Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta brought their southern notions and their southern concepts of time to LA. And apparently in LA no one is ever late.
Things begin with the ladies traveling via trains, planes, and hummer limos (but thankfully not on a platoon of Louwee VeeTAWN luggage) to NeNe Leakes' house in the Hollywood Hills. She must have rented Chateau Sheree, the LA Version because the road to get there is completely under construction and the limo driver informs them they can walk the rest of the way up.
NeNe has to drive down and get them in her SUV and the house turns out to be gorgeous. NeNe's is hosting a fabulous dinner party so she can introduce her Hollywood friends to her cast mates. She wants the ladies to arrive back at her house by 9pm sharp for a sit-down dinner, even though it's the day they landed and they have like six minutes to get ready and traverse down the hill on foot to meet their limo and schlep all across town. No one is thrilled.
Renee and Drita are meeting for lunch, and Renee is overjoyed to hear how happy her friend is now that Lee has been released to the halfway house. Drita admits that she and her husband are a lot like teenagers in love. She's willing to forgive Lee for his affair in an attempt to work on their relationship. Has Renee had more surgery since the last episode? Her right eyebrow is raised in a constant state of speculation. It's a tad creepy and distractions. Renee reveals that she shared her struggles with addiction with her father. She still craves a cocktail and some pills, but she's coming to terms with the fact that her recovery will be a day-by-day process.
Carla stops by the Drunken Monkey to tell Big Ang about her successful meeting with Raquel and Joe. Ang wants to have a holiday party for all the girls, and Carla is wary of the guest list, given that she's only getting along with Ang and Drita. Carla will attend to support Ang, but it's going to be uncomfortable. She is willing to be cordial, but she knows the other women aren't going to speak to her. Ang is sad that her friend is on the outs with all of her other friends. Carla can't understand why Love has such a problem with her, especially given the fact that the two have never met. Additionally, Carla hopes that Renee will civil with her given their recent butter knife altercation. Ang explains that Renee is a different person since going to rehab, and she's more about being happy than creating drama. Carla hopes that Ang is right about Renee, and she hopes all of the other ladies follow suit. Good luck with that!
Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long! Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint. I couldn't love this show more if I tried. Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch. I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season.
The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream. It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance. Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare. No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee! Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!
Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve. Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition. He's still a redneck, right? RIGHT? Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town. Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops. God, I LOVE this family! The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure.
Last night's Dance Moms had to have been one for the record books. Not only did it have the return of Black Patsy, but we got to see Abby Lee Miller express emotions other than hatred or favoritism. I didn't know she had it in her!
The episode begins as the girls and moms convene in the studio, but Abby is missing. She arrives late and explains to everyone that her dog Baby has passed away. Abby fights through the tears to remind her troupe that this week they will be competing in St. Louis. The girls are visibly saddened to see their teacher so upset. Pets are family members, so my heart goes out to Abby. Losing a pet is devastating. Abby quickly runs through the pyramid. Paige is on the bottom for her apparent lack of confidence. Brooke joins her for only scoring fifth. MacKenzie rounds out the lowest level. Kendall is on the second rung, along with Nia whose facial expressions garner praise from Abby. Maddie seems to have once again secured a permanent residence in the top spot.
The group number will have some ballet choreography, and MacKenzie is once again out of the dance. Abby touts the piece as an epic love story, and she hopes she'll be able to escape into the fantasy of the dance to forget about the loss of Baby. Nia is given a solo, and Holly is over the moon for her daughter. Maddie will also be dancing a solo. Abby reminds the girls that St. Louis is the home of Nicaya, who is the daughter of blink-and-you-missed-her-but-man-was-she-sassy-putting-the-crazies-in-their-place Black Patsy. Abby pleads with the moms to be on their best drama-free behavior. Good luck with that!
Sean Lowe! Is that a long-tail boat you have there or are you just happy to see me? Sean sails into Thailand to forgo sexy times with his three remaining bachelorettes – Lindsay Yenter, AshLee Frazier, Catherine Guidici – in the Bachelor fantasy suite. They go to the suite, but instead of the normal sexy times, Sean and his ladies share closed mouth kisses and play M.A.S.H.
My M.A.S.H. game says Sean and Catherine will live in a house in Dallas with three kids. two dogs, and one hamster. Crossing my fingers!
Can you imagine spending only eight-ish "off camera" hours with someone before proposing marriage? I most certainly cannot, and leading into this week, Sean has some doubts as well. You see, he has feelings for all three women, and it's hard. Being. The. Bachelor. Is. Hard.
We share your pain, Sean. Watching it hasn't always been enjoyable either.
Growing up is sooooo hard to do. Especially when you're a 32-year-old male model perfecting the dilettante lifestyle. Such is the case of Jax Taylor, who everyday listens to Rod Stewart's anthem "Forever Young" on his iPod while slicing lime twists for the perfect cocktail. But alas fair Jax – everyone has a moment when they wake up Maggie Mae.
Worst of all is that Jax let his people down. His followers, ready to decamp in the jungle without their eyeliner for him, were crestfallen.
In the tangled web of Vanderpump Rules, Jax is trying to rekindle his relationship with Stassi Schroeder and to do that he's taking their dog shopping. Stassi wants all remnants of that flea Laura-Leigh exterminated. Over talk of new leashes, Stassi then turns her laser devil eyes on Jax and he is forced to beg and plead with her not to exterminate him as well.
Stassi and Jax, the endless tale of emotional f**kwittism. Is buying a new dog accessory some sort of break-up rite of passage now?
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there was an intervention, the reveal of Ken Todd's secret life, and one incredibly boring trip to Paris which consisted of standing on a balcony in bad cocktail dresses speculating over whether or not Kim Richards was jet-lagged or relapsing.
Things begin at Kyle Richards' house where we are treated to the full scope of her sitting room. I certainly hope she isn't paying Faye Resnick for her design services because tacked onto the white walls are dead turtle shells. In other accents Kyle had American flag pillows strewn around her sectional. #Refund. Anyway, Kim loves this room. She just loves this room. Apparently in her house there is no place to sit down. She should hire Faye. Or you know, buy a couch! Craigslist, baby.
Segue: can you imagine how awesome the BH Craigslist offerings must be?
Anyway, one thing Kim isn't happy about, besides her lack of seating space, is Taylor Armstrong's behavior. After Taylor got drunk and took off with a married man whose private jet she's in love with and ditched her daughter with the nanny and Kyle, Kim is convinced Taylor has a little problem with the old Chardonnay. Something about Taylor slurring 'Keeedeeeee's with youse, Kow. I thought eye left er at ome with the burlr larm?' tipped her off to the problem.
Is it just me or has Love & Hip Hop over extended itself on cast members and bad story lines? Some nights we see everyone, some nights we don't see some of the more "popular" characters. Heck, there are some women in the opening credits who have had maybe five minutes of screen time all season. It's nothing short of terribly confusing, but I guess it's one of the reasons I watch! You never know what–or who–you're going to get!
Last night commenced with Yandy Smith fighting mad after learning that her boyfriend Mendeecees jumped her personal trainer/cousin. He is all in her face about not caring that her cousin is in the NFL, and she's upset that he doesn't respect her family members. After lots of cussing, Yandy storms off into the night. Props to Mendeecees for being super mature about the situation. Oh wait…
Lore'l and Winter Amos are having drinks and discussing Lore'l's new record and their dating lives. Lore'l thinks they have different priorities in relationships…she is looking for love while her friend Winter is looking for cash. Classy. Winter is thrilled to hear that Lore'l has let her manager-friend go, and she's even more excited about her upcoming tell-all. She plans on exposing lots of past relationships, and Lore'l is a bit concerned to find out she's mentioned in the book.