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Last night we were treated to two marriage themed episodes of Teen Mom.  So as to not cause our readers to overdose on all things Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert, we're splitting up the recaps.  It's just our way of letting our wonderful readers recoup from one hour of the train wreck to the next.  All in all, it was a night of proposals, weddings, and tears made in MTV heaven. 

Jenelle and Gary are back in full romance mode, and her roommate questions whether Jenelle truly loves Gary or if she just hates being alone.  Jenelle assures her that she isn't with Gary just because he's in the military and will make good money.  He's good with Jace, and she just doesn't have the energy to look for another relationship.  Jenelle admits that they both pick fights on purpose because they love the drama.  All of those are wonderful reasons to stay with someone, right?  Her roommate begs Jenelle not to accept any marriage proposals from Gary because the two clearly aren't ready to get married.  Jenelle can't make any promises.

Speaking of marriage, Leah and Gary really want to get a loan on their dream house, and they are considering getting married at the courthouse before their actual planned wedding ceremony.  She informs her mom of their plan, and her mom is fine with their plan.  Her mom wants her to tell Corey beforehand, but she's excited when Leah asks her to be a witness.  After chatting with her mom, Leah shares her early wedding plans with her sister.

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Farrah Abraham is celebrating Easter today with her family. And I really hope she takes the time to count her blessings, love (and appreciate) her family, and reflect on her mistakes. (Keep reading for a few adorable pictures of Sophia!) 
 
Who am I kidding? Farrah is an insufferable brat who takes her blessings for granted, treats her family like crap, and never takes responsibility for mistakes. 
 
The Teem Mom star took to Twitter to explain bitch about her recent DWI/DUI incident. The title of Farrah's blog is WHAT REALLY HAPPENED By ME – ya know the person who was really there!  HAHA. You already know this is going to be good a train wreck.
 
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Oh my good gracious.  Y'all know how I feel about the ladies of MTV's Teen Mom franchise, but I'll let you in on a little secret.  I've always held out hope for a slightly normal life for the first cycle's Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra.  The couple chose adoption for their daughter on their episode of 16 & Pregnant, and they have faced multiple relationship and socio-economic hurdles with grace and maturity.

Both Catelynn and Tyler came from backgrounds where the cards were already stacked against them, but the pair seems determined to beat the odds.  Despite family drama (his jailbird dad married her addict mom–and that relationship was nothing short of abusive), the two graduated high school and started working towards college degrees.  Now, they are moving their issues to MTV's sister network.  Le sigh.

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Teen Mom 2 star Kailyn Lowry is reportedly pregnant with her second child! 

Kailyn, 21, hasn't confirmed (or denied) the story yet, but In Touch claims that friends and family outed her pregnancy news to them.  Let's hope she okayed that ahead of time!

Rumor has it that Kail and husband Javi Marroquin, 20, are ecstatic about becoming parents together. Kailyn's sister-in-law told them that the pregnancy wasn't planned, but they were hoping to add to their family down the road anyway. She tells the magazine, “They’re overjoyed! When Kailyn told Javi, he cried.”

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This may sound a bit odd, but I've taken to thinking of Teen Mom 2 (actually the entire franchise) as MTV's personal Truman Show.  It's not true, it's just the network's way of punking everyone everywhere.  In fact, it's getting to be the only way I can rationalize these girls and their unapologetically abhorrent behavior (that includes you, Farrah Abraham!).  It has to be some sort of joke or satirical take on modern society, right? 

In my head, Jenelle Evans is using this as her doctoral thesis, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert is planning to use her footage to create a poignant yet ironic documentary on the importance of self-esteem and the teenage girl.  Kailyn Lowry is working undercover to fix glitches in the family court that allow one parent to abuse the legal system just to get back at the ex who scorned them…she's good at her job, by the way.  Finally, Chelsea Houska is having the last laugh, as she's actually fluent in eight languages (whining is the ninth!), and she's testing a scientific theory regarding how high pitched and nasally a voice must be before viewers press the mute button.  Well played, ladies.  Well played.  Too bad my alternate Teen Mom universe is just one blogger's sad delusions.  :) 

So, let's get to last night's episode, shall we?  Jenelle is recovering from her boob job, and she can't wait until she's fully recovered so she can spend some time with Jace.  Sadly, that won't happen until the poor child is at least eighteen.  Gary is taking good care of her, and Jenelle wants to talk about three things: 1) Kieffer; 2) what Gary thinks of her new ta-tas; and 3) Kieffer.  Oh, wait… Kieffer has been texting Jenelle, and Gary isn't willing to lose his "career" to fight with such a loser if he decides to come visit.  He'd rather get back to checking out Jenelle's new rack.

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farrah-abraham

Since Jenelle Evans is the reigning train wreck on Teen Mom 2, someone needs to step up to the plate in the original franchise…especially with Amber Portwood stories at a lull due to her incarceration.  Leave it to Farrah Abraham to take over the role as most idiotic Teen Mom.  Speaking out about her recent DUI arrest (you know, the one where she blew nearly twice the legal limit!), Farrah wants to set the record straight about what happened.  Clearly, it wasn't her fault.

Blaming her sister, mainly, and being sick, in part, Farrah wants everyone to believe she didn't do anything wrong.  I'm actually insulted that she truly thinks that people will be dumb enough to buy into her ridiculous story.  Add in the arrogance of seeking out a media outlet to spread her crap, and I'm totally befuddled by little Miss Farrah.  Geez.

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I am sure I am not the only person who is sheerly astounded by the arrogance that is Farrah Abraham. From deciding she's a writer and a chef, to telling her three-year-old she has hideous eyebrows, Farrah sure does think she knows everything!

Monday night the former Teen Mom star got arrested for a DUI. Farrah blew a .147 on the breathalyzer which is twice the legal limit in Omaha, NE where she was nabbed about 1am. 

According to the police report, thankfully secured by TMZ, Farrah put up quite the fuss with the cops as well. Why am I not surprised! Farrah was pulled over when she almost took out a police car making a super wide, drunken turn. 

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Despite Jenelle Evans and her formerly estranged husband Courtland Rogers being back in love and sharing every minute of it with Twitter, things may get a little rocky for the reality couple.  

The Teen Mom 2 star filed assault charges against her husband Courtland back in January, moved in with former boyfriend Gary Head, went to rehab (twice), split with Gary, got back with Courtland – and who knows how many other bumps and changes along the way.  We can't keep up, no matter how hard we try.

Things are heating up in the assault case and yesterday Courtland's mom, Holley Rogers, along with Courtland's sister, Carson Rogers, were subpoenaed to court.  Our source tells us, "The charges are false and those that are close with the family feel that Jenelle will get in trouble in the end."

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