Last night the over-grown adolescents of Vanderpump Rules made the trek to Miami for Scheana Marie‘s bachelorette party. Naturally the thing to do is to also invite your Maid of Honor’s mortal enemy, who also happens to be on the FBI watch-list for stalking – just to make sure everyone has an unforgettable time! If Kristen Doute were a superhero her power would be stealing fun. Except Kristen is not a superhero – she’s a super villain.
Packing for the trip Shay, the lumbering manhulk of sullen drudgery, finally speaks. Holding up a pair of flamboyant swim trunks, he looks down at his open suitcase, then at Scheana and mumbles, “This is really setting in right now.” Yep – one step closer to being Mr. Scheana Marie Almost Famous. Score!
The other problematic goings-on is Jax Taylor. Just that very morning Jax apparently ran head-first into a glass door, busting open his forehead. Now he looks even more like a scientific experiment where the world’s most attractive man is turned into a Frankenstein monster of evil. Peter recognizes this is not gonna be good.
So who wants to place bets on whether Love & Hip Hop becomes more believable in 2015? As if! I am so far over the messy love triangle of Amina Buddafly, Peter Gunz and Tara Wallace. And, lesbihonest, there is nothing genuine about Erica Mena’s relationship with Cyn…except perhaps a fondness of Chipotle. Even the extremely likableYandy Smith is making me yawn with her tired story line regarding recently released from prison’s Mendeecees Harris. I think the only thing that is remotely real is the lack of Diamond Strawberry’s maternal skills.
Last night’s episode begins with Amina confronting Peter, Tara, and their kids after he stood her up on date night. She’s sobbing over the fact that her husband keeps sneaking around on her with his ex, and he’s yelling that she shouldn’t have come into the restaurant knowing he was with his kids. When Amina sits on the curb to cry, the always classy Peter stomps off embarrassed. Tara decides to go comfort Amina, and Tara tries to explain that Peter is a part of her family. Amina begs her to just take Peter back instead of continuing to make a fool out of her. Where do these people come from? Idiots, every last one of them! Tara then walks a grateful Amina to her car.
Last night reinforced an important lesson on Celebrity Apprentice, if you’re classy – reality TV is no place for you. Just a reminder: this recap, of course, contains spoilers so don’t read if you’ve been avoiding the internet like the plague for the last 24-hours.
The women’s team contains: Brandi (reality mega-villain and best selling tweeter about what she does with her twatter), Kenya Moore (Former Miss WHO-S-A, who had a Scepter App hidden her purse so not to violate the anti-props contract stipulations), Leeza Gibbons (talk show host), failed reality star Kate Gosselin (minus her 8 and the tumorous bunion known as Jon), Jamie Anderson (a former Olympic snowboarder with a long history of legal imbroglios who has the same plastic surgeon as Brandi – face. does. not. move.), Vivica A. Fox (hoping to resurrect her acting career by playing evil), Shawn Johnson (a former Olympic gold medalist who thinks social media usage qualifies as a legitimate career. Was she on DWTS?), and Keisha Knight Pulliam (formerly Rudy of The Cosby Show). The women’s team is infinitely more diabolical and interesting than the men’s team, but I suppose they came out and tried to play, so we have to talk about them.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta things were shocking, in the invisible fence way. Invisible fences are harder to climb over, as the ladies found out.
Cynthia Bailey had a dream and that dream is rapidly becoming a nightmare. Because Cynthia is going into business with Peter to open the new Bar One!
Misguidedly, Cynthia is honored that Payday Loan Peter, chose her checking account and she will no longer be a silent fibroid, but a living, breathing bank account. The delusion: it runs deep – certainly deeper than the zeros in ol’ CB’s savings account. Who does Peter think he is married to – NeNeLeakes?!
Cynthia has a dream and that dream is that people do not believe rumors about how she finances all his foolish shenanigans and he married her for a TV show, free vodka, and VIP strip club access.
So two hours of Sister Wives, anyone? One hundred twenty minutes of Kody Brown’s mane. Thankfully, last night’s episode starts with everyone preparing for Mykelti and Madison’s graduations. The girls go to different schools so there will be double the opportunity for Meri to make a scene at the ceremonies. Christine compares Mykelti’s nest leaving to that of daughter Aspyn who she believes was more prepared for the transition. Madison, on the other hand, can’t wait to high tail it out of Las Vegas and head to college in her former home state of Utah. Janelle promises that she won’t turn into a sappy mom (ahem, Meri) as her daughter packs her room.
With everyone wondering about Robyn’s pregnancy (she did look pretty pregnant last season), she has her own little sofa session where she admits that Aspyn asked if she was pregnant while the family was watching the slide show featured on last season’s finale. After Aspyn approached her, more and more family members inquired as to whether she was having a baby. Well, we can stop the bump watch, folks! Robyn states that she is too busy with My Sister Wives Closet to even think about having another child…at least at the moment.
On tonight’s Season 2 premiere of Little Women L.A., the ladies argue for an entire boat ride, marriage & pregnancy is on everyone’s mind, Briana Mason faces health issues, and Terra Jole gets some shocking news.
Elena Gant and her husband charter a boat to get the ladies together to reunite. She’s trying to get pregnant, but after last season’s news that fertility may be an issue for her due to her form of dwarfism, she’s nervous. Elena comments that Christy McGintyand Traci Harrison think they’ll get pregnant first, but she thinks otherwise. She also doesn’t want Tonya butting her nose into her business like she did last season.
Boozdi is hosting a housewarming party for her latest rental. Lucky Kyle Richards lives 5 minutes away, which means Kyle is listing her house on the MLS – gotta keep up with the Fosters!
So Brandi’s house, let’s be honest: girl had it staged for the sake of this party. You know her real furniture consists of futons, plastic stacking chairs, a beerpong table, a keg-o-rator with Red Solo Cup dispenser, and jungle juice on tap. On Brandi’s Netflix Animal House, followed by Thelma & Louise are her most viewed selections. Outside there’s a sign that reads, “When you’re here, you’re home!”
Is anyone confused about what is going on with Stassi Schroeder? She was always a delusional, self-righteous, self-important mess, but this season of Vanderpump Rules she is missing a link. Also, not getting it: Jax Taylor who continues to have terrible troubles with the truth!
Since Stassi doesn’t rank as important this season she doesn’t get a fancy trip to celebrate her birthday – instead it’s a wine tasting with all of her “friends” from SUR. Stassi believes this means she’s “growing up.” because she’s celebrating her birthday without tantrums and whiny hissyfits. OK, then.