Before traveling to Tahiti our unfortunate Housewives are forced to take part in a couples game night hosted by Meghan. Because Meghan takes her job as being a HashtagCoolStepMom very seriously, Hayley, her 17-year-old stepdaughter is involved in the planning of said party. Meghan, confusing a grownup party with her own Candy Land Princess-themed birthday party, went to Party City and bought balloons and giant bags of candy. If Heather Dubrow were planning this, she’d hire a French chocolatier to hand-craft custom-flavored truffles decorated with the family insignia. Alas, this is Meghan we’re dealing with so Blow Pops it is.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta started with the tail end of a plan so perfect that I can’t imagine anything ever going wrong. As y’all recall, the previous episode ended with Khadiyah being ambushed at a record label party co-hosted by Yung Joc exes (and new allies) Karlie Redd and Sina. It’s always a brilliant idea to try to instigate a fight with your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend at a party to market for your new your boyfriend, right? Karlie and Sina brag and laugh about riling up KD, but Karlie forgot that her new boyfriend Lyfe Jennings was witnessing the entire debacle. He’s quick to remind her. Lyfe has legal issues, and what if he had to jump in and defend her? He could end up back in hot water! All Karlie took away from that conversation was that Lyfe would defend her honor. Geez.
Margeaux is beyond peeved that she got tricked into a photo shoot by Stevie J. who was trying to get back at Nikko for his antics with Mimi Faust. Having thought she was forging a friendship with Joseline Hernandez, Margeaux goes to the Puerto Rican princess to make sense of the situation. Joseline starts going off on Margeaux and how she fortunate she is to be working with Stevie. She belittles Margeaux for still tending bar and invites her (to put it nicely) to come bleep her bleep if Margeaux has a problem with her. Margeaux finally gets the fuss everyone has been making–this is the crazy lady people warned her about! Margeaux cites Joseline’s anger as being caused by Stevie’s evident love for Mimi before calmly leaving the scene. Smart girl…she clearly watched last season’s reunion.
Basketball Wives: LA started the Miami crossover last night, introducing show creator Shaunie O’Neal. She’s already picking sides and diving into pettiness, which isn’t shocking in the least. When we last left the ladies, Malaysia Pargo and Doug Christie were meeting with a binocular wearing interloper spying from across the street. Reality is so real, y’all!
After Jackie Christie allows her husband to meet with Malaysia, she’s teeming with jealousy, even though Doug promises there is no reason for her insecurities. Doug compliments Malaysia as a person, and Jackie wants to know every single detail of their sit-down. Not wanting to cause too much of scene, Jackie decides to meet with the OG basketball wife Shaunie. Having jumped from the Miami franchise, Shaunie is one nip-slip away from a modesty bar with her latest outfit. The women discuss Jackie’s recent issues with Malaysia, and Shaunie revels in living it up on the cusp of her fortieth birthday. It pains me to be the same age as Shaunie. Jackie dishes on Doug’s latest sex drive, and admittedly, I tune out for a bit.
After last week’s sad episode, it’s good to be back to the nuts and bolts of the design world with Jeff Lewis and the gang on this week’s Flipping Out. Gage Edward and Jeff are ready to put Gramercy on the market, despite their strong emotional connection to the house.
Jeff says that he likes change, but “controlled change.” What doesn’t he like? Sitting so close to Jenni Pulos in their joint interview segments. It’s all about personal space, people! Jeff wants to sell Gramercy to buyers who pinky swear that they will not change a THING about it. Not a window treatment, nor a black wall, nor a single brick in the patio. Any takers out there?
One thing I’m really enjoying about this season’s Real Housewives Of New York is that all the ladies alternate bringing the drama. They also take turns playing the mediator or the good friend, which makes for a relationship-driven show about real women. People have many sides to their personalities, and don’t always behave one way, good or bad, something Bravo often fails to demonstrate in its Housewives. Ironically, with EIGHT housewives and their personalities to parse out, Bravo has illustrated the humanity of these women better than it has in many seasons and returned RHONY to the show we all once loved.
Bethenny Frankel is hot in the midst of finalizing renovations in her new apartment, which looks almost identical to the one she forfeited to Jason Hoppy – right down to the Skinnygirl red. I guess if it ain’t broke… (which it is broke). Since Bethenny is no longer homeless, she invites Carole Radziwill over to check out the new pad. Bethenny admits she’s using blowjob currency to get everything completed on time and suspects it may be worth it to pay some extra cash and switch to hand jobs instead. Such is life on the mean streets of NY – a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get a roof over her head and a clean place to not eat.
Well, it’s finale time for the very short season of Bravo’s grown up version of Long Island Princesses: Secrets and Wives. I laughed, I cringed, I nearly called the cops on Jonathan Doneson on behalf of women everywhere. And now, I submit one final recap of the show that everyone loves to hate, knowing there are a few hardy souls out there still watching with me! Here we go.
It’s the day after Sandy and Cori Goldfarb’s 20th wedding anniversary party, and both of them are hungover. They discuss Jonathan’s behavior at the party, which was mildly acceptable for the first time this season. Sandy’s behavior, however, was not. At least in Cori’s eyes. She brings up her irritation with Sandy not making a “loving speech” to her at the party due to his drunken state. Sandy argues that nobody else needs to know their “intimate details,” but Cori argues that it was a moment he could’ve shown appreciation for the wife and mother she’s been, but he didn’t.
After last week’s emotional episode, the ALDC is one week closer to Nationals, and they are potentially down one very talented dancer and one instigating and annoying mom. Last night’s Dance Moms begins with the mothers waiting outside their Los Angeles dance space hoping that Kira will show up with Kalani. Melissa reveals that Kira won’t be allowing Kalani to rejoin the team per a phone conversation they had. Do you think Abby Lee Miller cares? Of course not! The mothers rehash Kira’s initial fight with Abby and concur that it should be Kalani’s decision as to whether she continues to compete with the ALDC.
At pyramid, Abby is still on a high for beating the Candy Apples, now helmed by Jeanette. The team will be going head to head with the Candy Apples again, and Holly wonders if Abby misses Kalani, with Jill adding that her absence creates a void. Nope. Not a bit. Kalani walked out on an amazing opportunity. Next! JoJo is on the bottom of the pyramid for awful feet and her ability to correct them, followed by Nia for being less than mesmerizing. MacKenzie is in the third seat for un-expressive eyes. Maddie is in the second spot to remind her she needs to be knocked down a few pegs…she needs to work harder for that top spot. It’s not a given. Kendall is deservedly at the top of the pyramid, and Jill is practically salivating with glee.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County reality was a hard-knocks life. Meghan Edmonds cried because being a grownup is really, really, really difficult and she just needs Jimmy to wipe her tears and tell her it will be OK. Unfortunately she can’t find the box of tissues in the moving boxes and she’s pretty sure the movers put them in with her trashcan right next to her self-awareness.
Shannon Beador is on a quest to lose weight; her heavy heart is weighing her down. Despite being 50 she’s never, ever worked out! Shannon visits some trainer/spiritualist who makes her pull up her shirt and then squeezes her chi center, (which if you say that out like sounds like a delicious crispy snack similar to Cheetos!). Shannon isn’t sure what’s making the scale rise and rise (mixing nine lemons with vodka?!) but the likely culprit is emotional baggage.