Recaps

below deck dane eddie

“The weather started getting rough,the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, The Eros would be lost.” Speaking of horrific storms, I can’t begin my Below Deck recap without acknowledging the devastation faced by the people of South Carolina. While Charleston faced lots of flooding (a guy paddle boarded down my street at one point!), residents of the midlands suffered unimaginable losses. Several of my friends were evacuated from their homes, many assisted in rescues (navigating boats through their neighborhood streets), and countless folks lost their homes. Everyone jokes that South Carolina is such a small state–there is only one degree of separation between you and whoever you meet regardless of where they live in the state. Sadly, that means, that everyone knows someone affected by this tragedy. Please continue to lift them up in your thoughts as we pull together to help those who lost everything. 

On last night’s episode, Emile Kotze is befuddled after receiving Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow’s middle school note, and he confronts Rocky about her immature means of communication. She retorts that she had to write him a letter because he hasn’t been picking up what she’s throwing down…which is massive amounts of teasing that she isn’t interested. Poor Emile retires to his cabin where he’s forced to listen to Dane’s late night phone conversation. Poor Emile just can’t catch a break! The crew is awaiting the charter guests as Captain Lee Rosbach calls Eddie Lucas, Leon Walker, and Kate Chastain to the bridge to discuss their next outing. The main guests are foodie siblings who own a business together. Leon is excited about getting to experiment with new dishes, but Lee is worried about the stormy forecast. In the galley, Rocky is distressed to learn from Connie Arias (via a frustrated and sleep-deprived Emile) that Dane has a girlfriend. Couldn’t he have shared that information with her before he massaged her feet? The guests arrive on board and are treated to a tour, who isn’t quite sure of the romantic dynamics of the newcomers.

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RHOC Recap Poopy Situations

The ladies of Real Housewives Of Orange County should just become Sister Wives married to Brooks Ayers. Literally all they do is talk about him! Obsessed is putting it mildly. Unfortunately, Jesus is also being dragged into this. Save yourself Jesus, let “Saton” have the others. 

According to Vicki Gunvalson, Satan (pronounced as “Saton”, which rhymes with Louis Vuitton) has infiltrated Coto and its surrounding enclaves (and Shannon Beador‘s anal cavity) to create confusion. Vicki say: Saton loves confusion! Saton say Real Housewives confused about being good friend. Yes, Saton is writing his own misfortune cookies now. 

Let’s get this started! Briana is visiting, and since Brooks has been shipped off to a Motel 6 (or Jeana Keogh‘s abandoned storage shed), Briana, Ryan, and their sons are staying at Vicki’s. Home is where the heart is… unless Brooks is on the premises.

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lhh hollywood moneice

When this season of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood is over, I think the cast should tour together on a motivational speaking tour. I’m sure the ladies’ discussions on empowering women and self-esteem would be priceless…and I thought I was bad! 

Moniece and her mother are working on their relationship, but Moniece doesn’t want to confront the past. She feels that her mother is judgmental and too hard on her. Her mom believes that Moniece’s priorities are out of line. Her daughter is too preoccupied with men and sex toys to put her son first. Moniece’s rattles off what’s important to her: music, singing, sex toys, Rich, working on her music. Um, what about son Cameron? Moniece tells her mother that she shouldn’t have to say he’s a priority…it’s a given. Her mom isn’t so sure, and she wants to meet Rich Dollaz before he’s allowed to meet her grandson. Moniece agrees, although she’s not aware that her mother plans to give him the third degree. 

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Juliet-Angus-Shocked-Ladies-of-London-001

On last night’s Ladies of London, Julie Montagu decides the to keep her friends close and her enemies closer by extending an olive branch – of sorts – to Caroline Stanbury. Which Juliet Angus is not too pleased about. While Julie’s busy HSP-ing her way through a sales pitch to potential investors for her JUB business, Marissa Hermer is hoping Annabelle Neilson can wave some of her magic fairy dust over her own new venture, Top Dog. Meanwhile, the real queen of all things fairy dust and clouds and rainbows, Baroness Caroline Fleming, is basking in the warm glow of her blossoming romantic relationship with a younger man who has a very, very big…heart.

We begin with Juliet heading over to Caroline S‘s Gift Library to do damage control. She confesses that she told Julie about Caroline telling her she was going to “wipe the floor” with her. And – oops! – now Annabelle knows too. Caroline is pissy about Juliet starting more idle gossip, and comments that Juliet is a cave person who bashes everything up with a club, then walks away. Caroline demands that Juliet fix all of this before her sister in law, Sophie Stanbury‘s, upcoming birthday. Juliet will of course strap on her best minion overalls to do Caroline’s bidding.  

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Manzo'd With Children - Albie & Chris With Pot

Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.” 

Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers. 

Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys. 

Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box. 

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dont be tardy kim

Is it just me, or does Kim Zolciak Biermann look more plastic with every episode of Don’t Be Tardy. Someone needs to give her a tutorial on that make-up highlighting situation too. I just can’t believe that she still stands firm that she hasn’t had work done. It’s baffling.

Kim is frustrated because the family has made no advances on Brielle’s graduation party. She wants a carnival theme, but Kroy reminds his wife that carnivals are just snow cone machines and dunking booths out in the middle of nowhere. Kim has gotten three quotes from party planners which are all in circling the six figure range, but Kroy has shut down the users. I never noticed that he swears as much (if not more) than Kim. 

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sister wives boat 1

I feel like Sister Wives is glossing over just how much is involved in adopting children when there is a living parent who hasn’t terminated parental rights, but what do I know? Plus, who can be bothered with legal woes when there is a Pirate Festival complete with a cardboard boat race. Kody Brown and his kids are excited to partake, and the family has to take a class on how to build the boat, and Meri promises to be the biggest cheerleader…from a distance. The crew decides to split into two teams to build two boats. Janelle is leading one group and Kody, Robyn, and Christine are arguing over the other boat. Christine doesn’t understand why Robyn keeps arguing because Kody is going to do whatever he wants regardless. 

The Brown kids are excited about the race, but not the process leading up to it. Parents will be yelling, dad’s hair is getting more uncontrollable, and the kids are fighting for more attention. Kody keeps reminding his wives that he is always right, and he has wonderful grand plans that aren’t going to work out given their time constraint. Robyn responds that she’s nothing but a supportive wife, but she likes that Christine has her back with an aggressive Kody. He doesn’t want to lose, and Christine and Robyn are bonding over impersonating their pissy husband. Janelle comes down the cul-de-sac to check out the competition but she quickly retreats when she senses the vibe of Kody tag team fighting with Christine and Robyn. Over on Janelle’s team, the kids are the ones causing s ruckus. No one is enjoying bossy pants Gabe who clearly takes after his old man. I’m starting to think this fun family bonding experience is anything but…

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Elena-Gant-Bachelorette-Party-Little-Women-LA-001

On this week’s Little Women: LA, it’s time for Elena Gant’s bachelorette party! Terra Jole and Tonya Banks are planning a Palm Springs getaway, but they have strict instructions that it can’t be tacky. So…why are Terra and Tonya planning it, then? After their day at the track, the group is on the outs with Briana Manson, who Tonya is particularly angry with for not showing up at day 3 of her video shoot. As for Terra, she is convinced that all of Briana’s issues (and her own issues with Briana) stem from her relationship with Matt

Elena has been checking in on Briana since their blowup at the race track, and is having Briana over for a poolside chat at her home. Elena wants to support Briana and wants her to be at her bachelorette party, no matter what the rest of the group thinks. Briana is hesitant to attend, though, considering she was booted out of the last event by mean-girl Terra. In the end, Elena promises to talk to the rest of the girls to ensure no one confronts Briana about Matt on the trip. Briana promises to give Elena an answer in the morning. 

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