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Emily Maynard finally interacts with the “dro” twins, Alejandro and Allesandro, on episode 3 of The Bachelorette. One was definitely worth the wait.  In fact, if I get my way, the star of The Bachelor season 17 was born tonight.  More on that later.  First, we must pick through the drab to get to the awesome.

Speaking of drab, my Tupperware has more personality than Emily Maynard does.  You know what I mean, those bowls that have red sauce forever microwaved into their souls and lids that come out of the dishwasher melted and deformed.  Emily did show some more spunk this week; however, she has hardly any inflection in her voice and that makes it hard to care about what she has to say.  And, I’m not sure how much of it is real “spunk” and how much of it is “entitled princess.”  Tupperware = oozing personality.  Emily = mostly dispensing “golly” and “y’all,” hair smoothing, and teeth licking.

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Last week, yet another cycle of the ABC-sponsored divorce competition The Bachelorette premiered, this time with Emily Maynard, the former fiancee of 2011 Bachleor, Brad Womack. Brad claims he wasn’t one of the thousands watching and snarking on Emily’s quest for love amongst people who desperately want to be on television, but I’m doubtful.

In an interview with local channel ABC 13, Brad says, “All I’ll say is she is a helluva woman and I hope it works out. I have no interest [in watching].” Maybe Brad prefers DVR or reading the live tweets of the show. I just have a hard time believing anyone wouldn’t watch a television show featuring their ex, especially one he broke up with so relatively recently. Just admit it, Brad!

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Before Emily Maynard starts her dates this week on ABC’s The Bachelorette, she meets up with friends and family at the park.  It’s very important, apparently, for Emily and ABC to remind us that she’s just an average single mom living in Charlotte.  At the park, the carpool efforts responsible for getting little Ricki to soccer practice are discussed.  The chat is nothing short of fascinating.  Eh, I’m lying.  The entire segment just reminds me how incredibly dull Emily is.

Next, Chris Harrison explains the dating process to the 19 remaining men.  This week, there will be one group date and two one-on-one dates.  There is a rose up for grabs on each date.  Chris leaves the men with the first date card.  Bobble head Chris wants to see his name on that card.  There’s suspenseful music.  The date goes to Runs with Dog Ryan.  The card reads, “Be my King in Queen City.”   Kalon is annoyed.  Chris is disappointed.

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Former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants Holly Durst and Ali Fedotowsky throw Emily Maynard their best advice and well wishes.

Holly, who was a season 12 contestant on The Bachelor and the winner of Bachelor Pad 2, has faith that Emily will find Mr. Right.

“I think Emily is adorable, and I think she’s going to do a great job. I hope she finds love. I don’t know her personally but I think she’s the cutest thing in the world.”

Holly strongly believes in finding love on reality TV, since she’s set to marry her Bachelor Pad co-star Blake Julian next month. She tells Rumor Fix: “I found love on the show, and I believe in the whole system. No matter who you end up with, know it was your choice and no one else’s. Love that man with all that you are and you will truly find your happiness! Good Luck.”

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The eighth season of The Bachelorette vows to be unlike any other.  The famewhore making the decisions this season is Emily Maynard.  America’s sweetheart, America’s famewhore, same difference.  You probably remember Emily from Brad Womack’s second season.  Brad’s the frequent-flyer bachelor who handed out roses in both seasons 11 and 15 of The Bachelor.  His second attempt at true love ended with him proposing to Emily.  Emily accepted Brad’s proposal, but her ridiculously high expectations and naiveté quickly wilted the relationship.

Emily is a single mom.  And, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she was engaged once before Brad.  She was engaged to Ricky Hendrick, of NASCAR fame, in 2004.  Sadly, on a rainy Sunday afternoon in October of the same year, Ricky boarded a plane sans an ill-feeling Emily.  The plane crashed, leaving behind a pregnant Emily.  Now, Emily is a single mom looking for true love on The Bachelorette.  Even though it didn’t work for her the first time around, she “knows the series works.”  Because, you know, that 17% success rate is a great testament of the true love that comes from appearing on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.  I’m obviously grading on a curve, here.  I’m including Trista Sutter, Jason Mesnick, by way of U-turn, Ashley Hebert, and Ben Flajnik, who is still collecting money on the deal.

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Chris Harrison, oh blue-eyed, well-dressed, always there with stellar love advice, Chris Harrison.  Call me.   As I’m sure y’all know, I was very upset to hear about the divorce of the Bachelor franchise’s most level-headed and handsome host.  Of course, instead of letting him deal with his family problems behind closed doors, People Magazine wonders if he himself will be the next Bachelor.  Um, have you seen him?  While he’s a beyond fabulous host of the train wreck, he’s way too good to be an actual contestant.  For shame!

The very classy Mr. Harrison manages to remain upbeat, telling the magazine, “Getting out of a 22-year relationship, having just announced my divorce to the world a week ago, having two kids and trying to start a new life, I’m thinking I wouldn’t exactly be a great candidate to be the bachelor right now or anytime soon.”

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With the Bachelorette premiering in less than a week, everyone (that may be a stretch), including me, is wondering what to expect from mild-mannered single mom Emily Maynard.  She infamously turned down being the Bachelorette (much to Bentley Williams’ chagrin) after first being approached, explaining she wanted to live out of the limelight with young daughter Ricki.  However, the rose veteran and former “winner” of Brad Womack’s (second) season, has since done a one-eighty, agreeing to let twenty-five cheesy eligible bachelors vie for her hand in marriage on the show’s eighth season.

Realitytvworld.com has the skinny on her latest print interview in the upcoming PEOPLE magazine.  Emily talks of finding love, little Ricki, and those ever-present hot tub scenes the ABC franchise loves to exploit.

The newest Bachelorette tells the magazine, “I don’t want to be kissing every guy. I want to still be a lady. I’m a mom first,” adding, “I’m hoping the hot tubs have been completely phased out.”

PHOTOS – SEE EMILY’S 25 BACHELORS!

Emily also doesn’t want date time to ever interfere with daughter time.  While Ricki has been traveling with mom throughout the season, she has spent a lot of time hanging out with her grandparents and a nanny, and, according to Emily, loving every minute of it.  Emily reveals, “[The show] has been so good at making sure there’s time scheduled for the two of us.”

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One of the oddest things about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette‘s astoundingly low success rates was that ubiquitous host Chris Harrison was happily married to his high school sweetheart. Chris and his wife Gwen Jones kept their marriage very quiet and seemed to be happy as clams.

Sadly, yesterday the couple, who has two children together, filed for divorce after 18-years of marriage. Allegedly the pair has been separated for months, but have remained friends. Chris even threw Gwen a lavish birthday party this January. Despite their issues, they have also been co-parenting their children, Joshua, 9, and Taylor, 7.

“They are still really close and remain the best of friends,” an insider reports to In Touch Weekly. “They’ve been taking turns with their kids so they can both see them as much as possible. It has been really amicable, with no other parties involved, and Chris has been a total professional while filming The Bachelorette.”

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