Wednesdays used to be my least favorite day of the week, but now that Duck Dynasty is back, Wednesday and I are getting along a whole lot better. I'm convinced that if Jase, Willie, Si, and Phil Robertson can't put a smile on your face, then there really isn't much hope.
Last night's episode began with Miss Kay cleaning up her kitchen while Phil touts the uses for turpentine. Here's a hint–it needs to be used to clean up Hollyweird. Willie arrives and informs his parents that they are going to be having their portraits made with their pets. He can't believe he bought his parents such a stellar gift and they've yet to cash in on it. Willie made an appointment so that Phil and Miss Kay would have no other choice. We're less than three minutes in, and Phil gives me a line that could potentially be my favorite of the season. "Pet photographer? That's the degree you get when you're rejected from a degree in aromatherapy. 'Merica." Lord, I love this family.
At Korie and Willie's house, daughter Sadie is preparing some meatballs for her mom's spaghetti. Korie isn't quite up to par with Miss Kay when it comes to knowing her way around a kitchen. Willie learns that his son and his girlfriend have broken up, but he can't focus on the boy's heartbreak when he has jars of spaghetti sauce to wrestle. The following day, Jase is griping about a recent customer complaint. According to Jase, the guy thought he had a broken duck call, but it turns out (after extensive research on Jase's part) that the guy was blowing into the wrong end. Why, if I had a dollar for every time that happened!
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s back y’all, and with a brand new set of bangs to boot!! Rachel Zoe is finally back to Bravo for season 5 of the Rachel Zoe Project and I literally went Ba-Nanas!! I forgot how much I missed this crazy fashionista, her ever patient husband Rodger Berman, and of course, über adorable baby Skyler.
Rachel lets us know that her last prodigy, Jeremiah, is no longer with the company standard RZ introduction to the season: another employee has flown the coop. I have got to say it’s feeling a little more than déjà vu.. Brad Goreski, Taylor Jacobson anyone? Whilst I love me some RZ, her prodigies bailing makes me a tad le sad to think about. But then I see Mandana and Rodger, and if they are still around then it can’t be all bad…
Last week's Dance Moms was emotionally draining for Abby Lee Miller given the loss of her dog. This week it was nice to get back to the petty drama…especially if said drama includes Abby speed-dating and Jill getting thrown under the bus after trying to claw daughter Kendall's way into Abby's good graces. Jill, watch seasons past and learn. There is a definite protocol to being Abby's pet, and it's called being named "Maddie".
When the episode begins, Abby is glad that her girls won their most recent competition, but she's quick to remind them that it isn't their best performance. She rails on Chloe for deviating from the choreography in the group number. She unveils the pyramid, and Paige is on the bottom for being good but not great. Apparently she didn't dance with her face. Kendall joins her because she faded into the woodwork. Jill isn't happy with Abby's choice. Brooke rounds out the bottom for being the oldest who isn't standing out as a leader among the group. Nia is on the second rung…third on the pyramid to coincide with her third overall finish. Holly is proud. MacKenzie joins her. Not surprisingly, Maddie has found herself back on top yet again. This garners an eyeroll from Jill. Chloe doesn't even make the pyramid, and Christi bites her tongue.
This week, the troupe is heading to New Jersey. MacKenzie is still out of the group dance. Abby is bringing in a boy to compete with the girls. MacKenzie and Maddie both get solos. Kendall and Nia are granted a duet. I love seeing Nia getting some well-deserved props. Abby introduces Nick as the boy lead, and all his counterparts are squealing with excitement. Brooke will be the female lead. Aww, I see a prom date in their future! In the dance, Brooke is dying and Maddie is her daughter. Abby hopes that Maddie's facial expressions will carry the number. It's like a Les Mis situation minus the French Revolution. In the veiwing room, Christi waxes poetic about their girls finding their first love. That conversation quickly turns to introducing Abby to speed dating. This is going to be a great episode! Operation Find A Man For Abby commences. Jill wants to find a man for Abby in hopes of furthering Kendall's dance career.
As always, it's two hours of engaging video recaps, heartfelt bachelorette retells, and passionate audience reactions all centered around Sean Lowe. Errr, when I say engaging, heartfelt, and passionate, I really mean repetitive, catty, and obnoxious.
Eighteen of Sean's rejected bachelorettes – Diana Willardson, Ashley Palenkas, Brooke Burchette, Daniella McBride, Amanda Meyer, Jackie Parr, Kacie Boguskie, Leslie Hughes, Kristy Kaminski, Taryn Daniels, Katie Levans, Robyn Howard, Sarah Herron, Selma Alameri, Lesley Murphy, AshLee Frazier, Tierra LiCausi, and Desiree Hartsock - show up for the event.
Scheana Marie Famewhore reached new lows in her deplorable groveling famewhoredom by basically sucking up to Stassi and doing her attacking for her. I mean, Scheana – get some self-esteem. Stassi called you a homewrecking, untalented, hooker whore on national TV and tried to get you fired at work. This bitch is not your friend. You are so Fetch from Mean Girls and no matter what you do, you're never going to be a 'thing.' So with that out of the way, let's examine the other shameless ones.
Yes, Stassi and Jax; a tale of amoral and delusional love. I mean they really are sort Natural Born Killers aren't they. Instead of using literal guns they just emotionally decimate everyone in their disgusting quest to one-up each other and seem important. Lisa Vanderpump dutifully called Jax out on using and abusing Laura-Leigh as a pawn; calling into question his ability to deceive on demand and take advantage of someone in an emotionally vulnerable state. She also expressed disgust about his sexual proclivities for unprotected sex. With anyone. "Clearly, it's not working for you," she admonished derisively.
On last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I was a little tad bit disappointed in Lisa Vanderpump. I want her to be unimpeachable. I want her to be pristine. I must accept – as we must all – that Lisa is only human. Lisa made a passive aggressive Splits Richards-esque comment toKim Richards (whom I will henceforth refer to as Rambles) because she was late to a cooking party.
Lisa joked this would be a repeat of Hawaii when everyone spent the whole trip waiting on Rambles. Then she asked if Kim took a sleeping pill. It was no bueno. Lisa said it, of course, in a teasing tone but Rambles got defensive and petulent. I know Lisa meant no harm and she is direct, but Kim is vulnerable (and a walking emotional volcano).
Lisa spent the entire evening discussing the Kim situation with Kyle and Mauricio instead of coming up to Kim and saying 'Look, I'm sorry. It was an inappropriate joke.' No instead she told everyone she had hurt Kim's feelings and didn't really know why or what to do. And Rambles complained that Lisa was "fake" and was trying to make her look bad.
On last night's Love & Hip Hop, we were treated with more of the same. Flashy characters and quality production can't save the boring story lines, and it's unfortunate. There was some potential in the beginning, but now it just makes me yawn.
Rich Dollaz is once again meeting with Pete Gunz, and Rich is ready for his mentor's "I told you so's" about Erica Mena. He tells his friend that the pair has broken up but he'd still like to manage her career. Pete still thinks his friend is crazy. His opinion on Erica being a loose cannon hasn't changed, and Pete doesn't think that she respects Rich. Rich knows he can harness her talent, so Pete brings out the big Gunz guns, showing him a picture online of Erica hosting a party. As her manager, Rich should have known about the gig, and he should be getting a cut of it. Rich is livid and humiliated that she would go behind his back, and Pete urges his friend to end their business partnership after already ending their romantic one.
Lore'l is still hurt about what Winter Amos wrote in her book. She claims that Winter lied when she said Lore'l didn't write her own raps. Needing some emergency career advice, Lore'l schedules an emergency meeting with Yandy Smith. Discussing the book reading, Yandy is impressed that Lore'l was able to maintain her composure in light of all of Winter's allegations. She also believes that Lore'l is talented and marketable, and she offers to mentor her. Score one for Lore'l!
Girls, girls, girls! I have all but given up on the young "ladies" of Teen Mom 2. Let's not even start with Jenelle Evans' recent rehab stint…let's just talk about the bad decisions they made in last night's episode alone! Get it together, Kailyn Lowry! Pick a guy, Leah Calvert Sims Messer! Do something about your hair, Chelsea Houska! And Jenelle? In all seriousness. Get off Twitter and get your life together for that precious little boy! Whew…it felt good to get that off my chest!
Last night's episode begins with Kailyn prepping for her first exchange with Jo in weeks. She's had Isaac to herself for almost a month while waiting on their hearing. Now that the protection from abuse order is dropped, she isn't excited to drop Isaac off because she knows that she and Jo won't speak. Kailyn is livid thinking about the fact that Jo has his girlfriend around their son. She puts Isaac before her, Javi and her friends…even when Javi is spending the night. It's not the same as selfish Jo continuing to live with his family and hang out with Vee once a week. Why can't anyone see the difference? Geez! I can't help but notice two things–Kailyn is getting very dolled up to see her ex, and she seems to be taking her tanning cues from Chelsea and Leah. Orange you glad that Kailyn got a spray tan? The trade-off is very tense, and Kailyn informs Jo that Isaac has a cold. If he takes their son to the doctor, he'd better let her know!
Jenelle hasn't spoken to Gary since she found out that he hooked up with Tori before they started dating. She's looking forward to getting off probation so she can fall back into the Keiffer trap. He's texted her that it's them and Jace against the world. Let's leave sweet Jace out of this, shall we Keiffer? Her roommate wonders why Jenelle is even giving Keiffer the time of day. She's re-evaluated the pros and cons between Keiffer and Gary, and while Gary has a job and a car, Keiffer is nice to her. He's getting his act together…and by "getting his act together" she means that he's no longer incarcerated.