Last night on Real Housewives Of New York some Housewives celebrated moving forward while other Housewives trudged back through the treacherous waters of their murky pasts. Tru-Renewal vs. Tru-Regression, y’all!
It’s Ramona Singer‘s birthday – you may think that this is just a day where Ramona gets a cake and an extra glass of wine. But oh no – it’s a sacred celebration – a week-long festivus of Turtle Timing which culminates with a fatuous lunch of wine spritzers, steamed veggies, and timid licks of icing from the tip of a knife. The ladies of the UES trek to their mecca, bestowing gifts of wine and Gucci (or hoochie – which is what Sonja Morgan brought), to place at the feet of their goddess Turtlephenia: Ramona of The Pinot, who is bedecked in gold like a shimmering bottle of pinot.
When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. I know it wasn’t you who got Baby in trouble…and I was wrong thinking last week’s episode of Southern Charm was one for the books. Last night’s installment had it all! Dancing, conspiracies, that long-awaited “shameless strumpet” word bomb, and can we just dish on the ending for one moment? No bird has ever flown higher! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
The crew learns of Thomas Ravenel’s assault charges while they wreaking havoc on the croquet court. Great paté, but they’ll have to motor if they want to make it to dance lessons in time. Cameran Eubanks assumes that Kathryn Dennis will be motoring her sassy ass back to Charleston to publicly support T-Rav, and Craig Conover is thanking his lucky stars that something more pressing (and actually in the press) is diverting the attention away from his questionable decisions from the night before. The Charmers ponder how Kathryn will respond to the allegations, and Jennifer Snowden responds, “She doesn’t process things like an adult. It won’t really sink in with her the brevity of the situation.” It is a very brief situation indeed. The crew learns that T-Rav’s accuser is Kathryn’s best friend. A stylist by trade and an opportunist by nature, according to Cameran.
I am not quite sure how to take this season’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. While the men are as messy as ever (I’m still looking at you, Kirk!), the women’s behavior is all over the charts. Is Mimi a hustler or most questionable of the group? Do the “artists” some of the folks are trying to “manage” understand the concept of professionalism? What is the world coming to when Stevie J. is the most normal person on the show? I don’t have many more evens to can’t.
Last night’s episode begins with the much touted meeting between Nikko’s wife Margeaux and Joseline Hernandez. Joseline is hoping that her enemy’s enemy could potentially be her best friend. Margeaux admits that it’s hard to be in Atlanta where she has no ties, and Nikko’s sex tape with Mimi Faust has thrown her for a loop. While she and Nikko weren’t together when he made the tape with Mimi Faust, Margeaux didn’t like being married to a man who the world thinks leaked the shower rod video. Margeaux lets it slip that it was Mimi’s plan to devise the story surrounding how Vivid ended up with the footage because she was hurting for cash. From inception to post-production, Mimi was in charge even though she played the victim. Joseline isn’t surprised in the least to learn this news, and she can’t wait to use it against Stevie J.’s ex.
This week, Blood, Sweat, and Heels is taking us back into the fray – and the aftermath – of Demetria Lucas’ book launch, which Chantelle Fraser was nearly ejected from last episode. We pick up at Demetria’s house where she and Greg are recovering from the event. Melyssa Ford stops by and talk turns to Chantelle’s behavior. Demetria has heard Greg’s version of events, which includes Geneva Thomas sticking up for Chantelle. Melyssa adds fuel to the fire by saying that Geneva is immature and should have stuck up for Demetria at her own event because she’s Demetria’s friend first, not Chantelle’s. Demetria has a head cold and very few sh*ts to give about the entire debacle, claiming Geneva already called her to apologize and Chantelle should be in charge of Chantelle’s behavior. End of story. “Geneva is my girl. I can’t go for her – I can’t,” says Demetria.
Chantelle may not be in charge of her behavior, but she is apparently in charge of her entertainment events company. Geneva pops by Chantelle’s work to relive the previous night’s events and to tell her she already apologized to Demetria, but Chantelle stands firm that she did nothing wrong and still maintains that Greg “was on his period.” Amy, the matchmaker, calls Chantelle to entice her out on a blind date with a real estate developer. Chantelle agrees to the date while Geneva sits there looking like Inspector Gadget. What is this getup all about, Geneva!?
On last night’sLittle Women: NY, we pick up smack in the middle of the fight betweenMisty Irwin and Jordanna James, courtesy of Miss Jason Perez‘ pot-stirring. Jordanna has been invited to model in the Paris Little Person Fashion Show, which Misty is seeing red over. Jordanna rightfully calls Jason out on his dramatic behavior and tries to reason with an irate Misty, but her advice “to get thick skin” falls on Misty’s deaf ears. The two women do hug it out at the end, and the whole scene seems a bit scripted. So, meh. Guess that’s over…for now!
The next day, Lila Call takes Jason along to her dog’s vet appointment. She pulls dog poop out of her purse for vet inspection, which is lovely. Jason’s dad is the vet, and also the happy recipient of Jason as a boomerang house guest for life! Jason is still upset with Jordanna for calling him a coward for moving back into his parents’ home, but methinks Jason’s not facing the real issue at hand here. #youknowhwhatimean Jason’s dad teaches Lila some lessons about Filipino respect, like not looking directly into your elders’ eyes and forcing your closeted son to live with you for the rest of his natural life.
What is happening with Sonja Morgan? Remember when she was the zany, lovable, yet refreshingly sensible one from her first season? Remember when she was THE VOICE OF REASON on Scary Island? Clearly Kelly Bensimon sent Sonja a care package of some gummy bears and Al Sharpton posters because Sonja has left the building – quick someone grab a snatch guard!
The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are supposed to be headed to Atlantic City by way of Le Crumbles Magnificique Abode, where the interns reign supreme and the heat is emitted only from the bank of toaster ovens plugged into the wall in what was formerly the maid’s quarters, but has electricity that runs from the neighbor’s mansion. Sonja wanted the girls to meet at her home to board a party-limo to AC for Ramona Singer‘s Suddenly Single Birthday Bash, but she’s late and leaves them all outside – in very in-climate weather.
Heather Thomson, Kristen Taekman, and Dorinda Medley arrived – on time – but Sonja was lost in the abyss of her thrice re-Sharpied Chanels and her twice-re-superglued Oscars figuring out what to pack and wouldn’t let the girls in – even to wait in the vestibule! Seriously – she had an intern open the door, then promptly shut it in their faces, because Lady Morgan wasn’t ready to accept guests. An intern can’t entertain them with magic tricks while Sonja packs!? I hear Sno-Cone can juggle and make tea simultaneously!
I’d say congratulations are in order, dear readers! Cheers to each one of you for making it through yet another extra-long season of Dance Moms with the always controversial Abby Lee Miller at the helm. Last night was the last reunion before Abby packs her bags and opens an ALDC franchise in Los Angeles. As always, executive producer Jeff Collins rules the sofa roost, but this time, the once silver fox has died his hair a special shade of carrot and gotten himself a spray tan. Fame, y’all!
Abby is the first one who joins Jeff on the stage, and he brings up her now contentious relationship with Holly. Abby feels Holly’s jealousy runs deep, and she believes that her dancers are a success because every last one of them is chasing Maddie’s fame. Nia’s turn will come, she admonishes. Jeff summons Holly to the couch, and Jeff shows footage of Abby lying about saying Maddie and Kalani were the only ones who would ever book jobs. Holly cites her frustrations stemming from Abby attacking the children to retaliate when she’s upset with the mothers. All Holly wants is for her daughter to be treated with respect, but Abby doesn’t care to try to repair their relationship. Holly has several fond memories with Abby that she holds dear, but Abby remains stone-faced. Thankfully, the girls take the stage to perform their Stomp the Yard group number inspired by Orange is the New Black. More dancing, less mindless bickering please!
Southern Charm, I can’t thank you enough for being the beacon of light in my dreaded Mondays, and last night’s episode was no different…although Shepard “Shep” Rose could’ve have laid off Craig Conover just a tad. The cast is packing for their Jekyll Island adventure, and Landon Clements’ fingers are crossed for a refined weekend of manicured lawns and low-key dinners. Craig calls Whitney Sudler-Smith to bum a ride, but alas, Whitney is an hour into the trek or else he’d turn around to retrieve him. Of course, Whitney spins this lie as he packs his Louis Vuitton weekender just a quarter mile from Craig’s apartment, but whatevs. Cameran Eubanks and Shep are tasked with carpooling the wayward law student, and they have agreed they need continue the tough love when it comes to his downward spiral. Shep is all in, and Captain Craig (seriously dude, that hat?) gets defensive about bar study and rent payments. Meanwhile, in the car with Jennifer Snowden, Kathryn Dennis hopes this trip will solidify her spot in the clique on her own merits, and not just as Thomas Ravenel’s plus one.
Landon and her sister Powell are the first to check in, followed by Whitney. Over drinks, Landon apologizes in advance to the bartender for her friends who have yet to materialize. Shep and Craig can’t handle the geriatric vibe they’re getting from the island. What is this place? Heaven’s waiting room? The two are forced to mainline Scotch to tolerate this retirement community. Cameran is beyond embarrassed by their childish antics. This is why she’s child free at the moment. Jennifer and Kathryn arrive as the others take off on a bike ride. Their swift departure and refusal to wait for the girls is an omen for Kathryn. She’s all Stephanie Tanner about the situation. Rude. They should be thankful they avoided the testosterone fueled beach cruiser nightmare that is Craig and Shep arguing over how to best reach the ocean. Shep takes every opportunity to insult Craig about his current life situation, calling him so broke he can’t even pay attention. I am definitely stealing that line. The boys spar over their mapquest skills when they’re informed they are about as far from the beach as is humanly possible.