Last night was the season premiere of Married To Medicine and things kicked off with a bang! Dr. Heavenly Kimes, dentist, not doctor, definitely brought her a-game in the drama department and wants it known she is not to be trifled with.
But let's begin with last season's drama! Mariah Huq and Quad Webb-Lunceford are not friends. There are varying accounts of why said friendship broke up, but one account is clearly rooted in the same deep-seated delusion that allows one to think lime green eyeshadow smeared up to your eyebrows looks hot. Yaaaaaas, I'm talking about Mariah!
While Quad is worrying about how to thwart Dr. Gregory's babymaking attempts now that she's quit her job to flounce around in lingerie, design dog clothes, and do photo shoots with designers to prove her divatude, Gregory has baby fever. Quad worries that since they've only been married a year she's not ready. Gregory points out that she's on the "backend of 30" and he is 13-years-older so no time like the present to ditch the condoms and get at it!
Last night was the pre-finale episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Which means we are almost to the epic reunion. You know you're salivating!
Porsha Stewart is all about spreading her wings and flying post-divorce, except she's not worried about a little thing called a j-o-b. Her priorities are recording a song instead of showing up to rehearsal for the part she was hired to play in Kandi Burruss' musical. Yep, ol Poryonce (per Don Juan) is skipping play practice to go warble some songs she probably bought from Kandi (and pretended to write!) in the recording studio. Look Porsha isn't the worst singer, but she's certainly no Mariah and she should be honing her skills with seasoned veterans on Kandi's stage – instead she's violating her contract, insulting her employer, and making a mockery of a paying job. She'll probably still want top billing too!
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken.
Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again.
"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies took their petty drama and their over-exposed lady parts to the Hamptons. Oh! Oh! And LuAnn de Lesseps appeared. I missed her. Awwww…. Lu – welcome back, weekend mama!
Aviva Drescher has a tagalong no one likes. Because the only tagalongs anyone likes come in a Girl Scout's Cookie box. The other problem of course is that no one likes Aviva and that Amanda cannot hold her liquor or her tongue (seriously there were Brandi Glanville levels of slurring every time that woman spoke last night. I don't know what was droopier her boobs or her articulation!).
I want to feel sorry for Abby Lee Miller because I know she's going through a very rough time on this season's Dance Moms due to her mother's failing health, but I can't help but feel she'd be just as hateful and horrible if her life was all raindrops on roses and whiskers on stuffed dogs. Abby is trying to keep her mind off of things by focusing on a photo shoot for MacKenzie and auditioning dancers for upcoming music video. This should be rich.
In the pyramid, Maddie is on the bottom, followed by MacKenzie, Kendall, Chloe, and Nia. Maddie looks like she may vomit until Abby reveals that they are all on the same level for doing such a great job. Kalani is on the top of the pyramid for being the overall high scoring soloist. Abby reminds the girls and their mothers that she will be introducing her new team to the studio at some point soon. She then delves into the fact that her mom is dying, and Melissa interrupts to share how much she loves Mrs. Miller. Maddie and Chloe are in tears as Abby hugs them and reminds them how much she loves children. Maddie and Chloe have grown up with Mrs. Miller, and I can't believe this damn show has me crying in the first five minutes. I've hit a new low.
Of course we have to begin by rehashing the same regurgitated storyline about Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, and the cheating tabloids that never were. It's like Kyle forced Bravo to put in her contract that this matter must be discussed – at length – once per episode.
Happy Carolina Day, y'all! I hope you all celebrate appropriately come June 28th! On last night's Southern Charm, J.D.'s party was the culmination of Kathryn Dennis making her way through all the guys on this show save for the one guy who truly liked her from the start. Poor Craig Conover. He never had a chance! Too young and too poor…not to mention the fact he's from Delaware. A tragic combination all around!
As the episode begins, Kathryn has made good on her promise from last week of cooking breakfast for Thomas Ravenel, and the pair discuss what dress she should get to accentuate her "beautiful physique" for J.D.'s fete. She wonders if the new couple should be worried about the opposition they will face at the upcoming party. T-Rav loves the potential in his new lass. She's smart and funny and really, really young.
On this beautiful-ish Monday morning, I'm a bit sluggish. Perhaps I was lulled into a stupor by Cynthia Bailey's passive non-action on last night's rather tepid and boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta? The wine was not able to keep me – or the episode – afloat. But alas, there were some bright spots.
We're still in Mexico where NeNe Leakes is telling Peter Thomas that he's like a bitch, no wait he's not really a bitch he just wants to be one of the bitches, but not an actual bitch, he's just in bitches' bizness. So he's a bitch but she didn't mean to call him a bitch she was just pointing out that he was acting like a bitch. If you're confused, you are not alone.