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Teen Mom

Jenelle Evans is in love, y'all. 

Are you still with me? Here goes nothing… on her blog, the Teen Mom 2 star proudly proclaims, “I think I have broken the “Gary/Kieffer” Spell I was under! YES!" Yes, Kieffer Delp and Jenelle are off again. So sad. Just a few days after that shocker expected turn of events, Jenelle declares her love for a new guy, Courtland Rogers

Jenelle shares, "Courtland and myself have made it official that we are in a relationship now. I'm so excited to start this new chapter in my life. Everyone is going to love him. He is so caring, loyal, and knows how to take care of himself. I have a good feeling about this relationship."

Jenelle has a good feeling, y'all.

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MTV aired Amber Behind Bars last night. 

From 16 and Pregnant to Teen Mom… Amber Portwood fell apart right before our eyes. We watched. We screamed. We snarked. We even cried. Well, I know I cried when Leah said to Amber "I need you!" in between sobs and when Amber gave full custody of Leah to Gary Shirley. We sat in stunned silence when Amber chose prison over drug rehab. 

I braced myself for intense feelings of anger and/or sadness, turned on my TV, and listened as Dr. Drew Pinksy interviewed AmberBehind bars. Much to my surprise, I actually found Amber to be likable. Possibly for the first time ever. I also came to respect her decision to enter prison.

Dr. Drew began the interview with, "You're not loaded?!" I giggled and cringed at the same time. "Nope, not loaded, but I feel a little bit nervous," Amber said. 

To recap: Amber has been in prison for four months now. And in therapeutic community, which is like rehab in prison, for two months. Amber admitted she resisted the move into rehab. But they forced her, because she's in prison and doesn't get to make decisions. Dr. Drew asked, "Why prison?"

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I know I can be overly snarky, and I realize that sometimes my sarcasm is too much.  However, I am being dead serious when I say that someone needs to intervene with poor Leah Shirley.  The precious toddler has been the rope that Teen Mom's Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley use to play their crazy game of tug-of-war, and it's so depressing.  I don't doubt they both love their daughter with everything they have, but seriously, this is just too much.

The newest news from this pair stems from a "behind bars" interview that Amber gave to Dr. Drew Pinsky as she serves time for parole violations in an Indiana penitentiary.  I mean, is this man even a real doctor?  I saw a few episodes of "Loveline" back in the day, but should someone who used to pal around with Adam Corolla really be giving advice to incarcerated teenage mothers?  What genius at MTV thought this was a good idea?  These sad people aren't characters or cash cows, but yet…Sorry.  I will step down from my soapbox now. 

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We all said our goodbyes to the original Teen Mom cast a few weeks ago.

Together, we celebrated the girls, Amber Portwood's eyelashes, the babies, Farrah Abraham's never-ending supply of puppies, the good times, Catelynn Lowell's fashion evolution, the bad times, and Bentley pissing on Maci Bookout

Personally, I thought the series finale and Dr. Drew's reunion special (part one and part two) were send off enough. However, despite the inevitable spin offs to come, somebody (starts with a 'm' and rhymes with 'teevee') isn't ready to cut the cord. 

MTV has announced three new Teen Mom specials. Perhaps the most unexpected one, though, is a half-hour interview with Amber titled Amber Behind Bars: An MTV Special set to air on October 9!

MTV's press release:

In this exclusive half-hour interview, Dr. Drew sits down with Amber Portwood inside the Rockville Correctional Facility for an intimate discussion about what life has been like behind bars, the status of her relationship with her daughter Leah, ex-boyfriend Gary, and her family, and her hopes for the future. As Amber reflects on her situation, she gives viewers an open, honest look inside the intense ups and downs she’s faced during this journey.

This exclusive interview marks the first time Amber has personally shared her story since she entered the Rockville Correctional Facility in June 2012.

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Watch out, world!  Farrah Abraham is getting a spin-off!  I know, I know…I probably won't watch it either!  After (finally) saying farewell to the original train wrecks ladies of MTV's Teen Mom, it appears that at least one of them won't be fading into obscurity just yet. 

On the heels of that news, it seems that the only sane couple to come out of this mess will finally be walking down the aisle, as Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra are finally planning that wedding.  Sadly, they sound just a delusional as their counterparts when it comes to saying "I do."

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This is the end of MTV's Teen Mom. The original group, anyway. We still have Jenelle Evans and her buddies on Teen Mom 2 to endure enjoy, as well as a new group to learn to love to hate on Teen Mom 3.  

I'll admit – the Teen Mom series finale left me craving more Teen Mom; however, after watching these reunion "specials," I can honestly say I'm ready to move on. On Part One of the reunion special, which was taped the first weekend of MarchDr. Drew Pinsky talked to Catelynn LowellTyler Baltierra, and Farrah Abraham

Part two brings us the rest of the original cast. Well, almost. Amber Portwood is still at summer camp. <wink, wink>

Maci and Ryan… Sitting in a Tree… 

Before Dr. Drew obsesses about Maci Bookout and Ryan Edwards living happily ever after, he asks Maci about college. She says, "I'm doing good now. After my first two years, I just realized how fast it was going by. I stopped making excuses. Aside from Bentley, that should be the most important thing." Maci adds she is done wasting her time and money. Also, she travels at least once a week to speak to teens about teen pregnancy. 

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Searching for stability, searching for sobriety… a whole lot of searching… and that, my friends, is how Dr. Drew Pinsky sums up the final season of Teen MomThen he welcomes Farrah Abraham, Maci Bookout, and Catelynn Lowell to the reunion special. Amber Portwood is at summer camp and unable to attend the taping. 

When Dr. Drew glosses over Amber's absence, I know that this was taped a while back. I mean, "legal and personal issues" and "voluntary five-year prison term" aren't even in the same ballpark. If the "reunion show" isn't going to be taped in real time, I think it's kind of pointless. 

Before we get into the meat and potatoes of the reunion, ha, who am I kidding? It's Dr. Drew. Let me start again.

Teen Mom Series Finale Recap

Before we get into the limp lettuce and soggy potatoes of the reunion, Dr. Drew reminds us what happened this season on Teen Mom, as if it isn't already permanently burned into our brains. (I'll show you my scar tissue, if you show me yours.) Alas, the highlights…

Amber and Gary Shirley fight. Amber enters rehab after she threatens suicide. Rehab takes away Amber's fake eyelashes and spray tan but not her drugs. Amber goes home. Amber and Gary fight. Gary gets sole custody of Leah.

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For the past three years, we've been following the lives of Catelynn LowellMaci BookoutFarrah Abraham, and Amber Portwood, starting with 16 and Pregnant. Tuesday night's series finale of Teen Mom marked the end of an unforgettable error era.

During the broadcast, some of the stars shared their thoughts via Twitter.

Farrah was real quick to pass judgment on Gary Shirley. Farrah tweeted about Gary, "What a pig! You're horrible; go get mental help for Amber's sake P.O.S."

What got her so fired up?

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