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The countdown is officially on until the final Jersey Shore.  Last night's episode showered Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi with baby gifts at a party planned by Jenni "JWoww" Farley with the help of Deena Cortese, and Sammi "Sweetheart" GiancolaMike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Vinny Guadagnino, and DJ Pauly D Delvecchio were back in action as MVP with not much luck, and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro found comic relief in a gorilla costume. 

The meatballs decide to have a dressy dinner date since Jionni is too preoccupied with his softball game to come visit Snooki.  Rawn decides it's the perfect opportunity to put on a giant gorilla suit and scare the crap out of a napping Jenni.  The gang is heading to dinner (minus the meatballs), and Jenni shares her scare with SamMike wonders why Snooki can't just smile and have a good time with the roommates.  Rawn totally disapproves of Jionni putting softball before his pregnant fiance. 

Snooki and Deena are enjoying a chill meatball evening.  Snooki is glad that they can still have fun without being blackout drunk and getting arrested.  She asks Deena to accompany her to the baby store the following day after work.  Deena hems and haws about how she already promised Sam she'd go with her to the grocery store.  She can't let Snooki go shopping for the baby when they've already bought her everything for her surprise shower.  Great save there, Deena!  She manages to change the subject to not sleeping naked because she's terrified of bugs laying eggs in her Britney.  It's perfectly acceptable dinner conversation, right?

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Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff. 

Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama. 

Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week. 

Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking

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Last night was the season finale of Couples Therapy and it seemed as if everyone was on a path to rebuilding relationships and moving past in-house dynamics. Everyone but Shaynik, aka Nik Richie and Shayne Lamas and Dourtney, aka Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, that is!

Right from the get-go these two couples clashed with each other and expended just as much energy butting heads as they did dealing with their own marital issues. 

Last night Courtney's pimpmomager Krista Keller returned and the unorthodox mother-daughter duo sat down with Dr. Jenn to discuss their relationship and the handling of Courtney's premature sexual expression.

Krista, who previously insisted she adored Doug and was thrilled Courtney married him, continued to maintain that Courtney's provocative behavior wasn't influenced by her and is just a reflection of Courtney's natural desires. Dr. Jenn wasn't buying it and neither is anyone but the clearly besotted and duped Doug. 

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This week's "throwback" episode of Top Chef Seattle brings us drama, beef, a pair of pissed off glasses, a foot rub, a tightly wound mustache, mushrooms, and a double elimination.

Immediately following Kuniko Yagi's Turkeypocalypse elimination, John "my forehead needs glasses" Tesar disses Kuniko's raw potatoes. He says, "You can do potatoes in your sleep as a chef." John's negativity puts everyone on the defense.

C.J. Jacobson is like, Dude, why you gotta do this while we're pretending to be sad about Kuniko going home? John is like, She had five hours to taste those potatoes! And, by the way, you're full of s**t right now. Feeling left out in Seattle, Josh "my mustache is twisty" Valentine tells John that he doesn't have any tact, and then this happens:

Glasses: And Oklahoma has a lot of tact?

Mustache: You’re an a**hole.
 
Glasses: Thank you.
 
Mustache: Don’t f***ing say another word to me. There’s a reason you’re the most hated chef. It’s cause you’re a prigg. (does he say prigg or prick?)
 
Glasses: I’m not a prick. (Ah, prigg is Oklahoman for prick.. filing that away for future reference. John and Josh fail Communication 101.) I’m truthful.
 
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It's the season finale of Flipping Out, y'all, and the drama from last night's show is palpitating.  Poor Monkey the cat is sick, and Jeff Lewis thinks that maybe he should take his pet to Dr. Donna so they can work out their issues.  I mean, I think the cat is the last living thing at JLD (save for Vanina who never talks) who has yet to meet the therapist.  Gage Edward and Zoila Chavez are surprised to learn that Jenni Pulos hasn't given Jeff the apology he so desperately needs for Cabo-gate.  Sure, she's said she's sorry for hurting his feelings or sorry for not telling him…but she still isn't sorry she used the house.

For once, Gage encourages Jeff to try to work things out with Jenni, and Zoila is worried that Jenni is going to get fired.  Jeff takes Andrew and Vanina to Gramercy while chatting with his realtor on the phone.  He thinks Gramercy isn't selling because it's not furnished.  His plan is now to sell Spring Oak, move to Gramercy, and then try to sell it again once he's furnished it.  Gage is beside himself, and he is hopeful that once they move in, Jeff will change his mind about keeping Gramercy on the market.  If they stay in Gramercy, Gage is convinced that they will be able to finally start a family.

Meanwhile, Monkey's vet makes a house call.  Jeff tells him of the emergency surgery that yielded nothing in his stomach but gas bubbles.  The poor cat is then diagnosed with herpes of the eye.  What?  How does that even happen to a cat?

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Monday night on Dancing with the Stars All Stars, Kelly Monaco, Melissa Rycroft, and Shawn Johnson danced for the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy.

First, General Hospital star Kelly Monaco and the talented and delicious Valentin Chmerkovskiy danced the paso doble (29.5/30) and a recreation of Dirty Dancing's iconic "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" dance for their freestyle (29.5/30). Kelly and Val's combined score for the night was 59/60. 
 
The Bachelor's Melissa Rycroft and deserves-to-win Tony Dovolani (he put up with Kate Gosselin!) chose the samba (30/30). The pair took a risk for their freestyle, dancing a contemporary dance. It's safe to say the risk was worth it, as Len was left nearly speechless. The breathtaking dance earned the pair another perfect score. Melissa and Tony's combined score for the night was 60/60.
 
Finally, Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson and the master of choreography Derek Hough revisited their we're-above-the-rules quickstep (27/30) and danced a fantastic but gymnastics heavy freestyle that incorporated the "Fierce Five" (30/30). Shawn and Derek's combined score for the night was 57/60.
 
For the first time in Dancing with the Stars history, three women and their partners go head to head for the trophy… not just any Mirror Ball Trophy… this is the All Stars Trophy! Who wins?
 
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First of all let me apologize for this beast being so late, but good things come to those who wait, right? Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, boy did we witness some groveling. It was down in the dirt, on your knees, begging kind of groveling as Queen Lisa Vanderpump barely acknowledged her subject's pleas for redemption. 

I should say last night's episode was a study in relationship building and friendship, but also in status. New alliances were drawn, and enemy lines began to be sorted out. Also, the ladies took a trip to Ojai where apparently magic happens. But no amount of magic can make these girls behave in public. 

Things begin with two ladies afflicted by a curse of over botoxing and an unfortunate affinity for ugly blouses facing off in a quaint little restaurant. One lady, a benevolent but stern queen, and the other a marginally disgraced princess who is quivering and anxious with anticipation. Yes, Adrienne Maloof has realized she made enemies with the wrong lady, because while Lisa can be sweet as rosé, she will cut a bitch faster than she'll discard a wilting rose. 

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Every week I get a little more frustrated with these girls of Teen Mom 2.  MTV is paying them, and they are learning nothing except how to be more whiny and entitled.  I really think the network should incorporate some kind of weekly therapy session for Jenelle Evans, Chelsea Houska, Leah Messer, and Kailyn Lowry to make it a little more relevant and a little less rewarding immaturity and bad behavior.  Anyone agree?

Case in point, we begin with Chelsea trying to tame her peroxide weave while lamenting about taking her GED practice test in the following week.  She really needs to study, but she has way more important things to do…like plan Aubree's birthday party, attend freeloading Adam Lind's motocross race, and devise a plan to keep her dad from finding out that Adam is squatting on his dime.  Priorities, of course.  Of course, Chelsea's third priority didn't work out so well because she forgot her dad has a key to her house and decided to take a peek inside when he came to pick up Aubree.  She tries to act indignant, like what are you doing in my house?  I want him to retort with, um, it's actually my house considering I pay for it, but instead Randy promises her they will discuss the situation later.

Oh wait, Chelsea explains that she pays her own rent, so maybe I would be a tad upset if my dad busted in, but still.  She arrives at the race, and it's so pitiful to watch her try to kiss Adam and hold his hand while he totally brushes her off and then walks away.  Chelsea acts totally oblivious to his behavior. 

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