On last night’s Bethenny Ever After, Mexico says bienvenido to Bethenny Frankel and Co.! Watch out Cabo San Lucas, Hurricane Bethenny is rolling into town to celebrate her birthday. The group is greeted with coconut popsicles, and I have never seen someone so obsessed with how her child holds a flipping frozen treat…seriously, just let the kid eat the popsicle! She and Jason Hoppyare led to their villa, and it’s a true paradise. Jason is hoping that the couple can leave their bickering and pettiness back in the States.
At dinner, Bethenny congratulates Jason on making it through a day without ripping each others’ heads off. She accuses him of not trusting her and not liking her, regardless of how much he loves her. They are both saying the same thing, but yet when Jason says it, Bethenny seems very guarded. Bless him. Let it drop, lady! Or don’t let it drop…that may be a better conversation than what Bethenny broaches next. She wants to ask Veronica to be Bryn’s guardian in the event she and Jason die. Bethenny explains to Jason that his parents are getting up there in in age, so clearly Veronica is the perfect choice. Her near-death experience in Nantucket only solidifies this fact.
We resume with Basketball Wives where we seem to every week…with a fight involving Evelyn Lozada. Shoeless (we all know what that means, don’t we Kenya Bell?), she steps across the table to get to Jenn Williams who has just been smacked by her friend Nia. Evelyn takes a flying leap off the table into the arms of a waiting production team bouncer. I would ask when will these ladies ever learn, but I’m pretty sure the answer is “Never.” But I will ask, when will these venues stop letting these kooks film their show at their places?
Evelyn wants Jennifer dead for thinking she’s better than Nia. How dare Jenn call Nia a “bum b*tch?” Evelyn wreaks havoc on a plant while Jenn watches. Nia calls out Jenn for having celebrity friends. Tami Roman can’t even regain control of the situation. She’s confused. Jenn decides it’s time to leave, and Evelyn beaks down in tears because you don’t judge a b*tch. You nevah evah judge a b*tch, ya hear? Gracious. Kesha Nichols leaves with Jenn, and she asks if the attack was expected. Kesha should know by now that outbursts are par for the course with these “ladies.”
Alright, I hate to break it to you wonderful readers, but this is going to be a brief-cap. As you well know, Real Housewives of New Jersey premiered last night, and as this was the final segment of the three-part train wreck known as the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion and I think we’ve said all there is to say. So, let’s break down the important parts!
So, is Kandi Burruss a sugar mama? Marlo Hampton seems to think so! And not only that, but she seems to think it’s her business to announce to the world that Kandi’s man lives with her. Well, I mean that’s called being in a committed relationship, you know: getting serious, not paying for sex, moving in together, going on actual dates in public, marriage… But I guess an escort/mistress wouldn’t know that, would she?. Kandi seems to think telling people her man drives a Range Rover proves she’s not a sugar mama. Kandi, yeah, labels don’t mean anything – just ask Marlo!
Marlo apparently earns money from all her haters. They take up a We Hate Marlo collection and just give it to her to fund her “labels”? So – can you guys do that for me? I need some new clothes – preferably ones made by Louwee VooTAWN.
So, Cynthia Bailey spoke after Andy Cohen slipped her a note telling her to fire up those vocal chords or get fired! Apparently, no one can get over the fact that Cynthia acts differently with a friend than she does with her co-workers and acquaintances. Much to do was made over the fact that Cynthia changes her spots for stripes when she leaves the giraffes for the zebras. Well, I really don’t think it’s that odd to act differently around people you know well, but I guess that’s why I’m not on a reality show. Personally, I don’t find Cynthia to be fake or confrontational with anyone. Nevertheless, Cynthia leaps right on into a screaming match with Kim Zolciak about how fake she supposedly is and how as soon as she gets near NeNe Leakesshe grows a pair of ovaries.
Proving that she speaks her mind, Cynthia calls Kim out on being a mistress! Cause, you know, it is what it is… Kim claims that Big Poppa was legally separated and you can date when you are separated. Except, Big Poppa is STILL not divorced – that’s the part she conveniently left out!
Cynthia, Marlo, and Kandi have distracting hair, that was probably not the best choice for the given environment. They keep flipping it over their shoulders and playing with it while trying to scream at people.
Marlo said she made it rain in South Africa because she knew She by SheBroke needed some money. Kandi snarked that she collected all those wasted bills to give to her man. Burn!
Sheree‘s greatest arguments are revisited. Who gon’ check me boo reigns supreme in my mind. Kim’s wigs have really um… gotten much more voluminous, haven’t they? And much tackier and trashier. First season they looked cute-ish, albeit a little cheap and matted. Now they look well… really fake and super cheap. What happened? Too much microwaving. Apparently, Kim and Sheree’s friendship has managed to survive call girl comments and wig pulls, because they are genuine and Sheree has never hit below the belt. Never really hit below the belt? If my friend called me a “call girl” on national TV, I would be preeeetty furious.
Kim informs us that despite what she told us, NeNe doesn’t have a penis. Whew! Good think she cleared that up!
Andy is still desperate for NeNe and Kim to be BFF again and return this show to its former splendor. Look, Andy – we all want that, but they are both too egotistical and it’s not gonna work out. Sorry. NeNe and Kim discuss their friendship for the umpteenth time. Both ladies are happy in their respective lives and are supportive of each other. Humbleness still eludes NeNe.
NeNe reveals that she brought Sheree and Kim to the attention of the producers and apparently NeNe convinced producers to hire Sheree because they initially thought she was too boring. And apparently, NeNe is willing to help Sheree out again – but unfortunately she is playing for the wrong team. Nothing like a little blackmail! <> And here come the rumors that NeNe got She by SheFired, well, fired!
And that’s it! We’re done with another season of RHOA!
THOUGHTS ON THE FINAL PART OF THE REUNION? ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT NEXT SEASON OR ARE YOU OVER THIS SHOW? WHO WILL QUIT FIRST: NENE OR KIM?
They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack. So, last night was the Real Housewives of New Jersey premiere and well, I think it’s very clear how this is all shaking out. It’s Teresa Giudice vs. the world. Bring back Super T cause she needs that cape! From the very first moment of the show, it was evident the emotions are raw and palpable. And it was hard for me to watch. Dare I say, this is the realest any Real Housewives show has ever been!
Things begin with the Wakiles and Gorgas are at the shore house. Kathy Wakile is cooking of course. Someone brings up Teresa‘s cookbook and, conveniently, just so happens to have a copy. And Richie just so happens to read aloud from it in front of all the parties while Melissa Gorga looks uncomfortable. Everyone discusses how much Teresa has changed since fame swept her under it’s demon wing and flew her far away from the marble palace in the half-vacant sub-division, the orange tans, and the salty, sewery breeze of Jersey; to a place where she is honored and revered and not a pariah for her love of sequins and trash talk. Non-Juicy Joe (aka Joe Gorga – gosh it feels good to use the old nicknames again!) announces that as a family, they are moving past the cookbook insults. We all know that’s not true!
At Jacqueline Laurita‘s she is having a party to get Caroline Manzo and Teresa in the same room together. The Manzo spawn are still incensed about Terea’s comments in the cookbook and Caroline is all like ‘you don’t have to kiss my feet – but you better if you want me to accept this apology.’
Somebody brings up Ashley, Ashlee, Hatlee- whatever – and wonders it she’s still a complete loser. That’s an affirmative! Lauren Manzo, who’s become quite the Donette Caroline, quips that the only thing Ashlee has changed about her life is her hair color. Lauren, on the other hand, completed med school by aged 16 and is a doctor on TV, saving children’s lives. Oh wait – that was Doogie Howser.
Teresa shows up and things are prickly. She wants to talk to Caroline and apologize about the cookbook misunderstanding. What?! <<Head spinning>> She wants to handle something like an adult not chuck an onion at Caroline’s head and tell her to go to hell or something. Teresa sits Caroline down and basically says they were all jokes and Caroline should get over it, but she’s sorry she hurt her feelings. All said though, Teresa’s face was so full of emotion and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. It was odd. All these ladies seem so broken. Caroline doesn’t feel the apology is sincere (even though I think it was in Teresa’s way) but decides she’s going to co-exist with Teresa. They hug and Teresa tells Caroline she’s like family to her.
Meanwhile everyone else is prepping for the shore. At the Gorgas’ Joe tells Melissa Teresa thinks Melissa would leave him if she met a richer man. So this definitely seems like a family rebuilding. Melissa and Joe go back and forth about the Teresa issue; they’re both hurt and Teresa is totally out of line. Who says that? So when did Bravo rename this show The Teresa Experience?
Kathy and Richie are packing. Richie pulls out some sex oil and Kathy gets all squeamish, telling him to hide it so no one sees it. Yet – they’re talking about it on television… Right. If sexing up their marriage is going to be a storyline, don’t expect me to recap that. Kathy implores him to just be nice to Teresa and try to get along, since they’ll all be spending time together over the weekend.
Over at Teresa‘s they are also packing up for the shore. Teresa admits this has been a hard year for her with Joeww and his issues. Teresa says Joe has become the nanny and she is now the breadwinner. She loves having him help her around the house, except he’s still lumbering around like a caveman screaming at everyone and tantruming. In the middle of all the chaos, Melania calls Gia a “stupid pooper” BWAHAHA! – which needs to replace bitch and whore as the standard HW insult. Teresa threatens to wash her mouth out with soap unless she apologizes like she means it. Hmmm… maybe Caroline needs to try that approach with T!
In the car on the way there, Teresa asks Joe about what he did last night. Joe claims he was out with some girls! On business! Um, say what? Teresa and Gia‘s hair stands up on end and they’re both like ‘wadaya mean girls’? Joe barks that they need to stay outta his bizness – except that broke fool doesn’t have bizness. And he was at TGI Friday!
Teresa is well aware of the rumors that Joe is cheating on her and she tells him Gia knows too, so he better keep his legs closed! Who would have an affair with Joe? Teresa would cut you faster than you could say Boo. Dang, I get the shivers just thinking about it!
Later while Jr. Mafia Joe is preparing for prison by weight lifting, Teresa wafts in wearing her leopard print robe to confront him about Gia being aware of what goes on. Teresa cites a magazine article she did talking about him going to prison and says Gia is worried about it and can read things. A Giudice that can read? Impossible! Joe, in a rare moment of clarity, tells Teresa this is the life they chose by going on TV. Teresa wants to protect her girls, but Joe seems unconcerned.
The funniest part was the mouse poop in that slide thing they had all rolled up on the roof and all the girls freaking out. haha. I love Melania and she melts my heart. She’s totally a crazy Housewife in training!
At Jacqueline‘s she gets a visit from her lifecoach. Apparently Ashlee is completely out of control and only focused on partying. In fact several times she has gotten stranded in the city because she’s too drunk to get home and Chris has to pick her up in the middle of the night. Yikes. The lifecoach gives her the same advice she’s been getting for three years and hasn’t taken. So when are they buying Ashlee another car?
So, Caroline is menopausal – or pregnant with a change of life baby! No just kidding – although I just kept waiting and waiting for Bravo to pull that out. It could still happen! Maybe Kathy will get the middle-aged storyline this season. Anyway, Caroline’s been having migraines and has been increasingly short tempered. She blames the company she keeps and her children for deserting her. Then hastily adds that Lauren still lives at home though. The doctor tells her she’s getting old. ha
The Gorga’s arrive at their shore house, which used to be normal and quaint until Joe decided to blow it up into a mcmansion complete with a liberry and a roller rink. Sadly, it’s still a construction zone and not fit for habitation. Melissa glares at him and snaps – no sex for you. Tarzan’s not leaving the jungle tonight!
So they all cruise over to Rich and Kathy‘s place, where they proceed to talk about Teresa some more. Apparently Melissa just so happened to come accross Teresa’s In Touch Weekly cover. And after she drew devil horns and a mustache on Teresa’s face and sobbed that she wasn’t front and center, she read the article. Basically, Teresa admitted she was scared that Jr Mafia Joe may be headed to prison.
On last night’s Mob Wives, everyone shockingly got along. There were no brawls, no altercations, and a relatively small amount of drama. What’s going on, ladies?
Renee Graziano and Ramona Rizzo head to lunch, where Renee finally realizes that she needs to stop throwing a pity party for herself. She doesn’t want Junior Pagan to have that kind of power of her after his shady dealings. Ramona reveals that the feds obtained a search warrant for Joe’s house and have confiscated all of her jewelry from the home. It’s over 200k worth of baubles, and Ramona is beyond upset about the hoops she will have to jump through to have it returned.
Karen Gravano is anticipating the release of Mob Daughters and she is going to have a big party, including media, red carpet, the works. Karen is nervous about the potential questions the book could generate, but she is very excited about the venue.
Big Ang is excited about the holidays, especially for her sister Janine’s Christmas party at her massive home. Renee is looking good and arrives ready to have fun. Drita D’Avanzo shows up and is awe of Janine’s house. Of course, Renee wants to get to the bottom of Carla Facciolo implying that Renee knew Junior was a rat. Both Drita and Big Ang are defending Carla because they don’t think she meant any harm. Renee is finally ready to listen to reason, and Big Ang is grateful. She just wants to have a fun party!
Drita and Carla go shopping for jewelry for Carla’s niece’s sweet sixteen party. Drita relays to Carla how crazy Renee went over hearing Carla’s comment from Karen. Carla is so tired of how sensitive Renee is being, and she can’t believe Karen didn’t convey the context in which her statement was said. Drita tries to play peacekeeper, but it seems like it’s going to be a lost cause.
Ramona has a meeting with Joe’s attorney. She wants to get her jewelry back…although she doesn’t seem to care about her children’s birth certificates which were stored with the jewelry. He tells her that her possessions are likely in a vault in Texas. Not only are many of the pieces expensive, but they have sentimental value. Ramona is livid.
Carla and Renee meet for coffee to hash out their differences. Carla is beyond angry that Renee would ever believe that Carla thought that way about her. She basically goes on off on Renee for not coming to her first. Carla is also shocked when Renee takes responsibility for making the assumption, and all is well (for now) with their friendship.
Ramona, Karen, and Big Ang are taking belly dancing lessons. Big Ang can’t get the moves down, and Ramona blames her massively huge breasts for her lack of balance. Karen isn’t getting the hang of it either. She blames her preoccupation on the fact that some of the victims are trying to boycott her book. She is just trying to tell the story of her life. Ramona believes it must be difficult for all parties involved. Ya think?
Drita has a cute scene with her youngest daughter. Her four-year-old is the week’s star student, and Drita surprises her daughter by announcing she’s going to get a puppy. Her daughter is thrilled, but Drita isn’t too keen on naming a dog “Sparkles.”
Really, we could skip all the other parts and go straight to that, because it’s the only part that really truly matters. It went a little like this: Marlo walks out, rocking pin-straight hair and a dress with shoulders constructed from a bathmat (Project Runway challenge?). She sat down, said no one liked her once she became friends with NeNe Leakes, copped to her charges, denied having her bills paid by Mr. Ted Turner, confirmed she still had a lot of work to do learning etiquette, and then she came out with it. Kim, you’re a whore! Apparently this was in response to something Kim said on the show about Marlo being an escort (which is all but proven fact at this point) with a large ladyhole. All class, no trash!
Frankly, I couldn’t believe it. Marlo just came out and said it – ‘Oh, I think we’re cut from the same cloth… you know, cheap polyester, maybe nylon – oh, wait no… No, we’re not. I’m cut from 10-ply cashmere and you – you’re a whore. You’re just some cheap acrylic. Google my charges! Cause prison uniforms are totally made from luxurious fibers.’
Marlo had it all planned out – she was practically reading a script NeNe had written for her and handily printed up on Gucci stationary; except I really don’t think NeNe was involved in this – nor Bravo, for once – I think Marlo acted as the lone honey badger. Vicious, crazy, and totally entertaining in a sadistic way. That being said – she needs to leave the show. And really, really study that etiquette manual. Like, non-stop. And Kim should be her study partner.
So, Marlo prances out and somehow gets into a screaming fight with Kim about who’s a whore and who’s an escort. It turns out that now that Kim is married, she’s neither a whore nor an escort and that whole Big Poppa charade never happened. Seriously- anytime anyone brings it up she points to her ring and says she’s a married woman now. Ok, but like Marlo said, she used to be a home-wrecking harlot flaunting it on TV and loving every minute of it; waving that big ol’ rock around! So she was basically a whore, but really Marlo: Pot meet Kettle.
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We’re getting down there in numbers as far as this season’s American Idol is concerned. Ryan Seacrest reveals that Wednesday’s show garnered 53 million votes, which is a record for the season. The remaining seven perform a group number, and I have to say that these are not my favorite…although I do love Fox’s excessive use of balloons in the opening number.
After the necessary product placement for Ford, Ryan engages in witty banter with the final seven. He asks Hollie about how last week’s save of Jessica has affected the relationships with the remaining singers. She gives a politically correct answer before she and Joshua are called to the stage. After Joshua’s two songs on Wednesday, JLo calls him “beautiful” while Randy Jackson touts him as one of the most gifted singers ever to grace the AI stage. Steven Tyler believes Joshua climbed inside him…in a good way.
Hollie channeled Adele. While the judges loved it, and I am no critic, I stand firm that it’s always a bad idea to try to recreate a song which is still popular…and sung by someone so revered in such a small amount of (American pop culture) time. I loved her “Son of a Preacher Man” rendition, but I don’t think she can hold a candle to Adele, so she shouldn’t have even forced the comparison. Jimmy is pulling for Joshua, while he thinks Hollie has improved. Joshua is safe while Hollie finds herself the first in the bottom three.
Taylor Hicks crawls out of that bar I once saw him at in Birmingham to announce he’s got a Vegas tour in the works. Sure you do…and I am a big fan of THicks. He also introduces recent Idol winner Kris Allen who debuts a new mediocre song. The next two up for results are Skylar and Elise. Skylar rocked a country version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” and I think Gaga herself would be proud. Her rendition of “Heard It Through the Grapevine” was just as impressive. Elise is from my home state, so I am glad that she garnered love from JLo and Steven Tyler...but I am not her biggest fan. Loved Skylar, liked Elise in a “I hate people get voted off this show” sort of way. Ryan informs Elise that she must join Hollie in the bottom three.
After Model Jay was sent packing last week, the division between the men and the women was as evident as ever on last night’s Survivor. Troyzan knows he’s likely next on the chopping block. He gets in a verbal altercation with Alicia after Christina didn’t keep her word to him. From here on out, it’s Troyzan versus the world!
Troyzan is so peeved, and he likens the women to gold-digging divorcees. He perks up considerably when he finds cash in the tree-mail. The tribe learns that they will be able to use their money at an auction. Each teammate has $500, and each bid must be in $20 increments. Tribe members may not pool their money. Jeff Probst recommends that if someone sees something they like, they should bid immediately as the auction could end at any time.
The first items up for bid are some frosted donuts and iced coffee. For a mere $160, Chelsea wins it. Kat starts the bidding for chips, guacamole, and a margarita at one hundred smackers. She and Sabrina get into a bidding war, with Sabrina takes a long swig of that margarita for the low price of four hundred dollars. A protein shake and some bananas are next…Lief wins after again bidding against Kat. I think she just wants to buy something, regardless of what it is. Alicia bids $20 for a shower with shampoo and a toothbrush, but Kim takes it for forty. The tribe watches as she slips out of her skivvies and starts brushing her teeth.
Christina bids $40 on a BLT with an iced tea. Kat immediately counters with one hundred dollars. I am really starting to get the feeling she doesn’t know how this works. She ends up paying $180 for the sandwich. A hot ticket item is next—peanut butter and chocolate. Kim leaves her shower, covered in soap, to outbid Alicia. She snacks on her peanut butter from the shower. Everyone gets teary when Jeff announces a letter from home is up next. I bet Sabrina is second guessing her $400 tequila shot right about now. Alicia opens and closes the bidding with all her money. I guess she grew a heart when Colton left! Everyone who has their full pot can purchase their letter. Tarzan can barely talk when he goes to retrieve his letter.