Frank was gunning for Dan so hard, he willingly accepted several punishments in the last PoV competition. However, Frank was disqualified for breaking a rule, and Jenn won the PoV. The PoV was not supposed to be used… In a shocking turn of events, Dan flipped the house. Dan made a final two deal with Frank, who had Jenn save Dan from eviction, and… deep breath… that's how Britney Haynes found herself nominated for eviction this week.
How does the house react to this turn of events? Who is evicted – Danielle or Britney?
Oh, lawd. Well, it's happening… I'm being held hostage and forced to write recaps of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. I oughta just call these recaps: Memories Of The Mountain State: The Reality TV Homecoming Of Mary McClelland.
So last night baby Kaitlyn nearly came out of Anna's biscuit before she was done bakin' or bacon depending on who you ask: Mama or Honey Boo Boo.
Seventeen-year-old Anna started having contractions at 34 weeks and said they made her vajayjay hurt. Girl, I have got to tell you – THAT is called pregnancy. So they called 9-1-1 and raced Anna to the hospital in an am'blance. Seriously. Did the pageant mobile not have gas in it? Did Honey put spray tan in the tank? Mama yells at her not to push.
At the hospital Anna is disappointed she is in pain and has stuff on her stomach. Well, stuff comin' out of yer coochie is what having a baby is like, Anna. It hurts a lot more comin out than it does goin' in, girl! The doctors send Anna home and she's on strict bedrest. No baby Kaitlyn yet – Mama is relieved because taking care of a premie is a lot of work. Honey Boo Boo pokes at Anna repeatedly to make sure she's not pushing out a bacon. All clear.
This episode wraps up season one of Hollywood Exes. The Exes have shared great times and endured bad times, but season one ends nicely. The women end the season with a toast to a new journey and new friends.
Last week on Hollywood Exes,Mayte Garcia auditioned for a role in a movie. Mayte is anxious, waiting to hear back from her agent. Just as Mayte asks Nelly if she has any pills for anxiety, Gladys calls with the good news. The director loved Mayte's audition tape and wants to offer her the role. Mayte and Nelly celebrate the good news while Mayte's dog Boogie walks on a treadmill. Those L.A. dogs aren't just born that fabulous, you know, they have to work for it!
Sheree Fletcher surprises her husband Terrell Fletcher with a trip to Harley Davidson.Terrell has been pining over a bike for awhile now, but Sheree is against the idea. However, now that she has an agenda, she's down with it. Sheree hopes a new bike will distract Terrell from the fact that his wife lives in L.A. while he lives in San Diego. For ever now, Sheree is not willing to relocate. She's banking on the motorcycle buying her at least another year in L.A.
Catelynn and Tyler buy pens and notebooks for college. I guess they finally figured out their major crisis.
Catelynn and Tyler visit April and ask her where she stands with Butch. April is torn. She knows she should probably divorce him… but she still loves him. Tyler completely understands. In other news, Catelynn looks beautiful. Her hair and makeup are perfect.