Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were witness to the slooooowest wedding ever. I mean it took over five years and then some hours to finally get that thing officially off the ground, right?!
Adriana de Moura was hours upon hours late to her own affair because she confused wedding with fashion show and was holed up in a suite getting dressed. Meanwhile downstairs the guests were sweating to death before passing out from hunger and finally giving up and leaving. Hopefully they all swung by McDonald's on their way out.
Twenty-four hours before the big day, the drama begins. Adriana is having a stress attack and is so sick she's talking about skipping the whole thing to sleep. She pretty much did skip the whole thing but that's cause she was grooming. Speaking of grooming, despite just getting an IV of vitamins she needsFrederic Marq to give her a B-12 shot in the butt for more vitamins. Is it possible to be addicted to them?
London, I wish I could have apologized in advance for sending you the women of Basketball Wives. Oddly enough,Tasha Marbury and Suzie Ketcham manage to play nice, while Tami Roman remains in a zen-like state for the majority of the episode. Shaunie O'Neal seems more into sightseeing with her boy toy than stirring the pot, and Evelyn Lozada is ready to debut her line…because she'd like to see it, too. Wow, London! I'd say you lucked out…for now!
The women arrive across the pond, and Evelyn hopes that everyone is excited for her Vida Lux fashion show. She's a tad nervous though because she hasn't seen the dresses that will be going down the runway. Check that, she's a tad nervous so she is refusing to look at the dresses beforehand because she doesn't want to get stressed out if they aren't what she'd hoped. Perhaps she and Alexis Bellino should tryout together for the next Project Runway. #designer?? #bwhahaha
Suzie is concerned that the strippers in England aren't getting enough Vitamin C due to the lack of sun exposure. Tasha wonders aloud if Suzie forgot to take her meds the day of the hat swatting. Tasha refuses to acknowledge Suzie but for passive aggressive comments, and Tami wishes (for once) that everyone could just get along.
So let's talk about what happened. Andy Cohen has obviously been watching a lot of old episodes of 20/20 and he put on his hard-hitting interviewer costume to ask all the really deep questions we've been obsessively tweeting him for seasons. A sign of end times? Also everyone behaved like an adult for the most part. Probably because three-fourths of the people on that stage aren't coming back next season and had nothing to lose or gain. I personally enjoy Jacqueline Laurita much better when her sequins are flying out of her seat and shimmering with rage.
Was Kathy Wakile even there? I wouldn't have even noticed her except she was rocking a low-rent version of Melissa Gorga's blackout eyes that she was sporting all season. It was so much black she looked like a panda bear. Speaking of pandas, since the government shutdown I can't watch the baby panda cam on the National Zoo website. Get it together federal government! Get it together Kathy's makeup team!
Last night was the premiere of Oxygen's Preachers of L.A. To be honest, I am not really sure what to think. One guy looks like Billy Dee Williams and used to fancy the angel dust. I swear another one of the ministers is twins with D.J. Drew from Love & Hip Hop. They all drive ridiculously expensive luxury sports cars, and they appear to have more money than God. Pun clearly intended.
I am extremely intrigued by the entire premise of the show. It's likely going to be very controversial, and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone with my attempts to recap–and snark–on a show about men of the cloth.
We are first introduced to Bishop Dietrick Haddon. He describes himself as "a preacher, a pastor, a gospel entertainer, and a Grammy nominee." Impressive! He was called to minister at a young age, and he preached his first sermon at age eleven.
Dietrick married young and went through a contentious divorce. In the midst of the dramatic split, Dietrick relocated from Detroit to Los Angeles where he met Dominique. Soon after they started dating, Dominique became pregnant. Not yet divorced and fathering a child out of wedlock, Dietrick believed he had two strikes against him. Now engaged to Dominique, he is working on making his choir an international success.
It's nothing but drama with a capital NeNe "D" as NeNe and Gregg Leakes attempt to make it down the aisle yet again on the Bravo wedding spin-offI Dream Of NeNe. Last night's episode focused on mayjah issues with an obstinate wedding planner, but Gregg's jokes made the whole hour bearable. Pass the Lawry's, won't you?
After instigating the fight to end all fights among her bride-maidzillas in Los Angeles, NeNe has brought Diana, Lexis, and Marlo Hampton together back in Atlanta to work through their issues. Above everything else, these ladies need to know that above all, they are supposed to be supporting the Neenster. It's going really well, I tell ya! NeNe is tired of playing referee between Team Neenster Diana and Team Gregg Lexis.
Marlo then compares Diana's looks to that of a security guard, but quickly covers by saying that Diana has been a security guard for NeNe's friendship. Nice save! NeNe feels badly for her old pal, but she can't help but laugh. Marlo forces Diana to hug it out, and here's hoping the bride-maids can be drama free for at least an episode.
This week on Teen Mom 3, Alex Sekella puts her Matt McCann induced pity party on hold to go to her senior prom. I expect her miserable self to pick up the party right where she left off next week. Fingers crossed!
Mackenzie Douthit and Katie Yeager whine about the same things they've been whining about for the past eight episodes. At least they're consistent. Whereas Briana DeJesus spends the entire episode in public. My guess is her house is being fumigated, to smoke out the male species, and she will resume couch sitting next week.
Also, it's Father's Day, and Mackenzie takes the above charming picture of Gannon as part of Josh's gift. You'll never believe how Josh McKee reacts to that much cuteness. Hint: he doesn't. Because his brain is broken.
Joanna Krupa and Romain finally had a breakthrough in their relationship. Adriana de Mouracontinuedto be insane by insisting her wedding guests dress pure and innocent as angels, newborn fawns, and daisies at her sham re-wedding, which is anything but fresh as the first snow.
Joanna has Lisa Hochstein over for dinner. Joanna doesn't cook or use dishes so she serves sushi and soup out of the restaurant takeout boxes. I was getting the BPA heebie-jeebies watching them drink miso out of the big plastic cartons. The food doesn't really matter since the wine is the main course.
Suzie reveals to real Tami that she took Lil' Tami with her to confront Tasha. The women find it very fishy that Tasha referred to the women as "angry birds" even though she claimed to not have anything to do with the blog stories. Even after flipping Tasha's hat off of her head, the women decide that it's Suzie who is owed an apology first. Tami always has the little guy's back. She is such a champion for the underdog!
Evelyn has a meeting for her clothing line Vida Lux. It's like loungewear meets the wardrobe department of Kids, Incorporated (you know, back when Fergalicious was just plain ol' Stacey). She's waxing on about patterns and colors and the gap that big bootys create in the waistband of some jeans. Evelyn wants to think international. Her maxi dresses plan to take over the world! Later Suzie calls Evelyn so that she can continue to relive the swat-fest with Tasha.