Like Cheeto dust through the garbage disposal, these are the days of Leah Calvert‘s life. Leah has been in the midst of a custody dispute with her ex-husband Corey Simms, a divorce with her soon-to-be-second-ex-husband Jeremy Calvert, and cheating scandal with her ex-boyfriend Robbie Kidd, and possibly struggling with a drug addiction.
This week Leah confirmed that she’ll be allowing MTV to capture all the drama, as she made a eleventh hour decision to return to Teen Mom 2 after quitting the show! While many assumed she just didn’t want another one of her marital meltdowns being played out on TV, the real reason may have been that she didn’t want the cameras to capture her possibly losing custody of the twins to Corey.
Luckily, Leah and Corey settled their custody issues in court on Monday and agreed to maintain 50/50 joint custody of Ali and Aleeah. Corey was considering full custody as a result of Leah’s instability and drug issues amid rumors that she was using child support checks to buy drugs – Leah still maintains she does not have an opiate addiction – but she has found Jesus at a church that specializes in addiction sermons.
It’s been a long time since we’ve heard from our good friend Farrah Abraham. But there have been two rumors about her circulating recently and we felt the need to update you, her fans. HA. I’m just kidding. Farrah’s only fan is Farrah. Um, and maybe Teen Mom 2 stalker Adam Lind, which brings me to the first rumor. Brace yourselves. It’s a doozy.
Rumor #1 – Adam wants to break into the porn industry, and he thinks the easiest way to shoot to super-porn-stardom is to make a tape with Farrah, the backdoor to endless possibilities.
“Adam is eager to get into the porn world and thinks that Farrah would make the perfect partner,” claimed a totally reliable source. #sarcasm “Adam loves what Farrah has done with her Teen Mom career. He thinks they could really rake in a lot of money since they’re both celebrities.” HAHAHAHA <celebrities> HAHAHA <can’t breathe> HAHAHAHA
Apparently cheating was as popular as Lunchables and Cheetos in the Calvert Household! In fact, we could just say they’re all a bunch of Cheat-Os, because now comes news that Jeremy Calvert was cheating on Leah Calvert too! Oops.
Jeremy and Leah are back and forth on whether or not to end their marriage of two years after Leah got roped up in a cheating scandal (and drug issues) with ex-boyfriend Robbie Kidd! However sources say Leah has actually been doing Jeremy a real favor by not revealing that he too had an affair and was recently caught texting the mistress!
Sources assert that the Teen Mom 2 star recently discovered Jeremy sending texts to a woman named Brittany Musick, whom he was cheating with, and that prompted Leah to contact Brittany on twitter!
They’re on, they’re off – they’re like Hot Cheetos – they burn your mouth and are a zillion calories but you just can’t quit the little suckers! Leah Calvertand Jeremy Calvert are on and off again, like a light switch! But Leah has found one man who will stay consistent in her life: Jesus! Can I get an Amen?!
According to sources, with her latest marital and drug troubles Leah is asking: “What Would Jesus Do?” Leah has been going to church lately to get in touch with her faith. I guess now that she’s done with Teen Mom 2, the girl’s gotta do something!
Leah apparently blames herself (finally!) for driving Jeremy to leave her, so she’s looking to the Lord for guidance. “She’s started going to a church that embraces forgiveness and recovery,” a source reveals. “She’s determined to make a complete turnaround.”
Not so shocking news: Teen Mom 2 hellion Adam Lind was arrested Sunday. Slightly shocking news: Adam’s 138th arrest – just a guesstimate – wasn’t for a traffic violation. Adam was jailed on domestic stalking charges this time.
However Adam and his most recent ex-girlfriend, Brooke Beaton, don’t agree on the details surrounding the arrest. Adam said Brooke is a drug-addicted slut who went CRAZY, slashed his truck tires, and told the police LIES about him because he broke up with her. Can you blame Brooke for lashing out? I mean, losing your one chance at true love with Adam Lind? The struggle is real!
Brooke said Adam is an abuser who stalked her and her family on Facebook and physically attacked her more than once. Considering Adam was arrested, I’m going to guess South Dakota’s finest have reason to believe Brooke.
Lawdy-lawd! The hills of WV are alive with the drama of Leah Messer Simms Calvert Messer and her soon-to-be-second-ex-husband-Jeremy Calvert! Leah announced that she is saying goodbye to MTV – and hinted she’s also saying goodbye to that husband of hers!
I imagine Leah Calvert and Jeremy Calvert‘s decision to work on their marriage went a little like this: they touched hands while both reaching into the Cheeto bag at the same time. There were sparks – and Hot Cheetos were made. Then the Teen Mom 2 star dumped the bag out on the coffee table and instead of reading tea leaves to predict her future, she read Cheeto dust. It said Jerrrrr-meeee and Leah – FOR-EV-ER.
Then Leah realized she could highlight her hair using the neon orange Cheeto crumbles, and do a vow renewal at the Mingo County Community Center (real place y’all) or in Nitro, WV (real place, y’all!) and honeymoon at the Boones Farm Dispensary. Or you know, maybe she and Jeremy just started following each other on twitter again and changed their Facebook statuses from “Divorced” to “It’s Complicated” Both are equally insane ways to deal with a marital problems, amirate?!
Farrah Abraham is moving on up the porn ladder. The fired Teen Mom star is making bank hawking coochie molds and stripper shows and ‘sex tapes’ and has decided to sell her Austin, TX home which was featured on the MTV special ‘Being Farrah‘.
Anyway, Farrah’s home features enough bedrooms to store all of her accolades of grand delusion. The 3,310 home built in 2011 boasts 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, 2 garages, and a private casita (for filming your next sex tape!). It is located in the coveted Lake Travis school district in an exclusive luxury subdivision. All of this can be yours for $750,000! Farrah was originally asking $780,000 but recently did a price reduction. It’s been on the market 14 days and if you’re in the Austin area, we implore you PUH-LEASE attend Farrah’s open house this weekend!