Boozdi is hosting a housewarming party for her latest rental. Lucky Kyle Richards lives 5 minutes away, which means Kyle is listing her house on the MLS – gotta keep up with the Fosters!
So Brandi’s house, let’s be honest: girl had it staged for the sake of this party. You know her real furniture consists of futons, plastic stacking chairs, a beerpong table, a keg-o-rator with Red Solo Cup dispenser, and jungle juice on tap. On Brandi’s Netflix Animal House, followed by Thelma & Louise are her most viewed selections. Outside there’s a sign that reads, “When you’re here, you’re home!”
Is anyone confused about what is going on with Stassi Schroeder? She was always a delusional, self-righteous, self-important mess, but this season of Vanderpump Rules she is missing a link. Also, not getting it: Jax Taylor who continues to have terrible troubles with the truth!
Since Stassi doesn’t rank as important this season she doesn’t get a fancy trip to celebrate her birthday – instead it’s a wine tasting with all of her “friends” from SUR. Stassi believes this means she’s “growing up.” because she’s celebrating her birthday without tantrums and whiny hissyfits. OK, then.
Oh Real Housewives Of Atlanta – for all their ‘hate is real’ when it comes right down to it these ladies know how to have a good time! And laughter is the best medicine, as they say.
NeNe Leakes put on her lace football jersey and strategized about how she could re-unifiy this group, so she invited Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams for drinks to help them make amends. But the Hail Mary pass came when she sneak-invited Kenya Moore by telling Cynthia to “bring her girl.”
NeNe didn’t tell Porsha until she was seated at the bar, drink in hand, expecting a good old-fashioned keke about how NeNe should stop wearing denim short-shorts and Cynthia should watch those RHOA flashback scenes with woe because her fashions have gone as downhill as her finances!
Eileen Davidson is finally mingling with the group. They start her off gently, with the upper echelons of Malibu society, to ease her into the currant of RHOBH, by sending her off to lunch with Yolanda Foster, as supervised by Lipsa. Eileen is surprised to learn she and Yolanda have several things in common: children, anguish over the amount of work required of bossing servants around, and a propensity for micromanaging toilet cleaning. Yolanda expects us to believe she cleans her own toilets. Correction: I believe she cleans My Love‘s toilet so she has an excuse to snoop through his personal quarters. You know, just in case he has a few wayward piano keys or Grammys tucked away!
Eileen and Yolanda get along famously. Lisa is relieved. Her job here is done – now she can move on to more pressing personal matters, traveling to her hometown of Medford, OR to help her parents move out of her childhood home. To say it’s sad is an understatement, but it’s also touching and a really nice illustration that Lipsa has a kind soul, a good heart, and a down-to-earth, lovable spirit. She brings her teenaged daughters along with her. They are scoffish about Medford – even Lisa admits she never felt like she fit-in in small-town Oregon, because she was always dying to breakout her inner fabulosity – or her hoo-ha, preferably both (she admitted to wearing skirts so short you could practically see her “hoo-ha”).
Does denial grow on trees in sunny California? What about psychosis? I mean, it must, right if Vanderpump Rules is any indication of life in LA. Last night Katie Maloney had an awakening and Tom Sandoval had a’shakening when he realized that Kristen Doute really is stalking him and he is going to end up the subject of a cautionary tale seen on Lifetime. Hey – I’d watch, but only if they cast an actor with better hair.
Lisa Vanderpump is swanning around Villa Blanca, pruning roses, whistling while she works, conversing with birds when one of her 7 gnomes – Sleazy – arrives. Jax Taylor is just hoping for some free food – and some permission to start “banging” the new hostess Vail. Lisa immediately attempts to put the breaks on that notion by snipping the pruning sheers near Jax’s poker.
Before Lisa even has the opportunity to take off her transparent unicorn leather gardening gloves (special edition Gucci), gnome 2 – Sniffly – arrives to burst in to tears. Katie blames being allergic to decent human beings and scents other than stale booze for her watery eyes. She tells Lisa that Tom 2 would rather have Jax in his life than Katie, but she doesn’t want to be alone. What if she turns into Kristen?!
I don’t know about y’all, but I think this season of Love & Hip Hop is one of the most authentic and real examples of VH1’s reality show offerings. The Peter Gunz/Amina Buddafly/Tara Wallace love triangle? Totally believable! The relationship between Cisco and Diamond Strawberry? It’s the epitome of true romance! And Chrissy? Talk about the ultimate business woman! Mona, you have truly outdone yourself this time! Last night’s episode reconvenes with Yandy Smith and Mendeecees Harris fixin’ to get hitched in Vegas…except that Yandy just can’t do it. She tearfully explains her desire for a big wedding with family to the officiant, and Mendeecees seconds her assertions as the poor officiant cheerfully nods in the background. I never saw that coming! I truly thought they would be man and wife after last night. Meanwhile, Amina is working on a new album with her sister who is in town from Germany. I feel like the only thing genuine about this show is the talent. You know I’m right! Amina admits that she doesn’t really trust Peter and that he’s not around often.
Erica Mean and Cyn are starting a business together, but Cyn is more involved with her girlfriend’s Instagram drama with Chrissy. Cyn isn’t buying Erica’s elusive attitude when it comes to why Chrissy is coming for her on social media. Speaking of being elusive, Diamond has finally arrived in New York, but Cisco isn’t quite ready to open his home to his new girlfriend. Instead, he’s found a friend who will let her crash at her place. No worries, though. He’ll be by to visit. That seems reasonable.
Kourtney Kardashian begins this episode of Kourtney And Khloe Take the Hamptons with a little badgering session with Scott Disick urging him to visit his parents house and get it sorted out, cleaned, and possibly sold. Scott is still in a weird place and doesn’t feel ready to process the fact that his parents are actually dead. I get Kourt’s point but she needs to lay off. Grief comes in many forms with people and you can’t push them to go through it. They just deal with it when they are ready to deal with it.
However, the next day Kourt and Scott hop in the car and cruise around his old neighborhood where he grew up. They do a drive-by of some chick’s house that was Scott’s first kiss when he was 12 (and in tasteful Scott manner, calls her a whore) and he discovers that he’s not in the mood to deal with this now. Later that evening, he confesses to Kourt that although he hates to leave her solo out in the Hamptons – he needs to get back to LA for work opportunities (still confused what he does exactly, but I digress). Surprisingly, Kourt is very un-Kourt like and is mellow with her reaction to the news. She’s totally cool with him heading back to LA but not before they make a trip to a childhood favorite of Scott’s family, Fire Island. He reluctantly agrees so we’ll see where this takes us.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was a modern day fairytale! Maidens dueled over the elusive Roger Bobb, prince of production-ville, NeNe Leakes was cursed by an evil gay and and was doomed to an episode of bad wigs, and Phaedra Parks turned to stone. Ahhh… love!
Before any of this happens we’re confronted with Mama Joyce. First thing, right out of the gate, like bad news before coffee in the morning that’s too early. Kandi Burruss‘ family is having a BBQ, she arrives with Todd, and she’s not speaking to Joyce because her boyfriend destroyed the house Kandi gave her, which Kandi, for some reason, didn’t know until after she bought MJ a new house. Things that make you go hmm…