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Farrah Abraham erotic trilogy

My apologies for a Farrah Abraham story on a Monday but we just can't resist the ish that comes out of her mouth. Today's rambles include more about her Celebrity Sex Tape trilogy and a diss aimed at her Teen Mom co-stars.

Farrah says she turned to writing after the mess that was her leaked sex tape. And by "sex tape" I mean professionally produced porn by Vivid Entertainment and by "leaked" I mean professionally distributed porn by Vivid Entertainment.

Farrah explains, "I think because of the experiences I went through and I think some of them were unfair and I guess judged incorrectly from the public when I was going through some things with my sex tape – I think it was the catalyst for me to start writing therapeutically and then I was thinking of fictional characters so I could kind of get out of my head and this came about." If you tilt your head to the right and close one eye, that very long sentence kind of makes sense. 

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married-to-medicine-quad-gregory

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – 2.4 million viewers watched the season two premiere of Married to Medicine on Sunday. This is the second largest audience ever for Married to Medicine – the most watched episode was Mariah and Toya's nasty fight of course. Season one premiered to 1.89 million. Also Real Housewives of Atlanta logged its lowest audience since mid-December with 3.66 million viewers watching Porsha flake out on Kandi.

On Monday, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills secrets revealed special attracted 1.372 million fans, and 2.292 million watched Basketball Wives L.A. Meanwhile, T-Rav's dinner party on Southern Charm garnered 1.059 million viewers, which marks the first time Southern Charm passed one million viewers.

Teen Mom 2 ruled Tuesday night, as always, with 2.152 million viewers tuning in to see Nathan get arrested for DUI. An emotional episode of Dance Moms logged just 1.751 million, which is a season low and down nearly 670,000 since the season premiere in January. The mermaid parade on Real Housewives of New York attracted 1.204 million, and Bravo Ratings reported, "This is the lowest return since the third episode of their freshman season in 2008." 

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teen-mom-2-jenelle-nathan

So Mr. Perfect got his orange a$$ handed to him! Somewhere Barbara Evans is doing a victory dance.

Nathan Griffith landed himself a THIRD DUI last September and luckily for us Teen Mom 2 cameras recorded the entire thing. The grainy footage featured Nathan resisting arrest, getting tackled to the ground, and being tasered. Nathan was arrested and released on bond paid for by devoted girlfriend Jenelle Evans

Yesterday morning Nathan was sentenced to 30 – 60 days incarceration by the Horry County Sheriff's Department for charges related to his DUI arrest.

The Sheriff's department lists Nathan's sentencing charges as: Resisting Arrest; Interference with Official in the Performance of Duty; Threatening an Official in Performance of Duty; Giving False Name and Address. DRIVING UNDER SUSPENSION, LICENSE SUSPENDED FOR DUI – 2ND OFFENSE DRIVING ON WRONG SIDE OF ROAD.

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Teen Mom Farrah Abraham Sophia

In case you missed it, Farrah Abraham has scored a book deal for an erotic trilogy, Celebrity Sex Tape, not-so-loosely based on her experiences in the porn industry. 

When it comes to Farrah, two things are certain:  she has no shame and she knows what to say to get a headline. So of course a publisher of smut books would want to hitch a ride on the Farrah Express. They will have to sit up front though. The caboose is closed for repairs. 

Farrah's first stop: Radar. To talk about Sophia, her five-year-old daughter, reading the erotica. When she's older, of course, but now is a perfect time to talk about it. #EyeRoll

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kail lowry gives birth to Isaac

Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something. 

Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree. 

Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.

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Farrah Abraham Celebrity Sex Tape Book Cover

I apologize in advance. There is so much for me to be sorry for in this post. I am sorry to each of you, because what you are about to read is truly ridiculous, but I urge you to keep reading. Why? Because I can't unread it, and I want people to suffer with me. I'm sorry to Jessica Alba (you'll want to apologize to her too, trust me). I'm sorry to the English language. I butcher you enough, but I am no where near the offender that Farrah Abraham is, and she's a flipping New York Times bestselling author. 

I'm really sorry to the blogger at Celeb Buzz who had to interview the Teen Mom star turned porn queen and try to make sense of some of the things that come out of this chick's mouth (double entendre not intended…wait, yes it was). Lastly, I feel sorry FOR young Sophia because she is going to have a lot to overcome. I even pity Farrah. Sure, she's making more money than I'll ever see in my life, but wow. She is just a sad, lost soul. 

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Bravo's Southern Charm

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – there's not much to write home about. On Sunday, Peter and Gregg's confrontation on Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted 3.943 million viewers. That's over 300,000 less than last week. Wait. I thought Peter was THE big deal on RHOA these days. #EyeRoll

On Monday,  2.133 million watched Basketball Wives L.A.,  and the Carolina Day celebration helped Southern Charm hold onto its audience of 923,000. Part three of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion garnered 1.816 million viewers, which brings the season four average to 1.827 million.

On Tuesday, 1.993 million tuned in for Dance Moms, and Jenelle's pregnancy reveal on Teen Mom 2 attracted 2.175 million viewers. The Real Housewives of New York lost viewers (that they can't afford to lose) with only 1.290 million sitting through round three of #BookGate.

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Jenelle Evans Gets Ultrasound

On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 relationships changed, promises were made and marriages may have broken. 

Jenelle Evans is on the pregnancy wagon again. After 16 seconds of dating, 14 seconds of them spent trying to get pregnant, she has finally conceived the spawn of Nathan Griffith: Instagram underwear model, timeshare hawker, and DUI accomplisher and now BIBLE reader. Nathan is dressed like Ned Flanders and staring listlessly at the Bible when Jenelle shoves a positive pregnancy test in his face. He labors over the screen for some time trying to figure out what it says before it dawns on him – he's gonna be a daddy. Again. 

"Are you happy?" Jenelle monotones, expressionless. Nathan is overjoyed – he just has to get through the next nine months and 18 years of paychecks are his! He picks Jenelle up (barely) and spins her around, dollar signs flash in his eyes. To celebrate he dyes his hair platinum blonde. 

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