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Real Housewives of New Jersey

Sometimes, just sometimes, keeping things to yourself can do a world of good. For instance the ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey could maybe, just maybe, not announce their every breath, snark, slight, and petty offense on Twitter. I mean they do realize lots of people see it don’t they? Which is the point, I know, but still c’mon. Quit selling your dignity for gossip.

So in the latest infraction heard round the world? interwebs? apparently Sunday was Antonia Gorga‘s birthday (another one?) and the Gorgas didn’t have a party because they may or may not ever have them.

Melissa Gorga says Antonia didn’t want a party cause she wants to go to some amusement park instead. But that’s not the point, apparently Aunt Teresa Giudice was accused of barely recognizing Antonia’s blessed day because she tweeted a happy birthday.

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Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies (and their omnipresent hardworking spouses) proved that when push comes to shove and contracts are on the line, they can get along like really, really well. In fact the only people not pasting on their happy faces were Caroline Manzo and husband Albert - who I was surprised to hear speak last night.

Things begin with a wake-up binge drink-a-thon amongst the men. The gang decides they are going surfing despite the freezing cold water and their inebriated state of mind. Everyone except Caroline and Al. They prefer whine to wine. Jacqueline Laurita is also sitting this one out because she feels too fat to wear a wetsuit. Didn’t she have this problem last vacation?

Never willing to spare anyone’s feelings both Teresa Giudice and separated at birth sister-in-law Melissa Gorga both strap on some of their more bodacious, sparkly, and revealing bathing suits. ‘LOOK! I’m not fat!’ they both practically shout. The guys are wiping out left and right when Teresa and Kathy Wakile decide to try out their surfboard skills. Melissa is staying ashore to “keep it sexy,” which apparently equals bedazzled. Very, very bedazzled. Like blindingly so.

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Dina Manzo has left Real Housewives of New Jersey, but not really. Despite leaving the show part-way through season two she has remained an integral part of the storyline thanks in part to her relationship with Teresa Giudice – and her feud with sister Caroline Manzo.

Once Dina quit reality TV, her relationship with Caroline and sister-in-law Jacqueline Laurita fell apart. Caroline has blamed Teresa for the falling out and Dina has vehemently denied this. On a recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live, Dina discussed her current relationship with Caroline and why things went awry.

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Well, that didn’t take long, did it?  Yesterday we reported that Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Joe Giudice calls his wife a less than flattering name on the upcoming episode…while he’s on the phone with a woman he refers to as “baby” no less!  While most women would be humiliated to have their husband say such a nasty thing to them–in private OR on national television, Teresa Giudice is doing what she does best.  Denial, baby!

Not that any of us should be at all shocked, right?  Appearing on The Couch talk show, Teresa addresses the public’s perceived issues of her relationship with Juicy Joe.  She explains, “There’s no trouble in our marriage, Joe and I are happily married.  You can’t listen to everything that’s out there.”  Even if it comes from your own husband’s mouth and it’s caught on film?  You don’t even listen then?

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Oh the love between a husband and wife!  Despite what we read in tabloids and actually SEE on almost every episode of Real Housewives of New JerseyTeresa Giudice always maintains that she and Joe Giudice have a strong union built on mutual admiration and respect.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really think it’s really respectful to call your wife a C U next Tuesday, especially when you’re wearing a mic and being followed by Bravo cameras.  Of course, that is exactly what Juicy Joe did, and it will apparently air on this coming episode of RHONJ.

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Lord help us all, the biggest Real Housewives of New Jersey famewhore to ever hit the garden state (or Bravo) is unleashing a new book upon us. Yes, yes… if you thought the literary prowess of Danielle Staub was paltry, feast your eyes on Kim Granatell‘s attempt!

Kim’s book will detail her experiences on RHONJ of course, the implosion of her marriage, why she was so crazy, and her new life as an ex-wife starting over. I don’t think all the words in the world could explain why Kim is so nuts, but ok.

Kim says she was forced to start over once her husband left her and the show ruined her reputation, but it was all a blessing in disguise. “Everybody had the wrong idea about me because of what they saw on ‘reality’ TV,” Kim asserts. Afterwards, “I became very isolated.”

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Kim Granatell is, like, desperate for some attention. Like really, really desperate. Pay attention to her puh-lease, Andy Cohen! The wannabe Real Housewives of New Jersey star continues her reign of terror by speaking out against the woebegone Teresa Giudice. Poor Teresa – she hasn’t a friend in the world. Oh, except for her makeup artist!

In Kim G.’s latest assault on reason and sanity, she announces that Teresa is just as guilty as her husband Joe Giudice and deserves jail time as well!

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It’s not shocking to learn that Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Jacqueline Laurita and the housewife everyone loves to hate Teresa Giudice are still not on speaking terms after a rocky season.  It’s also not shocking to learn that “reality” hangers on are lining up to give their two cents about the former two besties’ current relationship.

To whom am I referring?  Kim Granatell…or Kim G. for serious fans.  She’s been missing from the season for the most part, so of course she’s going to resurface in tabloid land.  Don’t tell me you’re surprised!

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