What is happening with Sonja Morgan? Remember when she was the zany, lovable, yet refreshingly sensible one from her first season? Remember when she was THE VOICE OF REASON on Scary Island? Clearly Kelly Bensimon sent Sonja a care package of some gummy bears and Al Sharpton posters because Sonja has left the building – quick someone grab a snatch guard!
The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are supposed to be headed to Atlantic City by way of Le Crumbles Magnificique Abode, where the interns reign supreme and the heat is emitted only from the bank of toaster ovens plugged into the wall in what was formerly the maid’s quarters, but has electricity that runs from the neighbor’s mansion. Sonja wanted the girls to meet at her home to board a party-limo to AC for Ramona Singer‘s Suddenly Single Birthday Bash, but she’s late and leaves them all outside – in very in-climate weather.
Heather Thomson, Kristen Taekman, and Dorinda Medley arrived – on time – but Sonja was lost in the abyss of her thrice re-Sharpied Chanels and her twice-re-superglued Oscars figuring out what to pack and wouldn’t let the girls in – even to wait in the vestibule! Seriously – she had an intern open the door, then promptly shut it in their faces, because Lady Morgan wasn’t ready to accept guests. An intern can’t entertain them with magic tricks while Sonja packs!? I hear Sno-Cone can juggle and make tea simultaneously!
I’d say congratulations are in order, dear readers! Cheers to each one of you for making it through yet another extra-long season of Dance Moms with the always controversial Abby Lee Miller at the helm. Last night was the last reunion before Abby packs her bags and opens an ALDC franchise in Los Angeles. As always, executive producer Jeff Collins rules the sofa roost, but this time, the once silver fox has died his hair a special shade of carrot and gotten himself a spray tan. Fame, y’all!
Abby is the first one who joins Jeff on the stage, and he brings up her now contentious relationship with Holly. Abby feels Holly’s jealousy runs deep, and she believes that her dancers are a success because every last one of them is chasing Maddie’s fame. Nia’s turn will come, she admonishes. Jeff summons Holly to the couch, and Jeff shows footage of Abby lying about saying Maddie and Kalani were the only ones who would ever book jobs. Holly cites her frustrations stemming from Abby attacking the children to retaliate when she’s upset with the mothers. All Holly wants is for her daughter to be treated with respect, but Abby doesn’t care to try to repair their relationship. Holly has several fond memories with Abby that she holds dear, but Abby remains stone-faced. Thankfully, the girls take the stage to perform their Stomp the Yard group number inspired by Orange is the New Black. More dancing, less mindless bickering please!
Southern Charm, I can’t thank you enough for being the beacon of light in my dreaded Mondays, and last night’s episode was no different…although Shepard “Shep” Rose could’ve have laid off Craig Conover just a tad. The cast is packing for their Jekyll Island adventure, and Landon Clements’ fingers are crossed for a refined weekend of manicured lawns and low-key dinners. Craig calls Whitney Sudler-Smith to bum a ride, but alas, Whitney is an hour into the trek or else he’d turn around to retrieve him. Of course, Whitney spins this lie as he packs his Louis Vuitton weekender just a quarter mile from Craig’s apartment, but whatevs. Cameran Eubanks and Shep are tasked with carpooling the wayward law student, and they have agreed they need continue the tough love when it comes to his downward spiral. Shep is all in, and Captain Craig (seriously dude, that hat?) gets defensive about bar study and rent payments. Meanwhile, in the car with Jennifer Snowden, Kathryn Dennis hopes this trip will solidify her spot in the clique on her own merits, and not just as Thomas Ravenel’s plus one.
Landon and her sister Powell are the first to check in, followed by Whitney. Over drinks, Landon apologizes in advance to the bartender for her friends who have yet to materialize. Shep and Craig can’t handle the geriatric vibe they’re getting from the island. What is this place? Heaven’s waiting room? The two are forced to mainline Scotch to tolerate this retirement community. Cameran is beyond embarrassed by their childish antics. This is why she’s child free at the moment. Jennifer and Kathryn arrive as the others take off on a bike ride. Their swift departure and refusal to wait for the girls is an omen for Kathryn. She’s all Stephanie Tanner about the situation. Rude. They should be thankful they avoided the testosterone fueled beach cruiser nightmare that is Craig and Shep arguing over how to best reach the ocean. Shep takes every opportunity to insult Craig about his current life situation, calling him so broke he can’t even pay attention. I am definitely stealing that line. The boys spar over their mapquest skills when they’re informed they are about as far from the beach as is humanly possible.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta wasn’t really what I was expecting. Sympathizing with Stevie and mild S&M? Game changer for sure! Stevie J. has survived his first ten days in rehab, and he’s feeling much better about his recovery. However, he’s not permitted to have visitors so Joseline Hernandez has arrived to rehash her sit down with Mimi Faust. There goes Stevie’s calm vibe. He wants her to work on her anger management, and he urges her to give up smoking now that he’s giving up drinking. Stevie shares that he can’t be around liquor for at least a year once he’s out of the program, and he’d prefer not to be subjected to any tempting substances. Hold up! It’s not Joseline’s problem that Stevie has a drinking problem…she’s not giving up smoking just to appease him. Stevie requests that she talk to his doctor about his post-rehab needs, but she isn’t interested in talking to some bunk-ass therapist.
I didn’t realized that Kalenna and Tony Vick would be joining us again this season, but they’re back and she’s about to give birth. They complain that the pregnancy came about at the most inopportune time. They are suffering from financial problems and had to close their studio mid-production of her latest album. Tony relays that he has the chance to invest in some clubs with a a real estate developer. Kalenna thinks his scheme is too risky, plus the last time he worked with this friend, there were rumors all over town that Tony was cheating on her. Speaking of bad business deals, Karlie Redd is meeting up with Rasheeda to discuss the messiness at her boutique opening. Karlie wants to know why Rasheeda brought Erica Dixon to the opening of her event after Karlie ditched her plan with Erica to open a store. Rasheeda accuses Jessica Dime Piece for stirring the pot unnecessarily, and the one get into a screaming match in the restaurant in an attempt to one-up one another. AARP Karlie speeds off, and not a single patron in that crowded restaurant acted like anything was weird about two grown woman shrieking insults at one another during the lunch rush. Weird for “reality,” I know…
So – part 3 of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion, did anyone ask themselves: What the hell did I just watch? I hope it wasn’t just me.
Honestly I have no idea what was even going on except NeNe Leakes was reenacting Sybil with multiple personalities – she was ragey, and laughing, and cagey, yelling, crying, being open, being sympathetic – Lord I need Dr. Jeff to sit next to me on a sofa and stroke my hand. Help me, Dr. Jeff, help me! #ThisAintPhaedra
But first Peter Thomas gets his moment in the sun. He’s been waiting; a peach sitting ripening in the sun until it turned rotten and fell to the earth, but finally someone noticed it – its pit poking through the wrinkled, moldy skin. Kenya Moore and NeNe are yelling about whether or not NeNe flirted with Peter, so finally someone decided to ask Peter, who was inevitably siting right there. Peter denied it, but managed to turned it into a diatribe about how Kenya deserves a million apologies for being wrongly judged by these women because they believed she was flirting with Apollo.
Last night’s Blood, Sweat, and Heelsgave us some rebooted drama from last season, except it wasn’t Mica’s intoxicated butt getting kicked out of an event this time!
Daisy Lewellyn comes to visit Mica Hughes, who’s on the phone with a “friend” Kevin, who may turn into more than a friend pretty soon. Daisy is looking fly and fabulous in her Cleopatra wig and Mica is back to the long hair, thank heavens. Hoping that short wig is burned and its ashes are scattered in the Hudson. Fix it Jesus! Mica and Daisy lament the fact that Daisy can’t drink during her cancer treatments, but the bigger issue is that Daisy’s got a CAT scan coming up which will reveal whether the chemo/radiation combo has killed all of the cancer cells or not. The dynamic duo then do an Ethel-n-Maude routine that is both hilarious and heartwarming and shows just how good these two women are for each other. #truefriendsonrealitytv!
On a park bench across town, Demetria Lucas meets Melyssa Fordto chat about Demetria’s busy life doing her book launch and Melyssa’s busy life…eating salad. Demetria says she’s inviting all of the ladies to her book launch, but she’s nervous about certain women (cough, cough – Chantelle Fraser) acting a fool on her big night. The conversation turns to Melyssa’s lackluster love life and Demetria suggests that Melyssa not bring a date to Demetria’s wedding so she can meet a Nigerian banker (who may well possibly be the only single man at the wedding of 50 people). Please tell me BS&H is not going down the #africanprince rabbit hole of Atlanta!
We begin with the aftermath of Jazmin Lang& Dawn’s argument over Lila’s sobriety – who’s supporting her, who’s not supporting her, who’s her puppy dog, yadda yadda. Dawn the Power Ranger is deflecting the crap out of Jazmin’s main points, ultimately accusing Jazmin of taking anti-anxiety meds from Lila at Lila’s intervention. Which has nothing to do with anything. Or does it? Lila comes down to tag out Jazmin as Dawn’s next victim, then Jazmin comes back to double team with Lila on Dawn. Dawn finally retreats to the comfort of the couch with the rest of the group while Lila & Jazmin scurry to a nearby bedroom to ponder why Dawn is such a total mean girl. In tears, Jazmin says she just can’t deal with Dawn anymore, sister in law or not: “First time, shame on her, second time, shame on me,” she says. So, is she really done?
Last night’s Dance Moms was the second part of the Abby Lee Miller’s swan song in Pittsburgh before heading out to Los Angeles to open the West Coast ALDC studio. Of course, it wouldn’t be a finale if it wasn’t coming on the heels of a tween video showdown, and it’s certainly only fitting that Cathy and her Candy Apples were involved! Even better? We don’t have to sit through a pyramid…we can just head right into the competition.
With the other dancers involved in the various JUMP convention showcases, JoJo and Nia are the only ALDC members ready to compete. Despite Melissa’s tepid excuses for the team’s absence, Holly can’t help but think that something shady is going on to which she wasn’t privy. Jessalyn and Holly are confused as to why Abby double-booked her team (especially since Kendall and Kalani are supposed to have solos), but Kira and Jill play dumb. Cathy interrupts to question why half the group is MIA, and on cue, Abby arrives to ignore Cathy’s insults about her blobby, big hair. She wasn’t about to have her dancers miss out on the coveted time with master choreographers at the convention. Jessalyn is livid to learn that Abby texted the mothers whose daughters were involved, instructing them not to mention the scheduling conflict with her and Holly. “Shame on you,” admonishes Holly. As Abby and Holly scream at one another, Cathy takes great pleasure in watching the demise of the friendships crumbling in front of her. Jill scolds Holly for airing their dirty laundry in front of the Candy Apple moms, and her anger is only exaggerated by the fringe on her tacky jacket. Holly and Jessalyn storm off, realizing they are getting no support from their counterparts. Cathy cackles with delight, while relishing in Vivi’s starring role in the Candy Apple’s group routine.