Whoa, Nellie! Last night's Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was full of bleeped out rants and blurred out bodies, so basically it was like any other Monday night!
Mimi Faustand Ariane are still vacationing in New York City on what has to be the least fun trip ever. While Mimi is over all things with K. Michelle, she is concerned that Ariane is straddling the fence. She needs to choose between Mimi and K. Michelle. Ariane assures Mimi of where her loyalty lies, and Mimi asks for her take on Nikko. Not beating around the bush, Ariane tells her friend that she believes Nikko is not very genuine, but she's happy as long as Mimi is happy.
Lil' Scrappy has called Shay in Erica Dixon's absence. She is happy to come by and give him a massage and chat about their relationship. The pair decides–much to Shay's chagrin–that sex ultimately ruined their friendship, and they'll have to cut out the "benefits" portion of their relationship. Of course, Scrappy makes this decision while rubbing on Shay in his bed. No one is shocked, are they?
But first, Amanda Bertoncini and Joey Lauren must kinda, sorta, not really deal with the fallout from last week's drunken pool party. Amanda's annoying voice opens the show, sharing, "A slap in the face heals but a harsh word is always remembered," adding, "I'm surprised that half the girls in Long Island don't have black eyes." #lifelessonsbybravo
So, Joey meets Amanda to talk about the Jeff/Sara/Facebook drama, and she kind of apologizes for, um, something. However, Joey refuses to accept any responsibility for the hurtful words that were said or the drinks that were thrown, and Amanda still believes that Joey should have at least asked her friend to leave the party. In the end, Amanda accepts Joey's apology, but she vows to keep her eye on her in the future.
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey the Gorgadice battle continued, although the small beginnings of a peace treaty seemed to have been forged. Maybe…
Things begin in Casa de Giudice. Teresa Giudice is cooking while wrangling four screaming girls. Apparently there is some confustion (Teresa tawk) about who is actually the mama because while Milania is playing on the stove terrorizing some peppers, Gia is lecturing her about safety. Teresa meanwhile is flitting around in full hair and makeup yelling, "O.M.G!"
Teresa says she always reminds her girls to stick together and not end up married to men their siblings hate. Then she gives them a lecture on table manners. 1) Like, don't scream 'prostitution whore' unless the person really is a prostitution whore and has been engaged like 19 times! Like O.M.G!
Last night on Don't Be Tardy, the Biermann family celebrated Christmas and argued about traditions. See, Kim Zolciak's traditions include dropping thousands upon thousands on tacky Christmas decorations like she lives in the White House where as Kroy Biermann's traditions include embracing the true meaning of Christmas: family and quality time.
Eventually in a Bravo-tized version of The Christmas Carol, Wigenezer Scrooge realizes Christmas isn't about Cartier and $4000 diamond-studded Christmas trees with a LV logo, but about the people you love the most!
Things begin with Kim trying to convince us she's a young woman of 35 by getting Thermage, a laser face lift. At first I thought Kim must be getting vaginal rejuvenation because her skirt slit was so high she was borderline in need of a black modesty bar to hide the ladybits. I was wrong though – apparently one just wears really revealing clothing to the dermatologist!
Abby Lee Miller is back! It's like she never left, right? Last night was the premiere of the new season (second half of a prolonged season?) of Dance Moms, and it did not disappoint. Two hours, y'all! Too much, or not enough?
The moms and daughters arrive for a new season after a month long break, and Abby hasn't forgotten the sting of losing to Cathy's Candy Apples. Kelly is upset that she's still fighting with all of her friends. Before the pyramid can even begin, Abby reveals that she is livid about losing to Cathy. She also shares that Asia is in L.A. pursuing a great opportunity that Abby supports. The moms realize it's only a matter of time before Kristie 2.0 returns. Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid. Perhaps she would have done better if she hadn't cried like a baby. Yep, I'd say Abby's back with a vengeance.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we were treated to a delightfully classy over-the-hill bachelorette party for one in particular mid-life crisis bride's third wedding.
If that weren't enough Lauri Peterson demonstrated her desperation for relevance by sharing so-called salacious details about Vicki Gunvalson's sex life. I barely made it through last night's episode without throwing up. Thanks for that Bravo.
Things begin with newbie Lydia McLaughlin, in all her wide-eyed optimism, showing up at Tamra Barney's house for some girl talk. Walking into the evil sorceress' cave, Lydia holds her magic fairy dust shield close to her heart and remembers to think positive.
Lydia is just like so impressed and keeps talking about how "classy" and "fancy" Tamra's hostessing is. First of all, the word "classy" and Tamra do not belong in the same sentence.
Back from Savannah, Blair is upset that Jeff isn't making sex a priority. It's been two weeks, and Blair is going nuts. Jeff is quite content just cooking together and watching home improvement shows. All of Blair's pressure is making sex seem like an obligation.
Is it just me, or is NO ONE getting along on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta? Friends are turning on one another, and couples are crumbling. Last night, Benzino was the only voice of reason–is that a sign of the apocalypse?
After a cuss-filled rant at the video shoot, Mimi Faust meets up with her biffle Ariane to hash out the fight they had. Both women agree that K. Michelle has a big mouth, but Ariane thinks that Nico and Johnny should have handled the situation better. She tells Mimi that the two men shouldn't have ganged up on K. Michelle, but Mimi isn't willing to forgive her friend. Ariane persuades Mimi to join her on a quick trip to New York City where she will be visiting with K. Michelle. She hopes her two friends will work through their differences. Mimi won't shed her tough-girl exterior, but she would love to grab a drink at The Drunken Monkey. Someone warn Big Ang, STAT!
Momma Dee want to clear the air withLil' Scrappy regarding her end of engagement cake, but she admits that her son hurt her feelings with all of his negative talk. He still can't understand how his mother can claim she loves him and wants the best for him while disrespecting him. Of course, Scrappy is appeased (and slightly shocked) when Dee apologizes, but she is quick to reveal out of his earshot that she doesn't mean it. She's thrilled that Erica Dixon is out of the picture, and she loved the delicious EOE cake!